Daniel Murphy traded to the Cubs, after being claimed on waivers.  I’m going to try to wrap my noodle around this one.  My above-the-line noodle.  That’s above-the-line as in waist, not above-the-line as it’s meant in Hollywood.  An above-the-line noodle in Hollywood parlance would mean below-the-line as in waist.  Okay, off track!  *steps in cardboard box designed to look like a car, yells at homeless man ‘driving’ the cardboard box*  Let’s get back on track or I’m going to give you a bad Uber rating!  For Daniel Murphy to get claimed by the Cubs, it means every NL team passed on him.  I realize he can’t pitch, but really, Brewers?  You got screwed on the Archer move, but you can’t use hitting, Pirates?  You didn’t want another reason to prospblock Jo-Ma, Cardinals?  Yo, Phillies, your team batting average is .236; hey, Colorado, you passed on a veteran?  Are you feeling okay?  So, Murphy joins the Cubs, where he should bat third and play 2nd base.  That knocks Javier Baez to 3rd; Ian Happ to a platoon in center with Al-Al, Maddon’s Bae Zobrist becomes a utility man, David Bote dons a GOAT costume once a week as a pinch-hitter, but not a goat costume as in the animal, Kris Bryant learns how to play 1st, Rizzo catches, Schwarber pitches and–so the Cubs are obviously stacked.  This should help Murphy’s fantasy value.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we get into the roundup, just wanted to say our Fantasy Football Subscriptions are now live.  Last year, Rudy placed top 5 out of something, like, 15,500 ‘perts who do fantasy football projections.  Maybe it’s closer to 200 ‘perts, but you get the picture.  Plus, it helps the site.  Anyway II, the roundup:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Braves called up Bryse Wilson, their third starter who is under 21 years old (Soroka, Allard) and 4th player (Acuña).  Mean’s while, Vladimir Guerrero Jr. just collected his 3,000th minor league hit.  By the time Vlad Jr. is called up, he will be Vlad Sr.’s brother.  Didja you know in Latin America junior is a term of endearment like when you call that old lady in your family ‘aunt’ even though she’s unrelated?  That’s why so many Jr.’s get to their 2nd year of pro ball and drop the junior.  Right, Raul Mondesi Jr.?  Any hoo!  The Braves called up yet another gorgeous, young prospect.  “That’s what I love about these Braves starters, man. I keep getting older, they stay the same age.” — Matthew McConaughey seeing Bryse Wilson.  Prospector Ralph just gave you his Bryse Wilson fantasy.  He’s also in his top 500 fantasy baseball prospects.  Previously, he said, “A 4th rounder in 2016, Bryse Wilson rode his plus sinking fastball to one of the bigger breakouts of 2017.  His four-seamer sits 92-95 with sink, and commands it extremely well.  His secondaries are far more raw with a power 12-6 curve, and a fringe changeup.  Speaking of Wilson, I’d like to spike Grey like a volleyball.”  Okay, not cool!  Yesterday, Wilson went 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, as the Braves bumped everyone in their rotation back a day.  The big thing that struck me about Bryse is he looks like he’s been doing it for years (which could be said of the other young Braves players).  About to call him Poyse Wilson.  Seems weird to call him up to just send him back to the minors, so gotta expect him to stay up.  In shallower redrafts, I’d view Wilson as a streamer, but I did grab him in two mixed league redrafts.  He’s obviously a decent keeper in deep leagues (10.8 K/9, 0.9 BB/9 in only 20 Triple-A innings), especially now that’s he’s up with rest of the Braves’ Poyse of Summer.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Guess I pointed you to the wrong White Sox prospect in Friday’s Buy.  Hahaha, no.  I didn’t.  I pointed you to a top hitting prospect that can help you this year.  Michael Kopech is a rookie pitcher.  A boneheaded one.  He used to date the daughter of the crazy white lady from The Real Housewives of Atlanta, then he started that girl from Riverdale, and I guess when I say Kopech is boneheaded, I should explain I wouldn’t mind boneheading like him.  Yo dude is a baller!  He’s also legit dopey.  At one point, he broke his hand by punching his teammate.  This guy has years of ridiculousness headed our way, and we should be grateful for that.  As grateful because he’s the top pitching prospect on Prospect Ralph’s top 500 fantasy baseball prospects, and PR’s said, “Kopech is in my opinion the top ‘fantasy baseball’ pitching prospect in the game. What I mean by that is, on, say, a mainstream list (see: BA, BP, BABP, Fangraphs, etc.) they’ll focus more on the risk vs. upside balance.  