There’s no denying that Madison Bumgarner works hard. Well, he plays even harder. So it should have come as no surprise when news broke that the San Francisco ace was placed on the disabled list after injuring his left shoulder in a dirt bike accident. Wait. You were doing WHAT? But why!? You can’t expect Madison to get his kicks doing regular pleb things like playing Xbox or frisbee golf, it’s gotta be EXTREME. Regardless, this is a huge blow for Giants fans and Bumgarner owners alike. Madison is sporting a 3.00 ERA, 1.07 WHIP and 28/4 K/BB rate through four starts and early reports suggest he is set to miss over two months. Bummer. But honestly, what do you want from the guy? For him to not participate in dangerous extreme sports on his days off? I mean, come on, his hands were tied. Ty Blach is set to fill in the interim. Blach and his just 21.2 innings of major league experience. Blach is a ground ball pitcher with just a 13.4% strikeout rate, so he’s probably not the answer to your Bumgarner woes. More like, Ty Blech, right? Lol. He is slated to take on the Dodgers next week, but if you’re feeling dangerous you’d likely be better off dirt biking than picking up Ty Blach outside of deep NL-Only leagues. Here’s hoping at the very least Bumgarner got some sick air.
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:
Hector Neris – 1.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, SV (2). Oh boy! Now this bullpen is becoming a real exciting shituation real quickly. After officially being named the closer and a BUY on Friday, Neris enters the game and promptly surrenders a home run to Adonis Garcia (2-for-4, HR (2), 2 RBI). After a 20+ minute rain delay, Neris returned to escape with the save, but only after giving up two singles first. Inspire you with confidence? It should. Let’s chalk this one up to the weather and give him a pass. I wouldn’t drop your Joaquin Benoits just yet though.
Jeremy Hellickson – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 5 K, 3rd win. Hellboy is rising to the heavens and rockin’ a sick 1.88 ERA and 0.71 WHIP. It’s a wonder why he’s not owned in more leagues. It’s also a wonder how he throws a baseball with that large mechanical hand. That was a comic book reference. NERD!
Freddie Freeman – 1-for-4, HR (7). Freddie is hit .455 with 4 homers, 7 runs and 6 RBI in the past week. Freddie is every pitcher’s nightmare!
Corey Kluber – 9.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 9 K, W. Dominant start from Klubering time! And it’s about time, right? Hey there, Kluber owners. You can step back from that ledge now. Rumor has is he was inspired by Lebron’s huge comeback win. I respect Lebron James a whole lot, but if you’re the type of guy that is inspired by him–we probably can’t be friends.
Jose Quintana – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, 3 BB, 6 K. Speaking of guys I’m having trouble being friends with, Jose Quintana, my Cy Young pick! I’ll take this over what you’ve been doing. Dare I say, could be a good time to try to pry away from a disappointed owner such as myself?
Joey Gallo – 2-for-3, 2 HR (5), 3 RBI. Robinson Chirinos also homered twice. When Joey leads the Rangers in home runs, we call that the peak of the Gallo. Spicy!
Cole Hamels – 8.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, BB, 3 K. Grey told you to SELL. Do I agree? I would never own Cole Hamels in the first place so I’m not sure how to advise you here. Tell you what, I’ll trade you the Phillies bullpen and my worst catcher for him.
Corey Dickerson – 1-for-4, HR (4). Grey told you to BUY C-Dick and he’s slashing .317/.358/.603 with 4 bombs. That’s better numbers than my entire outfield not named Mookie. Oh heeey, Mookie. What? Oh, here’s not actually here I just mentioned his name. Sorry, sometimes when I see it in print I get flustered. Isn’t Mookie the best, you guys?
Yuli Guerriel – 3-for-4, run, RBI. You only Yuli once!
Michael Conforto – 2-for-4, HR (3). Sigh. Must we do this every week. Sitting in the abandoned warehouse turned secret speakeasy/shuffleboard court/craft cider house (you’ve probably never heard of it), I put down my Gabriel García Márquez book (I only read South American novelists), and frustratingly remind you again, Grey told you to BUY and to be honest you’re probably not cool enough to own Conforto and his .345/.417/.690 slash. Conforto is the hipsters’ favorite fantasy player, you pleb. Don’t you know anything? *Sips cold brew coffee, adjust horn rimmed glasses, strokes beard* Sigh. Pick him up before he breaks out, before he gets hot. In fact, this could only make you cooler because when he does finally break out, that means you picked him up before he was cool. And there’s nothing cooler than that!
Bryce Harper – 2-for-4, HR (7). B-Ryce is slashing a real purdy .407/.521/.864 with seven homers and 20 RBI. I had a really good fantasy week, you guyz. My real-life human girlfriend (who is both, totally real, and human) comes home from work earlier this week and I told her, “Mookie hit a game winning double and stole two bases! McCullers pitched a gem! Freeman homered twice! It was SO AWESOME!” Then she asked me how my day was and I said, “I just told you.”
