Yesterday, Carlos Carrasco went 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.41, as the Indians won their 162nd game, and four-thousandth in a row.  Hayzeus Cristo, who wants some of the Indians right now?  Who?  Or, more appropriately with the Indians, how?  They’re fired up like their relatives just got a bad case of the pox and they’re all out of peace to put in their pipe.  Am I right?  Or am I just borderline racist?!  You tell me, Redskins fans!  By the way, you know your team name is racist when you can substitute in Redskins and it makes sense, i.e., “The Cleveland Redskins won last night, oh, I’m sorry, I mean Indians.”

Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There’s a common term sociologists use called, The Tide of Uze.  Everything that encompasses everyday life is on The Tide of Uze.  Brushing your teeth, walking your dog, Jose Abreu, they’re all on The Tide of Uze.  There’s small pleasures to be found with them, but they’re so consistent they are often lost amongst other more exciting things.  However, this past weekend The Tide of Uze was raised by Irma GAWD!, the fantasy football kickoff and me going to a Dodgers game with Dr. Kenneth Noisewater, a frequent commenter who was in town.  I didn’t rank those per their importance, I’ll leave that to you.  Big weekend for the world, right?  (Yes.) With the Tide of Uze raising, it lifts everything that was floating on its surface, which meant Jose Abreu had a career weekend.  On Saturday, he hit for the cycle, and, not to be outdone, he homered twice on Sunday (2-for-3, 3 RBIs, home run, 30 and 31).  His season numbers are now 85/31/90/.302/1.  All preseason I talked about how I wasn’t getting a 1st baseman in the first two rounds, so I was drafting Abreu everywhere, and I was nervous about it.  Let’s just say I’ve learned to appreciate The Tide of Uze.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When you were a kid, did you ever receive a formal invitation and it was addressed like this, “Master Albright?”  Okay, now think about Harrison Bader getting a formal invite.  I’m dead.  That legit made me laugh for twenty minutes.  I stopped midway to breath from an oxygen tank, but a full twenty minutes, nevertheless.  Imagine this:  Mom, “Harrison, come here and open your auntie’s wedding invite?”  “Why does it say, Master Bader?”  Dad, “You’ll know in a few years, son.”  Not to mention, Master makes every little boy sound like the kid in The Toy.  S’lame!  I don’t even want to Google the origins for calling a boy, Master, because it’s prolly hella racist.  Any hoo!  Harrison Bader is playing every day, but the Cards do have 19 outfielders to juggle, so he’s not 100% guaranteed.  He is hitting for power and average, and at the top of the lineup.  With the Cards trying to make the playoffs, they’re putting their best lineup on the field and Bader has been a part of that.  Even if Master Bader sounds like he wouldn’t play well with others.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we get into the Buy, I just wanted to mention our Fantasy Football tools.  Freudian, because this is my Buy and this would be your buy?  P to the erhaps.  But no purchase necessary, there’s a 7-day free trial, so you can give them a whirlybird for the first week if you like.  Anyway II, the Buy/Sell:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Victor Robles was called up by the Nats.  He’s number two in Prospector Ralph’s top 100 prospects, and everyone loves him, even Brad Garrett!  Robles will likely be the first guy I go over this offseason when I go over some high-profile rookies for 2018.  He is real, and he’s beautiful.  So, here’s the text question I posed to Prospector Ralph yesterday, “Who gets more at-bats from now until the end of the season for the Nationals, Alejandro De Aza or Robles?”  At that point, Ralph stopped talking to me, but it’s even worse.  Prior to my text, I saw “…” showing that he was typing, then that disappeared and nothing.  Just silence.  Eventually, I got a text back that Robles could play half the time.  I don’t know.  My guess is Nats are promoting him as a sort of butt pat that he did well this year.  Maybe he replaces Werth, Kendrick or Taylor here and there and plays a few times a week.  Werth’s shoulder has been barking and he’s woof, in general.  I didn’t care about picking up Robles in a 12-team mixed league, but grabbed him in a 15-teamer to drop Francisco Mejia, who was last week’s “YOU GOTTA GRAB HIM!”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Watching Luis Castillo is officially an ASMR trigger.  *insert onomatopoeia of satisfied exhale, picks up invisible fork and knife, mimes cutting up satisfied exhale, eats exhale*  Do you see how Castillo’s got me?  I’m eating satisfied exhales.  Can I write the 2018 fantasy baseball sleeper post right now for Luis Castillo?  TFW you see Castillo:  Insert Oprah’s o face around Gayle King.  CASTILLO MAKING ME CRAZY!  And not eating sugar for six days isn’t helping.  This Whole30 Diet got me like:  insert crazy-googly eyes.  I got Biggie Smalls eyes right now.  *smacks face*  Be coherent, Grey!  Sorry, about that.  