Before I get into our 1st schmohawk post (I’m including you, because without you there’s no me; wanna hug? I’m kidding, don’t touch me), a quick remembrance. One loyal Razzball Reader, Simply Fred, kept a running tally of how many times I nailed my schmohawk posts. I think at last tally I was 25 for 27 over the last five years. Something like that. The point is I don’t know the number, because around Christmas time of this year, we lost Simply Fred. He passed suddenly around the holidays. He was one of our most loyal readers, and he will be missed, especially around the time of the yearly of the schmohawk posts. In his honor, MattTruss, who runs our Razzball Commenter Leagues, is changing the championship trophy of the ECFBL league that Simply Fred was a part of to the Fred Barker Memorial Trophy, a worthy gesture for a worthy man. Any hoo! Jose Ramirez is a schmohawk. This is so freakin’ obvious to me that it almost makes me question myself, because literally no one else is saying this about Jose Ramirez. Could I really be the only one that recognizes how obvious this is? I feel like Queen Isabella when she used cover her giant bosoms with bras that were hand-painted with round globes and Spanish men would be like, “She ain’t flat, but the earth is, so her luscious breasts are factually incorrect.” Thankfully, Christopher Columbus recognized the beauty of Isabella’s chest, raised his mast and sailed west. Anyway, what can we expect from Jose Ramirez for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?Please, blog, may I have some more?
The best 2019 fantasy baseball team is a misnomer. Thankfully, none of us know what misnomer means. Sounds to me like someone tentatively wants to date the Travelocity Gnome’s daughter, “Miss Gnome, er, you wanna grab some boba and chill?” Miss Gnome brushes back her hair and bats her eyelashes that are almost as long as her two-and-half foot body, “I’d love to,” but her voice is high-pitched, which is a turn-off, so you cancel plans with her repeatedly until she gets the hint. Sorry, Miss Gnome, I like my women’s voices low like their stature. Any hoo! So the title is a bit of a superlative. What was I gonna say, “The Mostly Kinda Good Fantasy Baseball Team?” You’ll get over your scoffing; I have faith in you. This is the best 2019 fantasy baseball team that I can put together when drafting from my top 100 for 2019 fantasy baseball and top 500 for 2019 fantasy baseball. Honestly, I could draft another 25 teams from those lists, and they’d all be different, but equally terrific… Well, one of the twenty-five would only be sorta terrific, but it would be really hard to tell which one that is. If I took Adalberto Mondesi in the 2nd round, everything after would change. If I took Javier Baez in the 1st round, everything after would change. I’ve previously gone over my 2019 fantasy baseball draft prep for the first few rounds and pitchers pairings. For this exercise, I’m taking Trea Turner first, because, well, people complain I always did this post by taking Mike Trout first, so I’m switching it up, like when you combover right instead of left. Until pick 100, I’m taking one guy somewhere in every fifteen picks. It would be nice if I was in a league where someone drafted Scherzer and deGrom in the first two rounds and I was able to take Bryce Harper in the 2nd round (which is very likely), but since Treat Urner and him are in my first 14 picks, according to the rules I’ve set up for myself, I can’t take them both. Then, as we all know, once you get into the 100s, there’s wide gaps between ADP and where players are actually taken. People tend to look at team need over value. So for this exercise, once I get to pick #101, I’m going to pick two players every twenty picks. Finally, because there is so much latitude in the last 300, I gave myself free reign to fill up my team. Throughout the draft, I also gave myself the ability to reach to a lower draft pick, but not reach forward. Or reach around, if you’re feeling frisky. It should still be my ideal team… Or not. Let’s see, shall we? Bee tee dubya, this team is a 12-team, 5×5, one catcher, 5 OFs, MI, CI, 1 UT, 9 P, 3 bench, just like the Razzball Commenter Leagues (go sign up). Anyway, here’s the best 2019 fantasy baseball team:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here’s a post that’s gonna make you wanna slap ya mama and