Me, I’m going upside, as you always should with pitching prospects in fantasy.  Kopech has the potential to lead MLB in strikeouts one day, with his plus-plus triple digit fastball that runs in on righties, a plus slider that flashes plus-plus at times, and an improving changeup. Kopech has all-world stuff, unlike Grey who has all-stupid stuff.”  What the hell, brah?!  Real world comparison, Kopech is Syndergaard with command issues right now, but those could clear up quickly; he’s only 22.  He’s a grab in all leagues, but as I said in the opening, rookie pitchers provide headaches, so expectations in Czech.  (Damn, should’ve never bought that discounted Siri.)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we get into the roundup, just wanted to point out our fantasy football leagues are currently signing up, you have a one in three shot of winning $250 (odds may vary depending on if you’re calculating odds correctly.)  Anyway II, the roundup:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Alex Trebek, “The $500 clue is, ‘Now.'”  “The time I pooped my pants on national TV.”  “Sorry, that’s not correct.  Susan?”  “What is now?  Like now?   Now now?  What kinda answer is now?”  “Sorry, we can only accept your first question, ‘What is now?’ and that is incorrect.  Grey, you buzzed in last because you were on your phone picking up a streamer for tomorrow.  The answer is, ‘Now,’ your question is…”  “What is the time to pick up Eloy Jimenez?”  “That is correct.  You control the board.”  “Okay, I’ll take ‘Uber/Lyft for $500.”  “Your neighbor uses this World War II pun when describing them.”  “What is Taxis of Evil?”  “Right again!”  Any hoo!  As Alex Trebek illustrated in the most roundabout way, now is the time to pick up Eloy Jimenez if you have room.  He is absolutely tearing the cover off the ball in Triple-A like he’s putting the finishing touches on his Roy Hobbs Halloween costume — 11 HRs, .345 in 37 games.  I mean, over-the-internet friend, he’s 21 and doing that?  He’s going to be special.  Only question now that ends in a period is will the White Sox call him up when rosters expand in September.  My guess is they do and he starts the year with the club next April.  He’s going to be a star with little Jeopardy.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In Philly, a celestial light shines down on a book.  A deep breath, and someone blows dust off the book so we can read its title, “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Scoring In Philly.”  A hand opens the book, turning to the first page, reading, “To all my loving fans, but mostly the females.”  We pull back to reveal, reading is its author, Pat Burrell.  For reasons we can’t explain, he wears a dead parrot on his shoulder.  The Mets could easily have written that book after yesterday’s first game.  Putting up the reedonkeylicousness:  Amed Rosario went 6-for-11, 7 runs, 4 RBIs and a slam (6) and legs (14) across both games.  In the first game, Rhysus (3-for-7, 4 RBIs and his 24th and 25th homer) and Amed both homered.  Halleberrylujah!  Jose Bautista (3-for-7, 3 runs, 7 RBIs) hit his 10th homer as he continues to turn back the clock to 1987, when he was a 7-year-old and hit barely .200 with some occasional pop off garbage lefties who would put it on a tee for him.  Michael Conforto (6-for-12, 3 runs, 5 RBIs) hit his 17th homer, and now has three homers in the last week, and is finally showing signs why people are always saying, “The Mets are bad, but I like that Conforto guy.”  The Mess had so much offense I don’t even have time before my Carpal Tunnel kicks in to mention Kevin Plawecki (4-for-5, 4 runs, 3 RBIs).  A shame, because Plawecki deserves a mention outside of being mentioned for not being mentioned.  The big takeaway, on our 7-day Player Rater of hitters, Amed Rosario is in the top 30 and worth a look.  Amed to that.  Or Amen.  Or Apeople, if that’s how you roll.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, the Mets exploded for 16 runs.  Leading the way was Todd Frazier going 3-for-6, 2 runs, 4 RBIs with a slam (12) and legs (7).  Actually, Frazier, Jose Bautista (1-for-3, 1 RBI), Jose Reyes (2-for-5, 2 runs) and Austin Jackson (2-for-4, 2 runs) are all starting to click!  Wait, that’s their bones and it’s from arthritis.  Shoot, my b.  The true star, however, Brandon Nimmo (5-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) rose from the depths of the deep, dark water.  That’s not a Finding Nemo allusion. He plays in Flushing and we know what water is associated with that.  