JoJo Buy Wa

Jordan Walker has fooled me a few times before. Ya know what they say: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. There is no “fool me three times.” Fool me four times, and I’m calling an attorney to see if I can get a No More Foolsies Order put into place by a court of law. Fool me five times and my attorney and I are no longer speaking because he said, “I have to start taking clients who can pay me,” and I am now representing myself in a court of law and pleading with the judge using wording I heard on Law & Order and asking the judge to call me Benjamin Bratt and telling the judge, “I am Bratt. Also, I object to being fooled any more!” Fool me six times, and I’ve given up fighting the fooling and I am once again in love with Jordan Walker. Oli Marmol said that Jordan Walker will play every day. He said this the other day, and I am currently turning a DeLorean I bought off eBay into a time machine to travel back and play him to himself before last year when he took all of Walker’s rookie, forward momentum and stalled his entire career. Or back to this Wednesday, when he benched him randomly. That benching will stop, because I was told there’s no such thing as fooling someone seven times. Welp, I regret to inform I still love Walker. He is still crazy young, if you’re wondering about dynasty leagues, and crazy talented. I believe he could be a 35/10/.265 hitter as soon as next year. For this year, trust the talent. Not like he’s ever fooled us before. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

SIKE! This post was released on Wednesday for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:

BUY

Pedro Pages – If he went by Peter Pages, or better yet, Petey Pages, he’d be a Marvel superhero in alias mode. Sadly, he’s Pedro and just a hot catcher off waivers. Unless there’s a Spanish comic book from Marvello where Pedro Pages can take down The Jokerino.

Seth Brown – Corner infidels are a little whack this week. Sometimes you get a whack week and sometimes you get a week whacker.

Justin Turner – Damn, who is this young prospect! Let’s do some research on him. [googling Justin Turner] Hmm, Google answered by telling me how long a carrot is good in the refrigerator.

Ty France – Yeah, I’m a bit of a trivia buff. For instance, did you know the French tie their sneakers using their tongue?

Brendan Rodgers – Faintly recalled Rodgers being good more or less for the whole year, and that’s what you call a Blink that is totally wrong. He has not been good all year. Not for fantasy, at least. He has been hot recently though.

Will Wagner – Jays get me very aggravated. I don’t know why Schneider insists on hitting Springer and Varsho at the top of their order and Clement and Wagner (or Horwitz or Barger or Loperfido) at the bottom of the lineup. Even if you think Springer and Varsho are better hitters (they’re not), they’re more middle-of-the-order hitters and you want young guys getting as many ABs as they can. [sighs for five minutes] Anyway, Wagner makes great contact and might be a .290 hitter.

Santiago Espinal – Mentioned this before, but as I go over each hitter in this post (who are all hot), I also look at their stats to reacquaint myself. Espinal’s stats threw me a little. He’s having a nice season! Getting hurt by counting stats being doodie, but that’s more a function of how much he plays and where he hits. He looks like a neutral 15/15/.275 hitter. That’s not bad!

Connor Norby – Yes, I’m already thinking about my Connor Norby sleeper post for next year. It’s a sickness.

Orlando Arcia – He’s been hot, and worth grabbing, so don’t take this the wrong way, but he’s one of the worst hitters in baseball on the year. A near-.275 OBP should be grounds for benching by the Braves. It won’t, but it should be.

Jose Tena – Already gave you my Jose Tena fantasy. It was written while saying ahhhh to the doctor.

Coby Mayo – Not to be outdone, Twins brought up a guy named Helman.

Max Schuemann – No one can tell apart Schuemann from Schneemann, it’s not just you. There’s a new Who’s On First making its rounds right now in synagogues across the country. “Who’s Schuemann?” “Schneemann!” “Who’s Schneemann?” “Schuemann!” “Margaret, your son sounds like he’s having a stroke.”

Mickey Moniak – From Pedro Pages to Will Wagner to Schuemann to Schneemann to Mickey Moniak, this post was brought you by the word “alliteration.” Pedro Pages picked woobly weebles by Will Wagner so Schuemann and Schneemann can make a monkey outta Mickey Moniak.

