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The Norm MacDonald death hit me hard and I went down a two-hour rabbit hole of old clips of him, and it was the best waste of two hours. This clip was one of my favorites (don’t ask me to choose my favorite, it would be like choosing my favorite child if I had children — though, honestly, it doesn’t seem that hard to choose a favorite child. You have, say, three kids, you can’t choose one that you like more? That feels like a you problem more than a them problem, anyway.). Bonus is Bob Einstein is in it, and we recently lost him too:
— Votto ? (@VottoPlantEmoji) September 14, 2021
“Little did it matter; Croce would be dead within a year.” I am slayed. Well, thanks for indulging me. Now on a completely unrelated subject, Lewin Diaz! Have people been burned bad (bad Leroy Brown) by Marlins’ rookies? Jazz has been fine. What’s the problem here? I like Jesus Sanchez, no one seems to agree. I like Lewin Diaz (2-for-4, and two homers), no one else does. It seems at least. He now has five homers in 60 plate appearances, and that’s coming off a 20-homer Triple-A season (that was in 74 games). For 2022, does Lewin Diaz get the 1st base job? Not sure with Jesus Aguilar. If the NL gets the DH, then that might be moot. For this year, he’s a power corner man, but Lewin Diaz in 2022 fantasy could be an easy 30-homer guy, who might hit .220. If he gets enough junk, he might get 35+ homers. Guess you could say he hits junk yard, dog. Not the meanest of dogs, though. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Lane Thomas – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 1 RBI. Lane Thomas notched his 13th extra-base hit in 117 plate appearances; Victor Robles had 24 in 369 plate appearances or 369 cries of agony from those who drafted Victor Robles at his 125th overall ADP.
Joe Ryan – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.12. Took a comebacker off his wrist and he has a contusion. Really need him to take his next turn. Live with me for a second: In one deeper mixed league, I’m in 2nd place and the only place I can make up any ground is getting innings. Only problem is I can’t stream because it’s deep and I only four more waiver wire pickups. In that league, I had Joe Ryan, and I really need him to throw another 25 IP this year. Otherwise, I’m donning a potato sack as I look at grabbing guys like Mike Minor.
Triston McKenzie – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.28. Two 120-pound Strong Beans together would make ’em too farty.
Noah Syndergaard – Will throw batting practice today. I put his name into a Mets Injury Generator and it spit back at me, “He will pitch one game in relief, then inexplicably he will be allowed to bat and hurt his shoulder on a swing.”
Javier Baez – 2-for-2, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 31st homer. This was his 10th career two-walk game. His last was on September 1st, 2019. When I used to walk around saying things like, “The only mask I wear is my love for the movie, Mask, the Rocky Dennis Story.”
Tyler O’Neill – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .280. Ya know what I just realized? O’Neill is not only the Cards’ number three hitter, but he makes sense as their three-hole hitter.
Tim Anderson – 1-for-5 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “I didn’t challenge Hank, in Accounting, to a fight. I whispered my challenge into a bottle and rolled the bottle to him. Does that really still count?”
Lucas Giolito – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.77, as he was activated from the IL. Like Kershaw on Monday and any big-name starter returning from the IL in the middle of September, do you have a category in your league called, Name Value? Because that’s all they’re bringing.
Andrew Vaughn – Hit the IL with “Let’s get him some rest before the playoffs.” It magically heals in two weeks.
Luis Robert – 2-for-3, 3 runs and his 8th homer, hitting .349. I know we don’t need more fuel on the LouBob fire, but he’s hitting around .375 since he returned with 7 HRs in roughly a month.
Jared Walsh – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 27th homer, hitting .272. Okay, I trust he’s out of his funk now, I don’t need him getting 30 homers on the year and putting blinkers on himself for next year’s drafters.
Giancarlo Stanton – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 28th homer. Thank you, daddy, may I have one more!
Joey Gallo – 1-for-4 and his 34th homer. Also, in this game, Aaron Judge (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 34th homer. The last two Yankees to hit their 34th homers in the same game were Barry Pepper and Thomas Jane.
DJ LeMahieu – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 10th homer, hitting .271. You know I’ve never been a fan but his numbers don’t look that bad. Sorry, been doing this thing where I stare at Cody Bellinger’s stats for an hour straight in the morning so everything else looks great.
Jesse Winker – Began a rehab assignment and might return by this weekend and that was when I closed a few extraneous porn windows and looked to see if Winker was dropped in any of my leagues.
