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The best 2024 fantasy baseball team is a misnomer. Thankfully, none of us know what misnomer means. Sounds to me like someone tentatively wants to date the Travelocity Gnome’s daughter, “Miss Gnome, er, you wanna grab some boba and chill?” Miss Gnome brushes back her hair and bats her eyelashes that are almost as long as her two-and-half foot body, “I’d love to,” but her voice is high-pitched, which is a turnoff, so you cancel plans with her repeatedly until she gets the hint. Sorry, Miss Gnome, gotta ghost ya because I like my women’s voices low like their stature. Any hoo! So the title is hyperbole. What was I gonna say, “The Mostly Kinda Good Fantasy Baseball Team?” You’ll get over your scoffing; I have faith in you. This is the best 2024 fantasy baseball team that I can put together when drafting from my top 100 for 2024 fantasy baseball and top 500 for 2024 fantasy baseball. Honestly, I could draft another 25 teams from those lists, and they’d all be different, but equally terrific…Well, one of the twenty-five would only be sorta terrific, but it would be really hard to tell which one that is. If I took Matt Olson in the 2nd round, everything after would change. If I took Trea Turner in the 1st round, everything after would change. I’ve previously gone over my 2024 fantasy baseball draft prep for the first few rounds and pitchers pairings. For this exercise, I’m taking Bobby Witt Jr. in the first, because, well, I want to feel alive, and I’ve never drafted him before.

So, for this best fantasy baseball team exercise, until pick 100, I’m taking one guy somewhere in every fifteen picks. It would be nice if I was in a league where someone drafted Spencer Strider, Gerrit Cole and Burnes in the first two rounds and I was able to take Bryce Harper in the 2nd round (which is likely in some leagues), but since Witt and Harper are in my first 15 picks, according to the arbitrary rules I’ve set up for myself, I can’t take them both. Then, as we all know, once you get into the 100s, there’s wide gaps between ADP and where players are actually taken. People tend to look at team need over value. So for this exercise, once I get to pick #100, I’m going to pick two players every twenty picks. Finally, because there is so much latitude in the latter rounds, I gave myself free rein to fill up my team after pick 200. Throughout the draft, I also gave myself the ability to reach to a lower draft pick, but not reach forward. Or reach around, if you’re feeling frisky. It should still be my ideal team…or not. Let’s see, shall we? Bee tee dubya, this team is a 12-team, 5×5, one catcher, 5 OFs, MI, CI, 1 UT, 9 P, 3 bench, just like the Razzball Commenter Leagues (go sign up, you Big Chungus). Anyway, here’s the best 2024 fantasy baseball team:

C:  Bo Naylor (18)
1B: Matt Olson (2)
2B: Nolan Gorman (10)
SS: Bobby Witt Jr. (1)
3B: Gunnar Henderson (3)
CI:  Rhys Hoskins (17)
MI: Edouard Julien (15)
OF: Mike Trout (5)
OF:  Jordan Walker (8)
OF:  James Outman (11)
OF: Tyler O’Neill (13)
OF: Wyatt Langford (16)
Util:  Sal Frelick (21)

P: George Kirby (4)
P: Alexis Diaz (6)
P: Braxton Garrett (7)
P: Paul Sewald (9)
P: Chris Bassitt (12)
P: Bailey Ober (14)
P:  Dean Kremer (19)
P:  MacKenzie Gore (20)
P:  Hunter Harvey (22)
Bench: Jose Alvarado (23),  Matt Brash (24),  Ryan Pressly (25)

SO, THIS TEAM WAKES ME UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND SAYS, “YOU JUST WON THE LOTTERY,” BUT IS THERE ANY CHANCE YOU ACTUALLY CAN DRAFT THIS TEAM?

