Yerry De Los Santos is commonly known as Yerry Across The Mersey, and now that Esteury Ruiz seems on the precipice of being called up we have a new river. The best river since Alex Rios? Well, thanks for asking since I did major in geography at the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston. 1. Mickey Rivers 2. Alex Rios 3. Esteury Ruiz. 4. Dylan Bundy, who isn’t named for a body of water, but is always a streamer. Unranked: Drew Waters. You know how close those were though? It’s hard to fathoms. Damn, you walked into that one! For the Padres, Esteury was called up to the taxi squad in Colorado, and, with Profar out, Ruiz could be with the team at any moment. Why do we care? Okay, okay, wanna get to the meat, huh? He’s got 50+ steal speed! That’s it! It’s a wrap! Okay, he could hit 10 homers and .300. Whatevs! I don’t know why the Padres haven’t just put him on the squad already, but I bet it’s any moment. Grab him now, before it’s like trying to grab water out of a river. Poetic! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This weekend Wander Franco hit the IL, and will see a doctor on Monday for his wrist and hamate bone and I want to die. Put me in a grave, shovel dirt on my head, and say your farewells. To be less histrionic and more just that down-home Grey that you’ve come to know and love, I want my woobie! Here’s Kenneth Cashman, the man behind Rotowear, mocking me:

Okay, Wander Franco was barely a top 250th overall player this year on the Player Rater, so, while I expected more, if you’ve survived this long with (aka without) him, you’ll be fine moving forward. I have faith in youse, my large adult sons, and five adult daughters. Taking his place will be Jonathan Aranda, who was recalled. I will say this about Rays prospects, they roll right off the fingertips. Aranadaadadadadadadada, McClanahananananananananananan…Though Lowe’s a hard stop. Aranada was tearing up Triple-A. Hey, kinda like Brujan! And Josh Lowe! And literally every Rays prospect who comes up and fizzles. Aranda is a decent power guy with a solid hit tool. Think a young France. Call him Tintin. In most leagues, you can prolly find better guys on waivers. Now, get lost while I try to cure my Wander lust. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?


(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH.)

I’ve given up on most prospects being called up this year that will make a huge difference. It’s time we started waiting for some unknown vet to get suddenly hot after being garbage for four+ years. Jose Iglesias — your time is now! That’s how I feel, in general. But there is one prospect left, who we might see, who could be a difference maker. As Prospect Itch called him, “The chosen one.” So, he’s Jewish–*intern whispers in ear*–So, he might not be Jewish. He’s the top prospect on Itch’s top 25 prospects for 2022 fantasy baseball. His name: Corbin Carroll. I wouldn’t be shocked if he’s still available for me to go over for my 2023 rookie series, which means he might not get 130 ABs losing rookie eligibility. As I was saying to BDon the other day on the podcast — now available on our Youtube channel for you to watch us, please subscribe — I wonder if this new CBA caveat…

