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I wrote the title, Nick Pivetta, 2024 Fantasy Sleeper, and I began to howl. I was howling. I opened my door and looked up in the sky, blinding myself by the sun. I had to make sure it wasn’t night time or a full moon. I am not a werewolf, so I was howling because I wrote Nick Pivetta, 2024 Fantasy Sleeper. Since howling is not the reaction one should have when writing a sleeper post, I deleted it and wrote MacKenzie Gore, 2024 Fantasy Sleeper

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There’s some starting pitcher sleepers for 2024 fantasy baseball, or any year, honestly, who take about two seconds to locate, depending on how long it takes you to open your eyes and the latest ADP charts. The former should be a millisecond, depending on the amount of Ambien you’re taking, and the latter depends on your internet connection. Scan all the pitchers and try not to bulge your eyes too much like you’re an MLB mascot with Graves disease when you see Braxton Garrett around pick 190 overall.

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Took part in my first 2024 fantasy baseball draft, and, if this is any indication, pitchers are getting drafted like geese in Duck, Duck, Goose if that were played on the course of a marathon. Ducks are hitters; pitchers are geese. It’s like this: Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, GOOSE! Then a run that is marathon-length where pitchers go one after another forever, then, finally, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, GOOSE! And another run of pitchers that gooses on forever. Eventually, it calms in the 100’s when all pitchers are picked so dry you’re left thinking, “Yu Darvish has one bad elbow, but his non-throwing arm seems fine.” Okay, for those of you who don’t know, this is a two-catcher, 15-team league that is draft and hold — there are no waivers. Bunch of Razzballers got together and took part in the 50-round slow draft. Hopefully we get another going soon. Stay tuned. Anyway, here’s my Draft Champions draft recap:

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Shohei Ohtani is The Unicorn. This is not disputed anymore. It’s fact. Check your Encyclopedia Brittanica. It says it under Unicorn, The. Edouard Julien has some unicorn qualities. Not in the same ways as Ohtani, clearly. He’s not going to give you a Quality Start with 12 Ks, obviously. He’s one-of-a-kind in a way more recognizable way. Call him The Unicode.  ASCII not what Edouard Julien can do for you, but what you can do–Actually, ASCII what The Unicode can do. He is better than the guy who gets his drink from the barista counter, then proceeds to stand there texting for ten minutes and blocking everyone else, that’s The Unichode.

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Decided to do a little search of 2nd half splits. I don’t necessarily believe that all guys who were good in the 2nd half last year will just continue their great hitting into the 1st half of 2024. Some guys may just be 2nd half hitters. Some guys might’ve just had a hot, say, August, and it’s making their 2nd half look better than it was. Other guys might just had a good 2nd half, and that’s all it was.

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I love trying to find sleepers. It’s the hunt. It’s like the ultimate big-game hunting, only I’m not on safari asking a guide, “Did I just get malaria from that mosquito? No? Great.” Then three minutes later, “Do you think I just got malaria from that mosquito? No? Terrific.” Then three minutes later in perpetuity for the next two weeks. It’s that without mosquito-borne diseases. That’s me, bros and five sisters! Jordan Westburg, he came to me in a flash-bang while I was out big-game sleeper hunting. I was perusing Statcast for exit velocity, as a nerd might do.

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Ya know what I’m finding myself keen on more than in years past? Using the phrase ‘keen on?’ Close, but no. Guys who don’t strike out much and hit for a nice average. Getting all mature in my fantasy baseball wonts. Like a big ol’ smart nerd! Not a dumb nerd like someone who plays fantasy baseball and keeps going after guys who will hit .210 because they’re sexy. Hey, one love to Jack Suwinski, but I’m eyeing his teammate, Ke’Bryan Hayes.

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The Dodgers have spent more than $1.1 billion this winter with the signings of Yoshinobu Yamamoto, Shohei Ohtani and Tyler Glasnow. Eight teams haven’t spent a million. Is this [watches a butterfly flap out of one’s hand] competitive balance? So, the Mets’ owner Steve Cohen flew to Japan, took him out to dinner and Yamamoto went home with the Dodgers. [searching PornHub for cuckold, seeing a video of Steve Cohen paying the check for Yamamoto’s dinner] Damn, that’s brutal. Yamamoto was also rumored to possibly be on the Giants’ radar, but Yoshinobu saw a news report of a smash and grab at a vape shop in The Castro, and decided against San Francisco. Ouch. As I believe I said before, how about rather than the Dodgers buying free agents, they just get all the free agents and tell us which ones they don’t want. Might be easier that way. 

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There’s going to be guys who are sleepers for friends and family leagues and there will be sleepers for deep leagues, and there might be sleepers for both. Imagine Nelson Velazquez won’t fall into the Both category. He feels to me like a guy who will get a lot of helium in those “We’re Smart” leagues. They’re not actually “Smart” leagues, but if you play in a deep league, you think you’re smart. I’ve said many times that I think shallow leagues are just as hard. Or just a shard if glass is reading. In shallow leagues, it’s a nonstop debate if a guy is producing enough, even if they’re supposed to be great down the road. In “smart” leagues, you usually can’t do anything after your draft that makes much of a difference. That doesn’t make things smarter. With that said, I think Nelson Velazquez will be appreciated readily in “smart” leagues but shouldn’t only be in “smart” leagues. This guy is a dumb league guy too! Wait until you hear what he did last year (at the age of 24!), you’re gonna blow your freakin’ lid, smarties and dummies alike! In Triple-A and the majors combined, he hit 33 homers, stole seven bags and, holy schnike balls, I see why those smarties are in on this guy. Let’s see if we can convince the dummies! So, what can we expect from Nelson Velazquez for 2024 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

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Wrote an Anthony Santander sleeper last year, and he’s still kinda asleep. I wrote a Cedric Mullins sleeper a few years ago, and he woke, then went back to sleep for his draft season. Wrote a Taylor Ward sleeper last year and loved him so freakin’ much, and he’s a sleeper still, because he disappointed. That is a few outfielders who come to mind that I saw being drafted late: Noted they were sleepers, but chose to ignore them because I had been there before. I don’t want to go over the same guys again. Think that gets as stale to read as it is to write. With that said (HA!), here’s what Itch said about Sal Frelick previously

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