Yesterday, Luis Castillo went 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.12.  His surface perfs:  9.9 K/9, 3.2 BB/9, 3.40 xFIP, averages 98 MPH, and now I’m lightheaded again.  Okay, need to save something for his 2018 sleeper post.  As for this year, this was his last start, unless you count Strat-o-Matic starts I’m making with him all winter.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ariel Miranda pitched a no-hitter yesterday through six innings and 112 pitches that had to be the worst six-inning no-hitter in baseball history.  Shame the M’s removed him before he gave up a hit, because this could’ve been an epic debacle — depicacle?  Remember those Hall of Shame books from the 1980’s that always featured at least one anecdote about Steve Lyons?  Usually that anecdote was of him undressing at first base.  Somehow that largely visual gag was depicted in literary prose in these books.  If they still had those books, Ariel Miranda’s six-inning no-hitter would’ve had a chapter.  He went 6 IP, 1 ER, zero hits, six walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.72.  Only thing that was missing was him taking his pants off on the mound or clowning around with Max Patkin.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Doh!  A deer, a female deer and also what the Dodgers say.  Ray, a drop of golden filth.  Me, a name I call myself who owns J.D. Martinez and Robbie Ray.  Fa, a long long way to run if a Bostonian is saying far.  SO another name for strikeouts.  LA is where the game took place.  Ti I dribble down my face, when J.D. Martinez and Robbie Ray play.  Yesterday, Ray went 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 14 Ks, ERA down to 2.80.  Robbie Ray is an ace.  No matter how you slice that pecan pie, he’s an ace.  No matter how you put that pancake batter on the skittle.  No matter how you put whipped cream in my mouth.  My God, I’m so hungry.  Cougs has got me doing this Whole30 diet and I’m legit about to eat my hand.  At Endorphin Ralph’s top 100 starters for this week, Ray’s ranked 6th.  Can’t argue that, and last night he dunked all over the LA K’ers.  Then, J.D. Martinez got my goosepimples all a-titter.  He went 4-for-5, 6 RBIs with his 31st, 32nd, 33rd and 34th homer.  Someone has to Just Dong, so who better than Just Dong?  Who?!  Sorry, I’m writing this wearing an owl costume.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Domingo Santana had a double slam (23, 24) and legs (12).  Maybe it’s confirmation bias, but it feels like Domingo is just so much better on Sunday, right?  Carl Jung and Sting would say I’m onto something with this synchronicity.  As someone who doesn’t own Domingo anywhere, but wishes he did own him, I can understand when Jung and Sting speak of the duality of a man.  I get the sense Domingo Santana will be underrated in 2018 too.  Of course, I think this is crazy for a 25-year-old guy capable of a 30/15 season in a great home park.  As Sting specifically sang, there’s a little black man named Sunday.  He’s not the same old thing on Saturday.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Went over this a little this morning with my general September call-ups for fantasy baseball (clickbait!) writings/stylings/gibberish.  I’m not enthused by the guys headed to the majors this September.  Look at what happened this year with Yoan Moncada.  He had to be held down an extra month due to a September call-up.  Of course, if, say, Harrison Bader walks on water straight down Broad Street, grabs a Philly cheesesteak, burps in Rhysus’ face, hits a 885-mile turn to the Gateway Arch and wrecks havoc in St. Louis, then by all means I’m grabbing him.  With that said (finally!), Tyler Glasnow should be up any day now.  In Triple-A, he’s been pitching strictly from the stretch, and it’s made all the difference in his mechanics.  He’s compiled a 13.5 K/9 (!), 2.21 xFIP and he throws 95 MPH.  131 Ks to only 31 walks in 87 1/3 IP!  Sign me up pronto, Tonto.  Of course, in mixed leagues, I’m still viewing him mostly as a matchups guy for the final month, but I’d stash everywhere for (Glas)now.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Maybe because I am not Prospector Ralph aka Endorphin Ralph aka The Prospector aka Prospect Jesus aka Peter, Paul and ‘I Know Prospects’ Mary Well aka The Pro-Spectulator aka I Am Still Not Beating Grey In Our League And Grey Beat Me To Waivers For Rhysus aka No, You’re Minor, I’m Major, But I Know Minors Just Not Like That aka Ralph Lifshitz, but this year’s September call-ups are kinda sad.  Do I like Jack Flaherty?  Sure, Flaherty is must SCTV!  But he’s kinda more to do with matchups.  Tyler Glasnow?  Well, more on him in this afternoon’s Buy column.  Willie Calhoun?  Great, but where does he play?  Harrison Bader and Franklin Barreto?  Haven’t we gone down that road already?  I would absolutely grab any September call-up if he was helping me in a redraft league, but the choice between Willie Calhoun platooning and, say, Howie Kendrick playing?  Kendrick all day, and twice on Muesday, that magical day between Monday and Tuesday.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?