Astros corner infielder Yulieski Gurriel continues to mash as he went 3-for-4 with 2 runs, his second home run with two RBI. Opposing pitchers be like, why you all up in my Gurriel, Yuli? When you’re on fire and everyone knows you’re flame. The Gurriel is hot, where da burgers and dogs at? Dude is hitting .436 (17-for-39) over the past two weeks with 7 runs, 2 homers and 6 RBI. Sure he hit just .260 with 3 homers and 15 RBI in 36 games last year with Houston, but he ALSO hit .500 with 15 homers in 50 games in Cuba in 2016 which are the better stats that I will cherry-pick for the purposes of this blurb. I’m just saying it’s not like this success is coming out of nowhere. He’s a good Gurriel and he knows it, and he’s batting 6th in a stacked Houston lineup. If we take a look at some of the advanced metrics (NERD!), the .371 BABIP may unsustainable, but fantasy is about riding streaks and Yuli Gurriel is a hot little potato right now. Grey told you to BUY and he’s available in about 75% of leagues. Pick him up you only Yuli once! Whoa, now that’s two Drake references in the same lede. That’s how you know it’s going to be a good day!
Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:
Ryan Zimmerman – 2-for-4, 2 HR (10), 3 RBI. I don’t know what’s more woke his .392/.442/.861 slash, or his 10 home runs. I must confess I’m not 100% sure I know what woke means, but maybe it’s the 24 RBI, or the five homers in five games that is the most wokest? Comeback player of the year or nah? Maybe it has something to do with batting behind Bryce Harper and in front of Daniel Murphy? Nah it’s probably something else.
Travis d’Arnaud – 2-for-3, 2 HR (4), 5 RBI. Travis carried the Mets last night and matched home run and RBI totals from last season with the big game. This game was a good get after going 0-for-16 in his previous at bats. I have traded my catcher 3 times this season already. Twice for Evan Gattis. I would be will to trade Gattis for your d’Arnaud, two bites of that sandwich and a sip of your coffee. Deal?
Jacob DeGrom – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, 3 ER, BB, 12 K, 1st W. If you study the Letters of Telios deGrom, and re watch the first season of True Detective, Rust Cohle points out that the 12th Century Franciscan mystic foretold that Jacob would pitch to win on April 28, 2017, and strike out 13, mark of the beast. Or did you not catch that on your third watch through?
Ariel Miranda – 5.1 IP, 2 hits, ER, 2 BB, 7 K, 2nd win. Nice start for, Ariel. If you can keep this up next week vs the Angels I’ll want to be part of your world. That’s a Disney reference. Hit it, Sebastian!
Ben Gamel – 2-for-4, 2 runs, HR (1). Looking to Gamble on Gamel? Ben jacked one off Carlos Carrasco in the sixth inning for his first career home run, and he’s now driven in a run in three straight starts. Gamel doesn’t have a whole lot of power, but has flashed some speed in the minors, and batting second in this Seattle line up he could be worth a look in deeper and AL-Only leagues.
Corey Dickerson – 2-for-5, HR (6). C-Dick is slashing .329/.368/.659 with six homers and 10 RBI and is owned in just over half of ESPN leagues. What does he have to do to get you to pick him up? Do you want him to shine your shoes? Because he will do that, too.
Kevin Pillar – 4-for-4, 3 runs, HR (4). A Pillar of consistency in a loaded line up Kevin is slashing .326/.366/.547 including 3 homers and 9 runs in the past week. He’s available in about 70% of leagues and Grey told you to BUY. Time to Powboy Up!
Marcus Stroman – 7.1 IP, 5 hits, ER, 2 BB, 10 K. I drafted Stroman as my ace on a few teams and I’m starting to think I could be very smart genius maybe? However, that could just be the sweat lodge I’m currently writing this in. Warming up so hard. So good. Oh hey, is that the devil? Why do you look like my dad? I think this is really starting to work!
Andrew Benintendi – 1-for-4, HR (2). Andy Bendy Tenny!! Yayayaya! Getting a lot of questions about Super Benintendi. Is he worth the hype? Sure he’ll be good but could I ride this hype to a better, perhaps less popular player? I am not qualified to answer these questions. I am too entranced by his majesty at the moment. Duude could go 20/20 and hit .320. If you can turn that into a top 20 player–do it! But personally, I’d rather own this guy because its more fun for me and makes me happy so back off!
