2023 Razzball Commenter Leagues

It’s year 13 of the RCLs! That’s right, if the RCLs are in the bathroom, don’t knock, just give them like five minutes because they’re checking the price guide for their Semien condition, so to speak. RCLs are singing The Freshmen by the Verve Pipe. They grow up so fast, right? Soon, the RCLs are going to be dating, then fall for their high school sweetheart, then get married at 19, then quit school to support their young family. Then, an affair will start with their co-worker, and the RCLs will secretly despise their family when they turn 30 for depriving the RCLs of their lifelong dream of going to umpire school. Man, some serious RCLs’ bitterness incoming! Maybe you should just hit the lottery, RCLs, then you can spend all your money on a McMansion and a tiger tied to a tree. Unfortunately, the tree isn’t sturdy enough and bends all the way over allowing the tiger to break loose and stalk the RCLs into their bathroom where the RCLs wail, “I didn’t know how good I had it when I had no money and just the fun of playing in a free fantasy baseball league against 11 of my closet frenemies.” So, don’t make the same mistake as the RCLs, and live your best life by joining some free fantasy baseball leagues!

Did I say free fantasy baseball leagues?

No, technically, I just typed it.

All right, if you could join a fantasy baseball league that was against, like, thousands of others, would you or are you…chicken? Don’t make me call a bawk-bawk on you.

This isn’t a 1000-person league, where people are trying to figure out who the back-up third baseman is on the Single-A Astros affiliate, the Corpus Christi Amscrayers. No, this is a 12-person league designed so you compete against eleven other people in your league, then 75 other leagues of twelve. That would be cool. Oh, wait, we’ve done that. It’s called the Razzball Commenter Leagues, and they’re back, and you don’t even have to be a commenter to join it!  For a limited time only, get your loved one a fantasy baseball league! That’s right, your hearts go pitter-patter or you’re dead on the inside (my condolences). Since back in June when you abandoned your fantasy baseball team because it was totally sucking and you returned to your cubbyhole of leftover Chinese food and Teddy Grahams, you’ve longed for this day. As Bob Marley sang, this is your redemption song, mon. Or womon, for our five girl readers. It’s time again to join some fantasy baseball leagues!

Before you close all of your extraneous porn windows and rush to sign up, let’s explain how these fantasy baseball leagues are going to work. We’re going to have a bunch of leagues and crown a winner from each, then we’re going to crown ONE winner from all of the winners. We will be crowning the winner by taking each team’s points and multiplying it against a ‘league competitiveness factor.’ If you want to see how it worked last year, go here.

So we’re going to fill up as many fantasy leagues as we can for the next seven weeks.  Each fantasy baseball league will be a mixed league, 12 team, snake draft, roto, 5×5, 5 OFs, one Middle Infielder, one Corner Infielder, one Utility, 9 pitchers, 20 game positional eligibility, 1400 innings max, 1000 IP minimum with 3 DL slots with a 500 moves per year cap, which I think maybe two people reached last year. So, that move limit isn’t inhibitive for even those who rosterbate until they are blind.

The leagues will be again at Fantrax.

We’re going to start with 40 leagues and see how we do from there. There are a few pay leagues, neither Razzball or Fantrax keeps any money. If people want more pay leagues, fill these up and we’ll open more. If we need more free leagues, we’ll do the same. To join a league…Sorry, again for the people in the back of the room:

TO JOIN A LEAGUE

Click the LINK in the ‘League Link’ column (see below grid) for the time you want and YOU’RE IN.  Damn, that’s too easy.  Oh, I guess I should also mention make sure you’re joining a league for free or for money, depending on your preference.  If you want a league for money, then 1) Click the link. 2) Pay the money.  That’s it!  No pesky third requirement!  Again, Fantrax and Razzball take no money.  You can join as many free or paid leagues as you like.  To quit a league, go to OTHER –> All Options –> Quit League (located at the bottom).  Now go join some leagues!

THE BIG PRIZE

All leagues (paid and free) will play for the big prize. So, what do you win? You win bragging rights! Not just any bragging rights, but the bragging rights that you beat a thousand or so other people, and you can emphasize the “or so” as emphatically as you’d like. What? Not enough? Okay, for this year’s prize we’re taking the bull out of bulloney. We are upping the ante. “Hey, Olympic high jumper, can you jump over this ante?” No, you can’t, it’s been upped too high. LOOK, it’s a bird…it’s a plane…it’s our ante! “Excuse me, astronomer, is that a satellite orbiting earth?” No, son, it’s Razzball’s ante. They upped it. This year we are giving away a $250 Best Buy Gift card, which can buy just about anything (up to $250). I recently bought a TV that sits underneath my toilet seat so when I whizz I can watch TV. Granted, I bought this in a dream I had and I was married to Sofia Vergara in said dream, but this must exist, right? Also, for s’s and g’s, I’ll throw in a Razzball t-shirt because I have 14,000 of these and I’ve already outfitted all the homeless people in my neighborhood with SAGNOF t-shirts. But, most importantly, you will be crowned the 2023 Razzball Commenter League Champion. Okay, now sign up…