Zach G Stardusts The D-Backs Like That Cat From Japan

Yesterday, Zack Greinke went 2-for-3, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 2nd steal, hitting .300–Oops, sorry!  The only pitcher whose hitting stats matter are Shohei Ohtani, because he can’t pitch anymore.  That tracks logically.  Has any site that made Ohtani a hitter and pitcher clarified why?  Because there was public pressure to make him both?  Because he was going to do both?  Doesn’t every pitcher do both?  Ohtani’s not going to throw more than 50 IP this year, which is, what, a quarter of a full season for a starter?  That’s doing both?  I know, I’m just being a hater, but it does feel like there was a double standard given to Ohtani without him actually doing anything, and he had 25 IP thrown dating back to 2016.  Any hoo!  Greinke!  Yes, he was awesome again — 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.41.  His peripherals are also one of the few pitchers who is doing well that could do better — 9.4 K/9, 1.7 BB/9, 3.35 xFIP.  His velocity is down two miles per hour and I’d be lying if I said I was going after him hard, unless, of course, he’s eligible as a hitter.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Walker Buehler – 1 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.44, as he returned from the DL, and Dave Roberts was like, “Yeah, it’s a great idea to use the Cubs as a rehab game.  What could go wrong?!”  In other words, Dave Roberts was holding Gabe Kapler’s beer.  Buehler pitched in relief yesterday, but will be in the rotation next week and is a grab in all leagues where he was dropped, hopefully better results await him next time out.

Clayton Kershaw – 5 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.84, and out after 68 pitches.  How many non-rehab rehab starts does he need?  Yo, someone tell Dave Roberts about the minor leagues and how you can rehab there, just in case he’s forgotten.

Max Muncy – 2-for-3 and his 17th homer.  I can’t wait to see who is the breakout star next year for the Dodgers, because it definitely won’t be Muncy.  Bellinger and Taylor learned the hard way that in Los Angeles, you’re only young once and every other year you are post-Mean Girls Lohan.

Justin Turner – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .256.  The Gingerbeard Man has been more productive than I thought he would be in his return.  He’s still hitting .256, but his BABIP is low, and I could see that boosting a bit too.  Still not a fan fan, but he’s more of a meh than a bleh.  Resounding positivity!

Yu Darvish – His bullpen session, according to Maddon, “Did not go well.”  Sorry, but I’m laughing.  Why would it have gone well?  He’s likely been injured since last year when his numbers Wily Coyote’d off a cliff.  This is legitimately not hard to notice, right?  I can’t be the only one seeing this.

Albert Almora Jr. – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .318.  Maddon loves him some slap hitter at the top of the lineup, huh?  Should’ve been apparent after Jon Jay got 200+ ABs last year hitting leadoff for him.  Wasn’t because he was a fan of a strong government.  Maddon’s going to go to a statue unveiling of Austin Jackson and start screaming, “Hey man!  Hey man!  Listen here:  since Bochy ain’t got no heart maybe you’d like to see how a real man manages.  I bet you stay up late every night dreaming you had a real manager, don’t ya?”

Addison Russell – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .283.  Is he taking the career path of Andrelton Simmons?  Suddenly, he’s hitting for a good average and junky power?  Yo, Addison, you’re cancelled.  Addison Cancel, in fact.

Anthony Rizzo – 4-for-5, 1 run, 3 RBIs, hitting .243.  There is no reason why he should be able to be bought low — what, his last four seasons were anomalies? — but if you can, have at it.

Christian Yelich – Left with back tightness.  How does a 15-year-old have back problems?  C’mon, this is more unbelievable than season 2 of Marcella.

Jesus Aguilar – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer, and 3rd homer in the last three games.  Aguilar is the best Jesus in the history of–Okay, I don’t want hate mail.  He’s a top 3 Jesus.  Alou and Ivan DeJesus are obviously above him.  In the history of baseball, I was going to say.  Please, you heathens!

Junior Guerra – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.05.  He gave up four runs in the 1st three innings and it was, “Guerra!  Huh!  Good God!  What’s he good for?!  Absolutely nothing!  Say it again.”  Then Guerra settled down and the military-industrial complex won again.

Jose Peraza – 2-for-4 and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games.  He won’t appear in this afternoon’s Buy column, because I think he’s owned in too many leagues.  I could be wrong about this, and you should own him if he’s available.

Jesse Winker – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .270.  Since I can’t mention Winker without bagging on the Reds for their treatment of him, he’s batting sixth with a .380+ OBP.  Meanwhile, Tucker Barnhart is batting 2nd.  If I made that up, you wouldn’t believe me.

Anthony DeSclafani – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.45.  He’s making it easy to not rush into grabbing him in mixed leagues.

Jorge Bonifacio – Reinstated from his suspension.  I went over George Sunkenplace yesterday, use your scrolly finger and get at it.

Aaron Nola – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.48 vs. Tanner Roark – 6 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.10.  This matchup was billed as, “Where do people wear white suits?  Nola vs. Who wears white suits?  Mr. Roark.”