…could adversely affect prospects. Will a team hold down a prospect out of fear he could lose rookie eligibility and not qualify for Rookie of the Year? I don’t know, tee be aitch, but Carroll has to be on the short list of 2023 ROY candidates if he stays down. Yeah, yeah, keyword: Short. Hardy har har! You tall guys think you’re so cool! “Hey, look at me, I can get cereal down without standing on a chair!” Aren’t you fantastic?! Sounding like an alien who is just discovering old HBO shows, Corbin Carroll is under six feet. Much like Mookie Betts with both power, speed and average. He is the total package like Paul Orndorff. Will he promoted soon? He should. I’ll say that. If you have room in any leagues, this is your last chance for a difference maker out of the prospects. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You ever go into Spencer’s Gifts and ask where the whoopie cushions are then, when shown, say, “No, the ones with the really wet farts?” Ah, I guess we’re built different. I did used to keep myself up at night wondering about the people in Taiwan who would work at the fake vomit factory all day, then go home and tell their loved ones, “No dinner tonight, I lost my appetite.” Just brutally sad. Where’s those peoples’ documentary on Netflix?! Huh?! Any hoo! Spencer Strider (6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.60) is fantastic, and I’m not just talking about his mustache. Well, I am, but it’s more than that. His last three starts: 18 IP, 8 hits, 1 run, 3 walks, 30 Ks and a beautiful mustache! How long do we have to wait until this guy turns into Touki Toussaint?! The truly remarkable thing, his peripherals are even purdier than his surface numbers — 14 K/9, 3.4 BB/9, 2.42 xFIP. He’s got a 2.60 ERA, and he’s being unlucky! Mah gawd, Mr. Man Stache! And they say you have to draft starters early. Sure thing, clean-shaven faces. Whatever you say. Anyway. here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Kyle Schwarber sees the Nats, whether he’s wearing the uni or facing them, and he turns into Schwammerin’ Kyle Schwarber, The Schwammer. Got a homer to hammer? Call the Schwammer! Need a nail put in the Ikea cabinet you just bought? Get the Schwammer! Wanna scare some kids off your porch? Schwammer time! Yesterday, The Schwammer went 3-for-4 with his 26th and 27th homer. In his last 162 games, The Schwammer has the eye-popping stats of 121/53/109/.256, and 17 homers in the last 34 games. U Can’t Touch This Schwammer. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There’s a few types of ledes in fantasy baseball: The major player injured lede; the huge game from a player lede; the call-up lede (very popular lede) and the least popular lede — the giving flowers to a player who has had an incredible season lede. That’s today’s lede. I must give Sandy Alcantara (8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.82) his flowers. What a fantastic season this guy is having. My God who art in heaven in Miami and speaks with a thick Cuban accent like Scarface, this was the starter year to have after Tony Gonsolin and Shane McClanahan, and, honestly, not that far behind. I, of course, missed Alcantara everywhere, because I was too caught up in his K:BB. 99.5% of the time K:BB is everything. Occasionally, you get an Alcantara. The scary thing is, if you just showed me his stats, I’d prolly still be a sell on him, but he’s proven to be a 200 IP, 3.00 ERA, 1.00 WHIP pitcher. That is crazy valuable. So, is Sandy Alcantara the best pitcher in baseball? I can’t make that case because of his strikeouts. A top three starter we all could’ve had around the 17th starter off the board? Al-can-lutely! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, was not just our Independence Day. Yesterday, was the halfway point of the baseball season. So, Halfway to Independence from Jonathan India Day. You cannot tell me our forefathers just happened to put the Fourth of July on the exact midpoint of the baseball season by accident. They didn’t put hairspray on their platinum silver wigs like they were Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada and just happen to drop the doozy of the Declaration of Independence on baseball’s 81st game played just as a little oopsie-daisy on their Yankee Doodle like how your daddy did your mommy. No way! This is why baseball is the National Pastime. So, Happy 4th of July to even all you cowards who drafted starters early. Speaking of starters, Brayan Bello will start for the Red Sox this Wednesday. Bello will pitch for a scream. Take it Highlights, it’s yours! Bello was in the Itch’s top 50 starting pitcher prospects, saying, “Bello added strength and velocity over the lost minor league season and now features a mid-90s fastball with a little extra dotting the gun once in a while. He was successful enough before, as we’ve detailed in these pages, but now he’s striking out 36.9 percent of hitters in High-A and 31.1 percent in AA—a big jump from the 22.6 percent he posted in 2019. His fastball gets a bit too much for him to be a no-doubt starter unless he finds a nasty breaking ball to go along with his plus changeup. Would love to see him take that fastball and hit Grey.” Not cool, man! In a 15-team, mixed league, I grabbed him and I felt unhinged even as I was doing it, but I need something to Bello about. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

At least one of you is reading this with a bandaged thumb from a fireworks mishap. I had a Cousin Pete (Italian side of the family) who lost the tip of his thumb on the 4th, but rather than stop the festivities, he taped the tip of a hot dog on his thumb to act as a tourniquet for the rest of the 4th, so we could all go about our fun-having business. I suggested my cousin make a PSA about hot dog tourniquets, but I was turned away by NBC Cares. Let us bow our heads and pray that if anyone loses a piece of their finger, may there be a proper-sized hot dog nearby. Yesterday, the floodgates opened with the strikeouts from Framber Valdez (6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 2.67) that no hot dog tourniquet could stop. Heading into the 4th of July and I am saluting The Astros SPangled Banner. Between Verlander, Javier, Luis Garcia and Framber just draft all Astros SPs, and sit back and enjoy the fireworKs. But have some cocktail weenies nearby, just in case. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH.)

