Too Hot To Handlario

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Jeimer Candelario ?LeBron James

I confuse the two sometimes it’s so uncanny https://t.co/nJnQHFGFJg

— Razzball (@Razzball) July 26, 2022

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA–”
“–Breathe, Grey! Come back to us! We’re losing him!”
“Someone put out a cape, I think I’m going to faint like a damsel.”

Granted, I don’t know much about basketball, but he compared himself to LeBron? Yo, has Jeimer Candelario had a break from reality? I guess tying Aaron Judge with the most homers in the 2nd half with four can play tricks on your ego. Yesterday, Jeimer Candelario (2-for-5, 3 RBIs) hit his 10th homer, and 4th in the last week. He was a sleeper of mine this past offseason — not great, Bob! — but he is hot now. By the way, his ten homers leads the Tigers in homers, and that is so freakin’ funny to me. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Kelly Dusts The Old Bay Area Giants With A Visit to Merrill-Land

by: Grey

Leagues are won and lost on the Merrill Kellys (Kellies? Kelli?). Nailing your top picks helps, but those are your top picks. Most times it’s just bad luck if they don’t work out. The later picks? Those separate from the men and five lady readers from the boys and girls. The picks that everyone rolls their eyes over and yawns. The picks that people are like, “Hey, I have to get home and leave this five-hour draft. Just give me whomever is leftover out of Merrill Kelly and Miles Mikolas.” Then your leaguemates goof around and finally are like, “Let’s give Chuck, Merrill Kelly, because Kelly and Chuck both suck.” Those two pitchers — Kelly and Mikolas — weren’t pulled from thin air. They were both drafted on average right next to each other at 483th overall. Sitting around them were Alex Reyes, Rich Hill and Michael Pineda. If you nailed the Kelly, and/or Mikolas in deep leagues? You were sitting pretty, just as Merrill Kelly (8 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.04) was yesterday, and all season. That’ll teach your leaguemates to try and sabotage you with Merrill Kelly. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bleday Is The Greatest Bleday I’ve Ever Known

July 25, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 245 Comments

by: Grey

Deejay, “Hey, welcome back to Bleday! We are your nonstop rap, hip-hop, trip-hop, bounce, cloud rap, road rap, Christmas rap, Hanukkah rap, Jerkin’, freestyle, trap, but no Jazz rap, he’s out with a stress fracture in his back. Now, let’s boogie for the 2nd half of the season!” Wait, that was me at the end. Was it clearly not me prior to that? Yes? Okay, great. So, JJ Bleday (2-for-4, 1 run and his 1st steal) was called up by the Marlins. Fun fact! Bleday is the rap station in Los Angeles. A less fun fact is Bleday was hitting .228 in Triple-A. He hits everything in the air, which isn’t bad for a power hitter, but it will mean not a lot on average, and, while he stole on Sunday, he doesn’t have a lot of speed either. Think a young Rhys Hoskins. Call him Mees Hoskids, because the JJ stands for Jar Jar. Bleday should see playing time, along with Bryan De La Cruz (2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer), because Jorge Soler hit the IL, i.e., Bryan De La Soler is plug one. Bleday, plug two. De La Soler, plug one. Bleday, plug two. Anyway. here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Here’s Selling At You, Bogaerts

