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Juan Soto was sent to the Padres for MacKenzie Gore, C.J. Abrams, Robert Hassell III, James Wood and Jarlin Susana. To quote someone talking to the last person, “Oh, Susana.” That was only 18 months ago! I’m Mr. Trade Prospects For Now. That is me! And A.J. Preller is my father. Call me Trade Prospects For Now because he’s Mr. Trade Prospects For Now. Any hoo! Let’s talk about James Wood because it’s time to stash. His pockmarked face has brought credence to roles as varied as (voice) in Stuart Little and someone in Ray Donovan, I’ve never seen it. He was damn good in Salvador and Ghosts of Mississippi, though isn’t it weird how no one counts Mississippis in Mississippi? Hunh, anyway, he seems too old to be a prospect–[intern whispers in ear] The Nats didn’t trade for the 77-year-old, two-time Oscar nominee? Oh, I see. So, the 21-year-old prospect James Wood is the Truth. I know we said this for Langford and Chourio and others. I get it. And maybe Wood will flame-out in his first taste of the majors, because his contact isn’t great (29.2% Whiff%, 27.3% O-Swing, 46.9% O-Contact). Everything else is goofy good — 58.7% HardHit%, 94.6 MPH avg EV, 109.5 MPH 90th% EV, 115.3 Max EV. On top of his 40-homer power? He has speed for 20+ steals. He was top 5 for Itch’s top 25 prospects, and he will be number one if he’s not called up, but that’s why we’re here: He could be up at any moment. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

PSYCHE! This post was released on Wednesday for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:

BUY

Yasmani Grandal – If you asked me if I had Grandal shares, I’d be lying if I said I have Yasmani, but he has been one of the top catchers on the 7-Day Player Rater.

David Fry – In the past week, we’ve seen a few Fry flies fly far, sincerely Frau Fraufein from Frankfurt formerly Freddy Fermin.

Jake Bauers – Accidentally wrote his name as Jack Bauers, and I remembered an interaction I had many years ago. I was working on a movie, and I answered the phone, and the person told me their name and said they wanted to talk to my boss, so I said, “Key-for? How do you spell that?” And they were like, “It’s Keifer Sutherland, you idiot!”

Carlos Santana – Last year, he went 23/6/.240. Granted, those numbers are not twisting your nipples and calling you sexy, but difference between him and Vlad Jr. might be thirty points on average. That is Sad Guerrero Jr.

Luke Raley – Last year, he went 19/14/.249. Difference between that and Vlad–Okay, I’ll leave Vlad alone for now.

Connor Joe – Where’d he come from? (A womb? Guessing here.) Where’d he go? (2-for-4 out of the three-hole. Oh, where not what? Gotcha.)

Jonathan Aranda – Worked his way back to the majors this week, and maybe he shows something soon, but, for his career, he has been woofing up the doghouse in the majors. Just showing nothing.

Andy Ibanez – Been a hot bat, and for the last week plus iBanez hasn’t just been a bathroom in a Latin America Apple Store.

Abraham Toro – Most of these guys are hot schmotatoes that are interchangeable, but Toro has an outside chance for a top 100 season on the Player Rater, i.e., Toro’s been fintastic.

Davis Schneider – There’s two types of Little League coaches. 1. Plays his kid every game in a good spot in the lineup, even though the kid sucks. 2. Works his kid extra hard, and gives the kid nothing easy. The second one is the Jays’ manager. Davis Schneider has been the Jays’ most consistently solid hitter going back to August of last year and John Schneider still platoons him.

Paul DeJong – Colonel Mustard with a loosey at a bodega!

Edmundo Sosa – Has been hot? Yes, the good news! Taking some of Stott’s at-bats away? Yes, the bad news!

Otto Lopez – With the loss of Arraez, I thought Brujan would be the Miami pickup, but it turned out to be Otto Lopez, who sounds like he has a very interesting family history from the time his family moved to South America in, say, 1945-ish. Otto has a little bit of power, nice speed and is hitting .282 with neutral luck.

Ezequiel Duran – He was perfectly respectable last year (14/8/.276), and fell behind some quote-unquote top prospects this year. Well, after a full month of Ezequiel putting roofies in Wyatt and Carter’s Gatorade, Duran’s finally getting playing time.