Mike Yastrzemski – Carl’s Jr. Jr. hitting sliders at the plate. And that’s just what he’s doing at the ballpark, Frank. If your name is Frank.

Victor Robles – This guy also frustrates me when I see him hitting 9th and Jister P Crawford hitting leadoff and struggling to hit .200.

Garrett Mitchell – Shampoo has been one of the hottest bats in the game, and still doesn’t play every day, but that frustrates me less because the Brewers actually have options.

JJ Bleday – Nearly made him the lede this week, but held back because it feels like Bleday should be rostered in more than 50% of leagues by now. If he’s not rostered in your league, then by all means.

Kyle Stowers – Opposite of Espinal’s blurb above, went to look at Stowers, and came away a little disappointed, expecting to be happier with his stats. Been hot for power, and not much else, and don’t see a super bright future in his numbers unless he makes some adjustments.

Randal Grichuk – It’s funny (not funny) how some guys manage to squeak out a long career with very meh stats. Grichuk’s been kinda meh going back five years, and wouldn’t be shocked if this is his last year. Feels like just yesterday he was complaining about hitters showboating on homers and now he’s old enough that complaint doesn’t sound weird coming from him.

Lars Nootbaar – Always underwhelms when I look at his numbers. Expectations for him are higher than maybe they should be. Could be because he has a Grade A name. If he had some normie name like Jim Smith, would we look at his highs of 14/11/.261 and expect more? I’m not sure.

Trevor Larnach – Saw that Larnach is in an expected platoon, then looked at who his platoon partners are, and it’s Kyle Farmer, Michael Helman and Austin Martin, and that brings me to my point. Just because someone is a lefty it doesn’t mean you have to platoon them.

Tobias Myers – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to ChatGPT main offices.

Miles Mikolas – This is also a Streamonator call. “Oh, I’m just a robot looking to chat.”

Aroldis Chapman – Earlier this week, Dennis Santana got the save because Aroldis faced the better part of the opposing team’s lineup, which tells ya that Aroldis is the closer on most days. On a related note, wonder how long until Shit-The-Bednar is back at it freakin’ in the sheets. I doubt the Pirates are done with him completely. He might even get saves by this coming week. Not that you need to pick up Shit-The-Bednar in redraft leagues, but that’s the kind of sly dynasty league pickup you can make and might snag yourself a closer for next year.

Porter Hodge – Getting saves now, but speaking of next year, Hodge gonna be on so many of my teams if he’s being drafted around 150+ in drafts, which I imagine he will be. At least in very early drafts.

Evan Phillips – As BDon and I said on this week’s podcast, Dodgers prolly want Phillips to close. Could it be Kopech for saves? Yeah. They have The Ding-Dong Merchant Dave Roberts managing them, so who knows, and Kopech has just been so good.

Manuel Rodriguez – His numbers seem clearly pointing to Uceta being better, which is why the Rays are using Rodriguez. It makes sense if you think about it through the prism of a billionaire who cries cheap.

Ben Joyce – The other day he threw a fastball — ACKSUALLY — dotted a fastball on the black at 105.5 MPH, which has me thinking all sorts of things. In 15 years, we’re gonna have guys throwing 110 MPH like en bee dee. Also, why is Ben Joyce so miserable for strikeouts with this kind of stuff? It is very Angels to: “Ben Joyce broke the sound barrier with a pitch last night, as the Angels lost 6-2.”

SELL

Marcus Semien – So, Semien was one of my biggest sells at the All-Star Break. I told you the week before the Break, and I told you again during the Break. Breaking Semien, for sure, because this sperm bank is shooting blanks going back months. Semien has singlehandedly tanked the Texas Rangers like a teenaged Chuck Norris working his karate chop. Semien’s numbers are the kind of stats you just don’t come back from, sadly. Not sure where he’ll be drafted next year, but it won’t be low enough. His numbers scream career decline, as Semien no longer *ahem* creams balls. If you’re in a dynasty league, then I wouldn’t trade Semien for an AI-generated girlfriend who lives one town over, but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.