You know what makes me upright? Ew, gross! I’m talking about sitting up in my chair and taking notice! Anyway, I get upright, when a guy ups his K/9 and lowers his walk rate. To make me even more erect — Again, in my seat! Geez. — a guy who had an already elite K-rate and wasn’t that miserable with his command. Eduardo Rodriguez had a 9.8 K/9 and 3.3 in 2017, and bested both numbers last year with a 10.1 K/9 and 3.1 BB/9. That makes me pitch a tent! A tent in my backyard that I’ve labeled “Pitchers I like.” C’mon, you perv! Eduardo Rodriguez had the 20th best K/9 last year. Wow, I am so horny! Horny as in bullish on Eduardo Rodriguez! What is wrong with you? Anyway, what can we expect from Eduardo Rodriguez for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
While casually scrolling through pitchers from last year who should be better this year, I saw Andrew Heaney. My first thought was, “RIP Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan.” Then, I Googled “professional wrestlers who have prematurely died,” and, five weeks later, when I was done reading the results, I returned to Andrew Heaney. Am I suddenly more optimistic about the Angels now that they have the new manager, Brad Ausmus? Well, no, not necessarily. He is devilishly handsome — between Ausmus and Gabe Kapler, can a Jewish grandmother get some grandkids up in here?! — and Ausmus can’t be worse than The Sciosciapath. At least he won’t have to make out the lineup card with a pencil in his mouth, because he’s wearing a straitjacket. How much will Ausmus do for the Angels’ starters? Meh, he finished under .500 as the Tigers’ manager after four seasons, and seems to fail sideways. His bullpen management was goofy at best, and he thinks catchers, who are pitch framers, should go work at Aaron Brothers, the national chain of picture framers, not Rex Brothers’ brother (stutterer!). Luckily, I don’t think Ausmus has any bearing on Heaney, there’s too much going in his favor, which I will now tackle, after this clunky segue: So, what can we expect from Andrew Heaney for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Go ahead, allow yourself a ten-minute cackle sesh after seeing Nick Pivetta listed as a sleeper. I’ll allow it this one time, then we’re going to get down to business, and no more cackling at what an awful season Nick Pivetta had last year. No more talk about his 4.77 ERA. No talk of his 5.05 ERA in the 2nd half. No talk about how his batting average against, slugging percentage against and wOBA against were all nearly identical from the first half to the 2nd half and none of them were particularly good. No talk about how lefties hit him like he was a dumpster Fiers. No talk about how Pivetta made you cry and crawl up into a ball every time he took the ball. No talk about any of that! No negative talk anymore after that ten-minute cackle. Okay, done? You have another 15 seconds of cackling? Then get it over with, would ya?! So, what can we expect from Nick Pivetta for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
So many things went through my mind for the Joey Lucchesi sleeper. For the first time in a long time, I actually contemplated not writing this post, because I didn’t want to tip off other sites, i.e., competitors. The last time I felt that urge it was 2016 and Delino DeShields was still a Jr., and we were pen pals who shared numerous correspondences. In the end, I realized that I need to be true to you, Dear Reader, and your prematurely balding head and theory about how sweatpants are formal attire. I also, for longer than I care to admit, searched for talk about how Lucchesi of the Bucatini Crime Family was recovering from shoulder, elbow or arm injuries of any sort. He’s not, but I assumed I must be overlooking something and that’s why he’s being drafted so late. He threw 139 IP in 2017, and 136 2/3 IP last year, so there was no overuse of his arm. There’s no injury. There’s no news about the Padres moving in their fences 175 feet. What am I missing? I have to missing something. There’s no way Joey Lucchesi is healthy, not overworked, has the numbers he has and is being drafted as low as he has been, right? Am I a part of a Black Mirror episode that I don’t know about and Joey Lucchesi is Italian for “technology will help you at first then end being your demise?” No? Then what gives? Nothing? Wow, then, without further ado…Anyway, what can we expect from Joey Lucchesi for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
When I started my research for Tyler Glasnow, I wanted to ease into it like your jeans from high school. You don’t jump in. First, you let out the waist twelve inches. So, I thought a nice way to let out the inseam on Glasnow would be looking up the Pirates’ pitching coach, Ray Searage. I Googled “Ray Searage genius” because I wanted a good laugh. Don’t judge me, while I judge Ray Searage. First, I needed to tell Google ‘genius’ had to be included, then I sorted by results from prior to 2018 vs. this year. 4,290 results vs. 5, and four of those five were people forgetting the sport and spelling their hockey team, the Pittsburgh Pengenius. Most of the results morphed like this: How great Searage was with Ivan Nova and Liriano and Edinson Volquez vs. a lot of cursing for what the hell did Searage do to pull on the reins of Gerrit Cole and Tyler Glasnow. Of course, I don’t know how much Searage played into giving the okay for Glasnow to be traded, but trading a guy who throws 97 MPH, has a K/9 of 11 and is only 25 years old, should be against the law. Maybe Ray Searage is the pitcher whisperer, but the pitchers need to be over the age of 30, and Glasnow just had too much promise. (Being so unfair to Searage right now!) Maybe there’s only room for one genius in Pittsburgh, and it’s on the ice and it’s a dyslexic Pengenius. (By the way, whoever decided to make a word for people who struggle to spell as complicated as dyslexic is a real bastard.) So, what can we expect from Tyler Glasnow for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here’s a post we didn’t think we’d be reading last year at this time, huh? What’s next, a Robbie Ray sleeper post? Actually… Okay, will