tell her Don Magic Juan sends his best. The other day I told you how to draft your pitchers for 2019 fantasy baseball. I laid it out to you nice and simple (if you have a degree in “What The Hell Is Grey Talking About?” Not a PhD, mind you. Just a BS.) Today, we forget all that jabberwocky on the who-ha and get down to business old school-style (which means if you don’t comprehend, I will hit you over the head with a baseball bat signed by Joe Clark.) What I’m hoping to lay out to you is who do you draft 2nd if you’ve drafted so and so first. I think it might be helpful to go through pairings for your 5 outfielders, all your middle and corner infielders too. I’m not sure I’ll have the time or patience to do them. We’ll see! Or not. Your choice. (Actually, my choice.) For easy reference, the royal we will be using the top 10 for 2019 fantasy baseball and the top 20 for 2019 fantasy baseball and the beginning of the top 100 for 2019 fantasy baseball. I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5, MI, CI, 5 OF, 1 Utility, 1 Catcher league, similar to our Razzball Commenter Leagues. (Sign up for multiple leagues, and beat the heck out of your frenemies or make new frenemies!) Anyway, here’s some pairings for the first two rounds of 2019 fantasy baseball drafts:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The intro for Yahoo’s 2019 fantasy baseball rankings reminds of a Dear John letter written by your ex-wife. Only your name is Kevin and she accidentally writes “John,” and doesn’t have a chance to proofread it because she’s bedding down your best friend. Read for yourself:
Sure, guys and five girl readers, “You’ll find your familiar Trouts’, the Betts’, the Martinez’, but questions remain.”
Yeah, I have questions that, uh, remain. How many Trouts have they ranked? The Betts’? Did they rank his entire family? The Martinez’? Is that like World War Z, but instead it’s, “An Apostrophe Z?”
“When should the first pitcher go off the board, and should there be more than one?”
Said like Ron Burgundy, “That’s not English.” Should there be more than one? Are Yahoo leagues this year one-pitcher leagues? I’m so confused. Did 100 monkeys with 100 typewriters, who only read Bleacher Report, write up this intro?
“Enough talk though. Let’s jump into the rankings!”
Ha! Was there enough talk? I’ve written more in this intro than they wrote. With that level of effort, they don’t even deserve this evisceration, but… *sharpens nails that look like the 108-year-old Asian man in the Guinness Book of World Records* …here goes nothing. For this post, I will be looking at the consensus Yahoo 2019 fantasy baseball rankings vs. my own 2019 fantasy baseball rankings.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Our 2019 Razzball leagues are in full signup mode. Today, I’m in dress-down mode. Casually coming for you in the middle of the night, wearing nothing but slippers and a multicolored housecoat that’s half open so you can see the family jewels while I apply my Ambi. Here’s what Grey thinks about you (repeat 17x). I’m about to blow my top as I let my aggravation Michael Bublé over. If you’re clutching pearls like Barbara Bush’s hologram, you’re better off looking at cute pet pics on Instagram, because I’m sharpening my pointer fingers, i.e., the fingers that I use to type! I am the Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it) and I’ve come for your children! See, because blog writing doesn’t pay so well, I’ve taken a second job as a bus driver, so I’m literally here for your kids. Like a baller! A shot caller! An “I’m outside of Hot Topic at the maller!” Now let’s open a window and defenestrate ESPN’s 2019 fantasy baseball rankings. To the tune of Ice Cube’s No Vaseline:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Fantasy Baseball War Room is back! I’m not saying the Fantasy Baseball War Room is back, as in, is a butt. So, if Sir Mix-A-Lot is reading, I’m truly sorry for the confusion. Our Fantasy Baseball War Room is one part draft tool, one part fantasy team evaluator, one part fantasy junkie’s s’s and g’s tool, one part holy, two parts smokes, three parts… How many parts is that so far? Cause it’s only really seven parts total. I think there’s one part kill-your-day-with-this-war-room-thing-a-maboob-as-a-pinwheel-spins in there too. Essentially, this helps you practice building a fantasy baseball team.
