You know how people write stuff on a grain of rice.  With that in mind, on Rich Hill‘s blister this is written, “Took a whole lot of tryin’ to get up that Hill — R.I.P. Sherman Hemsley.  I can’t believe I not only had room on this grain for an inspirational quote, but also room to attribute the quote to the wrong person and to also add in this meta comment about my inspirational quot–”  Damn, he wasn’t able to fit everything.  That’s the worst.  That’s like when you’re writing a birthday card to someone and you start writing a note only to get to the end and need to start writing super-tiny and curved to fit it in.  And that’s not the first time you’ve heard your curve is super-tiny.  Rich Hill was perfect on Saturday — 7 IP, 0 ER, 0 baserunners, 9 Ks — but, to be honest, Hill has been perfect for the last two years (though only 29 IP last year).  This year, 1.80 ERA, 0.96 WHIP with a 10.4 K/9 and 1.74 ERA over the past two years.  So, ya know, your usual ace you get about 120 IP from.  For 2017, it’s going to be hard to rank him much below the top 25 with the caveat that you’re only getting him for three to four months.  Makes you wish rice grains were just a tad bigger to fit all of the superlatives on there for Rich Hill.  Know what I mea– Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Scott Kazmir – Done for the year with thoracic spine inflammation.  “At least it’s not a blister,” said no one but Rich Hill.

A.J. Ramos – 1/3 IP and a save.  Mattingly won’t commit to a closer, between Fernando Rodney and Ramos.  I would commit, and his name is Kyle Barracuda.  This guy is insane.  In 66 1/3 IP, he has 102 Ks.  Um, hello, Barcalounger, don’t mind if I recline in your ridunk Ks and cushiony ratios.

Jose Urena – 8 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.89.  It’s almost like he did this to rub in my face his last start vs. the Phils where Urethra looked pee poor.

Starling Marte – Still out with back spasms.  Sadly, I think Marte’s final stat line is going to be plus or minus about .0001% from where it sits now.  I.e., Shizz ain’t gonna change much.  I before E except in Teixeira, Marte’s not going to play much the rest of the way.

Josh Harrison – Pirates’ GM said Harrison’s groin injury was significant.  He didn’t add if it was significant compared to the groin itself.

Brandon Finnegan – 5 IP, 0 ER, 10 baserunners (5 BBs), 7 Ks.  Finnegan’s walks didn’t come back to haunt him, which sounds like a line from a Frank McCourt novel.

A.J. Pollock – Out with a strained left groin.  How many groins does he have?!  Oh, God, don’t tell me!  Sounds like Pollock’s done.  Too bad, they just rounded up a few more Pollocks to screw in a light bulb.

Denard Span – 1-for-5 and his 10th homer.  For those that took the over on Denard Span and Ben Revere would combine to have seven homers, just go collect your money already.

Matt Moore – 7 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 4.08, and 4.05 on the San Fran.  Moore might be the first person to ever go from the AL East to the NL West and make it look just as difficult.  Says a lot about Moore actually.  Says he is so unpredictable you never know what you’re going to get.

Hunter Strickland – 1 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 baserunners, 2 Ks and his 3rd save.  On Friday, Bochy announced that Santiago Casilla would no longer be the closer.  He said it’s been on the top of his mind for a while, and the top of his mind is two feet from his mouth.  Sergio Romo worked a third of an inning and gave up a run yesterday, so my best guess, and it is a guess, Strickland will get the Giants saves.  This is by no means a definite.  Cory Gearrin could be in the mix, as well.  SAGNOF to your heart’s desire.

Zack Greinke – 6 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.54.  Excellent start (if you’re Dave Stewart, Tony La Russa and anyone else wearing ‘Zona-colored glasses).

Lorenzo Cain – Shut down for a week, likely done for the season.  Wasn’t a memorable season for Cain, but it could be worse.  Could be talking about Matt Cain.

Kendrys Morales – 1-for-4 and his 27th homer.  Damn, the schmotato is strong with this brother.

Eric Hosmer – 2-for-3 and his 23rd homer, and 2nd in as many games.  As someone that owns Hosmer on a few teams, let me be the first to say he is the definition of a’ight.  The first definition of a’ight, as in acceptable.  Not definitions two thru fifty-four, which range from “tig ol bitties bouncing is a’ight” to “lazy abbreviation of airtight.”

Wade Davis – 1 IP, 0 ER, and the save.  For what it’s Werth, Davis is limping to the finish line like he’s a presidential candidate being carried by Secret Service into an SUV.

Ian Kennedy – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners (1 Hit), 6 Ks, ERA at 3.62.  I’d bet some serious fake duckets that Kennedy couldn’t start fifteen more games in U.S. Cellular and not give up zero homers in any other start.

Chris Sale – 8 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.03.  I wonder where Sale’s going this offseason.  He has a great deal for the White Sox, but this bridge is so burnt even Snookie would tell it to stay out of the tanning beds.  Moncada for Sale?  Puig and De Leon for Sale?

Jose Altuve – 2-for-4 and his 23rd homer, hitting .341.  He now has more homers than his last two seasons combined.  And more height combined than an average male third grader with a stapler sitting lengthwise on his head.