July 22, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 275 Comments

by: Grey

I was doing fine without games every day. Thanks for checking in on me. *nervous giggle, looks into the mirror, laughs hysterically* I’m just fine! The other day at 7 PM EST, I took a magic marker and every few minutes I wrote on my computer screen, giving my fantasy team a run, RBI and the occasional home run. Sadly, even with my fantasy fantasy team accruing stats, Jonathan India went 0-for-5. Since there was only a handful of games this week and players haven’t been able to get hot or cold or humid, this Buy/Sell is going to be slightly different. This Buy/Sell includes some players that are owned in more than 50% of leagues. Okay, that’s not different for the Sells, but it does change the Buys. “Hello? No, I’m changing buys — B-U-Y-S. I wouldn’t dream of changing Bis. Thanks, you too!” That was GLAAD calling me about potential insensitivity. I have not triggered anyone in almost three days, unless you count that time yesterday I told someone in Vancouver that their country smells like maple syrup. That’s right, I’m in Canada, as you read this, so apologies for the excessive use of eh. I try to avoid making the Sell the same Sell as an Anime Grey video from our Youtube channel, but I gave you a video a couple weeks ago to sell Xander Bogaerts, and here I am again. Doing two Sells is like screaming-in-the-theater of Sell. I’m reading a sign that says “Ant farm” while snacking, making me a panicked picnicker. I got onomatopanic! As I went back to a few times before (maybe a zillionty or so times), if a player is not giving speed and power, that player is going to be lagging in fantasy value. Bogaerts is a laggard. Call him Lagaerts. Only he doesn’t just lack speed. He’s lacking power too! His name value is saying something completely contrary to his lived-in fantasy experience. I like him still for runs and RBIs, but you can find that elsewhere. I wouldn’t trade Bogaerts for a ride on the back of two men in a horse’s costume, but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Top 100 for 2nd Half of 2022 Fantasy Baseball

July 19, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings, Featured | 410 Comments

by: Grey

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Welcome, prematurely balding men and five women who are married to PBMs and decided if you can’t beat them, join them! Make yourself comfortable, this is gonna be a long post. Here, enjoy some coffee. Oops, you just drank rat poison. I should’ve used different mugs. Don’t worry, it can’t be worse than rostering Jonathan India in the 1st half. Oh, you rostered him, and that’s why you drank the poison? Now, I’m following! Hey, I’m supposed to be leading! *does a teapot with both hands on hips and shakes head* Before we get into the top 100 for the 2nd half of 2022 fantasy baseball, let’s just be glad our 18-year-old selves can’t see us now, we’d get beat up! But our twelve-year-old selves would think we’re the coolest! So, as with all of the other 2022 fantasy baseball rankings, slop this up with a grain of salt. If you need a 2nd baseman, but an outfielder is above him that doesn’t mean you can’t trade that outfielder for that 2nd baseman. Also, things change in fantasy baseball. Daily. I could put Aaron Judge number one, and he could pull a–Well, we won’t even mention an injury with the top players after we lost Tatis this preseason. As I say about the Giancarlo underwear I bought off eBay, why soil a good thing? This list is a road map for where I think guys are valued. It’s not the Holy Grail in the Church of Grey, that would be my mustache. This list is NOT (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) where I see guys ending up if you were to take their first half and combine it with the 2nd half. This is simply a list of the top hundred fantasy baseball players if you were to pick them up today. So while Juan Soto did not have the greatest first half, he will appear on this list because, well, we have to believe in miracles — my 12-year-old self would want that, and to sleep with Cher. 12-year-old Grey loved Cher. The projections are not their combined 1st half and 2nd half numbers; these are their projections for the 2nd half of 2022. I also liberally used our rest of the season Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. That’s right, we have a Player Rater that tells you what players will do. It’s like that camera from The Twilight Zone. Welcome to the future! Anyway, here’s the top 100 for fantasy baseball for the 2nd half of 2022:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Thank You Sir May I Please Half Another

July 18, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 187 Comments

by: Grey

As soon as you’re finished with this post, I want you to close your laptop, step outside and look at a bird in flight. Pick up a flower, breathe in its fragrance, sneeze from your allergies, wave to a neighbor and close your robe because you’re not just waving with your hand. How does that feel? Exhilarating? Then your dedication sucks! It should be a total bore. You should be more interested in whether or not I’m going to have a top 100 for the 2nd half of fantasy baseball tomorrow than what your significant other has been doing for the last three and a half months. Luckily, I will have a top 100 tomorrow, and your significant other can keep being your fantasy team. Okay, enough hubbub on the tomfoolery! Chris Sale broke his pinkie yesterday. Well, Aaron Hicks broke it, technically. If not for bad luck, Chris Sale would have no luck. I was minding my own business yesterday, watching the Yankees/Red Sox game when I heard the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life, a pubic hair commercial, then the 2nd thing worst thing was Sale’s pinkie going creeee-ack. Not sure how long this knocks him out, or how long I will be thinking about that pubic hair commercial, but they might be similar timeframes — the rest of the season. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Buying a Ticket to Nolan’s Batman Begins

July 15, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 310 Comments

by: Grey

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH.)