If you’re unfamiliar with our Fantasy Baseball War Room, it’s a draft tool to help you track where you are at any moment in a draft. It shows you if you have too many steals, homers… Or if your ERA or WHIP are too low. Or too high. Or if your lamb is still rare or should be turned (results vary on lamb). If you’ve already drafted a team, go into the War Room, enter your team and it shows you exactly how stacked/dreadful the team is. If you want to practice mocking for your Razzball Commenter League, do that too. (Fantrax waived $80 fees for us, so go join some Razzball Commenter Leagues!) If you’re in the middle of a draft, you can filter which guys are left that have the most home runs according to my projections. Or the most steals, or the most runs or the most whatever (only applicable if “Whatever” is a category in your league). If you’re in a bind, go into a Warm Room and take a shvitz. Ah…That’s better! There might be some bugs in our Fantasy Baseball War Room, just comment here and we’ll look into fixes. The default projections are mine from the 2019 fantasy baseball rankings. Also, Rudy’s projections are now up! They can be found at my ranking page that I just linked to or here: hitter projections and pitcher projections. There, you’ll see rankings for every conceivable league (OBP, OPS, Holds, etc). Anyway, here’s the step by step instructions on how to use the Fantasy Baseball War Room:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you’re like me most days, you’re sitting in your car beneath an underpass and writing ALF fan fiction, but today we have a different type of fantasy for you to engage in. No, not your fantasy where it’s you and that girl from high school in a tub of Alphabet Soup and you write her a love letter on her back in noodles! This is a fantasy baseball fantasy! Because you know what would be really cool? If you could join a fantasy baseball league that was against, like, 1000 other fantasy baseball teams. But not a 1000-person league, where people are trying to figure out who the back-up third baseman is on the Single-A Astros affiliate, the Corpus Christi Amscrayers. No, this is a 12-person league designed so you compete against eleven other people in your league, then 75 other leagues of twelve. That would be cool. Oh, wait, we’ve done that. It’s called the Razzball Commenter Leagues, and they’re back, and you don’t even have to be a commenter to join it! For a limited time only, get your loved one a fantasy baseball league! That’s right, your hearts go pitter-patter or you’re dead on the inside (my condolences). Since back in June when you abandoned your fantasy baseball team because it was totally sucking and you returned to your cubbyhole of leftover Chinese food and Teddy Grahams, you’ve longed for this day. As Bob Marley sang, this is your redemption song, mon. Or womon, for our five girl readers. It’s time again to join some fantasy baseball leagues!Please, blog, may I have some more?
From this post, life emerges. *toadstool morphs into frog, frog morphs into person, person types up this post* See! Darwinism at its most basic, and ‘basic’ like your girl who just wants a pumpkin spice latte and to play Candy Crush. It’s how basic is defined, yo. For these pitcher pairings, I’m going to be using our (my) 2019 fantasy baseball rankings. Notably, the top 20 starters for 2019 fantasy baseball, top 40 starters for 2019, top 60 starters for 2019, the top 80 starters for 2019 and top 100 starters. You can also just go to our Fantasy Baseball War Room. Okay, formalities out of the way. *rolls up sleeves, makes farting noise with hand under armpit, rolls down sleeve* Let’s get busy! Now, what is a pitcher pairing? It’s your plan for putting together a fantasy staff. A course of action, of course — of acoursion, naturally. If you have A pitcher, which B, C, D, E and F pitcher goes with him? Which is different than ‘F this pitcher,’ that’s what you say in May. You should have six starters. The sixth starter is Jimmy Nelson or take whoever you want. I suggest an upside pick. Nelson comes to mind. Or Ross Stripling. Touki Toussaint also comes to mind. Dereck Rodriguez anyone? I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5 and some variation of 9 pitcher leagues like the Razzball Commenter Leagues. Speaking of which, the RCL