Drew Pomeranz – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, 2nd W. Da bomberanz! #kaboomaf
Avisail Garcia – 3-for-5, HR (5), 2 RBI. Now homered in back-to-back games. I feel like I’ve owned Avisail Away every year before this one and now he decides to come alive with the .388/.430/.638 slash.
Gift Ngope – 3-for-3, 2 runs, RBI, 2 BB. The rookie was the first Pirate ever to reach base five times in his first start or something. I’m not even going to try to pronounce this player’s name for fear of embarrassing myself, but I assume the “G” is a “Ja” sound like gif, so maybe it’s Jiffft Ni-jop-ee? Am I close?
Mark Trumbo – 3-for-6, Grand Slam HR (4). Jacoby Ellsbury also hit a grand slam, in what was a fairly wacky game and a sad trumbone sound for both pitching staffs.
Manny Machado – 3-for-4, 2 runs, HR(4), 3 RBI. Machado Man with a SHOT. Oh yeeaaaaaah! Manny hit a 470 foot bomb, the longest of 2017, which in my yards/feet/inches Fantasy League counts for over 40 points! Yeah, it’s kind of a complicated scoring system. To be honest, I have no idea how it works. Manny hit ball far though!
Matt Holiday – 3-for-5, game winning 3-run HR(3). As soon as he got to New York, I got Holliday going through extensive auditing sessions with my friends and I at the Church of Scientology and the more clearer he goes the more better he hits. It’s about being your best self, you guys! A great and powerful thetan had attached itself to Holliday’s soul, and as long as it stays happy, NYC could be huge for Matt. Praise Xenu! Praise Tom Cruise! Praise Holliday’s soul thetan for granting him on-base percentage!
Aaron Judge – 2-for-4, 2 HR (9), 3 RBI. Not to be outdone by Machado, Judge had the “hardest hit” baseball of the year Friday night at almost 120 mph. Which is very good and very hard, I assume? We should call him Your Honor. Like it’s Your Honor to own him.
Jharel Cotton – 4.1 IP, 10 hits, 3 ER, BB, 4 K. Cotton-picked!
Charlie Morton – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 4 ER, 12 K. That moment when you streamed Charlie Morton, he struck out 12, and you’re wondering if it’s still OK to drop him immediately after the game.
Khris Davis – 2-for-4, 2 HR (9), 4 RBI. Kish Davish is a 40 home run hitter. I saw this happening in my mind’s eye when I traveled to the future on my Scientology retreat.
Mike Trout – 3-for-4, 2 runs, HR (7), 2 RBI. He’s having his best April ever, if you can even believe that. You probably should have drafted Trout. Actually. Why didn’t you draft Mike Trout? Are you not of the ~10% of people that got the first pick? Oh. Well, that really sucks for you.
Delino DeSheilds – 2-for-4, 2 runs as he led off. It’s happening. It’s really happening! Grey told you to BUY. Like, so many times. Just pick the dude up and maybe he can stop telling you. I think he might have a problem.
Jedd Gyorko – 2-for-4, 2 runs, HR (4). That 1.040 OPS makes me say “Oh gosh!” but it’s the .400 BABIP that makes me say “Sweet sassy molassy!” He’s owned in little over half of leagues, grab him before some other Gyorko does.
Scott Schebler – 2-for-3, 2 runs, HR (8). That’s five homers and nine RBIs in five days! Grey told you to BUY and Scheb the Pleb is available in almost 80% of leagues, which seems crazy because you’d have to be crazy not to want to own Scott Schebler right now. Huh. Who are you calling crazy!? I’ll kill you and your whole family! Then we’ll see who’s crazy! Mwahaha!
Dexter Fowler – 2-for-4, HR (4), 2 RBI. Hitting .400 with 2 homers in the past week. Well, cock-a-doodle-do to you, Fowler!
