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Chose to go over ESPN and Yahoo’s 2023 fantasy baseball rankings and did a quick search, finding 2023 yahoo fantasy baseball rankings with little effort. Pretty simply, tee be aitch. A google search of “2023 Yahoo Fantasy Baseball Rankings” to be exact. With that said, I don’t think ESPN fantasy baseball rankings exist anymore. Does ESPN still do fantasy baseball rankings? I saw ESPN was switching their format to become big baby stuff with, like, nine hitters, five pitchers and only a top 100 overall to play more like, I’m guessing, fantasy football, but, when I searched for ESPN fantasy baseball rankings, I received an error page that read something like, “We do football, and some basketball, but if you’re interested in baseball, you are the wrong demographic, so goodbye.” So, first off, I guess props to Yahoo for still doing fantasy baseball rankings. With that said, I will now remove my Ginzu from my sheath and begin the process of slicing and dicing. I’m using a mandoline on their rankings without a protective cover! I’m using a mandolin without that weird rubber cover on my thumb! Just very manly stuff that a lot of you expect from me. Ya know, I’ve been arrested before (12 years ago). For peeing in public because my wee-wee bladder is so wee. Got off with a ticket, but that time in prison (90 minutes) hardened me, and now it’s time to take it out on Yahoo for their 2023 fantasy baseball rankings.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Someone’s going to launch me into the sun for my fantasy baseball overrated posts this year. From Bobby Witt Jr. to Michael Harris II to Daulton Varsho and Sandy Alcantara, okay, those last two were a little more understandable, but Witt to Harris II to (stutterer!) Luis Robert? Have I joined the old fuddy duddies who hate baseball? Am I a hater of fun? Will I dislike a bat flip? “Answer me!” I scream at the mirror, but my reflection doesn’t answer. It merely stares back, crying. But, when I touch my own face, my cheeks are dry. What is the meaning of this? Have I disconnected from reality? Is this not me typing these letters? “Whose hands are these!” I scream at the ceiling as I drop to my knees. Throwing disrespect at some of the most electric players in baseball isn’t great fun, I’ll tell ya that much after telling you exactly that. Luis Robert is fantastic, I think. I haven’t gotten to see him that much, tee be aitch, because he’s never on the field. So, what can we expect from Luis Robert for 2023 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Usually only bestow on you one pitching schmohawk. Like a genie giving one wish, and you’re like, “Yo, genie, it’s pretty standard to give three,” and the genie’s like, “Sorry, inflation.” As they say at opposite world’s Wetzel’s, don’t get it twisted, I could drop on you numerous schmohawk posts about pitchers, but can I just point you to my 2023 fantasy baseball rankings and, specifically, my top 20 starters for 2023 fantasy baseball and say look there for the pitchers I don’t like. Also, I won’t give you a closer schmohawk post either, because they’re mostly just SAGNOF, and I won’t draft a closer in the top 100ish. Not really schmohawk’ing to say Emmanuel Clase is overrated. I mean, he is, but not because he won’t be good. He can be good and still be overrated. On the most basic level: A five-category guy vs. a closer? Is that even close? No, it’s not. In one league, I drafted Oneil Cruz the pick after Ryan Pressly. Oneil Cruz who’s going to go 40/40 vs. Pressly who will give you 32 saves. Mmkay. That brings me to Sandy Alcantara, who can also be good just not good enough to be the fourth best starter off the board or to be drafted before pick 30 overall. Sandy Alcantara is one of those where I told you to draft him last year, and prolly would again this year, if he were going around where he was last year. Going back to my Pulitzer Prize-winning theory that every player has a career ADP, and thinking about how Sandy Alcantara went from pick 85 last year to 29 this year. What is his career ADP? Splitting the difference between 80 and 40 is likely the answer, but it’s definitely not 29 for reasons I will get to on the other side of the “anyway.” Anyway, what can we expect from Sandy Alcantara for 2023 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This one feels too easy. Usually I