No. Sorry, I don’t mean to be short with you like Jose Altuve. Here, let me explain it to you with a long-form answer:  Noooooooooooo. As I said in the opening, this is an exercise to give you an idea of a team I wouldn’t kick out of bed. With this exercise, I don’t look at ADP, so it’s nice that I think I can draft all of these guys where I have them ranked, but invariably some buster enters the draft room, takes, say Pete Alonso before I can and this team immediately becomes impossible. Out of 1,000 drafts, maybe you could draft this team once, and, if you’re drafting 1,000 times, make sure to take some Vitamin D, because you’re severely lacking in exposure to the sun. For every pick that might not be there for me to take, there’s other guys like Gleyber Torres, who you could wait on a little longer on. So, Grey’s rankings Gwyneth and they taketh away her acting career after the age of 40. Here’s my team from last year that I called the Best Fantasy Baseball Team in February, before injuries, playing time was figured out, etc.

C: Tyler Stephenson (18)
1B: Pete Alonso (2)
2B: Jazz Chisholm Jr. (3)
SS: Wander Franco (7)
3B: Jose Miranda (12)
CI: Josh Jung (15)
MI: Gleyber Torres (6)
OF: Yordan Alvarez (1)
OF:  Jake McCarthy (9)
OF:  Oswaldo Cabrera (14)
OF: Lane Thomas (17)
OF: Juan Yepez (19)
Util: Ezequiel Tovar (21)

P: Max Scherzer (4)
P: Max Fried (5)
P: Joe Ryan (8)
P: Clay Holmes (10)
P: Chris Bassitt (11)
P: David Bednar (13)
P: Paul Sewald (16)
P: Merrill Kelly (20)
P: Bailey Ober (22)
Bench: Aaron Bummer (23), Evan Phillips (24), Andres Munoz (25)

That team last year would’ve been a top three 12-team mixed league team with some in-season work. Sure, Wander turned out to be a pedophile and I have the right to remain silent about Miranda, but that’s a very competitive team. My pen is incredibly solid, and my biggest weakness on hitting is outfield, which has a ton of waiver options. Any hoo! I self-deprecate plenty, that’s a self-horn-tooting.

Okay, putting aside last year’s team, and looking at this year’s again. While doing this exercise, I went through my top 500 first, then went back and entered my team into the War Room, and discovered this is a team I apparently like more than the War Room:

C’MON, LET’S HEAR SOME EXCUSES!

I wrote an Edouard Julien sleeper; I loved my Wyatt Langford fantasy; I got hornt up during my MacKenzie Gore sleeper; I got more hornt up for a Braxton Garrett sleeper than anyone currently alive; I been loving Bailey Ober; the list goes on and on for guys I like way more than Steamer. I drafted them. I don’t think you should look at War Room totals as you have to achieve them or it’s a failure. You should have a clear idea of what you need and why you’re not taking what you need, if you choose to go that way.

YOU ARE SO CHOCKFULL OF EXCUSES IT IS REMARKABLE

Okay, so I am low on strikeouts and I don’t love that. That’s a category that is hard to dig out of a hole. A hole? Yeah, I am for not fake-drafting enough Ks. That is also because Steamer thinks less of Garrett and Gore’s Ks than me, but still it’s a weakness. It’s good to know your weaknesses. Soup dumplings? That’s a weakness for me. And Ks, here. I also don’t think average is a weakness with this team, but it’s worth keeping an eye on, in-season.

Also, anyone who’s played in a Razzball Commenter League knows players are fluid. For unstints, I like Sal Frelick, wrote a Sal Frelick sleeper, but Rudy’s projections hate him and he’s bringing down my overall numbers. Last year, Joe Ryan was bringing down my War Room totals, and this year Rudy’s got him near his top 75. Cust kayin’. Also, as mentioned, I drafted, then went back and entered my team into the War Room, which is bassackwards. If I were using the War Room, as it’s intended — while actually drafting — I likely would’ve drafted heavier on strikeouts, because I would’ve seen the weakness during the draft. That shows you though, that even someone like me can’t eyeball everything.

So, the War Room totals look janky, but the team, to my eyes, looks like the Best Fantasy Baseball Team–

DO YOU EVER LEAVE YOUR HOUSE WITH SO MUCH SELF HORN TOOTING?

Rarely. For s’s and g’s, go to my top 500 and put your best fantasy baseball team into the comments below, using the rules I set out in the opening — one player every 15 picks until 100, then two every twenty picks, then anyone after 200 overall.