So, some of you may be asking, where’s the Photoshop yo? With or without the ‘yo’ maybe. I don’t judge. But yes, that would be a great a question, seeing as how there is no picture located north of this paragraph. A better question would be, how did you get so spoiled? It’s not my fault Photoshop went buggy on me. So instead of crowing one of my pieces of artwork upon these Daily Fantasy Notes, I will try to create a solid, if not spectacular lede for all your fine lady and gentlemen.

Yes, Grey likes to mention we have at least three or four female readers, but I think my estimate of a non-pluralized ‘lady’, which, according to my math, equals one, or perhaps even less than one is closer to the real number. How can I be so sure? Well, it’s probably because I’m not counting our mothers.

So, can you tell I have no idea what to lede about? Seriously. I have nothing, nadda. Zilch. Could it be because another baseball season is almost in the books? Or is it because I want to nap? Why not both? But yes, as the title establishes, we have very little time left. And that I also like The Doors. There is one more week of baseball left, and on an even sadder note, there is only one more Saturday left for us to gather and speak of Friday night baseball. Always remember that I will look upon these times with awe. Especially this specific instance, where I actually was able to write a lede based on nothing. So yay me! (All complaints are to be forwarded to Photoshop.) Here’s what I noticed yesterday…

Norichika Aoki — 4-for-4, 3 runs. An Aoki night if you ask me!

Scott Baker — 4.0 IP, 5 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K. I told you two weeks ago, no touchy.

Starlin Castro — 1-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI, and his 10th homerun. I don’t believe in the season Castro just had and I refuse to acknowledge it.

Jhoulys Chacin — 6.0 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners, 0 Ks. I can’t figure out if his first name is spelled phonetically or if it would be easier if it was spelled phonetically. Like the chicken and the egg. But not really.

Bartolo Colon — 6.0 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners (no walks), 8 Ks. I would have loved to do a colon joke here, but really, are colon’s funny? Even if we expand to include both the punctuation mark and the integral part of our digestive system, there really is nothing here to lol about. So I’ll just mention that ‘olo’ appears both in his first and last name, which, according to Scandinavian legend, was the name of the son of King Fridleif. Who was a cousin of Helgi, who was the Hrothgar of Beowulf. Fascinating… if not spectacularly un-useful.

David DeJesus — 4-for-8, 1 run, 2 RBIs. I’m surprised he lasted the entire game without getting traded.

Ryan Dempster — The Red Sox have decided to pitch Dempster out of the bullpen for the rest of the regular season. So, since R.A. Dickey is still a starter, does this mean I win JB Gilpin?

Robbie Erlin — 7.2 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks. If I remember the saying correctly, it’s ‘the early bird gets the worm’. So, here, it’s ‘the Erlin bird gets the wormin’. Which, in this case, I have no idea what I’m saying. Is that a dance move? Regardless, probably netted the best match-up in the history of not just baseball, but man itself. The Dodgers starting lineup had a combined -0.9 WAR.

Nick Franklin — 3-for-5, 1 run. — Now hitting a robust .222 on the year. Not exactly what we were expecting, and while his career is young, the production is starting to match the mediocre scouting reports.

Freddie Freeman — 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 22nd homerun. Sometimes I feel like Freeman is both underrated and overrated. What does that even mean? Is he young? Yes. Is he good? Eh, sure? Is he great? No. Will he get any better? Probably not. So I guess that’s what I mean. Thanks for making me explain it. Sheesh.

Kevin Gregg — 1.0 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 1 K. Yup. Everything is back to normal in Kevin Gregg-land. He had me worried there for half the season, but by bunching all of the implosion into as few innings as possible, just so considerate and really makes up for lost time.

Cole Hamels — 7.0 IP, 6 ER, 10 baserunners (no walks, but I’m not sure that it matters when you give up 10 hits…), 8 Ks. The mere fact that Cole Hamels has the word ‘Ham’ in his name has me rooting for him at all times. If his name was simply Cole Ham-in-my-mouth, GAME OVER bro. And ignore how sexual that sounds. Shhhh.

Desmond Jennings — Was scratched from the lineup due to neck stiffness. Stiffness hunh? This fruit is hanging way too low.

Chris Johnson — 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, and his 11th homerun. I had previously stated that Andrew Brown was the most vanilla name I’ve ever seen. Chris Johnson has just landed.

Kyle Kendrick — Has been shut down for the rest of the season from shoulder tendinitis. Like a tree falling in the forest, if Kendrick misses the rest of the season, does anyone notice? And what’s up with a falling tree? And why am I asking myself all of these questions?

Mat Latos — 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 1 K. If you missed it, last week, I came to the conclusion that Mat Latos is spelling his name wrong because he misplaced his ‘t’s’. So, really, his name might be Matt Laos. But if we are to accept that premise, we must also allow the possibility that he could actually be named Ma Lattos. Which makes even less sense. So I’m glad we travel these journeys together.

Jon Lester — 7.0 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks. I’m not sure why, but I always think of Uncle Fester, from the Addams Family, when I see Jon Lester’s name. Which then leads me to think of Doc Brown from Back to the Future. Then, as you would expect, I immediately go to Kruge from Star Trek III: The Search For A Way To Bring Back Spock Because Ooops. Two conclusions here. First, yes, this is not a normal train of thought. Second, if this is where the train is going, is it really that bad?