don’t tell you a catcher is overrated because, well, they’re catchers. It kinda goes with the territory. I’m giving myself a pass this year to call Daulton Varsho overrated because he has outfield eligibility. That outfield eligibility is actually what’s going to make it super easy to prove how overrated he is. We’re gonna compare him to other outfielders! Taking me out of the equation at first because you know I bring fire, but others have smoke. On our 12-team Player Rater, Daulton Varsho is currently ranked 120th overall, right next to Steven Kwan, who might be as valuable, but is a tough comp, because they’re not at all similar. Another outfielder near Daulton Varsho is Nick Castellanos, and further down the road is Ramon Laureano, who might be the best comp, so let’s try him on for size. Daulton Varsho is a 27/16/.235 hitter. You can debate the projections, but that’s what he just did. Ramons Laureano went 24/13/.288. Wait, that’s much better…Hold on! Sorry, that’s what Laureano did earlier in his career. Yeah, no way he does that again (there is a way, but let’s continue). Ramon Laureano’s projections are 21/20/.233. So, push on average; four more steals and six less homers. Hmm, well, they must be going close to each other in drafts, right? Hold on! They’re not? Geez, these surprises are a lot for my heart. Daulton Varsho is going around 39th overall and Laureano is going around 208th? Oh, wow. Hmm, that seems like a big difference. “Okay, but Daulton Varsho has catcher eligibility!” You scream at yourself in the mirror, as tears roll down your cheeks. Right, gotcha, there, there, buddy. He sure does. Let’s see that Player Rater again. Oh, boy, Varsho is ranked ahead of Will Smith and Alejandro Kirk! Damn, point made. They are respectively ranked 125th and 128th. Wow, big difference there. Kirk aka Bart Harley Jarvis is worth $11.60 and Varsho is worth $12.3. A full seventy cents of difference. They must be really close in ADP, huh? Kirk is sixty spots after Varsho? Hmm, that doesn’t seem very close. So, I guess besides all of that, why is Daulton Varsho overrated for 2023 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This sucks. I suck for sucking this sucks so bad. I didn’t want to write about how Michael Harris II is overrated. He’s fun. Capital F. Going to the Capital Grill and ordering “Fun,” that’s Michael Harris II! Instead, I’m taking that F and teaming it with me for the ol’ patented “F me,” and that’s not me abbreviating Fame. RIP Irene Cara. Talk about real life events ruining a song. “Ooh, pump up the volume!” Singing along, “Fame! I want to live forever…Crap.” I now change “want to” to “ain’t gonna” when that song comes on the radio. From a rousing anthem for me to do calisthenics into a sob-fest. Any hoo! It wasn’t just I didn’t want to be a spoil-sport with Michael Harris II. It’s not just because I hadn’t seen the first Michael Harris, so I can’t appreciate this one. It’s all those pesky underlying numbers that scream at me every time I look at him. If he were going around Jake McCarthy’s spot in drafts, I likely would’ve wrote a sleeper post for Michael Harris II. Since he’s going as high as 12th overall in some leagues, I’m writing that he’s overrated. It sucks, and I be sucking. So, what can we expect from Michael Harris II and what makes him overrated?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This year I’m taking no prisoners with my fantasy baseball overrated posts! No prisoners, baby! I’m a work release program, baby! Wait, that doesn’t sound as intimidating. I’m parole, baby! Meh, that’s not great either. I’m something that takes no prisoners. Sorry, I can’t think of any examples because I was born and bred in […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Gonna look back at my ESPN fantasy baseball rankings comparison from last year, as I did with the Yahoo fantasy baseball rankings the other day, because it’s so helpful. Not for this year, but in general to humble myself. To make me hungrier than I’ve ever been. I have to eat. Then I make that spoon-to-mouth hand gesture, then I pat my stomach, making a hand gesture that I ate too fast, then I make the hand gesture that I need a nap, then I point to a watch-less wrist to ask you to wake me up, then I point to my diploma on the wall from Mime School. So, here’s the guys I told you to avoid in ESPN’s fantasy baseball rankings last year:

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Every year, I put on a David Carradine-limited edition kimono, and walk the earth to ruminate on the perfect place for each player in my fantasy baseball rankings. Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs called me one year, asking if he could film my feet after one of these “walking of the earth” seshs. I declined, because my feet after 8,000 steps (according to my iWatch) on the sands of Redondo Beach are…*shudders*…I stepped on a half-eaten corndog this year. With mustard! And that’s not a euphemism for Paul DeJong. Do the guys from Yahoo Fantasy don a kimono and walk the earth for a full half-an-afternoon like me to do the Yahoo fantasy baseball rankings? Are they stepping on half-eaten corndogs for you? I highly doubt it. “These Yahoo rankings are not Kung Fu!” I scream into the jetty, as I excavate for starfish, which calms me. So, after I kebab multiple starfishes onto a skewer, I sit by an open fire, dining out on nature, and will now compare my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings with 2022 Yahoo fantasy baseball rankings:

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When someone says “therefore” in real-life conversation, you know they’re full of shit. Byron Buxton‘s 2022 projections are a big, giant “therefore.” People are expecting him to “therefore” for six months straight. He will need to beat the longest previous “therefore,” which was Luke Voit in 2020. The longest “therefore” in history is O.J. Simpson from birth until June of 1994. A “therefore”record that might not ever be broken. Some say that OJ’s “therefore” is the Cal Ripken consecutive game streak of therefores. A “therefore” to end all therefores. Therefores happen, don’t get me wrong. I therefore’d once in conversation. Was out to dinner with Cougs, and a couple we were with was talking about how their sister was doing an upcoming Ted Talk — an actual Ted Talk, not my dog, Ted, talking, which would actually be the best Ted Talk ever — and this friend’s sister was about to do a Ted Talk about ants, and I said, “Don’t tell me anymore. Your sister is giving the Ted Talk? Therefore, I will be watching.” And, boy, was I lying my ass off! Like I’m watching a Ted Talk, let alone one about ants! See, “therefore” is the giveaway. Next time you’re hanging with your friends say “therefore” and those friends, if they’re real friends, will no longer be friends with you, because you will be lying to them. Friends keep it real. They will stop being friends with some friends like ones using “therefore” in conversation. So, last year, Byron Buxton’s statline was 50/19/32/.306/9 in 235 ABs, and his projections are saying therefore/therefore/therefore/therefore/therefore. Therefore, please just stop the lies. So, what can we expect from Byron Buxton for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So, wasn’t expecting to write a George Springer overrated post. Didn’t seem like a guy who could possibly be overrated. What’s to overrate? You know him and he just missed half of last season, and he always misses time. Why is he even overrated? I’m having a hard time figuring that out. His Steamer projections from us are 100/32/85/.257/7 in 524 ABs. Don’t think any of those numbers are unattainable. I have him down for 91/27/63/.246/7 in 503 ABs. So, few less homers; same steals; little less average; counting stats are what they are. My problem is. Dot dot dot. Pause for effect. Dramatic sting. Why is that being drafted in the top 50 overall? If I told you I had a 27/7/.250 hitter, you’d say to me, “That’s a pretty cool story, bro, is it Anthony Rizzo?” And I’d say to you, “No, it’s George Springer,” and you’d say, “No, it’s not, but cool way to disguise Anthony Santander, Broseph,” and I’d say, “I’m not your Broseph, I’m being serious. Are you only able to guess Anthony names?” And you’d say, “Easy, Chilly Wills, is it Eduardo Escobar,” and I’d say, “No, CHILLY WILLS! IT’S GEORGE SPRINGER?!” And you’d say, “I think you suddenly went deaf because you started screaming,” and I’d say, “I’m no longer having this conversation,” and you’d say, “Is it Eddie Rosario?” And I’d throw you off the horsey we were sharing on this carousel of thoughts. So, what can we expect from George Springer for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?

Psyche! So, yesterday, I said I was updating my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings, but later on I discussed it with Rudy and we’re holding tight for now, because, honestly, one week missed of games isn’t going to change anything. What, I’m gonna remove three runs, three RBIs and four-tenths of a homer and steal? Next week, we’ll reevaluate and potentially take two weeks of stats off the projections, or something else, yet to be considered. Next week, I’ll also do a state of the game roundup and discuss Acuña, Kershaw, and others. Anyway II, why is George Springer is overrated?

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So, if you’re keeping a mental note of all the pitchers I don’t like, you might realize from the Anime Grey videos, Julio Urias is one of them. Now, I’m throwing in Walker Buehler. Trevor Bauer’s a big ol’ piece of garbage, and the only person ranking Max Muncy lower than me is Madison Bumgarner. Chris Taylor’s never done nothing for me no matter his position eligibility! I’m going to become the biggest hate spewer in SoCal! I’m going to put on my Vin Scully jersey and tell everyone it’s for Scully from The X Files. Just to insult them! I’m going to go to Dodgers games — fifteen minutes early — just to show them up! I’m going to tell everyone that will listen that Nathan’s hot dogs are better than Dodger dogs! I’m going to tell everyone that Dodgers’ superfan Mary Hart’s legs weren’t that spectacular! I’m going to tell everyone that Dodgers’ superfan Larry King is still alive…on Epstein’s island! I’m gonna tell them Clayton Kershaw isn’t a Hall of Famer and that I once saw Sandy Koufax eat pork! I’m the biggest hater in Los Angeles! But, now, about Walker Buehler. Sigh. I’m not going to run through why I would never draft a top starter. I wouldn’t, but this post isn’t about that. Wrote about that across 15,000 words in the top 20 starters for 2022 fantasy baseball. I won’t be drafting a top starter or Walker Buehler, but I can dislike Walker Buehler on his own. Brave! So, what can we expect from Walker Buehler for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?

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I went back to my room at the Radisson. (This is not a sponsored post.) I laid my head down. Lied my head down? Ya know, because I was lying to the doorman when he asked if I had friends. It was none of his business. Plus, what was he doing in my room? Did each room at the Radisson have a doorman? I asked him that, then asked that he show himself out. After tucking me in. The tucking, the doorman did. It was so tight it was suffocating. I could barely breathe. So, I jostled around in the bed like a caterpillar shedding its skin, would I become a butterfly? Likely, yes. I was able to get one hand out of the tucked-in sheet and grab the mechanical claw I had on the nightstand that I used to feed myself grapes, so I could imagine I was a Russian prince. After the grape dropped into my mouth, I reached, with the mechanical claw, to grab a twenty dollar bill to light on fire to start myself a cigar. Earlier that day, I withdrew my life savings in twenties, and placed them precariously on the window sill. Hmm, I thought, if I lit a cigar in this non-smoking room, I might want to open the window first–

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Torendao!!!

Please, blog, may I have some more?