Yesterday, Gary Sanchez went 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 17th homer, hitting .184.  As I’ve mentioned, I’m busy on the backend of the site doing year-end recaps for every position, and, yes, even the catchers, which will be released after the season ends.  With that said, did good ol’ Gary have the worst season ever for a consensus number one at a position?  Was it consensual?  “Why ya gotta put the word sensual in consensual?” every man in 2018.  By the by, was there a grabby hands discount coupon at GropeOn that I missed?  Sanchez’s year makes Cervelli look like a first ballot Hall of Famer.  And, if there’s ever a wing for concussions, I hope Cervelli’s CTE is one day in there.  Sanchez might be the first person to ever achieve exactly half of his preseason projections.  Even his batting average is about half of what was expected.  For 2019, I could see him recovering, but I won’t be the one to draft him to find out.  In other words, I’ll be bringing out major hedges with Sanchez, while drafting Austin Hedges.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Luis Severino – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.39.  Likely his last time on the mound this regular season, and finishes with a bleh start to put the meh cherry on the whatevs sundae.

Miguel Andujar – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .298.  His Rookie of the Year candidacy is starting to pick up steam from about Stamford to Jersey City.

Avisail Garcia – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer.  White Sox announced Avisail will have knee surgery on October 2nd.  If the White Sox go 65-0 over their final five games, Avisail will miss the playoffs.

Trevor Bauer – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 2.26.  Meh, not bad when you consider he’s likely looking at these games as spring training for the playoffs.  Obviously, he’s no Billy Butler aka Mr. Grapefruit.

Yan Gomes – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer.  If you’re wondering, yes, you would’ve been better off drafting Yan Gomes than Gary Sanchez.

Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.53, as he reached 300 Ks.  Scherzer vs. the Marlins was a $64 start on the Stream-o-Nator.  Might be wrong, but I think that’s the highest I’ve ever seen.  It predicted a line of 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 10.5 Ks.  It ended up being 10 Ks, you dopey robot!

Anthony Rendon – 3-for-3, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 24th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games.  Someone is locked in like every sitcom character in the 80’s that ever went into a meat locker, and like Bill Cosby now.

Matt Wieters – 3-for-4, 1 RBI and two straight games prior with homers.  Hot schmotato alert!

Peter O’Brien – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer in 18 games.  I’m not embarrassed to say I own O’Brien in multiple leagues.  Okay, a little embarrassed.  Like embarrhalfassed.

Mike Montgomery – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.99.  I have no stake in any teams in October, but the Cubs are one of the worst 90-win teams of recent memory.

Kris Bryant – Left yesterday’s game with a wrist injury.  Yo, KB, go home now, and rest your whole shizz until March.  Unless you’re impersonating the ‘merely a flesh wound’ guy on purpose.

Pablo Reyes – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and his 2nd homer in as many games.  Who?  I have no idea, but hot schmotato alert!

Chris Archer – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.30 on the Pirates, and 4.31 on the Rays — see, the NL is better for pitchers!  He’s one of the few starters going tonight who is scheduled to start again this year.  Will he?  I’d guess so, but no one has any idea.  The Stream-o-Nator loves it, for what it’s Werth.

Austin Gomber – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.07.  A Cardinals starter with an ERA over 4?!  You will be banished to the Isle of Justin Morneau with their chief physician, Dr. Dave Duncan.

Yadier Molina – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 20th homer.  Try to tell your slightly younger cousin about how Molna used to be a 7-homer hitter.  They’ll never believe you.  But that might have more to do with how you convinced them there was a Santa until they were 12.

Gio Gonzalez – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA a 4.34.  Would line up to start the last day of the season, but it seems highly unlikely he’d start that game if the Brewers don’t need him, and even less likely I’d trust him.

Jesus Aguilar – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 34th homer.  Let’s reopen a wound, shall we!  We shall, we shall.  I dropped Aguilar in one league after a long weekend of him hitting well.  Why?  That’s one big Shruggy the Emoji.  No clue, Colonel Mustard.

Ryan Braun – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 17th and 18th homer, and three homers in the past two games.  He is two homers from getting exactly to his preseason projections and that has been so painful to own.  Like watching paint dry.  Blue and gold, steroidy paint.

Christian Yelich – 2-for-6, 6 RBIs and his 33rd homer, hitting .321.  Save some for next year’s suckers who draft you in the top five overall!