Rhys Hoskins – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, and 2nd homer in the past two games.  Member how I said about 18 hours ago he could get smoking hot?  Bring on the heat!

Andrelton Simmons – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer.  It doesn’t count extra, but Simmons crushed that homer over the Green Monster; it looked headed to outer space.  Maybe Andrelton was aiming for his mean neighbor’s house.  By the way, if you don’t have a mean neighbor, you are the mean neighbor.

Jaime Barria – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.40.  If you started him in Fenway, you have bigger pants turnips than I.  I wouldn’t even start him in Safeco (where he is next).

Jackie Bradley Jr. – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting over-.400 in the last week, two homers in the past three days.  Finally, hot schmotato alert for JBJ!

Brandon McCarthy – Hit the DL so the Braves could make room for the returning Acuña.  Hope they don’t expect Acuña to pitch.

Logan Morrison – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 9th homer.  Podcaster Ralph and I go over Logan Morrison in the last podcast.  Like that is enticing!  Ha!

Tim Anderson – 2-for-4 and his 16th and 17th steal, hitting .251.  I know it hasn’t been all peaches and cream for this sleeper of mine, but he’s on pace for a 25/35 season.  What do you have that’s better at MI?  Please expound for me.

Chris Davis – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games.  Okay, fine, for power, you can grab him.  He used to hit 15 homers in 25 games.  Now you might get five in 12.

Manny Machado – 1-for-3 and his 20th homer, hitting .303.  Machado unveiled his new home run trot yesterday.  It was his usual home run trot but wearing a Dodgers uniform under his Orioles one.

Nelson Cruz – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 21st homer, hitting .277.  There is no way to stop him from hitting *looks up his career numbers* 39+ homers if he plays in 140 games.

Mike Leake – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.01 vs. Jimmy Yacabonis – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 8.53.  This matchup of Leake vs. Yacabonis was blacked out in Poland because to ‘Leake/Yacabonis’ gets you 15-18 months in jail.

Sean Manaea – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners (1 BB), 2 Ks, ERA at 3.38.  The Stream-o-Nator didn’t like this start, so let’s see what it projected for him:  6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners (1 BB), 5 Ks.  I’d contest (as I’m about to do), Stream-o-Nator actually projected a line a tad better, depending on whether you think 3 extra Ks > giving up one less run.

Stephen Piscotty – 2-for-4, 1 run, hitting .253, hitting over .300 in the last week.  Did he make the Buy column coming later today?  Piscotty wants to know!  Piscotty wants to know!  The answer rhymes with ‘know.’

Michael Fulmer – 8 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.20.  There’s likely a way to figure this out, but it feels as if there are next-to-no games when a pitcher throws 7+ IP and gives up 4 or more runs, because coaches pull guys so quickly now.  Could just be hearsay evidence, which is me just going off what I remember.  Is that hearsay?  Yes, because I’m here saying it!

Nicholas Castellanos – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer:

Because he hits everything 145 MPH at a 7 degree angle. pic.twitter.com/sPwOKCtRUm

— Razzball (@Razzball) June 28, 2018

Brandon Belt – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .295.  He will either now hit five homers in the next seven games or not hit another home run until August.  There is literally no other option for him.

Chris Stratton – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.45 vs. Jon Gray – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.77.  I had to start both of these guys in one league and now I’ve got the sadness shakes.  Please hold me.  Metaphorically!  Why are you touching me?  Gross!  Not a bad start for both guys for a game in Coors.  Too bad this was in one of the best pitchers’ parks in the major leagues.  What in the holy eff is going on?  Are you literally a poop emoji?  Answer me true.  I hate the both of you.

Sam Dyson – 1 IP, 2 ER, and his 4th blown save in two chances.  Kidding, but not far off.  Amazing Bochy keeps going back to him.  Maybe amazing isn’t the right word…. Predictable, that’s the word.

DJ LeMahieu – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .280.  So, he wasn’t exactly the 45-homer hitter his April pace suggested.  Got it.

Nolan Arenado – 1-for-5 and his 19th homer, hitting .308.  I’ve collected a feather from every endangered bird of the last 200 years.  Let me show you them by this open window–NOOOO!!!  Torenado!!!

Jake Marisnick – 2-for-2 and his 7th homer.  Before the game, I looked at the Hitter-Tron, and it wanted me to grab Marisnick and make out with a toaster.  One out of two ain’t bad!

Lance McCullers – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.55.  Please go on a three-month streak where you’re melted butter on a lobster.  Please.

Carlos Correa – Hit the DL.  Quick recap:  guys I told you unequivocally to avoid this preseason:  (Whoa, dude, double colon!!!)  Josh Donaldson, Elvis Andrus, Carlos Correa, Tommy Pham and Aaron Judge.  If you’re feeling good about Pham and Judge, I’ll just say we’re only 82 games into the season.

Yuli Gurriel – Placed on paternity leave.  How awesome would it be if his baby is Asian?  “OOPS!” Yu Darvish smiles wickedly.