I heard Kendrick Lamar say “Keep playin’, man” in the song We Cry Together — a great song for a couple’s first dance at their wedding, by the way — and I had a vision. I heard “Keep playin’, man” and I saw Nick Senzel. He was “playin’.” Out on the field and just “playin’.” What a world. From top prospect in 2018, with the label “future All-Star as soon as 2019.” Just absolutely overcoming all odds, from losing a blonde dame in Golden Gate Park that gave him Vertigo to talking like Jimmy Stewart that drove his friends and family crazy to googling “Nick Senzel injuries” and having Google say, “C’mon, man, you need to be more specific.”

Seriously, look at that. 364,000 results in 0.47 seconds is Nick Senzel’s injury history to a tee. In just the first four rows listed there, he had four different injuries in one month in 2019. I’d laugh if I wasn’t worried it would somehow cause a butterfly to flap its wings into Senzel’s oblique and injure him. With all that said, Nick Senzel was the top option on the 7-day Player Rater rostered in under 25% of leagues, so here’s to him finally making it all come together and “keep playin’, man” for at least another week. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ian Anderson (2 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.31) pitches like Jethro Tull singing, “Hello, darkness, my old friend.” Uh-oh, we’re being visited by Comatose Since March Man. This is gonna be brutal. Hey, Comatose Since March Man, how ya feeling? “Great, man! You ever sleep for four months? That’s what I feel like! Anyway, let’s talk about my fantasy baseball team! Ian Anderson is building on his 2021 season and is now an ace, right? Right?! Why are you tiptoeing backwards?” Seriously, though, how long until the Braves put Ian Anderson out to pasture with Touki, Ynoa and every other pitcher who they have that’s good for one season? Soon! Okay, the highlights, not the lowlights:  Nick Castellanos (2-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 8th homer. “Hey, we could just put the car in neutral and roll it off a cliff with him in the driver’s seat–Whoa! Hold on! He moved! Castellanos is alive!” This was Castellanos’s first, and only as it turned out, homer in June, and he was hitting .212 entering yesterday’s game with five runs. Apizzarently, he’s become the Greek God of Hardly Any Contact. Then, Kyle Schwarber (1-for-4, 3 RBIs) said farewell to June with his 23rd homer. Someone please Back to the Future Schwarber with a Walkman in the middle of the night and tell him June is another 60 days long. Next up, or I should say nextus is Rhysus, the Philly savior, (1-for-3, 2 runs) hit his 15th and 2nd in as many games. Finally, the one true DH on a team filled with them, Darick Hall (2-for-5, 3 RBIs) got his 1st and 2nd homer on his first and second hits. When the Philly and Yacht Rock legend, Darick Hall, hits a homer, they better be playing She’s Gone. He will be in this afternoon’s Buy column, and he’s solid for power, but I’m not sure how much else. Sorry, Charlie, for the imposition… Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bryan Reynolds came upon a boy with a banjo on the porch of a rickety-old shack. The boy with the banjo looked like a 14-year-old version of the former MLB player, Johnny Dickshot, who was nicknamed Ugly, because if they called him by his last name, they’d be arrested in the 1930’s. Since this wasn’t Johnny Dickshot, but a smaller version of him, B. Reynolds called him Tiny Dickshot, and he played this song:

Just looking into Tiny Dickshot’s one good eye was said to curse a person, and Tiny Dickshot did curse B. Reynolds but, since he played for the Pirates, which is a curse in itself, it worked as a reverse jinx, and two negatives made it a positive for Bryan Reynolds (3-for-5, 6 RBIs) as he hit his 13th, 14th and 15th homer. After getting off to a very slow start, Reynolds is on pace for having his best power and speed season. Average (.258) is still below where you want it with him, but…I feel weird…What is this…Am I…liking Bryan Reynolds? I think I am. Yikes, maybe I’ve been cursed by Tiny Dickshot. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, the Nats’ GM Rizzo put his feet up on his desk, rolled up a million dollar bill and used it to lit a cigar filled with million dollar bills, saying, “And that’s why I gave Patrick Corbin $140 million eight years after his prime.” Patrick Corbin went 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 6.06. You can think to yourself, “Damn, I should’ve streamed Patrick Corbin yesterday because the Streamonator loved it,” but I’d prefer to think, “I ain’t ever starting a pitcher with a 6+ ERA.” His last three years of ERAs are…I’d ask for a drum roll, but they deserve a sad trombone…4.66, 5.82, 6.06. If we were in Bizarro World, you’d be collecting your crown from America’s Next Top Model and Patrick Corbin would be an ace. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?