[watches as a deli man lathers up a piece of white bread with the most drippingly moist mayonnaise anyone’s ever seen, a customer bites into it and mayonnaise drips down his mouth as he exhales ecstasy] Oh my God, that looks so good! What do you call it? [the customer wipes his mouth with an Orioles jersey] The Deli Man says, “That’s our Coby Mayo.” Well, I never considered myself a cannibal person, per se. I kinda turned my nose up at that sorta thing. A prude, one might say! But I see Coby Mayo has, like, one homer every third game in Triple-A, a handful of steals and is hitting near-.300 and, brucely, I’m now intrigued in this local delicacy. A Coby Mayo on rye is too much to ask? Sorry, sorry! I will take a number at the counter and wait my turn. I will be buying a Coby Mayo though, so please hold one for me! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! This post was released on Wednesday for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
Danny Jansen – So, was between listing Jansen, a guy who is likely rostered in most leagues, or listing Jacob Stallings, who is unrostered and will continue to be no matter how many times I say he’s been hot. It’s not Jacob Vroomings for a reason.
Ivan Herrera – With The Hague looking into possible human rights violations with the Cards telling Contreras to move closer to the plate, Herrera will take over.
Jon Singleton – Recently, he’s been way more “Boyz n the Hood’s Jon Singleton” than “Jon Singleton from every movie after Boyz n the Hood.” RIP, but he would’ve wanted it kept real.
Tyler Nevin – I was accosted the other day by a Never Nevin, but I told him then as I tell you now, us NevinHeads will not be silenced! Then he punched me, which wasn’t cool.
Kyle Manzardo – Already gave you my Kyle Manzardo fantasy. It was written while telling Drake to bow out of this battle with Kendrick.
Nolan Schanuel – Just thought about how Schanuel is a lot like Ty France, looked at the Player Rater, and they were within spitting distance of each other. About to just start calling Schnauel and France, Champs De Elysee. Well, not aloud, because I can’t pronounce it.
Michael Massey – [Massey kneels in front of Maikel Garcia, Maikel touches both of Massey’s shoulders with the Sword of the Hot Schmotato] Go forth and schmotato!
Jorge Mateo – Saw Jorge Mateo doing well on the 7-day Player Rater, so looked up his stats, and he’s doing better than Bo Bichette. Eff me!
Vidal Brujan – As I said the other day, “With Arraez gone, I’m more interested in Brujan now. Oh, yeah, we’ve been down this road before. We cut through this road once a year it seems. Brujan has value! Woo hoo! Then you pick him up, and almost immediately want to drop him. He does have 40-steal speed, seems likely to play and is making incredible contact so far. Even William Buckley would be asking for more Vidal.” And that’s me quoting me!
Josh Rojas – He’s been better than Bichette too–Okay, gonna stop comparing guys to Bo Pieceofchette. Rojas is an old time fave of mine. He has power, speed and makes great contact. Will remain in a platoon, so you can’t set him and forget him as Ron Popeil would’ve wanted.
Wenceel Perez – On this week’s podcast, when we were talking about Wenceel, I started confusing in my head Wenceel and the phrase “Since he’ll” and very nearly lost it. “Since he’ll” turn into a pumpkin at some point, you should grab him before it happens.
Nick Gordon – His brother, Dee Strange-Gordon, honored their mother by adding Strange, her last name, to his. Well, Nick’s power display in the last week should have Dee honoring him by taking his name too. Thus, becoming Dee-Nick Strange-Gordon or Dee Gordon-Strange-Gordon. His choice.
Jose Caballero – The funniest is the people who are taking victory laps for drafting Caballero late, when they absolutely did it because of the Spring Training narrative was he’d have more power this year, and all his value has come from his speed.
Ceddanne Rafaela – There’s a few guys I love way more than I should considering how much they’ve done so far, and Ceddanne is near the top of that list.
Zach Neto – Like half of the Angels’ lineup, Neto is on pace for a 25+ steal season. All hail Ron Washington. I said hail, Ron! Not snow! Take it easy!
Abraham Toro – This might be my imagination but the A’s have cornered the, uh, corner infielder market on 15/5/.240 hitters. J.D. Davis? Yes. Brett Harris? Uh, sure. Toro? Yes. Nevin? Prolly, yeah.
Brett Baty – See what I said for Ceddanne. I’m batty for Baty!
Patrick Wisdom – Somehow, the Cubs don’t have a bad lineup but find room to give Wisdom at-bats every year. Not smart, but Wisdom.
Junior Caminero – Can’t suppress his service time much longer, can they? (Prolly can, sadly.)
Jonny DeLuca – Every year the Rays seem to make a new Josh Lowe. If I had to put odds on who this year’s Josh Lowe was going to be I’d say DeLuca, but kinda because of a lack of options on the Rays. It’s not Caballero; he’s headed for a 7/30 season, which isn’t Lowe-like at all, but valuable.
JJ Bleday – “It was a good Bleday…” That’s Ice Cube looking at his team.
Leody Taveras – “May you rise above the fray and embody the hot schmotato forever, Leody.” For fantasy baseball and Heaven’s Gate peeps.
Logan Allen – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to the radio station. One word of warning about the SON calls this week, I don’t trust them at all. There were just no great options on Saturday and Sunday.
Emerson Hancock – This is also a Streamonator call. “No, I’m not talking like a robot because I want to hear Mr. Roboto. It’s insulting and triggering and want you to stop playing it.”
Yennier Cano – Gotta think the Orioles are going to want to not lose games in the 9th inning, but we shall see!
Alex Vesia – The great thing about grabbing Vesia, instead of say Daniel Hudson or Blake Treinen, is anyone with a Vesia gets preferential electrical car parking. On a side note, you can call him Alexus Vesia if you like.
Alex Lange – Tigers inexplicably went to Foley as closer to start the year, and now they should go back to Lange. Mostly because I would find it funny how aggravated people would be who drafted Lange.
John Schreiber – Usually when I give you these middle reliever pickups, I try to stick to guys who are just wipe-out nasty doing dirty dance moves after they strikeout the opposing hitters. Not players who might get saves soon. Schreiber sounds like someone who shakes their head by the bar and won’t dance at a wedding, forget a nasty K Dance. With that said, ratio results have been excellent so far and McArthur has stumbled a bit recently.
SELL
Bo Bichette – A BDon apparition is floating above me, sneering between cackles. Okay, BDon apparition, I get it! Bichette is broken! Are you happy? BDon apparition, “I’m only happy when I’m golfing–” Okay, BDon apparition! We know! You have a great handicap! Ugh! So, Boba Chette looks damaged beyond repair. He’s hitting everything in the ground at roughly 16 MPH or in the air about as far as 2nd base. Here:
That’s not where you want to see red. He can turn it around to a certain extent, because he has been a bit unlucky, but the upside is what? What Luis Rengifo is doing? Oh, man, that is the saddest sentence I’ve ever typed. I wouldn’t trade Bo Bichette for a CD of the top 100 Wal-Mart greeters’ greetings, but I would look at our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.