Dillon Peters – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.66. Who loves you more than me? No one. I even researched Dillon Peters to see if there was anything here. Google said, “Are you sure you don’t mean literally any other starter?” Incredibly, Streamonator is positive for his next start, and, ya know what, I could see it.
David Bednar – Hit the IL with “the Pirates don’t want Bednar to get saves because they’re cheap bastards.” This gives Chris Stratton the inside track on saves because no matter how many saves he gets his contract price will never go up.
Zack Greinke – 5 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 3.94, as he was activated from the Covid IL. Ironically, Covid and 19 were the 18th and 19th words he said this year. That might not be irony.
Jake Odorizzi – Hit the IL with foot soreness. *dressed as Clarence from It’s a Wonderful Life* Cristian Javier, I want to show you what your life would be like in the Astros’ rotation. For like two weeks.
Adolis Garcia – 3-for-4, , 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 30th homer, hitting .249. Was trying to think of the most ridiculous “either or” for him and the best I have for 2022: Adolis or Arozarena? They’re essentially tomato-tomahto for this year.
DJ Peters – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, 2nd homer in the last four games. He’ll be in this Friday’s Buy column, which will be released later today on the Patreon.
Nate Lowe – 1-for-2, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting…Guess. You know Lowe’s struggled and averages are, uh, low, so guess his average. I can usually get within fifteen points of everyone, I would’ve been 50 points away from Lowe. He’s hitting .262.
Jordan Lyles – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks. Such a great year he’s having. I’m just messin’ with you, he has a 5.20 ERA.
Tony Gonsolin – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.47. Not that I don’t like Gonsolin. I love Gonsolin, but he threw 67 pitches. Against a better team and he’s a four-inning pitcher.
Trea Turner – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (22) and legs (28), hitting .318. A’la Private Dancer, “You’re my Treat Urner, an Urner for money.”
Seth Beer – Out for the year after dislocating shoulder. Has Beer tried back at the bar?
Ketel Marte – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, and 2nd homer in three games, hitting .325. My love for Ketel has not chilled one bit this year. (Marte, not the vodka.)
Anthony DeSclafani – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.24. Someone brought up in the comments that DeSkaFani is pitching for a team that just clinched, so he might not go that deep, and it struck a note (a note of Ska?) and did worry me, but I only have him in weekly leagues, so it was too late anyway. Luckily!
Buster Posey – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 18th homer, hitting .302. From Fani to Posey, we’re touching all the bases!
Bobby Dalbec – 1-for-3, and his 22nd homer, and, like, his 27th homer in the last two weeks. Find a schmotatoey schmotato that’s hotter than Bobby Dalbec. I’ll wait (I won’t wait).
Drew Rasmussen – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.00. The early bird catches the side of his desk with his foot when he thinks about streaming Rasmussen, but chickens out. Streamonator doesn’t like his next start, but it’s so hard to find any streamers, I may just be desperate enough.
Ji-Man Choi – 2-for-3 and his 10th homer. I honestly thought he might’ve just returned from the IL because I hadn’t mentioned him in a while, but he just hadn’t done anything worth mentioning.
Salvador Perez – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs (109!) and his 43rd homer, hitting .275. Guys and five ladies, he’s only two homers behind the most homers every hit by a full-time catcher, Bench with 45. Guess that makes Sal a real SonavaBench.
Frankie Montas – 3 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.72. Without looking up one single thing, I’m gonna say Montas always gets hit when he’s supposed to be in a good matchup.
Trevor Story – 1-for-3 and his 22nd homer, hitting .247. Appreciate him picking up in the last week (4 HRs). That would’ve been a Story best told in May.
Brendan Rodgers – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .281. He’s been the starter for the better part of the season, but have I been burned by Bud (Bud Leroy Black) too many times, or does it feel like Rodgers will have to earn a starting job in camp next year vs. someone like Jose Iglesias?
Adam Duvall – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 35th homer. Yup, that was the totally random outfielder to draft and hold all year against your better judgment.
Vince Velasquez – Released by the Phils. Backdate this to 2017.
Patrick Wisdom – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 26th homer. This homer was in Philly, so that game was wit’ Wisdom.
Freddy Peralta – 6 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.57 vs. Wily Peralta – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.32. This matchup was billed as “Two Peraltas enter, and neither are Jhonny. The Peraltas: Sundays after football on Fox.”
Ryan Braun – Officially retired. Lots of people will be talking about Ryan Braun’s legacy and how what he did early in his career was unforgivable, but I say isn’t it time we all forgive him for his line of Affliction t-shirts. On second thought, I can’t forgive him. Those shirts were hideous.
Ryan Braun Please Also Retire That Shirt
