“Mr. Roboto,” is Rudy singing to his computer screen about his robots. I say, “Rudy, what is your favorite robot?” Rudy says, “Well, I have the Pigskinonator for fantasy football, the Streamonator for streaming pitchers, the Stocktononator for fantasy basketball and the Friendonator to find a replacement for you. I guess the Friendonator would have to be my favorite.” That’s pretty cool, Rudy, thanks. So, my favorite robot of his, since I don’t follow any of those other sports is, the Streamonator. Something about a sad, lonely robot sitting at a roadside diner unable to eat peach pie because it will rust itself. Its only solace is picking the best starters of the day over the din of Roy Orbison. Sad and metallic, “Pretty woman, working down the street.” Plus, the Streamonator had me loving Jordan Montgomery (5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.63) yesterday, and loves, loves, lurves his next one vs. the Rangers. Of course, I love Jordan outside of matchups — no JoMo! What’s odd (to me, at least); Jordan Montgomery’s peripherals — 9.3 K/9, 2.9 BB/9, 3.56 FIP, 1.25 WHIP — and his team should have everyone thinking of Jordan Montgomery for 2022 fantasy in a better light than he deserves, but I get the sense people think less of him. No idea why that is, maybe it’s his stuff — 92.5 MPH fastball, reliant on curve and change — maybe it’s something else. Perhaps Rudy has a robot to tell us why people think how they do, like a Brainonator. “Yes, but it doesn’t work on you.” That hurts, Rudy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ryan Mountcastle – 1-for-5 and his 29th homer. “I’m a proper home run hitter, innit?” said the very British Mountcastle.
Salvador Perez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 45th homer, tying Johnny Bench’s catcher record.
“After putting up the greatest offensive catcher season ever, I will explain why I voted Salvador Perez over Vlad Jr. and Ohtani.” — a BBWAA member in November
— Razzball (@Razzball) September 16, 2021
Daniel Lynch – Removed from his start with calf tightness. Sounds like bull.
Josh Harrison – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, hitting .295, and batting leadoff. Searched on Fantrax waivers in my RCL league, and saw Josh Harrison and didn’t pick him up, because I’m a big dope. Also, he won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because, as I just said, I’m dumb.
Paul Blackburn – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.94. Too bad Fiers is out with an injury, he’d be a nice opener for Blackburn.
Dietrich Enns – 4 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 3.15, as he followed Head for the Rays. Also, a solid combo for a mom calling out supper. Ya know, it’s time to Head/Enns. Sorry, bad pun, but until he’s traded to the O’s, it’s what we have. Traded to the O’s for who? What, you don’t think D. Enns justify the Means?
Mike Zunino – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 31st homer. If Sal Perez wasn’t Mr. Electric, we might be talking about how Zunino is the greatest gift to catchers since Johnny Bench.
Yandy Diaz – 2-for-4 and his 11th homer. Yandy Diaz, who hits the ball at a negative seven launch angle, or directly into the dirt in front of the plate, is having a better season than Cody Bellinger. I’m going to put on some LuLaRoe leggings and crawl into the bottom of a Ponzi scheme until I’m dead broke.
Tyler Alexander – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.13. He was on the mound for the Tigers, and all I could think was that he should change his name to Toyle Alexander. *coughs* showing my age *cough* By the way, for this joke, I went to look at Doyle Alexander’s player page, and his career K/9 in 3367 2/3 IP was 4.1! HA! He had a 201-inning season with a 2.6 K/9. I’m dying.
Niko Goodrum – 2-for-3 and his 7th homer. At no point this year did Goodrum have a good run.
Matt Duffy – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer and 2nd homer in the last two days. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because he’s here right now. Hot schmotato alert!
Willson Contreras – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer, hitting .228. Remember when people thought this guy was a top three catcher? By “remember,” I mean in March, and “by people” I mean me.
Kyle Hendricks – 3 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.81. He was cruising along for the first three-plus innings until the narrative of this year with him sucking caught up to him in the 4th, and things unraveled like an ugly Christmas sweater.