Tim Lincecum — 6.2 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks. He’s kind of settled as being very mediocre with some strikeout ability. A far cry from what he once was, but the advanced metrics leave room for some regression. You see what I’m saying here? Sleeper next year, quite possibly. Or not. Hedging, but I’d go for it. Maybe. Sorta.

Francisco Liriano — 8.0 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. Like A.J. Burnett, I covered their incredible seasons in the last Bear/Bull series. Why am I mentioning this? Because I’m like the Bono of Fantasy Baseball. In fact, click that link twice just to be safe.

David Price — 5.0 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks. The Price was not right. Sort of just meh. But be sure to spay and neuter your pets.

Erasmo Ramirez — 6.0 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. Remember the days when we thought Erasmo Ramirez was going to be a difference maker this year? Maybe we confused him with Danny Salazar? They both have Spanish names after all. Totally different pitchers, different teams, they don’t even look alike, but if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen them all. Note: Use this joke when the players actually are named Juan…

Hanley Ramirez — Don Mattingly, aka, Ex-mustache Man of Mystery, aka, Expert Discipliner, aka, Full-Time ManBearPuig Handler, has declared that Hanley Ramirez will only play in three or four games for the remainder of the season. Adjust accordingly.

Anthony Rizzo — 2-for-4, 1 RBI. Great year buddy. I appreciate it.

I give you, Anthony Rizzo’s year in GIF form…

Alex Rodriguez — 1-for-4, 1 run, 4 RBIs, and his 7th homerun. Set the Grand Slam record. Unfortunately, there was no cross promotion to feed me Denny’s. So this is what they call depression.

Darin Ruf – 1-for-3, 1 run, 2 RBI’s. Ahh, Ruf, just the way your mother likes it Trebek. I don’t care if I’ve used that line before. In fact, it’s really the only reason why I mention Darin Ruf. I hope he does something next Friday so I can do it again.

CC Sabathia — 7.0 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks. If something ever happened to either Sabathia or Pablo Sandoval, I’m not sure what I would do with myself and my collection of fat jokes. Oh, wait. Nevermind. There’s always Prince Fielder. He’s so fat, that when he puts on eye-black, he uses a paint roller. HURRRR.

Max Scherzer — 6.0 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. Great year buddy. I appreciate it. (Unlike Rizzo’s blurb, which was at Sarcasm Alert: Red.)

I give you, Max Scherzer’s year in GIF form…

Alfonso Soriano — 2-for-3, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 33rd homerun. Remember when I said this? “Coincidence that he’s hit a home run every Friday since I started covering the weekend shift? Well, yeah, of course. What, you think I have some kind of super power that allows him to hit a home run every Friday, but only on the days that I write Daily Notes? What kind of stupid power is that? I want to fly. Or throw trains.” So yeah, this is getting kinda freaky. I’m not really going to test the whole flying thing or picking up a moving train, but if you do own Soriano, you may call me– hero!

Denard Span — 2-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs. Oh my, a Denard Span sighting? It’s been, like what, the whole season? *Flips through post history. Yep, pretty much.

B.J. Upton and Justin Upton — 1-for-4, 1 run. As you know, if you’ve been spending your Saturday’s lurking here, I’ve been combining the Upton brother’s lines since they both belong in the same category. I call that category — the Jacksonville Jaguars.

This is what would happen if the Upton brothers were pizza. 

If you don’t know where this comes from, you’re dead to me.

Neil Walker — 1-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI, and his 12th homerun. What? A Denard Span AND Neil Walker sighting? What’s next? Stigmata?

Jered Weaver — Was scratched from his scheduled start with tightness in his forearm. I know that feel man. Just look at my browsing history.

Jayson Werth — 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs. Certainly proving his Werth these last few months, amiright? *High-five. Hey, hey bro, don’t leave me hanging. Right here, up top buddy. High-five me now. NOW. Sigh. I hate my life.

David Wright — 2-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs, and his 17th homerun. Sans the hamstring issue, has put up a great year. Eager to see where he’s drafted next season.

Jordan Zimmermann — 9.0 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks. The Nationals have one of the best schedules to end the season, so I’m buying everything they have for the stretch run.

Jaywrong is a 30-year old Korish writer who finds solace using Makers Mark as a vehicle to impress women, and also has an affinity for making Jennifer Lawrence GIFs. You can follow him @jaywrong, read his blog Desultory Thoughts of a Longfellow, or, you can find his GIFs at his tumblr, named Siuijeonseo.

  1. Keith says:

    Dude, Weaver line was hilarious.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:

      @Keith: thanks. Tales of the single life…

  2. The Dredd Pirate says:

    SON say Haren is a $19 @Mia you feel confident in streaming him?

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:

      @The Dredd Pirate: Yeah, I’m okay with that start.