5. Stacy’s Mom
4. Maggie May
3. Hot for Teacher
2. Mrs. Robinson
1. Me and Mrs. Nolan Jones

Runners-up: Me and Mrs. Christian Yelich, Me and Mrs. Alek Manoah, and Me and Mrs. Mike Napoli. That’s not in no particular order. That is the order. Know it, learn it, love it, all the greatest songs on Cougar Love on your dial–Sorry, I heard they were starting a new Sirius channel for Cougar songs, and I was writing up my audition script to be their deejay. The older they get, the same age I stay. Any hoo! The Guardians called up Nolan Jones this past week, and he’s got huge power, a handful of speed and possibly can’t make contact. Here’s what Itch has said about him, “Lanky corner bat whose value is driven by proximity and patience. I’ve always been down on Jones, comparatively, because I’m not sure he’s aggressive enough within the strike zone to hang against guys who just don’t give you much to hit and aren’t going to walk you if you’re not going to swing. His numbers have always been padded by poor command at the lower levels, and he’ll simply need to adjust, which he started to do after a slow start in AAA. He finished with a functional .238/.356/.431 slash line along with 13 HR and 10 SB in 99 games, which isn’t great but would be an improvement on Cleveland’s outfield production over the past few years. Speaking of slashes, put me in the same room as Grey, please.” Okay, scary. I’d grab Jones for some possible power to see if he gets some run in the Cleveland outfield. Maybe me and Mr. Nolan Jones, Mr. Nolan Jones, Mr. Nolan Jones, can get a thing going on. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Mmmm Is Used To Indicate Satisfaction, Or Miami Marlins’ Max Meyer

July 15, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 157 Comments

by: Grey

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Max Meyer is being called up. *does a highly-choreographed handshake with self that ends with me miming putting food in my mouth* We eating tonight! Three of the last four on Itch’s prospect stash list was Esteury Ruiz, Vinnie Pasquantino and Max Meyer. With Meyer’s promotion, they’ll all be up. Where you at, Miguel Vargas?! I already gave you a Max Meyer fantasy when it appeared like he’d be called up in May. Then he was sidetracked with an injury, but he’s healthy now and, like I said, we’re eating! Will he stay up if Edward Cabrera or Luzardo get healthy? If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we’d be diabetic squirrels. Meyer might be good for another 50-60 IP, which is nearly a full 2nd half, I grabbed him in my 15-team mixed league immediately, then hemmed-and-hawed for fifteen minutes, and finally grabbed him in my 12-team mixed RCL, too, but we’ll see if I hold him there. Pitchers are pretty plentiful to be holding a possible roofie. He could be the best starter call-up we see this year. *mimes filling a dog bowl, puts it by feet, gets on knees and sticks face in bowl* We eating! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Did Jesse Juan I See? Doubleheader Home Run Spree

July 14, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 317 Comments

by: Grey

Two homers apiece for Jesse Winker (2-for-8, hitting .226) and Juan Soto (2-for-6, 4 RBIs, hitting .245). 7th and 8th homer for Jesse Winker; 18th and 19th homer for Juan Soto. Both guys, dreadfully disappointing 1st half. For Winker, it’s kinda wild how a trade to a giant-dumptruck-on-the-ass-crack-of-bad-stadiums-for-hitters can completely derail a career. Now I know why he’s named Winker, he hoodwinked us into thinking he was a .280+ hitter. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, kazoo, Winker sucks! Neutral luck, Winker might not hit .245. Speaking of .245 said Captain Segue, Sexy Dr. Pepper is in a better place today than he was last year at this time. I’m also sick of him being in a 1st half slump every year. Is The Pepper Man disinterested? Can they trade him anywhere? Well, except to Seattle. Is he always going to be a 2nd half guy, because, while I like how he turns the Home Run Derby into a three-month thingamaderby, I wouldn’t mind if he did that for six months vs. three? How about before each game he has a coach toss him some lobs and smacks them into the upper deck? Can I be the only one ever to think of this? Why is this not going on if he keeps “needing” the “derby” to get “fixed?” I got questions, y’all! Toss Soto some 60 MPH fastballs pre-game and let’s go! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

