And another one! That’s right, to the dozen(s) of you out there still reading this, Kyle Lewis did it again Friday night going 2-for-4 with a double, two runs scored and his sixth home run. Lewis now has six dingers through his first 10 games as a pro, making him just the fourth player (Aristides Aquino, Trevor Story and Dino Restelli are the other three) to accomplish this. He’s now slashing .325/.349/.850 on the year with 10 runs scored and 12 RBI. He’s got three doubles to go with his six jacks, and yeah, that will help your fantasy team, people! Ignore the fact that he’s struck out in 40% of his at bats, and ignore the dreadful Double-A stats, dude’s got a .525 ISO! The 20.6% swinging strike rate, or the 58.3% contact rate in the minors? Ignore that too! If you want a reason not to BUY Kyle Lewis I suggest checking out Son’s awesome post where he really breaks down some of the advanced stats we saw from Lewis at AA. But like I said, I’m going to ignore all that and focus on the fact that he is hitting all the beisbols right now and he’s hitting them over the fence. He will have plenty of time this offseason to come back down to Earth to be the below-average Mariners prospect he is clearly destined to be, but right now Kyle is hotter than a JLo striptease set to Fiona Apple’s “Criminal.” And trust me that’s about as hot as it gets. I’d add Lewis everywhere on every team for the final week and pray he can fight off the regression fairies another 7 days and keep hitting home runs into the cheap seats. He was a BUY and he’s the most exciting player to come out of a week of Seattle baseball since Domingo Santana in the first week of 2019. Start with a bang, end with a bang, and play like absolute garbage in between. You do you, Seattle! In the meantime, I’m going to pick up Kyle Lewis.

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Mike Foltynewicz – 8.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, BB, 7 K, 8th win. Folty hasn’t allowed more than 2 ER in a start since August 11. He’s got a 2.35 ERA post-all star break and a 0.69 ERA in September. That doesn’t sound faulty to me! Sounds like he’s working just fine.

Ronald Acuña, Jr. – 2-for-2, 3 runs, HR (41), 2 RBI. Praise be to the Alt-165, the Tildaddy. Not even you, with your 41 home runs, league leading 126 runs, .281/.366/.521 slash and 101 RBI could save my season from myself. Maybe I shouldn’t blame myself. Maybe I should blame the fact that you don’t have 40 steals (just 37, r u even serious rn?), but mostly I think I should blame Trevor Bauer.

Mike Yastrzemski -3-for-4. Is it sad the most exciting a Red Sox series has been in over a month was only exciting because Baby Yaz was jacking beisbols into green monstah! I swearah to gawd, tawmmy! He swings just like his granpappy! It’s probably even sadder that a 28 year old rookie with a .272/.332/.519 slash is the most exciting thing to come out of San Francisco’s entire season. Either way, it was a very special moment for me and all the old white guys I know.

Trea Turner – 2-for-4, 2 HR (16). I NEED STEALS! NOT POWER! But you don’t care, do you? You said you’d steal 70 bases, then you said you forgot. You don’t care about ANYONE except TREA. I can’t even with you right now.

Starlin Castro – 3-for-4,  2 runs, HR (21). His second straight 3-hit day with a homer. Doode has been on fire, en fuego en Miami (Bienvenidos a Miami!) post All Star, hitting 15 of his home runs since the break. I wonder what Starlin’s stats would look like on the Cubs or Yankees, would they be inflated like Gleyber’s or Javy’s? Are the beisbols not super enough or juiced enough en Miami?

Daniel Hudson – 2.0 IP, 3 hits, SV (3). Threw a lot of pitches Friday night so wouldn’t expect to see him again until Sunday at earliest. You could still get 2 maybe 3 saves out of him next week!

Jacob deGrom – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 9 K, 10th win. Oh, hey Sexy Cy Young Winner whatcha doing there? Tryna win another Cy Young? I think you got dis.  Your 248 strikeouts lead the NL. Also that 0.99 WHIP leaves me gasping for air. Mmm, now that’s a strong WHIP. I don’t care about your wins, I care that you’ve gone seven innings in 12 of your last 14 starts, and I care that you’ve got a 40/5 K/BB in September and a .176 BAA, and you’ll probably only boost those stats with a cushy start vs Miami next week. But mostly, I care that you’re not Noah Syndergaard.

Luis Castillo – 7.0 IP, 3 hitsm 3 ER, 3 BB, 7 K, 7th L. Hey that 3.25 ERA ain’t too shabby! He’s been shakier than I want him to be in the stretch but overall happy I drafted him and hopefully I can do it again next year. Whaddya say, Luis?

Pete Alonso – 1-for-4, HR (50), 2 RBI. Albombso! First NL rookie to hit 50 homers, in…in ever, folks! Can he beat AAron Judge’s 52 in the next week? Methinks yes. He drove in 115 runs, which is also VVV cool. Can you imagine how sorry the Mets would be without Alonso? Because they’re already pretty sorry. Fangraph’s says they have a 5.9% chance to make the playoffs, which is still better than the Phillies who spent like $500 million dollars this off season.