Nimms — Can we call him that?  Sure, right? — is hitting near .350 in the last week, and homered a few games ago (precise!).  For most part, it’s been dank Nimms but he’s no longer unDeRWaTEr aND HitTinG WeLL.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rick Porcello said of his catcher, Sandy Leon, “He’s the best catcher I’ve ever thrown to.  Period.”  It’s a shame people don’t end include other forms of punctuation when speaking.  “I am the Red Sox ace.  Question mark.  No, I forgot about Chris Sale.  Period.  Actually, exclamation mark.  The best Red Sox pitchers.  Colon.  Not Bartolo.  Period.  I’m going to list them.  Period.  Okay.  Comma.  Damn.  Comma.  I apostrophe V-E confused myself.”  Yesterday, Porcello threw a sparkler — 7 IP, 2 hits, 0 walks, 1 ER, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.04, and roped a double to right, which is fun in a dog on rollerblades-type way, but is kinda irrelevant.  What’s less irrelevant, Rick Porcello is pitching better this year than his Cy Young year, though with less ERA to show for it, obviously.  That could change in the final six weeks if he finds his groove.  Period.  Ya know what, exclamation mark.  Strike that, interrobang.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Ronald Acuña Jr. (5-for-8, 5 runs, 5 RBIs) hit a leadoff homer in both games of the doubleheader, and became the youngest to homer in four straight games in the live-ball era.  Wistful sigh, member those good ol’ zombie dead-ball era stars?  Acuña now has 17 homers and 8 steals in 66 games.  Oh, I’m sorry, you my daddy?  It’s hard to understand how a 20-year-old can be my daddy, but I think you my daddy.  When that family that raised me told me to put mime makeup on every morning, I didn’t put it together, but now I know the one true thing in this world that only 23andMe and a gut feeling can tell me, Acuña is my daddy.  I’m going to start calling him Tildaddy.  Not as in ‘until I find my true daddy, you will be my daddy.’  Not Tildaddy as in what a teenager who works a cashier at a Waffle House makes his co-workers call him.  Tildaddy as in sloppily jamming tilde and daddy together.  You’re my Tildaddy!  People keep asking in the comments where I think Tildaddy (my fetch) will be drafted next year.  If you prorate his numbers out, he’d have 35 homers and 20 steals as a 20-year-old.  I’m sorry, you Machado’s Tildaddy too?  You Goldschmidt’s Tildaddy?  ARE YOU MIKE TROUT’S TILDADDY?!  He is at least a top 25 pick in 2019 and I might shock the world and shove Tildaddy in my top 15.  Un…Til…Daddy shows me different.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, the Jays’ catcher prospect Danny Jansen was called up.  Finally, the Jays are ready to move on with their prospects.  *Vlad Jr. waves his hand, trying to get their attention*  It took long enough, but finally the time is here.  *Vlad Jr. takes out a bullhorn and blows it*  Did you hear something?  The Jays did…Danny Jansen’s bat!  Jansen looks like an offensive-minded catcher in the mold of Jerry Tomato Realmuto (think 15/7/.280).  I grabbed Jansen in one league, because, I had Cervelli, who has a magnet for foul balls on his face like Stormy Daniels, and Russell Martin is going to play third while Yangervis deals with an oblique strain and, shucks, if only the Jays had someone else to play third.  *Vlad Jr. marches with color guards’ flags, waving them.  Finally, Vlad Jr. sighs.*  Damn, too bad.   Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Clearly, there’s a major issue here.  The issue revolves around a few Buys this week.  They are Mark Trumbo, Tim Beckham, Jonathan Villar and Trey Mancini.  Any guesses their connection?  No, they don’t all wear a bear costume during the offseason for bachelorette parties.  I mean, they could, but no.  I don’t think so.  Their connection and the issue can be summed in this question, is the entire Orioles lineup really hot or have they just faced garbage pitching for the last week?  I’d give you the answer, but I’d have to kill you, and I don’t know your address.  I guess I have your IP, but is it roaming?  VPN?  Am I really traveling around to kill you when I could just not tell you the answer?  That is the other choice here, right?  Such a dilemma!  Let me sleep on it.  *pulls Murphy bed out of wall, lies down, Murphy bed flies up and traps me*  Muffled screams, “Mark Trumbo has been the hottest hitter in the league!  If you need power, I’d grab him in all leagues!  Also, can you pull down this freakin’ bed?!”  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?