Junior Caminero – Also, could’ve wrote to stash Coby Mayo, and I just gave you my Coby Mayo fantasy last week. Who’s coming first: Caminero, Wood, Mayo? Mayo, Wood, Caminero? Wood, Paneled, Camaro? You get the point? I have no idea who is coming first.

Kevin Pillar – Fun fact! Best descriptor of Pillar is statuesque.

Eddie Rosario – So, I jumped in with both feet to grab Rosario this past week when he got hot. Maybe he never sees his glory years of 2019 with the bouncey ball, but he has years of 27-ish homers, 10-ish steals and a .266 career average in 4100+ plate appearances.

Sal Frelick – How many Frelicks does it take to get to the middle of a Tootsie Roll pop? No idea, ask him. Why are you asking me?

Leody Taveras – See what I said for Ezequiel and replace roofie with crushed Ambien.

Brenton Doyle – Big year for guys who sound like they’re British snack foods. Colton Cowser, move your crisps over, we have Brenton Doyle’s Very Serious Nibbles!

Dairon Blanco – He has great speed and old heads can pronounce his first name like they’re Hans and Franz.

Jonny DeLuca – Earned himself a full-time job for the Rays, which means he’ll play once a week and get sent down by June. He has shown remarkable pateince at the plate, and has power/speed.

Willi Castro – He’s on pace for 12/20/.260, which isn’t exactly running on stage at Chippendale’s screaming, “My Willi’s so good!” but it’s rosterable in most leagues.

LaMonte Wade Jr. – With Conforto and Jung Hoo Lee going down, someone needs to step up and the Giants can’t rely on Heliot Ramos. (I’m kidding, they can’t rely on LaMonte Wade Jr. either or anyone in their lineup. Giants Acquire A Decent Bat Challenge: Impossible.) Oh, and Heliot Ramos is playing everyday too. He has very light power and speed and might hit .190.

Luis Matos – Here’s what I said the other day when Jung Hoo Lee went down, “(Matos) is an excellent prospect who has never been excellent. You know how that goes. 30/30 guy who might go 1/3/.190 over the next two weeks.” And that’s me quoting me!

Jameson Taillon – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to its favorite comic book store.

Dean Kremer – This is also a Streamonator call. “Do you have The Iron Giant comics? I went to high school with him.”

Yennier Cano – Similar to how the ringing of a bell gets angels wings, every time Kimbrel goes into his McDonald’s Golden Arches pose before a pitch, a team loses its lead.

A.J. Puk – Bit of a deep league speculation since Marlins don’t get a lot of saves, but Tanner Scott’s out the door at some point. I have less faith in Puk than the administrator at Ellis Island, who saw his great-grandfather, and shortened Pukecowski to Puke then got elbowed to shorten that to Puk, but someone has to get saves if Scott’s gone.

Jalen Beeks – Said like Randolph and Mortimer Duke, “I’ll bet you one dollar you’ll wish you didn’t pick up Beeks for saves in shallow leagues.”

JoJo Romero – This week’s middle reliever is a shoutout to resident Bad Boy of Bullpens, JKJ. I asked him for a middle reliever suggestion and he told me to check out JoJo. YoYo, homeboy’s been hotter than a HoHo from Santa when he sees Mrs. Claus in a negligee.

SELL

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – I used to love the Jays. I painted on Blue Face and root, root, rooted for my beloved Jays. Now, I’m praying for a callback from Blue Man Group. No one told me this blue paint was permanent! Last week it was Pieceofchette and this week it’s Cake Batter. Boy, these guys stink. Unlike Pieceofchette, Cake’s Statcast actually looks good, but it always does! That’s his schtick! “Ooh, look how good my exit velo is! Ooh, check out my expected stats.” Get outta here with that shizz, man! Here’s the problem with Cake, he makes great contact if you want a line drive single to left field. He’s not a bad hitter, but a 25/7/.275 is very replaceable. I wouldn’t trade Vladimir Guerrero Jr. for a piece of gum from a pack of 1975 Topps cards, but I would look at our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.