Bryce Harper – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 33rd homer, hitting .314. He missed a 2nd home run by about four inches, or how big the lifts are in my shoes.
Glenn Otto – 3 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 9.37. Otto, man, got walked over.
Framber Valdez – Scratched yesterday with a cut on his finger. Sounds like scratching’s what got ya in that mess. Dusty, through his toothpick, said that Framber can return on Monday, but there’ no reason to rush him back, so we’ll see. Or not. Your choice!
Luis Garcia – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.37. I’m pretty excited to watch the playoffs and all of those bullpen games.
Carlos Correa – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 23rd homer, hitting .280. He reminded me of another soon-to-be free agent shortstop, and I was wondering who was higher on the Player Rater, Correa or Story. So, I looked, and they’re essentially the same. Boy, that’s anticlimactic!
Carlos Rodon – Expected to make only two more regular season starts as the White Sox start to line up their playoff rotation, and even those two final starts might be abbreviated. If you needs Wins, it’s a good time to start looking at who might be entering the game in the 4th inning of all games. Yes, this is the time of the year when Aaron Ashby can be more valuable than a guy who will garner Cy Young votes.
Reynaldo Lopez – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.00. Aaron Ashby is more of a state of mind. I mean for the White Sox guys like Aaron Bummer, Crochet and Kopech. As for Rey-Lo, Streamonator didn’t like this start, and doesn’t like his next one, and, after yesterday, I’d struggle to start him, but would prolly if my back was against the wall.
Luis Rengifo – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. As he rounded the bases, he yelled, “You can’t spell Rengifo without G the F O!” to the confusion of the crowd in attendance.
Jose Rojas – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Thank God this guy never became a thing this year. Shuddering at the thought of getting comments like, “Do you like Rojas?” “Which Rojas?” “The outfielder.” “Which outfielder Rojas?” “J. Rojas.” “Which J. Rojas?” “Jo. Rojas.” “Which Jo. Rojas?” “Jos. Rojas.”
Alex Cobb – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.59, as he was activated from the IL. “You got Corn-Cobb’d!” That’s Rengifo still. Is he having a break from reality? So, Cobb’s had a decent season, but hasn’t seen any real action since July, so, I don’t know, maybe he’s fresh, but I wouldn’t want to be risking my season on a start from Alex Cobb. Streamonator agrees, for what it’s Cronenworth.
Kevin Gausman – 5 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.78. So, what, is he, like, tired now? Because that’s not cool. Doesn’t he know my H2H playoffs are more important than the Giants’ playoffs? Does he know this? How do I get this information to him? Western Union?
Evan Longoria – 2-for-4 and his 13th homer. He’s been hot yadda3. Incredibly, he’s hitting .296 on the year. In a good year, he was a .265 hitter. Gene, the Giants’ genie, is working overtime. Really hope the Giants are paying Gene a livable wage. He could’ve wished for it, but he’s using those wishes all up on Longo, Ruf, Wilmer and the rest of that cast of characters.
Alex Wood – There’s “a good chance” he returns on Saturday. When Alex was asked if he’s ready to return, he Wood not say. I’m so sorry to drag you through that for that terrible play on words.
Fernando Tatis Jr. – 2-for-3, and his 39th homer. Just had an interesting thought, Fun the Jewels is better than Fernando Tatis Sr. by many, many levels of greatness, right? So what if each iteration of a Tatis was that amount better than the previous one? So, Fernando Tatis Jr. Jr. will be many, many times better than Tatis Jr. and Fernando Tatis Jr. Jr. Jr. will be many, many times better than Tatis Jr. Jr. Therefore, one day, Tatis Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. will hit 12 homers and steal 12 bags in each game.
Tyler Mahle – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.59. Since this was the only early morning game, I had the joy of watching the Reds/Pirates. Elias Sports Bureau said I was the only person on earth watching this game. Was pretty cool to be included in one of their factoids.
Connor Overton – 3 IP, 0 ER in his 1st start. The Pirates pitching is not good, but throwing Overton, who is really bad, makes the other starters appear better. Pirates: The masters of shifting the Overton window.