“When will it all click?” is an amorphous thing. Could it be immediately? Cody Bellinger was immediate; Fernando Tatis Jr. was pretty immediate; Juan Soto was immediate. Now that I list these immediate guys, I’m beginning to wonder if success too fast is bad for the player. Like the child actor of baseball. Do you want to put your hands on your cheeks with aftershave, and scream after being left alone when you’re 12, or do you want to Culkin in your late-30’s on Succession? Fighting for success is better? I don’t know, but you can’t put a time on anyone’s breakout. Shohei Ohtani was in the league for a few leagues, drafted around 220th overall that preseason, then he broke out. We’re seeing something similar this year with Jarred Kelenic. Could the same be true of Josh Lowe? This is a guy who we’ve been touting since 2019, when he went 18/30 in Double-A. Then he followed that with 22/26 and we were all convinced he was going to arrive — and arrive he did! — but with a yawn. He started the year with the Rays last year, but was quickly sent down, and went 14/25 in the minors, and people started whispering the dreaded Quad-A label. And these people weren’t even in a library! The problem at every stop was his strikeouts would Bialystock & Bloom and he couldn’t produce, but not this year. Finally, Josh Lowe doesn’t seem like the low man of Lowes, but more like the Lowe man. He’s cut his strikeouts by a huge margin and, if he’s hitting for power, and running like he always did without the Ks? Then the Josh Lowe bar is high. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:


Elias Diaz – Elias Sports Bureau said, “Our obscure trivia will never compare to the joy we have in seeing our firstborn in the Buy column, but if he falls off, then we’re back to telling you shizz you don’t need to know.”

Cal Raleigh – He’s nicknamed Big Dumper because he has a huge ass. It may never rain in SoCal, but it rains in Seattle and you can find shade south of Cal. The bottom line is perfectly round. Sir Mix-A-Lot is from Seattle, and Cal Raliegh was made in his ideal image. Baby Got Backstop.

Patrick Wisdom – Just gave you my Patrick Wisdom fantasy. It was written while hustling at the pool hall.

Wil Myers – Where there’s a Wil there’s a guy who has disappointed for…Holy crap, I just opened his player page to see the last time Myers was good was in 2017. Any hoo! Cincy is a good park, and he’s there.

Matt Mervis – This guy is 25 years old and sitting in Triple-A for the 2nd year. You really have to wonder if the Cubs are legitimately stupid.

Bryson Stott – Trying to mix in guys who would be available only in deeper leagues, and Stott is nott that. Would have to be a shallow league, because Stott should be rostered everywhere.

Vaughn Grissom – Absolutely love the bat, but I’ve cooled a bit on Grissom after seeing him botch a few routine grounders. Maybe the Braves weren’t playing hard ball, so to speak, so Grissom would sign a 12-year deal for twenty-seven bucks, maybe he really can’t play the field. If that’s true, Arcia might replace him when he returns. The Braves don’t need another bat in their lineup, they need defense from the bottom of their order.

Jordan Diaz – Here’s what I said the other day, “Called up by the A’s. The new Moneyball, which is No-Moneyball, and the A’s are making the most of their No-Money-having-selves. Diaz was tearing the cover off the ball in the minors. Sorry, that might be misleading. He hit one homer. He tore the cover off one ball. Rest of the balls remained covered. Itch said previously, “(Jordan is) a swing-heavy profile and decent-not-great athleticism are the only limiting factors for Diaz, who enjoyed a statistical breakout in 2022, slashing .326/.366/.515 with 19 home runs in 120 games across two levels. Listed at 5’10” 175 lbs, Diaz looks heavier than that to my eye, and although he might be almost maxed out physically, the upside on his kind of bat-to-ball skills (12.5 percent strikeout rate) is always a little hidden coming off the bus. Unless *fingers crossed* that bus runs over Grey.” Hmm, that’s not nice. He looks like a poor man’s Luis Arraez. Call him Luis I-need-a-raise.” And that’s me quoting me and Itch!

Lenyn Sosa – He swings a big hammer, and his strikeouts could make you sickle.

Edouard Julien – Similar to what I said for Grissom, but not so much the glove as what happens when Kyle Farmer returns? Does Jorge Polanco still exist? Will he ever return? I like Edouard, but his job could become jam-packed like the Grape’s underwear in the Fruit of the Looms commercials.

Taylor Walls – From the Buy Lowe window to the Walls, to the sweat drips down my drawers!

Mauricio Dubon – All I will say is he’s been hot and every announcer call for him homering sound be Du-BOING! Or “pop goes the Duboner.”

