Since there was only one game this week and players haven’t been able to get hot or cold or humid, this Buy/Sell is going to be slightly different. This Buy/Sell includes players that are owned in more than 50% of leagues. Okay, that’s not different for the Sells, but it does change the Buys. “Hello? No, not trying to change them, I’m talking about B-U-Y-S. Thanks, you too!” That was GLAAD calling me about potential insensitivity. I have not triggered anyone in almost three days, unless you count that fisherman I saw with a pipe that I called “Hipster Popeye.” As I mentioned in my top 100 for the 2nd half of 2018 fantasy baseball, my biggest Buy of the 2nd half is Brian Dozier. He’s about to come on in the 2nd half like he’s Mickey Maris in 1927 with Barry Bonds’s personal trainer. For the 2nd half, I gave Dozier the projections of 44/17/47/.274/5 in 265 ABs. Every single year he attacks the 2nd half like a shark attacks a tourist floating on a side beef. Hey, tourists, don’t float on a side of beef! That is rule number one. Literally all rules in the world come after that rule. You absolutely should buy Dozier, and on the pronto. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome, prematurely balding men and five women who are married to prematurely balding men and decided if you can’t beat them, join them! Make yourself comfortable, this is gonna be a long post. Here, enjoy some coffee. Oops, you just drank rat poison. I should’ve used different mugs. Don’t worry, it can’t be worse than owning Byron Buxton in the 1st half. Oh, you owned him and that’s why you drank the poison! Now, I’m following! Hey, I’m supposed to be leading! Before we get into the top 100 for the 2nd half of 2018 fantasy baseball, let’s just be glad our 18-year-old selves can’t see us now, we’d get beat up! But our twelve-year-old selves would think we’re the coolest! So, as with all of the other 2018 fantasy baseball rankings, take this list with a grain of salt. If you need a 2nd baseman, but an outfielder is above him that doesn’t mean you can’t trade that outfielder for that 2nd baseman. Also, things change in fantasy baseball. Daily. I could put Jose Ramirez number four on the top 100 list for the second half of 2018 and he could pull a–Well, we won’t even mention an injury with Jo-Ram. Why soil a good thing, ya know? This list is a road map for where I think guys are valued. It’s not the Holy Grail in the Church of Grey, that would be my mustache. This list is NOT (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) where I see guys ending up if you were to take their first half and combine it with the 2nd half. This is simply a list of the top hundred fantasy baseball players if you were to pick them up today. So while Bryce Harper did not have the greatest first half, he will appear on this list because, well, we have to believe in miracles — my 12-year-old self would want that, and to sleep with Cher. The projections are not their combined 1st half and 2nd half numbers; these are their projections for the 2nd half of 2018. I also liberally used our rest of the season Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. That’s right, we have a Player Rater that tells you what players will do. It’s like that camera from The Twilight Zone. Welcome to the future! Anyway, here’s the top 100 for fantasy baseball for the 2nd half of 2018:Please, blog, may I have some more?
*visoring your eyes with your hand, squinting at the light as you emerge from your mother’s basement* “Hey, mom, it’s the All-Star break and I thought I’d come up to say hello.” Where the house once stood, it’s now a Whole Foods, and you’re standing in the cheese aisle. Confused, you approach a man in Birkenstocks, “Excuse me, is this 450 Palm Terrace Road?” “It is.” “Wasn’t there a row of houses here?” “Back in March, they bulldozed this area when the yuppies won a city ordinance that says there needs to be a Whole Foods within at least three-quarters of a mile of another Whole Foods.” You reel back, overwhelmed with how your family is gone and how you’ve been living in a Whole Foods basement. You turn to an employee, “I need to sit down, and can I get a free sample of any cheese?” You smile, revealing Cheetos-dusted teeth, and thus begins your All-Star break. Tomorrow, I’ll drop the top 100 for the 2nd half, then there will be a Buy/Sell again Friday morning. One guy who will have extra time this All-Star break will be Mike Matheny. Last week it was revealed, Mike McNulty set up a sting operation in the Cards’ bullpen to see if everyone was doing their best with Bud “Bubbles” Norris as his informant. Then when the Cards fired Donnie Brasco Matheny, he might’ve took his informant with him, because Jordan Hicks (1 IP, 1 ER) got Sunday’s save and Norris came down with mysterious arm concerns. I’d absolutely grab Hicks. You know what’s the difference between Hicks and Norris? One makes you say, “Ooh MPH…” The other makes you say, “Oompha.” Also, usually I ignore trade rumors, but at this time of the year, you should be extra vigilant about backing up closers because at any point in the next two weeks a closer could get traded and you don’t want to leave it up to getting to the waiver wire before everyone else. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Nick Williams was a popular preseason breakout target. Or tar-jay, if a soccer mom is reading. Targot, if you just returned from Target. Targo, if you’re eating escargot after going to Target. Tarshouldget, if Target doesn’t carry your size. Tarheel, if you stepped into tar then into Target. Tarnishes, obviously means your Target carries knishes, so you must be in Brooklyn, and it’s ironic. Tarte tatin, you’re wearing a hat made of slow roasted apples on your head in a Target. Whatever Target applies, wanna know why Williams was a popular preseason pick? C’mon, sit on my lap and I’ll tell ya. Metaphorically! Get off my lap, you weirdo! *sprays Lysol on legs* Really wish you didn’t touch my legs. So, Nick Williams had 15 HRs, 5 SBs and a .280 average in his last year of Triple-A, in only 78 games (!). He’s still only 24 years old. I know, he failed to live up to hype last year. OR DID HE?! Ooh, you heard of reversible umbrellas? That was a reversal question. Not similar at all. He only played in 83 games last year, a sloppy prorater would say he could’ve had 24 homers last year and hit .288. Maybe he doesn’t fully break out until next year (yes, he will be a sleeper), but he’s been hot in the last week, and on pace for another 24-homer season and has lowered his Ks. Plus, you don’t need to go to Target to buy him! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I wanna geek out for a second. You with me? Orf course you are, because I say “Orf course” and you’re still reading! Entering yesterday’s game Anthony Rendon (3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th and 15th homer, hitting .285) was 19th overall for 3rd basemen on the Player Rater, in a virtual tie with Miguel Andujar and Ryon Healy and right behind Derek Dietrich. Hey, over-the-internet friend, that’s awful. Third basemen are not exactly stacked like hamburgers at IHOB either. There’s seven top tier ones ($17+). For context, there’s ten elite shortstops. There’s 16 shortstops at $11+, and only eleven 3rd basemen. I don’t think you heard me, Derek Dietrich has been more valuable than Rendon so far this year, or sofa if you’re reading in a furniture store. Rendon already spent the 1st half taking the craps out, so, yo, I think he can roll up to 7 at the position by season’s end. The route he’s taken has definitely been the hard way. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Was thinking about this the other day. Bear with me, it’s not fully formed (like the rest of this shizz). Is there a higher upside move than becoming a magician? David Blaine scored, Penn & Teller seemed to have done all right for themselves, Siegfried & Roy did fine until that white cat went ape…But how about all of the 18-year-old’s who are like, “Mom, Dad, I’m declining the full ride to Brown. I want to do this…” *pulls sheet off table to reveal their daughter sawed in half* “Oh, crap. Marci?” The world is littered with failed magicians! You want upside? There’s no greater upside call than deciding you want to be a magician for the rest of your life. The Indians team? They’re all freakin’ magicians! Hey, Jose Ramirez (2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 26th and 27th homer), you’re David Blaine! Francisco Lindor (1-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 25th homer)? You’re David Blaine! Michael Brantley (2-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs)? You’re David Blaine! You’re all David Blaine! We even have some David Blaine magic for Jason Kipnis (2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in the last three games). If you went Francisco Lindor and Jose Ramirez with your 1st two picks, you’re also a magician, according to the Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. (The other way to look at this theory is only a handful of knuckleheads are actually stupid enough to want to be a magician, and the world is not littered with failed magicians and no one is turning down a free ride to an Ivy League school to become a magician, but we don’t talk about this part of the Upside Magician Theory.) Thank you, Jose Ramirez and Francisco Lindor and all the Indians, I believe your magic is real. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Trevor Bauer continued to keep the drool moist on his owners’ chins — 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.30. The other day some ‘perts listed their biggest surprises of the 2nd half, and one (maybe more) talked about how surprised they were about Bauer. Yeah, shocker. *insanely long pause, staring straight ahead* Really, really surprised. *just a dead-eyed stare, slowly picks up Capri Sun, sips real slow on tiny straw, lets out long burp* Yup, no one saw that coming. Yesterday, it was too bad, Cody Allen had an epic Kazaam — 2/3 IP, 6 ER, moving his ERA up to 4.66. I’m just going to sit down for a second. Aw geez, it hurts to sit. I’m going to lie on my stomach. Make the pain go away. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