Jeff McNeil – 3-for-5, 3 runs, HR (23), 2 RBI. One of the things I remember from Grey’s pre-season rankings most vividly, and to be fair, I don’t remember a lot, is his prediction that McNeil would end the year as the most valuable Mets hitter to own. This was before Pete Alonso was even a twinkle in our eyes, but I drafted him all over because of this one mostly bitter thing Grey said and I was rewarded quite handsomely for it! Thanks for having zero faith in the Mets, Grey!

Aristides Aquino – 2-for-4, HR (17). After completely falling off the planet, right when you needed him most, Aristides is coming around again with 2 homers and 2 steals in the past week. It will be interesting to see where he’s drafted next year seeing how streaky he is, but he still has 17 homers in 48 games. That’s a 50+ home run hitter, folks! You don’t need to be a brain scientist to do that math!

Dylan Cease – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 2 BB, 8 K, 4th win ERA at 5.79 ERA and 1.55 WHIP. AB-SO-LUTELY dominated this pathetic Tigers offense in the ‘Roit. It was just the 3rd quality start of the rookie careers. More pathetic, was the only run scored off him was Miguel Cabrera single for his 54th RBI of the year. And Miggy is def the most pathetic. Cease gets the Indians next week, pick him up if you hate yourself.

Yoan Moncada – 2-for-3, HR (24). YO-AN! You were prob, my best draft pick. Howyoufeelaboutthat? You don’ care or you don’t say? Fair. But your .314/.368/.547 slash with the 24 HR, 75 RBI and 10 SB in just 124 got me real exciting for the White Sox next year. And THAT is something special.

Eloy Jimenez – 3-for-5, Grand Slam HR (29). Eloy put up 30 homers and 75 RBI in just 116 games. He struggled in the first half, so what. This is still an amazing rookie year. If Vlad Jr. did this, we’d be saying he’s the next Babe Ruth. Where’s the Eloy love?

Anthony Santander – 1-for-4, HR (20), 3 RBI. He’s managed to hit 20 bombs in just 90 games. Something tells me there will be some major value to be had in the O’s hitters on draft day next year because no one is gonna want to touch them. Don’t mind if I do!

Domingo German – Shut down for the year violating the leagues domestic violence policy. Still a better person than Felipe Vasquez and Antonio Brown though right?

J.A. Happ – 5.1 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 4 K. Happ is getting hot at the right time with a 1.61 ERA in September after posting a 7.30 ERA in August. Considering he’s the Yankees #2 starter right now, that’s gotta instill some confidence in this post season rotation, right? Right!? Don’t answer that.

Aaron Judge – 2-for-3, HR (25). Just keep hitting bombs and maybe I’ll forgive you for what you did to me and my fantasy team in the first half. I’m already not speaking to Giancarlo.

Justin Smoak – 1-for-3, HR (22). The homer broke him out of a 3-for-34 rut. Woof. In a season where everyone is hitting dingers you’d think Justin would be the type to benefit from super beisbols, but…nah.

Shane Bieber – 7.1 IP, 7 hits, 2 ER, 7 K, 15th win. His 252 strikeouts are good for third just behind the Astros Ace(s). That’s pretty good company. The 3.23 ERA and 1.03 WHIP is also elite. Keep it up you’re making Selena so jealous right now!

Carlos Carrasco – 1.1 IP, K, SV (1). His first save since 2014! Aren’t you glad you held onto him all year!

Oscar Mercado – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBI, SB (15). The .281/.330/.445, 12 homers, and 15 stolen bases in just over 100 games are pretty good for the rook! Keep it up and you can finally move out of that trash can!

Michael Wacha – 4.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 2 BB, K. The real joke is that the Cardinals starters can do no wrong right now. Wacha wacha!

Rick Porcello – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 6 K. ERA at 5.56 and 1.41 WHIP over 168 1/3 innings. Might not have been and too lazy to look but this certainly felt like Rick’s best start of the year. It’s a contract year too, so he’s got just one more start to make that Gerrit Cole money. Your bad and you should feel bad.

Charlie Morton – 6.1 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, BB, 8 K. Chuck is rocking a 3.15 ERA and 1.10 WHIP. Meanwhile the Pirates are rocking a suspended pedophile closer and a reliever with half a finger. I’d say this trade worked out for both sides!

Mitch Moreland – 2-for-5, 2 HR (17), 4 RBI. Hit a game-tying 2-run shot in the ninth off Emilio Pagan but the Sawx were still able to lose this one without too much issue. Boston have played more 4+ hour games than any other team this year, and also lost more 4+ hour games than any team this year.

Ji-Man Choi – 2-for-5, RBI. BUY. He was a buy! Three dingers in the past two weeks. Click the blue text to be transported to an entirely new page! Magical, I know!

Randy Dobnak – 5.1 IP, 3 hits, ER, 2 BB, 5 K, 1st win. If Pineda can do it, why not Dobnak! That 2.01 ERA is real sparkly, so just ignore the 1.53 WHIP and enjoy! If he gets the Tigers next week, I am considering the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially streaming him. I don’t know though!