  3. BucLover says:

    Jay, do you agree with my pick of six keepers next year. 7×6 roto (H,OPS, QS)?
    My team-(at least the notables)
    Posey, E5, B.Phillips, Machado, Hardy, Bogaerts, McCutchen, Bruce, Carpenter, Lind, Gennett,

    Cole, M.Moore, Latos, Minor

    I’m thinking my keepers should be Posey, E5, Machado, McCutchen, Bruce, Cole

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:

      @BucLover: I’m leaning Xander over Bruce. I’m a fan.

  4. Ein Geist der Verschwundenen says:

    I had posted this on your last old thread when the comments were not up yet on this one…

    I retract nothing .. to include all spelling and typing errors

    My Dearest Mr. Jay Wrong: The lengths “they (the evil one)” stoop to in attempting to prevent your FBB greatness from shining through is outrageous …

    They might as well try and block out the sun as to try and block out this website’s Star of the Show IMO..

    I see your “This Is (Almost) The End My Only Friend” thread was not even allocated a comment section – out of outright meanness probably.. What else is there here at RazzBall – excepting bad FBB advice and paranoia???? – Needless to say, withstanding the wonderful you, Mr Wrong…

    You are my latter day FBB Titan Prometheus ,Mr Worng… You have taken me – a humble hunk of clay – molded me into a man and along with your gift of fire (inner) you have created a fantasy winner (maybe??? – another story – close race now)

    Don’t let the false gods of FBB in the RazzBall Towers arrest you and chain you to a stake on the roof where your forever regenerating liver will fed upon daily by the Tower’s pigeons …

    *** Speaking of livers **** Noticed you commented on Makers Mark… For much less $$$s – Trader Joes has it for 21$$$ I prefer “Bulleit Rye” – great viscosity (a must for me in whiskies/bourbons) and superior flavors .. Often rated best buy in Bourbons for a reason..

    Blanton’s Single Barrel – pricey But worth it and is Great Stuff, – My Fav … Super at coating on the pallet and consistent — I have not found it possesses the bottle variation found in “Booker’s” (another pricey great – capable of creating massive olfactory memories – if the tumblers click right – somewhat disappointing when they do not – It is barrel strength too)

    Lagavulin Scotch is a personal fav that has batch variations (for a different reason) – But don’t like the bitter water finishes of all Scotch – when I can have a bourbon instead — Never had a barrel strength Scotch – that might solve the problem – They are beginning to come out…

    Barrel Strength is something to look for in Bourbons – Blanton’s is watered down for some reason… Would like it better hotter, I think..

    I must fade away now to the Other World of the disappeared,now.. *** The Other World is dry by the way…

    Good Luck and Thanks

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:

      @Ein Geist der Verschwundenen: So yeah, not sure what happened to the comment section. Grey told me he forgot to do something, but maybe there’some truthness going on. The mustache has finally met it’s match perhaps?

      Good tips on that. I’m heading over to Trader Joe’s tomorrow to check that one out.

  5. Scooterboy says:

    I need some advice. I’m going into tomorrow leading 6-4 in a 10 category league with AVG. the tie breaker. Currently I am leading in WHIP 1.008 to my opponents 1.029 . I’m behind in ERA 2.766 to 2.382. My question is, I possibly have 4 starters who could pitch tomorrow night. They are Greinke, Teheran, Anibal Sanchez, and Dickey. My opponent as of now has no starters going. Should I start all, or only a couple, or none at all. I’m worried I might end up losing Whip if my starters fail on me. I know this may be a stupid question. I don’t post here often. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:

      @Scooterboy: if you’re safe with the wins or innings, I’d sit em all. Totally not a stupid question.

  6. Aaron from Indonesia says:

    Waiver wire SS rest of season:

    Dee Gordon, Scooter Gennett, Villar (who I dropped for Gordon like an idiot), Semien, Elliot Johnson?, Ed Lucas.?

    Looking for Runs and SB.


  7. Alex says:

    You want culberson over scutaro or lemahieu next year in deep 5×5 dynasty? 2b elig

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:

      @Alex: leaning Scutaro right now. Pretty close though.

  8. TobiasFunkeAnalRapist says:

    Would you drop Alex Gordon for Matt Adams? Gordon appears to be in one of his cold streaks he’s been fond of this year and Adams is on fire right now. Plus if I grab Adams it would block the guy I’m playing in the ship from grabbing him. He’s a huge Cardinals fan. Thanks.

    • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:

      @TobiasFunkeAnalRapist: if dude is huge cardinals fan he (or semi-knowledgable or better st.louisan) would’ve picked up adams right around the time craig went out; unless this is like an 8 team league, where everyone’s entire rosters are pretty much possible all star teams.

  9. John says:

    You think Derek Norris can be a top-30 C next year?

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:

      @John: with 15 hr potential, yeah, I think that’s a bar he can pass.

  10. Matt says:

    I need to start 2 of these this week

    Iwakuma (vs. KC)
    Burnett (at CIN)
    Quintana (vs. KC, vs. TOR)
    Morton (at CHC, at CIN)

    And since prado sucks at hitting now and need AVG, who in the final week here:

    Blackmon, Culberson, Jay

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:

      @Matt: I’d go with Burnett and Quintana. And leaning Blackmon.

Comments are closed.