Tyler Glasnow – 4.2 IP, 7 hits, ER, 2 BB, 5 K. Yes, I still like Glasnow. Yes, this was an encouraging start. No, I don’t think I’d start him against the Cubs next week. Yes, I have an underlying fear of commitment. Heeey! You got me!
Josh Bell – 1-for-4, HR (2), 2 RBI. Josh with the ding dong!
Jacoby Ellsbury – 3-for-4, run, 2 SB (6). Turns out all the Yankees needed was some old speed and some young power. Yeah. I don’t get it either.
Jordy Mercer– 1-for-3, 2 runs, HR (1). I mention Jordy because he led off again, not because I think he’s the next Tyler Glasnow. Could be worth watching though, especially for your NL East-Only leagues.
Ryan Braun – 2-for-4, HR (6). Ryan is back and slashing .304/.409/.661. Why don’t you own him anywhere? Are you anti-semite? Back off Sean Spicer, you guys, he’s friends with Gronk so it’s chill. Just continue to doubt Braun, world. It only makes him stronger. That and PEDs for elevated testosterone.
Adam Wainwright – 5.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 9 K, W. 2-for-3, HR (1), 4 RBI. When you strike out all the batters and score all the runs and literally carry your team to victory but no one even says thank you and you’re already tilted.
Tim Adleman – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K. Timmmah gave up a couple of homers but otherwise looked fairly impressive against one of baseball’s best line ups. I could see adding Adleman for his start in Milwaukee next week. The Brewers strike out more than any team in the majors. If you’re picking up what I’m putting down–that means Ks.
Javier Baez – 2-for-4, HR (1). Rizzo and Heyward also homered. This was Baez’s first homer of the year, which could either mean he’s about to hit 10 more in the next two weeks, or he’s going to go 0-for-15 over the next four games. Your guess is as good as mine!
Dylan Bundy – 7.0 IP, 6, 0 ER, BB, 3 K, 3rd win. The Birds ace is sporting a real nice 1.37 ERA, 0.99 WHIP and a 20/4 K/BB. Not bad for a lowly shoe salesman!
Brad Brach – 1.0 IP, SV (3). A closer BUY! As long as Britton is out, Brach needs to be owned. Even Spaceghost thinks so. All hail Brach!
Drew Pomeranz – 5.1 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 4 K. When you pitch admirably but you’ll never be as good as Chris Sale. When you shoehorn Chris Sale into your blurb just so you can *swoon.*
Dustin Pedroia – Left game after receiving a cleats first side from Manny Machado. Now the Sawx have to retaliate by giving someone on the O’s a boot!
Hector Sanitago – 6.1 IP, 7 hits, 3 ER, BB, 6 K. Hector holds a 2.19 ERA and 0.97 WHIP on the season and is starting to look like a pitcher I can definitely see myself adding and dropping all season long. I mean that in the best possible way, Hector!
Miguel Cabrera – Left the game with a right groin strain. Why is this happening to me?
Greg Holland – 1.0 IP, 2 K, SV (9). Nine saves! Sweet sassy molassy! Someone is loving life in Colorado. Is it the altitude? Or is it the, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say-no-more. Feeling irie, you gyalchester bombaclot ting durkboi? Blem blem! #drakewords
Trevor Story – 1-for-4, Grand Slam HR (2). At this time last year, Trevor was on pace for over 200 home runs. This year, he’s currently on pace for over 250 strikeouts. Can you just do what you did last year, bbe? K thanks, sweatie!
Brandon Belt – 2-for-4, HR (4). Brandon belted one!
Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-4, HR (5), 2 RBI. I’m just happy he’s doing what he does best again. Hitting dingers.
Trevor Cahill – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, BB, 6 K, W. Hey there, you pitch in San Diego, you say? We’ve already met, you say? Hmm, doesn’t ring a bell. But as long as you’re pitching in San Diego I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.
A.J. Pollock – 3-for-6, 3 runs, HR (2), RBI. If Pollock were to paint you a picture, it’d be of me with my fantasy trophy, with multi-colored paint dripped and splattered across the canvas. I’m not really a modernist, but AJ isn’t really a painter. Whata hitter though!
Paul Goldschmidt – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBI. Pauly G. is a Jersey sure thing! How’s that for a dated reference!
Corey Seager – 3-for-4, HR (3), 3 RBI. My man Corey is starting to heat up but I’ve been reminding him to stay humble. Speaking of HUMBLE! Kendrick is so hot right now. Like three times flame emoji. He’s “that Grey Poupon, that Avian that TED taaaalk, ayyyy!” Fancy! Corey’s the realest shortstop after all, please, STAY HUMBLE.
Jose Bautista – 2-for-6, 3-run HR(1). After striking out to Chris Sale (*swoons) four times on Thursday, Joey Bats got his chance to be the hero on Friday with a go-ahead jack in the 13th inning. It was just his first homer of the year as he’s batting just .131. Woof. Yeeesh. Can I go back to swooning over Chris Sale now?
Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!