Adalberto Mondesi – 0-for-5, run, 2 SB (41). He missed many games but still has a shot to lead the league in steals! If you think that’ll keep me from drafting you next year, you’re wrong, buddy!

Trent Grisham – 1-for-1, 3 RBI. One of the bright spots in a Milwaukee season that seems destined to fail, but Grisham’s not giving up. Who needs Christian Yelich when you’ve got–who were we talking about again?

Carlos Correa– 2-for-4, 2 HR (21). Jose Altuve (30) and Alex Bregman (38) also homered. All three homered in the first inning because that’s how the Astros do. Tbqhwy (<—new fav acronym) Correa’s 20+ homers in just 70 games is kind of impressive, but not the kind of impressive that I want to gamble on by drafting him.

Kevan Smith – 3-for-4, HR (5), 2 RBI. He’s got two homers a steal and hitting almost .500 in the past two weeks. He’s the Angels best hitter with Mike Trout done for the year. I know it’s so depressing. Quit hitting beisbols, Kevan, what the world really needs from you is a third Clerks movie.

Merrill Kelly – 7.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 3 BB, 9 K, 12th win versus Eric Lauer 6.0 IP, 2 hits, 2 ER, 4 BB, 9 K, 10th L. This match up was billed as the “Who Likes PetCo More,” with Merrill ultimately winning. Unfortunately, Lauer likes nothing more than burning his fantasy owners.

Ketel Marte – Will be shut down for the rest of the year with a lower back injury, but let’s be honest you got way more out of Ketel Black than you ever should have. His .329/.389/.592 slash with 32 HR, 92 RBI and 10 steals got you to the playoffs, all you gotta do is tap it in, Happy.

Mike Fiers – 8.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 5 K, 15th win. THE G BEARD IS GONE! RIP. Clean shaving Mike [expletive deleted] Fiers is clearly the best Mike [expletive deleted] Fiers. Sweet sassy molassy! Does he start Game 1 for the A’s? Or Manaea?

Mike Minor – 5.0 IP, 6 hits, 6 ER, 4 BB, 3 K, 10th L. Yeah his 3.52 ERA and 191/66 K/BB are dope but he’s falling apart when you need him to carry you. He gets the Red Sox next week and I’d consider dropping Minor at this point.

Mark Canha – 2-for-4, HR (25). Bat flip #goals.

Clayton Kershaw – 6.0 IP, 8 hits, 4 ER, BB, 5 K. Clayton clearly does not care about your fantasy team.

Gavin Lux – 2-for-4, SB (2). Corey Seager (17) also homered. Lux is slashing .286/.352/.469 with 2 homers and 7 RBI. He arrived just in time too, the Dodgers really needed the extra offense.

AJ Pollock – 2-for-5, HR (15), 3 RBI. Hitting .375 in the past week with a homer and a steal! One of the hottest little potatoes in all the land. Who are you and what did you do to Cody Bellinger? Give it back to him.

Garrett Hampson – 2-for-4, HR (5), SB (12). The slam & legs in Denver is served with a long bong rip, naturally. Hampson is also ripping the base paths with his 4th steal in the past week hitting .409 in that stretch. Yes, I would add him.

Nolan Arenado – 2-for-3, HR (41). Charlie Blackmon (30) and Sam Hilliard (5) also homered. Nolan’s slashing .316/.379/.594 with 118 RBI to got with the 41 bombs. Pretty good, I guesssss. My real life human girlfriend wants me to focus on family building and less on fantasy baseball team building. So after much thought, I’ve decided to write my Razzball resignation letter, handwritten of course, with my antique calligraphy set I got from Xu Bing. End of an era, I know. Sad but, oh boy, does this letter look amazing and only took a few hours to get the loops on my Zs perfect. I’ll just leave it by this open window to dry while I–NOOOOO! Torenado! Oh well, I guess I’ll see you all next year!

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Good luck in your final week–I hope all our teams win equally!

 

  1. Norman Ginsberg says:
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    I agree with your comment on Minor (I own him), but SON has his Mets start @ $20! Until I saw this, I was ready to cut for another RP (which I need for next week). Does SON change your opinion at all?

    The bad (or good) part is that if I cut him, my opponent in the finals will be claiming him>

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      I think his next start is vs Boston not NYM

  2. Norman Ginsberg says:
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    Meanwhile I have Bailey (@LAA) next week. I think this’ll be a good start (since LAA has no hitters left), but SON hates this match (-$6). Your opinion — dump Bailey, Morton, neither, or both?

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      I like both, I’d lose minor

  3. florida jack says:
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    thanks for all the great work this season

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      thanks for reading!

  4. Malicious Phenoms says:
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    Thanks for writing and sharing your expertise with us in 2019. Looking forward to reading again next year..Enjoy the playoffs.
    Go Yankees!

  5. Scrapski says:
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    Pants
    You had me worried…
    Whew!

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