Yulieski Gurriel – 1-for-3 and his 3rd homer.  Oh, yeah, he will be totally overhyped next year.  No doubt in my mind.

Jake Arrieta – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.91.  I like how now FanGraphs and others are starting to say Arrieta doesn’t look right.  Um, yeah, I said that in May.

Addison Russell – 3-for-4, 3 runs 2 RBIs and his 20th homer.  Someone next year is going to ask, “Hey, Grey, cool handsomeness.  I got a question, you think Russell can break out?”  I’m 100% sure he will break out, because it happened in 2016.

Jorge Soler – 1-for-5 and his 11th homer.  As for those wondering if Soler can break out, yes, but he sure hasn’t shown any real signs of it yet.

Joe Mauer – Could sit out until Wednesday.    Women all over Minnesota will touch their Mauer Beanie Babies just a bit more softly over the next few days to impart their love.

Jose Berrios – 2 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 9.27.  I’ve mentioned this before for Berrios — Beforrios? — but it’s hard to imagine this season didn’t do more harm to Berrios than it was worth.  Hard to see his confidence not being at least shaken, if not stirred.  Speaking of Bond (kinda), Tom Hiddleston needs to be the next Bond, don’t believe me, you need to watch The Night Manager.

Corey Kluber – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.05.  Remind yourself next April to panic maybe a little less when your ace looks like Jose Lima for the first three starts of the season (not even the 1st month, and you were panicking).

Carlos Santana – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 31st homer, hitting .244.  It’s the difference between about three hits, but psychologically I bet Santana will be perceived so differently next year if he finishes at .250 vs. .245.

Brad Miller – 1-for-4 and a home run, hitting .249.  Try to channel your inner April, and think about this.  If this were April and you knew Corey Dickerson (3-for-4, 2 RBIs, hitting .240), Logan Forsythe (1-for-4, hitting .281) and Miller all hit home runs in a game in September, what would be your guess for how many homers each had?  If this were like The Price is Right and you had all three home run totals, would you even be able to place the right number by the right player?  27, 19 and 19.  You’re lying if you would’ve said Miller had the 27 homers.

Chase Headley – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 14th homer.  On the NFL’s first weekend, our fantasy football man, JayWrong’s favorite baller, Headley homers.  Coincidence?  Doubtful.  Bee tee dubs, Rudy released fantasy football streaming tools.  They are free, and with your feedback they can be better.  So, go there and let Rudy know what you think.

Brett Gardner – 3-for-4, 1 RBI and his 14th steal, hitting .265.  Random Prediction Alert!  Gardner will never again have an everyday job in the major leagues for the rest of his career.

Yoenis Cespedes – 1-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 30th homer.  Pretty unremarkable remarkable season for Yoenis.  What I mean is at no point was he the hottest player in the league, just consistently solid.  Kinda like Nelson Cruz.

Asdrubal Cabrera – 3-for-5, 3 runs.  Still as hot as white snake and underwear sauce?  Not quite, but not completely cold either.

Seth Lugo – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.40.  Conspiracy Theory Alert!  Dave Duncan, the great Cardinals pitching coach, ghosted on the Cardinals, as in left, not died, but the Ghost of Dave Duncan stayed around for a while, but can’t get eye care due to being a ghost, so he accidentally traveled with the Mets.  Before you pfft, Lugo started his run of solid starts four starts ago in St. Louis.  Believable, right?  I’d use the Stream-o-Nator for Lugo, and it likes his next start.

Adrian Beltre – 3-for-4 and with a double slam (28, 29) and legs (1).  Or as ESPN’s fantasy page said yesterday, 404 Error Page.  Way to go on the first full Sunday of the NFL season.  I’m not gloating at all.  No way.  Never.

Andrelton Simmons – 2-for-3 and his 2nd and 3rd homers of the season.  I had to specify they were of the season, because, when you’re in September, and Mookie Betts has had two games with as many homers as you have all season, it’s worth noting.  Simmons may get followed by UFOs, but those flying objects are not baseballs.

Yunel Escobar – 2-for-4 and his 4th homer.  Damn, Angels lineup is stacked with heavy hitters, huh?  Way to put together a team, Angels.  Seriously, where did Arte Moreno and his deep pockets go?  Did he invest in the Spiderman musical?

Jon Gray – 4 IP, 5 ER vs. the Padres.  All offseason Jon Gray better look over his shoulder for large men that appear to have just emerged from a mother’s basement that used him in their H2H matchup.

Charlie Blackmon – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 25th homer, hitting .315.  Chazz Noir knocked Tapia back to the bench, which is a shame, unless you own Noir, then it’s good news, and you’re rooting for the favorite, which is lame.  You lame.

Chad Bettis – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.78. If you want to think he’s safe for his next start in Coors, because he’s thrown well the last few, you go ahead and stream him, I wouldn’t eff with him even with your team.

Yoan Moncada – Won’t have a role the rest of the season, but John Farrell said he’ll still consider Moncada as a pinch runner because of his unique speed.  It’s not just that he’s fast, but Moncada can serpentine on a dime.

