Domingo Santana (1-for-5 with a grand slam) is already in beast mode. That beast is a dingo, emphasis on ding, as in dinger, and you can’t spell Domingo without dong, but this dingo eats dongs not babies, and I’ve got smoke coming out my ears….We have real baseball! Then, tomorrow we won’t have real baseball again for a week. MLB is so crackers it’s staying at the Ritz by the water, Cheez-it, Mary and Joseph! “Happy Opening Day two days later,” said the Time Zone to the Baseball Fan. I can’t wait to see how Mike Fiers (3 IP, 5 ER) and Marco Gonzales (6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks) react to pitching in a game, then taking a 56-hour plane flight home to pitch again in a week. Their combined 89 MPH fastballs are gonna have some jet lag. Hopefully, their elbows won’t. The Stream-o-Nator wasn’t thrilled with either pitcher, and neither was great. Yes, the Stream-o-Nator is back! The only real takeaway I have from these games is the A’s are at least thinking similarly to me, and that Ramon Laureano (0-for-5, 3 Ks) is the best man for the A’s leadoff job. I’ll toast to that! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This preseason is weird. Games have started, but not really. Due to the unlikely nature of the preseason, I’ve decided to delve into the wholly unlikely with some bold predictions. I’m not sure if I’ve ever done a bold predictions post before, because, it is a very stupid post. Do you say things like, “Cameron Maybin will hit 175 homers?” Which is bold, but absurd. Or do you say Daniel Palka will be a top 40 outfielder, which, I guess is bold, but I’ve already written a Daniel Palka sleeper post, so, while bold, I think it’s more realistic. In other words, whose definition of bold are we using? Some pussyfooters strutting around like they’ve got Brad Peacock’s plummage and saying Bryce Harper will be a top 10 outfielder or some legit peacocks who are brushing back their feathered hair in their El Dorados saying Ronald Guzman will hit 30 homers? I honestly don’t know. This is also why when people go back in October and say, “So, um *clears throat* I had three of my ten bold predictions come true. The first one was Realmuto won’t be the number one catcher. Yadda blabba bloo!” *farts into hand* It’s total nonsense. Realmuto won’t be the number one catcher has like a 90% chance of happening and is not bold. I’m gonna go crazy bold! Let’s get ready to grumble! Anyway, here’s some 2019 fantasy baseball bold predictions:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We (me) have gone over the catchers, 2nd basemen, shortstops and 3rd basemen to target, cause I have to do everything around here! Look at me, throwing shade like a beach umbrella! That makes sense…if you don’t think about it! That’s what I want my bumper sticker to say, and then when I step out of my car, I want my clever t-shirt to say it too, “That makes sense….if you don’t think about it.” How can I arrange my life so this happens? I need a personal assistant. “So, it says you worked as Kanye’s assistant and you bought mirrors for nine months straight….” That’s me checking the CV of my favorite imaginary assistant. Okay, so this post is all the outfielders that are being drafted after 200 overall that elicit uber-sexy feelings. Last year, I featured Mitch Haniger, Stephen Piscotty, David Dahl, and Michael Taylor, who I’ve featured every year since 1922, but not this year! Now, this is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Canada) supplement to the top 100 outfielders for 2019 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2019 projections. Anyway, here’s some outfielders to target for 2019 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
At one point in Sunday’s draft, Andy Behrens said to me, “I can’t believe you went to $3 on Peter O’Brien. That’s not on brand for you.” You know what; he’s right. Shame on me for briefly going off brand. Even if it was for a millisecond between bids $2 and $3 on the 35-year-old rookie, Peter O’Brien, who has more holes in his swing than Swiss cheese at a shooting range. Maybe the, um, spirit of drafting on St. Patty’s Day overcame me. Maybe I was hoping O’Brien could make me some hurricanes while I waded in my kiddie pool this summer. It’s Andy Behrens’s brand to draft terrible players. That’s not my brand. I realized that soon enough, Dear Reader. Andy went to $4 and I let him have O’Brien. I suppose if things break right, O’Brien will retire at some point this summer and look kindly on Behrens for drafting him, then offer his services as a babysitter. I don’t need a babysitter; my wife is like a decade older than me! Okay, I’m about to drop on you one of the sexiest NL-Only teams. You might want to place an extra-wide condom over your head, before I impregnate your eyes. Anyway, here’s my Tout Wars 12-team, NL-Only draft recap:Please, blog, may I have some more?