save that for another day. Last year, was a lost year for Carlos Martinez. He dealt with a myriad of injuries. By the way, Myriad is a great name for a cult. Just throwing it out there in case any readers fancy themselves the next Bo and/or Peep of Heaven’s Gate. Or Myriad could be a 60-year-old Jewish woman. “Myriad, you know I can’t have lactose!” Any hoo! Carlos Martinez’s injuries began as oblique than progressed to straight bleak with shoulder issues. At one point, he was hit by a screamin’ meemie comebacker off his chest that sent him for x-rays. Carlos Martinez was the refrigerator and injuries were the magnets. By the by, if you want to use Screamin’ Meemie as your cult name, I’m not hating on that either. So, the big question is will Carlos Martinez be able to bounce back from his dreadful year and return to ace status. So, what can we expect from Carlos Martinez for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
It is true that I’ve called two different Orioles sleepers. We know I haven’t completely lost my mind because they’re not pitchers. Is Ubaldo still pitching for them? No, okay, who cares. Finding value on discarded teams is no exact science, unless you have a BS from the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston. Why I tend to like late-round gambles from garbage teams is they have nothing to play for. If you’re not sure what I mean, check out how many games Freddy Galvis has played in the last few years. If collecting garbage at-bats was an art, Galvis would be in the MOMA with a statue of David made out of reclaimed coat hangers. My hope is Cedric Mullins can do a series of water lilies with secondhand Hypercolor t-shirts from Goodwill — call it Goodwillies. Anyway, what can we expect from Cedric Mullins for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Oh! Yeah! Of course! Willy Adames! That old chestnut from Battlestar Galactica with his pock-marked face and–FRACK! Captain Adames, they’re all Cylons! *cough* Nerd! *cough* Looking through middle infidel sleepers, I almost made this post about Ronny Rodriguez. Wait…WHO? Ronny Rodriguez, y’all! I mean, no dur, right? Then, I almost made this post about Niko Goodrum. Fun fact! If you spray that guy with pineapple juice, you have Niko Gooddaiquiris. Handsomely turns to the mirror, “You and I both deserve the very best, that’s why I put boba in my daiquiris.” *casts fishing pole out* Okay, let’s reel this one back in. I realized quickly I was only saying Niko Goodrum was a sleeper, because I wanted to be able to draft him while swirling an imaginary sifter glass. Okay, hashtag be best, so I went back to the well, and I found Willy Adames and Baby Jessica. Hearing in my head, leave the baby, take the Willy, I found myself here with Adames. Then, as I dug through this tub of butter and magic, I started to wonder how Willy Adames wasn’t more obvious, then I realized if he wasn’t obvious to me, he may not be to other people. Frank Voila! Anyway, what can we expect from Willy Adames for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
On Dancer! On Prancer! On–Oh, I didn’t hear you come in. Welcome, reader! Grab some egg nog and brandy it up to the fire. You look festive. I love that Rudolph tongue ring. That’s the great thing about Christmas, no matter what your interpretation is, it’s all about commercialism. That’s unless you light the Munenori Kawasaki. The 2019 fantasy baseball rankings are not far away. Right now, January Grey is throwing darts at a board to figure out where to rank Matt Davidson, the hitter vs. Matt Davidson, the pitcher. Two can play this game, Shohei! In the meantime, let’s look at the players who have multiple position eligibility for this upcoming 2019 fantasy baseball season. I did this list of multi-position eligible players because I figured it would help for your 2019 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m a giver, snitches! Happy Holidays! I only listed players that have multiple position eligibility of five games or more started outside of their primary position. Not four games at a position, not three, definitely not two. Five games started. If they played eight games somewhere but only started one, they are not listed. 5, the Road Runner of numbers. So this should cover Yahoo, ESPN, CBS, et al (not the Israeli airline). Players with multiple position eligibility are listed once alphabetically under their primary position. Games started are in parenthesis. This is the only time a year I do anything alphabetically, so I might’ve confused some letters. Is G or H first? Who knows, and, better yet, who cares! Wow, someone’s got the Grinchies, must be the spiked egg nog talking. Anyway, here’s all the players with multiple position eligibility for the 2019 fantasy baseball season and the positions they are eligible at:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The trade of Yasiel Puig, Matt Kemp, Alex Wood to the Reds means one thing, the Dodgers are signing Manny Machado or Bryce Harper. I’m kidding, in the non-funny way. Maybe it means that, but I kinda hope it doesn’t, so Muncy, Pederson and others have room to play. Not sure why the Dodgers rehired Dave Roberts, but I’m impressed the Dodgers realized that Dave Roberts had zero capacity for managing a team. “What’s he doing?” “I don’t know.” That’s two Dodgers execs watching Dave Roberts juggle three VHS copies of the movie Platoon. “I don’t think he understands what we meant when we asked him to juggle platoons.” “Yeah.” “So, we should trade Puig?” “Maybe trade like five guys.” “Okay.” So, Puig goes back to the Reds, but they’re no longer an island nation in the Caribbean. Now, they’re in Ohio. In five years, people will be like, “I forgot Puig played for the Reds for three months.” Yes, I think he’ll likely be traded in July. Either way, he will get everyday at-bats and should get a nice boost in fantasy value. The Reds were surprising solid last year on offense, and I see no reason why that would end. For 2019, I’ll give Yasiel Puig projections 73/27/83/.273/11 in 502 ABs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason in 2019 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?