Clay Buchholz – 3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.31 vs. Aaron Sanchez – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.17.  In a matchup billed as “Please Shut Him Down” vs. “Pouring Water on a Drowning Man.”

David Ortiz – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 32nd homer, hitting .315.  Big Papi has faded in the 2nd half of the season, right?  Well, this was his first home run in September, but he’s hitting near .390 in September and had six homers in August.  If you say that’s fading, you’re gonna have some arguments in barber shops in Roxbury.

Jackie Bradley Jr. – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 24th homer, hitting .274.  There’s more of an argument to be made that JBJ hasn’t been great in the 2nd half.  Post-All-Star break, ten homers, hitting around .235 with zero steals.  Your basic waiver wire outfielder.  Yo, Jackie, you’re basic.

Edwin Encarnacion – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and two homers (38, 39).  The nicest thing I can say about any player, and I say it about Edwin here, a guy hits two homers and there’s nothing to say.  He’s just that good.  It’s like when Mike Trout goes 2-for-5 with a homer and a steal and there’s nothing to say.  Just business as usual, which I believe is only a critique in politics.

Troy Tulowitzki – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 23rd homer, hitting .258.  In the preseason, I called him an overrated schmohawk.  He was being drafted around 80th overall.  So, think I was wrong?  On our Player Rater, he’s ranked 200th overall.  You make the call!

Chris Tillman – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.68, as he was activated from the DL.  He’s going to be one of those starters next March that appears ready to take the next step, then you see the AL East and a guy like, say, Jameson Taillon, and hopefully you’re like, “Yeah, AL East pitchers are a bag of Dick Poles.”

Jonathan Schoop – 1-for-4 and his 23rd homer, hitting .273.  It hasn’t always been pretty, and I doubt a lot of you carried him for the whole year, but it’s hard not to see Schoop made good on my preseason sleeper for 26 HRs, .245.  Also, he feels like the kind of guy that will be a sleeper once again.  Likely every year until he totally hashtag fails.

Jordan Zimmermann – 1 IP, 6 ER, ERA up to 4.94 and might be out of the rotation.  He was Pitcher of the Month in April with a 0.55 ERA, then, in what appeared to be an act of kindness, he gave a ride to a group of hitchhiking men dressed like the Victoria’s Secret Angels with the addition of rainbow knee-high socks.  Zimmermann had no idea they were the Regression Fairies.  No good deed…

Freddy Galvis – 1-for-3 and his 17th homer, hitting .236.  Without looking it up, I’m gonna guess Galvis has hit all 17 homers on Sunday.  I feel like every Sunday, I’m sitting in my gotchies, listening to Chance the Rapper’s latest mixtape and wondering about this Galvis fella.  Socks on concrete, Jolly Rancher kids… All I’ve been talkin’ ’bout is Freddy Galvis…

Tommy Joseph – 1-for-4 and his 18th homer, hitting .244.  Y’all wanna watch me predict the future?  To-Jo is going to be drafted like he’s going to hit 30+ homers next year, and we’re gonna get to about April 10th, and someone is gonna be like, “Yo, Joseph’s sitting again, can I drop him?  By the way, I’m Jessica Alba and I wanna hook up with you since Cougs said it’s cool for this freebie.”

Trea Turner – 2-for-3, 1 run and two more steals (22, 23), hitting .343.  I’ve been saying he’ll prolly be drafted around the top 100 next year, but I’m beginning to think if he goes into the offseason, hitting .340 with ~30 SBs and 10 HRs, he’s gonna be closer to top 50 overall.  Luckily, no Nationals hype machine has ever disappointed.  Right, Strasburg?  Harper?  Zimmerman?  Rendon?  You guys have nothing to say?

Ryan Braun – 2-for-4 and his 27th homer, hitting .310.  What if all PEDs ever did is keep guys on the field and helped their confidence?  If a guy hits a ball 415 feet or 435 feet, does it matter if they’re both out of the park?  Things that make you go hmm…

Aledmys Diaz – Was activated from the DL, but didn’t play, which is bizarre.  Not like John Byner and Super Dave Bizarre, but like, “Your rosters are expanded, why make a roster move and then not play the guy?” bizarre.

Luke Weaver – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.48.  As I said in Friday’s Buy, Stream-o-Nator loved Weaver on Sunday, and I’d stream him, but I wasn’t 100 on him.  What I didn’t mention is that 100 is out of 90, so 100 wasn’t possible.  Revisionist Alert!

Adam Wainwright – 8 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.45.  What are you hoping for here?  Oh, that’s easy.  You want Wainwright — Wantwright? — to give up the fewest runs as possible in September so someone in your league next year drafts him.  Prolly the guy that tells you he’s watching the new Kevin James sitcom and it’s hee-lar-ee-us.

James Paxton – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.97.  Great, super, adjective, but there’s no telling what he will do from start to start.

Mike Zunino – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer.  A’la Rockwell, “When I’m in the shower, I’m afraid to wash my hair, ’cause I might open my eyes, and find someone standing there… The IRS?!  No, someone asking about picking up Zunino.”

Billy Butler – Released by the A’s.  This was never gonna work out, Butler is a moobs man, not an A’s man.