When I was writing up the 2019 fantasy baseball rankings in December/January — or simply Janember — I couldn’t imagine what February and March had in store — ya know, Farch. Players come out of nowhere in Spring Training to cause us to stop and take notice. Of course, I just told you to ignore Spring Training stats. This is true; Spring Training stats are a lot like my pants; they are propped up by a small sample size. However, or howmever if you’re trying to sound smart, it is important to stay on top of guys who are fighting, and winning, everyday jobs. Of course, with my Oracle third eye, I saw all of this back in Janember, but my third eye got into a spat with my first and second eye at the optometrist’s office. My first and second eye were taking the eye test and my third eye was like, “ECFYE–Yo, this shizz is way too easy,” and then my 2nd and 3rd eyes were like, “You’re like the Felicity Huffman of eyes and your cheating is going to have us incorrectly placed with better lenses than we should have.” It got ugly, and they refused to work together to type up this post for a few weeks. Finally, they all came to their senses — the sense of sight, specifically — hashed it out at a Friendly’s over a Fribble and we’re all good. Never the hoo! With Farch turning into a full-fledged March, it’s time for me to let you in on some thoughts and changes to the 2019 fantasy baseball rankings and what they could mean for your drafts:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Baseball, like a flower, blooms in the spring. They also share equally effusive PR people. Just the other day I read about how a petunia’s branches gained 15 pounds and was in the best shape of its life. Sure, it’s always good to look at spring training numbers to give you an idea what you can expect from guys during the season — can I draft Adalberto Mondesi yet?! Players in spring training are facing the top pitchers who are all displaying their best stuff. No one needs time to get warmed up. No one’s trying new pitches or getting a feel for the ball. They are at the height of their game in the beginning of March. Our former commissioner, Bud, once doffed his toupee and tried to have the World Series played in March. Since these spring training numbers mean so much, I decided to look at some players stats so far:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Excuse the exposition and this clunky intro into aforementioned exposition, but here’s the catchers to target, 1st basemen to target, 2nd basemen to target, shortstops to target and something to stick to your dartboards to target. These 3rd basemen to target are being drafted after 200 overall. Keep in mind, nephew (and five niece readers), your Uncle Grey likes to have a corner man drafted by the time these guys appear, so you’re looking at potential utility men more than anything. Now, this is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Indonesia) supplement to the top 20 3rd basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2019 projections. Speaking of baseball (best segue ever!), the Stream-o-Nator, Hitter-Tron and DFSBot are now available, i.e., the Razzsubscriptions. Anyway, here’s some 3rd basemen to target for 2019 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Some of the highlights of this post last year were Tim Anderson, Gleyber Torres, Amed Rosario and Marcus Semien. Then there were guys like Addison Russell and Chad Pinder — or simply Chaddison — and *raspberries lips* So they’re not all winners, but 2nd basemen to target and the shortstops are necessary evils like changing your underwear. Whether you want to or not, it is a good idea to take a flyer on a late middle infielder, and you should still expect to get crapped on. That metaphor was like the yodeling guy in The Price is Right. This is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Lichtenstein) supplement to the top 20 shortstops for 2019 fantasy baseball. The players listed have a draft rank after 200 on other sites. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2019 projections. Anyway, here’s some shortstops to target for 2019 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
A Loch Ness Monster waits nervously in a doctor’s office. He turns to his left to a unicorn. “What brought you in here?” “I was having a weird pang behind my horn for a few weeks while in Candyland, and I went for an MRI when they found a growth.” The unicorn chokes back its fears, finishing, “I’m having a biopsy. You?” The Loch Ness Monster hands the unicorn a tissue, then, through tears, “I’ve been pooping this tar-like substance, and they’re not sure…what…it…is.” As the the two of them sob uncontrollably, they look across the receptionist area to Vladimir Guerrero Jr. The unicorn fights through tears and asks, “Why are you at the National Institute of Made-Up Injuries and Diseases?” “The Jays said I had an oblique injury to delay my free agency.” So, Vlad Guerrero Jr. has an oblique injury, which, honestly, is likely a real injury, but doesn’t sound serious. Maybe it is just an aching venient injury. Who knows. I’ve been saying for a while that I’m not drafting Vlad, due to his ADP, and wrote a Vladimir Guerrero Jr. schmohawk, so this doesn’t affect me a ton. Nor his MLB ETA. He wasn’t starting the year with the Jays either way. I haven’t changed his projections or ranking in my top 20 3rd basemen, though there have been a bunch of changes in my rankings, so let’s get to it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2019 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Psst! This post is gonna list 2nd basemen that you should target in your 2019 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m whispering because you don’t want everyone to see this post. No, I can’t whisper louder, then it WOULDN’T BE WHISPERING! Okay, gig’s up (or maybe that’s jig’s up), the love I’m about to reiterately (Made Up Word of the Day!) confirm is on these guys I love later in drafts. I’m not going to mention Jonathan Villar other than this one mention of him where I say I’m not going to mention him. At least that’s my apophasis and I’m sticking to it! These are players that you’re looking at later and all of them have ADPs after 200 (unlike Villar; okay, two non-mentions). Some could be the 2nd baseman on your team, they are more than likely MIs. This is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Croatia) supplement to the top 20 2nd basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2019 projections. Anyway, here’s some 2nd basemen to target for 2019 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?