Zach Neto – Unlike Julian and Grissom, Neto is locked into a job as long as he doesn’t completely flame out like every BBQ restaurant says at the end of the night. Here’s what I’m said about Neto, “Angels made a huge move that no one foresaw, calling up Zach Neto. Homeboy’s like twelve years old. He wasn’t even rostered in my AL-Only leagues, and everyone’s rostered in my AL-Only leagues. I think one team rosters Mike Trout Jr. just in case someone takes a paternity test, finds out they’re Mike Trout’s long-lost son that he had when he was 15, and that would still make Mike Trout Jr. only 16 years old and three years away from impact and he’s rostered! Zach Neto was just written up in Itch’s top 15 for First-Year-Player Dynasty Drafts. In Itch’s top Angels prospects, he said, “Not many options for those seeking a college bat with speed who could cruise through the minors quickly enough to help you sometime soon in the standings. As a bonus, the Angels don’t have anyone blocking anything on the middle infield, with the possible exception of Luis Rengifo, who I’ve been adding and trading for across my leagues because I believe in his steps forward this season. One downside is Neto’s oversized leg kick, something he ditches with two strikes in favor of a contact-oriented approach. The big front leg isn’t necessarily bad, and I like that he’s got a two-strike approach, but he might need some adept coaching along the way in making the leap from Campbell and the Big South Conference. He’s hit well in wooden bat leagues against college arms, which assuages some of the small school concerns….(Then, Itch updated this year) Neto has in fact cruised through the minors quickly. He played 30 Double-A games and slashed .320/.382/.492 with four home runs and four stolen bases. It’ll be hard to hold him back in the minors if he replicates that success this coming season. He was seventh on this post-draft list and will be higher than that when I shuffle up and deal a new ranking. I’d like to shuffle my feet on Grey’s head, too.” Okay, not cool. I’ve tried to add Zach Neto in every league. He is that rare five category contributor. I guess that means Anime Grey in the video at the top of the page is way off with Luis Rengifo, who the Angels now seemed to have said RenGTFO. Oh well on that guy. I asked for a miracle when Oneil Cruz went down, and He sent me an Angel!” And that’s me quoting me quoting Itch! If it’s not clear, Neto is a top Buy this week.

Geraldo Perdomo – 2nd week in a row I’ve told you to pick up Perdomo and 2nd week in a row no one will pick up Perdomo. He is more of an NL-Only guy, and has no power, but some speed and has been hitting.

J.D. Davis – Just found out the lead singer of Korn is Jonathan Davis, and this guy’s name is Jonathan Davis Davis like a stuttering lead singer of Korn, and I’m feeling like a freak-freak on a leash-leash!

Jake Burger – Some weeks there’s great guys to pick up for 3rd base, and some weeks there’s a guy, whose name you forget at Wendy’s, so you refer to him as Jake Burger.

Jeimer Candelario – The worst team for collective fantasy value is the Tigers, but the 2nd worst team is the Nats. Where is Jeimer going next? Because I want to sell short all those players.

Brett Baty – Just gave you my Brett Baty fantasy. It was written at a bus stop while singing Time After Time.

Corey Julks – This guy is likely a Quad-A player, so stick out your tongue you get one grain of salt. With that said, he did go 31/22/.270 in Triple-A last year. Um, that’s kinda good.

Franchy Cordero – I’d tell you how many “posts” there are in front of “hype sleeper” for Franchy, but I lost count at 39.

Jarren Duran – With Duvall out, Duran has been playing. He has 50-steal speed, 10-homer power and might hit .170.

Michael A. Taylor – Don’t wipe your feet on this M.A.T. when you welcome him to your team. Taylor is mostly about where he is ranked on the 7-Day Player Rater.

Kyle Gibson – This is a Streamonator call like the call it makes to the last remaining Radio Shack.

Rich Hill – This is also a Streamonator call. “You have to stay in business. If I ever find that special someone, I want to get married at your store, surrounded by all my friends.”

Andrew Chafin – “What’s Chafin those Grapes?” That’s me asking the Grape Fruit of the Loom during a break in shooting of a Fruit of the Loom commercial. Miguel Castro and Scott McGough might also start seeing Dbags saves, if Chafin struggles.

Carlos Estevez – There’s just something so funny about filming a commercial of fruit wearing underwear. Sorry, that image is stuck in my head like an earworm but for a brain. Uh, Estevez is the Angels’ closer.

Daniel Bard – Wanna go from the high of an image of a giant Grape getting into underwear and the sobering reminder we’re all a “guy cuts in front of us at Kroger’s” from cracking into pieces? Bard is hopefully fine after returning from his IL stint for anxiety, and back to saving games.

Brad Boxberger – Grab Boxberger and Jake Burger and rename your team, Two All Beef Patties…

A.J. Puk – Put Arange Juice Puk into a White Bronco and get the Marlins into some leads and let’s collect some saves! There’s also the incredibly helpful Reliever Log to see who might be saving games.

Jose Alvarado – Phils’ closerousel is horses moving up and down, going in a circle, with clown masks on the horsies’ faces. Rob Thomson is currently in the horsey saddle for Jose Alvarado.


Juan Soto – It’s with a heavy heart like I’m an obese giraffe that I’m not sure Juan Soto is as good as we thought. We’ve seen this trajectory before, and by trajectory I mean whatever the eff happened to Christian Yelich. Dude became obsessed with killing worms, and started hitting everything into the ground and now Juan Soto looks like he can be defended by everyone sitting down and resting, except the 2nd baseman. His expected batting average stinks, but Sexy Dr. Pepper is more like Stinky Dr. Pepper, because he’s not even being unlucky according to expected stats. He’s gone from an xBA of .332 to barely .250. He’s gone from a guy who I’d expect 45 homers from to, “Can he please get to 20 homers?” I still think he has value, and I wouldn’t sell him for a ticket on the Goodyear Blimp to see a live reenactment of the Hindenburg, but I would check out our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.