Trevor Hildenberger – 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.25, as he came into the game to start the 8th inning.  Nothing like losing a $1,000 league because the Twins thought a two-inning save was a fun idea.  *opens The Bell Jar, sticks head in oven*  Could someone turn on the pilot light?

David Dahl – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 12th homer, and 2nd in as many games.  I drafted Dahl as my 2nd outfielder in one league (the NFBC league where I’m in 1st but barely), and could see doubling down on that boneheaded move.  I got crackers in the medulla!

Mike Leake – 1 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.36.  If you streamed him, Leake needs to present to you 65 signed character witnesses because you were violated.

Jean Segura – 2-for-6, 2 runs and his 10th homer, hitting .303.  Right now, he’s battling between 8 and 10th for shortstops on the Player Rater.  On a more interesting note, Bregman is 6th for shortstops.  That’s screaming overrated to me.  Which is why I’m wearing earmuffs.

Hunter Pence – 2-for-5, 3 runs and his 4th homer.  The Gangly Manbird now leads the Giants in homers.  I kid.  He’s 2nd.  Okay, no, but not far off.  The Giants might not get a 20-homer hitter this year.  Buster Posey was close with five, but sadly he’s injured.

Walker Buehler – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.76.  Incredible season, and maybe next year Rich Hill can use Buehler’s torn-noodled elbow to throw another 100 IP.

Cody Bellinger – 2-for-4 and his 24th homer.  Sonavabench!  To be clear, I’m benching my 2nd round pick!  On a larger point, it shows one poor early round pick doesn’t sink your team.   I mean, Bellinger wasn’t the worst 2nd rounder, but he was no J.D. Martinez.  This is, again, the league where I’m holding on to 1st by the skin of my Dracula teeth.  (For those keeping track, Dahl and Bellinger are both on this team.  Lindor, Giancarlo, Yelich, Bauer, Mikolas and others haven’t hurt.  My 1st starter in this league was Darvish, so, again, one bad pick doesn’t sink you.  Or three.)

Joey Gallo – 1-for-3 and his 40th homer, hitting .210.  You know how when sluggers age their batting average bottoms out?  Chris Davis, for example.  Well, Gallo is going to hit .078 one year or is currently 78 years old.

Shohei Ohtani – Will have Tommy John surgery next week.  There’s no balloons rising on the screen like this a Facebook Live party, but I’m extremely excited by this news.  It means he can’t pitch next year, but can hit, oh (tani), I don’t know, 30+ homers?  Then return to pitching in 2020.  First bit of good news for the Angels since The Sciosciapath accidentally thought Mike Trout was Luis Valbuena and played him for six months before catching the mistake.

Touki Toussaint – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners (5 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 4.18.  One of those players I’m already excited about drafting for 2019, then dropping in April after one bad start, then watching him put together a dream season from May-September.  It is written, so it shall be.

Ozzie Albies – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 24th homer, hitting .265.  Maybe it’s pronounced all-B’s, but I give his 2nd half all C’s.

Noah Syndergaard – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.22.  Better than he’s been, but less Ks than innings still isn’t the pitcher you expect to see from him.  The people who are commenting that say he’s just not motivated, yeah, I’m not hearing that excuse.

Ryan O’Hearn – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer.  He could very well homer again today, so I could see grabbing him, but wanted to mention something real fast.  The Royals are playing the Reds the final week of the season.  This says MLB knew these teams were going to be awful this year.  If you know a team’s going to be awful, maybe, I don’t know, figure out a way you don’t think teams are already awful in January.

Hunter Dozier – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer.  Usually Dozier and O’Hearn form a blahtoon, but wouldn’t mind see both of them get starts every day the rest of the way.  Sorry to the three Alcides Escobar owners.

Lourdes Gurriel – Done for the season.  Be interesting to see where he lands in drafts next year.  My guess is no one will be drafting him, which makes him appealing.  “Love what you’re saying here!”  No, Mitch Garver, just because no one will be drafting someone doesn’t make them appealing.  “You make Mitch Garver sad.”

Aaron Sanchez – Underwent surgery on his right index finger.  If you have any pointers for his recovery, send them his way.

Alex Bregman – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 31st homer, hitting .289.  The calls for MVP are growing louder, especially if you don’t ask anyone but Astros fans.

Roberto Osuna – 1 IP, 0 ER and his 20th save, ERA at 2.43.  Had assault charges withdrawn.  Someone should write behind the Astros home plate, “No pepper games allowed with your assault.”