league signups will begin on Monday. (NOTE: What you are about to read is massively confusing. If it were found scribbled in a notebook, the FBI would be watching me. If Ed Kemper stood up and read this at the next prison Meet N’ Greet, no one would blink an eye.) Anyway, here’s pitcher pairings for pitching staffs for 2019 fantasy baseball drafts:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here I go, here I go, here I go again (again?). Girls, what’s my weakness? (Men who play baseball.) Okay, then. *insert GIF of Ariana Grande saying ‘Thank u, next’* Today, is the day in history known as, “Aw, sookie sookie, don’t need the nookie, Grey’s giving me a fantasy baseball cookie.” Or, more succinctly, the top 500 for 2019 fantasy baseball. A few years ago, the top 500 was only a top 300 for fantasy baseball. Before that, it was 16 AD and I was drafting in one-person leagues because no one knew fantasy baseball or baseball. In a few years from now, this is going to be a top 10,000 and I’m going to be ranking Mike Trout Jr. Jr. Jr. the 15th. Today, in this year, nineteen after twenty, comes the top 500 for 2019 fantasy baseball. Or as I like to call it, from Mike Trout A to chimpanzee. Actually, I don’t call it that. So, this post isn’t meant to send shockwaves through your system. The pipe cleaner that the doctor uses to get the clogged wax from your ears is meant for that. This is simply to give you an idea of where guys are ranked in relation to other positions. I.e., you know I like Jonathan Villar better than Gleyber Torres, according to the top 20 shortstops, but do I like Villar better than Domingo Santana? Okay, it’s not that simple. You’ll notice after the top 200, positions start to get clumped together. I might be the only fantasy baseball ‘pert to tell you this, but it doesn’t matter where, say, Tyler White is ranked vs. Blake Parker. If you need a closer, White isn’t going to help you. He can be ranked 50 spots in front of Parker and it doesn’t matter. That’s why I have the 2019 fantasy baseball rankings broken down by positions. If you need a 1st baseman, where Justin Smoak vs. Ryan Zimmerman matters, but where Smoak is ranked vs. Ketel Marte really doesn’t matter. Also, there’s no comments about players, which you really should know prior to drafting. In other words, Jose Altuve might be in the 20’s overall, but am I drafting him? Well, you’d know if you read the top 20 2nd basemen. There’s also a top 100 for 2019 fantasy baseball to help you. Also, the Fantasy Baseball War Room and tomorrow will be a pitchers’ pairing tool, then on Monday will be our Razzball league signups. Anyway, here’s the top 500 for 2019 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
One word about this top 100 for 2019 fantasy baseball, before I give you another 5,000 words. I’m going to avoid repeating myself from the position rankings in the 2019 fantasy baseball rankings. If you want to know my in-depth feelings about a player, then you need to go to his positional page, i.e., the top 20 1st basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball, the top 20 outfielders for 2019 fantasy baseball, the top 20 Gucci handbags for 2019– Ah, I almost got you. This post is meant to give you an idea where guys from different positions are in relation to each other. Since this post is only the top 100, there’s more players where this came from. 471 more, to be very exact. Next up, there will be a top 500 that will go to 571. Then, after that, there will be a top 7,500 that will go to 8,602, then a top 25,000 that will go to 28,765, then a top 600,000 that will go to 892,121, until we end up with a top kajillion in April that will go to a kajillion and one. Or maybe I’ll stop at the top 500. Yeah, that makes sense. Not to get all biblical on you, but this is the gospel. Print it out and take it to Mt. Sinai and it will say, “Win your 2019 fantasy baseball league, young prematurely balding man.” Projections were done by me and a crack team of 100 monkeys fighting amongst themselves because there were only 99 typewriters. Somebody please buy Ling-Ling his own typewriter! Also, the online Fantasy Baseball War Room is, uh, online. It might be a little wonky still, but working out kinks. Anyway, here’s the top 100 for 2019 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?