A View To Akil

July 13, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 233 Comments

by: Grey

Is it just me (it’s not just me) or do you also think a guy who isn’t great in the majors, then goes to Triple-A and tears it up is a Quad-A player? I can’t help, but think that. It’s almost like I’d prefer a guy struggle a bit in the minors so I can just think of them as bad vs. Quad-A. That label, the Quad-A label, is the kiss of death. Like being on a boat with Robert Wagner or a marriage with OJ. You ain’t getting out of that. That doesn’t mean Akil Baddoo (2-for-4, 1 RBI) is Quad-A. Yabba Dabba Baddoo tore up the minors this year, and was recalled. That can be all that was. He was not as good as he was last year, which is why I told you to avoid him in the preseason, but he’s also not as baddoo as he was this year. How about something in the middle? That would be nice. Can’t be worse than what the Tigers were getting in the outfield. That’s just Grossman. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Padres Ruiz The Hounds

July 12, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 273 Comments

by: Grey

Yerry De Los Santos is commonly known as Yerry Across The Mersey, and now that Esteury Ruiz seems on the precipice of being called up we have a new river. The best river since Alex Rios? Well, thanks for asking since I did major in geography at the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston. 1. Mickey Rivers 2. Alex Rios 3. Esteury Ruiz. 4. Dylan Bundy, who isn’t named for a body of water, but is always a streamer. Unranked: Drew Waters. You know how close those were though? It’s hard to fathoms. Damn, you walked into that one! For the Padres, Esteury was called up to the taxi squad in Colorado, and, with Profar out, Ruiz could be with the team at any moment. Why do we care? Okay, okay, wanna get to the meat, huh? He’s got 50+ steal speed! That’s it! It’s a wrap! Okay, he could hit 10 homers and .300. Whatevs! I don’t know why the Padres haven’t just put him on the squad already, but I bet it’s any moment. Grab him now, before it’s like trying to grab water out of a river. Poetic! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Aranda Freedom When Franco Wandered Into Hamate Chore Hour

July 11, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 308 Comments

by: Grey

This weekend Wander Franco hit the IL, and will see a doctor on Monday for his wrist and hamate bone and I want to die. Put me in a grave, shovel dirt on my head, and say your farewells. To be less histrionic and more just that down-home Grey that you’ve come to know and love, I want my woobie! Here’s Kenneth Cashman, the man behind Rotowear, mocking me:

pic.twitter.com/gtYGVhfIMe

— Kenneth Cashman (@kenneth_cashman) July 10, 2022

Okay, Wander Franco was barely a top 250th overall player this year on the Player Rater, so, while I expected more, if you’ve survived this long with (aka without) him, you’ll be fine moving forward. I have faith in youse, my large adult sons, and five adult daughters. Taking his place will be Jonathan Aranda, who was recalled. I will say this about Rays prospects, they roll right off the fingertips. Aranadaadadadadadadada, McClanahananananananananananan…Though Lowe’s a hard stop. Aranada was tearing up Triple-A. Hey, kinda like Brujan! And Josh Lowe! And literally every Rays prospect who comes up and fizzles. Aranda is a decent power guy with a solid hit tool. Think a young France. Call him Tintin. In most leagues, you can prolly find better guys on waivers. Now, get lost while I try to cure my Wander lust. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Author: Grey

Read some of Grey's 4921 posts

Too Hot To Handlario

Kelly Dusts The Old Bay Area Giants With A Visit to Merrill-Land

Bleday Is The Greatest Bleday I’ve Ever Known

Here’s Selling At You, Bogaerts

Top 100 for 2nd Half of 2022 Fantasy Baseball

Thank You Sir May I Please Half Another

Buying a Ticket to Nolan’s Batman Begins

Mmmm Is Used To Indicate Satisfaction, Or Miami Marlins’ Max Meyer

Did Jesse Juan I See? Doubleheader Home Run Spree

A View To Akil

Padres Ruiz The Hounds

Aranda Freedom When Franco Wandered Into Hamate Chore Hour