With Aaron Nola, I should likely talk about Zydeco, but he reminds me of Paul Simon’s quote about Graceland. Vampire Weekend was criticized for copying his signature style, which is absurd since he copied it from African artists, and Simon copped to that. He said, “In a way, we were on the same pursuit, but I don’t think you’re lifting from me, and anyway, you’re welcome to it, because everybody’s lifting all the time. That’s the way music grows and is shaped.” Without every great pitcher to come before, would there be Aaron Nola? I know what I know, and I lost Nola this year. Like I lost Carlos Carrasco and Corey Kluber previous years. I long for them when the diamond’s on the sole of their shoes. Every year, I have guys I’m targeting as my ace whose preseason prices aren’t out of control yet. Well, Nola went from fringe Grey-ownership this year as possibly my ace to not going to be able to own him until he falters one year down the road. That sucks, and not sucks as in good, but sucks as in bad. Yesterday, Nola went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 10 Ks, to lower his ERA to Marla Gibbs’ address 2.27. When he’s on other people’s teams next year and I say I would never draft him because his price is too high, remember, I see losing love is like a window in your heart. Everybody sees you’re blown apart, everybody feels the wind blow. In Nola, in Nola. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Many of you might not realize this, but I try to stay consistent in advice. When you write 3,000 words/day, sometimes things get blurred. I like so-and-so and don’t like that so-and-so, then the first so-and-so gets cold and I no longer like that so-and-so or the 2nd so-and-so gets hot and I like him, so I no longer like so-and-so, but do like that so-and-so. Or sometimes I’m just so-so on a particular so-and-so, but that so-so is fluid and a so-and-so can become a little more than just so-so or a little less than just so-so. BTW, those who just Googled for “so-so fantasy advice,” welcome! You’re at the right place. So, my so-so feelings on Nathan Eovaldi have moved up, and he is rattling off irrefutable evidence that he should be owned. Yesterday, Eovaldi took a perfect game into the 7th, ending up with 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.35, and, outside of one start in Yankee Stadium, he hasn’t allowed more than four earned runs in any start. He’s thrown three starts with one hit or less! Johnny Lasagna may have been exposed as a noodle arm, but the Italians still have Rachel Ray’s E-O-V-A. Eovaldi is now at 8.2 K/9, 1.1 BB/9, 3.36 xFIP; those numbers suggest he should be owned in every league, and I’m in agreement. The origin story film, Velo, may have received mixed reviews, but is a guaranteed crowd pleaser, and I loved Jordan Hicks’ cameo. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I want to transport you back to Jason Heyward‘s first career MLB at-bat. They called him The J-Hey Kid. Bobby Cox called the then-20-year-old a future Hall of Famer. Reggie Jackson said of the sound of the ball off Heyward’s bat, “Everyone’s hits sound like they’re ‘in AM’ and Heyward’s hits sound like they’re in stereo.” No one questioned why Reggie Jackson was commenting on a then-Atlanta Braves outfielder. Darryl Strawberry said Heyward reminded him of himself before his career was derided by drugs. Nothing ominous there; don’t read into that at all. Then-president Obama said, “Heyward’s legacy will be maintained as well as my own,” and the accolades flowed. Then, in his first at-bat, he homered. He won Rookie of the Month accolades in both April and May. Was selected, as a rookie, to the All-Star Game and now you better not let anyone ever hear you compare Heyward’s rookie exploits to Acuña or you will get popped in the mouth. Well, that was an abrupt reversal. This year, at the age of 28, he has five homers and zero steals while hitting .287. He’s a different hitter. Brucely, until this year, he hadn’t been a hitter for five years, but more of a defensive specialist. He’s hitting .410 in the last week with a homer and I could see grabbing him for average and runs as he’s now The J-Okay Kid. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?