Joey Votto – 2-for-5, HR (8). He’s got as many home runs as the legendary Scott Schebler! #DontCallItAComeback
Ender Inciarte – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBI. I told you to pick him up a few weeks ago and he has been middling to below average ever since. Some homers and steals tho, right? That’s the kind of expert fantasy advice you get free of charge, over the internet friends.
Neftali Feliz – 1.0 IP, 2 hits, 2 ER, L. Gave up the game winning home run to Freddie Freeman. I own both these players on one team and I didn’t know whether to cheer or cry when I saw this. So I just decided on crying because I was already doing that anyway.
Orlando Arcia – 2-for-4, 2 runs, HR (3), 3 RBI. Back to back games with home runs. Don’t call him Oswaldo! They are not the same person and he does not appreciate it. Lesson learned.
Hernan Perez – 3-for-4, run, SB (2). Grey told you to BUY and Hernan is three times flames emoji as F. He’s hitting .448 with 7 runs, 3 homers, 11 RBI and two steals in the past week. Yes, he is a hot little potato.
Ryan Braun – 3-for-5, HR (7), 2 RBI. I wish I owned more Brewers. All the Brewers.
Salvador Perez – 2-for-4, HR (6), 2 RBI. When your catcher is your best player on offense, you’re gonna have a bad time, Royals.
Miguel Sano – 2-for-4, 2 runs, HR (6), 4 RBI. I certainly wasn’t expecting a .297 AVG and the 1.083 OPS is a real nice bonus. He’s hitting close the .500 with two homers and 7 RBI in the past week. I might explore trades before someone realizes what’s happening.
Robbie Ray – 6.2 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, 3 BB, 9 K. A lil’ bit of shake & bake from Robbie Ray! Perhaps he walks too many batters to be a consistent fantasy option…those strikeouts though! Needless to say, I own him everywhere.
Greg Holland – 1.0 IP, K, SV (10). When the Rockies closer has more saves than your entire fantasy team.
Kyle Freeland – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, ER, 2 BB, 2 K, 3rd win. Kyle has a 1.06 ERA, and 1.35 WHIP over his last 3 starts (17 IP). His 8/7 K/BB ratio is especially yawn inducing though. Still, he’s got a cushy start at San Diego on Thursday and I could see streaming him there.
Ryan Schimpf – 1-for-4, HR (6), 2 RBI. His third homer in as many days! My left stroke just went viraaaaaaaaaal! Schimpf offers little other than power in terms of fantasy production, but lucky for you power is a very important category in most fantasy leagues.
Christian Arroyo – 1-for-4, HR (2). This Christian could be worthy of your praise! He was leading the minors with a .446 AVG before being called up and has now almost matched his home run total from last year. Grey told you to BUY and he said, “It’s like Matt Duffy was traded away by the Giants, and, on his way out the door, he took a massive dump, and Sabean watered that for nine months and now they have Arroyo.” How’s that for expert analysis, folks? I hear ESPN is hiring!
Kenta Maeda – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, BB, 8 K, 2nd win. Is it racist to compare Maeda to Hyun-Jin Ryu? I mean, because they’re both Dodgers and Ken and Ryu and…sigh, it isn’t, okay is it? OK, I will say nothing.
Jeff Samardzija – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, BB, 5 K. Z-Marge has actually been deceptively good this year, especially considering his privilege of facing just Arizona and Colorado in the early going. For example, the 35/10 K/BB is real nice, his K/9 is the best it’s been in years and that .321 BABIP has got to go down. Am I telling you to BUY Samar[expletive deleted]jzja? I’m telling you to buy now before the other fantasy sharks start circling him like the sharks in the San Francisco Bay surrounding Alcatraz island. See what I did there? Because sharks? It’s his nickname. U like dat joke or nah? I shood make more bad jokes or nah? Chris Sale available for trade or nah? U interested in Dansby Swanson or nah?
Cody Bellinger – 2-for-3, run. A banner day for the BUYs. If you are a long time reader, it’s true I am contractually obligated to mention at least one of Grey’s BUYs in every post. I am nothing if not a company man. But we’re coming up on over four BUY features this week! That’s just some good fantasying. Once again, that’s the kind of expert advice you could only get free of charge. And I mean that in the best way possible!
