Padres starters give me the feels; Mariners starters start the underneath tinglings; Dodgers starters feather enthusiasm on the undercarriage.  Reds starters?  That park is so blech.  Luis Castillo’s sexy, but, again, that park and…I trail off, thinking about whatever happened to Better Call Saul, did that show end?  When my thoughts drift back, I remember what I was thinking about, and see Tyler Mahle.  More like Tyler Mehle was my thought.  Now?  After watching him dismantle the Cubs?  Color me intrigued, with a red paintbrush.  Yesterday, Mahle went 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 7 Ks.  He looked shaky as all get out to start the game — walked Happ, Bryant lined out hard, hit Rizzo, then he said, “Good morning, good afternoon, and–Well, I already have two outs, so I’ll have to say good night in the next inning.”  And he did.  He settled down after that, and no one looked close to starting a rally.  He had a bit of luck at one point by getting to face the opposing Tyler after giving up a triple to Baez, but Mahle didn’t exude a whole lot of sweat beads otherwise.  I’ve seen more sweat on a girl doing a Tyler Chatwood, which is a euphemism for tying a cherry stem into a knot with your mouth while seamlessly carrying on a conversation.  I grabbed Mahle in one league for his next start vs. the Pirates, and plan on going one start at a time for now, but I’m encouraged.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Scott Schebler – Out yesterday with a sore elbow.  What a Schelbower!

Tyler Chatwood – 6 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners (6 BBs), 4 Ks.  I’ve seen cherry stems find the plate with more ease.  Stop making sense, David Byrne!

Michael Saunders – Signed with the O’s.  *entire Orioles’ front office lines up like the beginning of a basketball game, Dan Duquette runs down middle, shimmying, high and low-fiving everyone*  PA Announcer comes on loudspeaker, “We’ve fixed our entire team!!!”

Trey Mancini – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer.  Why do I feel like a garbage time homer proves a player loves me as much as I love him?

Carlos Correa – Day-to-day with toe discomfort.  WebMD says the technical name for this is, “The Little Piggy went wah-wah all the way home.”

Marwin Gonzalez – 1-for-4 and his 1st home run.  FTM!  For the Marwin!

Charlie Morton – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Big regret this preseason was not drafting Morton anywhere.  He was going for peanuts as if he didn’t just have a top 30 starter season in 2017.  First time through the Astros rotation, their collective ERA is 1.78.  Bit better than my fantasy team anchored by Robbie Ray and C-Mart.

Francisco Liriano – 6 2.3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks.  This start was loved by the Stream-o-nator.  His next start though, well, less love.

Jason Hammel – 5 IP, 5 ER.  Hammel?  More like Jason Hammer’d!  AM I RIGHT?!

J.T. Realmuto – Started catching drills, which looks like you’re squatting to poop with your pants on.

Brian Johnson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks.  His only blemish was a home run surrendered to Brian Anderson.  Coincidentally, every white person went to high school with a Brian Anderson or Brian Johnson.

Hanley Ramirez – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (1) and legs (2).  All year he’s hit third.  If he gets only 300 ABs in the three hole in Fenway in the Sawx lineup, it’s gonna be hard for him to not have value.

Mookie Betts – 2-for-5 and his 1st homer.  Mookie Ballgame!

Brian Dozier – 1-for-5, and his 3rd homer.  Someone in the comments suggested Brian “Bull” Dozier to make him sound as intimidating as he deserves.  I will admit that Dozier is the opposite of intimidating.  Timidating?  Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Lance Lynn – 4 IP, 5 ER.  Colin Moran, uh, ran into a granny like me prowling for Cougars, but otherwise Lynn wasn’t awful.  I know, that’s like saying Chernobyl’s lovely aside from the radiation, but Lynn might be behind in getting up to speed, and I’d likely hold him for one more start.

Joe Musgrove – Shut down 5-7 days with a shoulder issue.  Yup, five to seven days is all a pitcher needs to recover from a shoulder injury.  Ow, eye roll headache!

Jameson Taillon – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners (zero walks), 9 Ks.  Nowadays a five and one third start is like Jack Morris going ten innings.

Sean Newcomb – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Well, it could’ve been worse.  He could’ve done it while singing Ted Nugent songs.

Bryce Harper – 1-for-2, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer.  For the love of all that is holy, please stay hot for another 158 games.

Trea Turner – 1-for-5, 1 run as he hit leadoff.  Wait, Michael Taylor, Wilmer Difo and Pedro Severino make more sense at the bottom of the order?  C’mon!  No way!

Tanner Roark – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  I know I didn’t like him in the preseason, but, for the life of me, I can’t remember why not.  Confidence building!

Josh Donaldson – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer as he DH’d.  He says he should be able to play 3rd this Thursday after having a dead arm last week.  His arm said, “There was a light at the end of the tunnel…Then I saw…A Gatorade cooler and Carlos Zambrano, and I decided I had too much to live for.”

Aledmys Diaz – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer.  Somebody out there drafted Aledmys in the 42nd or so round of their NFBC draft and is feeling pretty good with Tulo out until…Well, who knows when he will return?  My guess is in time to get less than 5% of Hall of Fame votes in 2024.

Jaime Garcia – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Five imaginary dollars says everyone in Toronto calls him Jamie.  Oh, you won’t bet me five fake dollars but you’ll spend 7,200 hours managing your fake team?  Aight.

Reynaldo Lopez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Goodbye, Newcomb, hello, Reynaldo!  I did make that move, but I consulted with the Stream-o-Nator first.

Welington Castillo – 2-for-4 and his 1st and 2nd homer.  Double Boeuf Welington Supreme!

Taijuan Walker – 5 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 ks vs. Hyun-Jin Ryu – 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  Are we sure the humidor isn’t on blow instead of suck?

Yasmani Grandal – Hit his 1st homer.  If I may be so bold, it actually makes sense for the Dodgers to play two catchers.  No, not both behind the plate!  They’re not trying to catch Vince Velasquez.  I’d put Barnes at 2nd base, and ask Utley to retire.

Logan Forsythe – Hit his 1st homer.  Whoever took the Vegas odds that Forsythe would hit more homers than Aaron Judge, well, can you cash out now?

Kenley Jansen – 1 IP, 3 ER.  During the preseason, I thought about encouraging people to go after Josh Fields to vulture saves from Jansen, but it just seemed so farfetched even though Jansen did not look right.  Kicking myself I didn’t grab Fields anywhere either.  Jansen’s velocity is off 5 MPH, and his command is left of center.  Last year, it took him almost three months before he walked anyone.  This year, he’s walked two guys already.  I’m grabbing Fields everywhere.

Matt Chapman – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer.  Remember, he was my preseason call for being the ‘after 200th overall pick to hit 40+ homers.’  Not an official category anyone recognizes, of course.

Andrew Triggs – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  He’s a ground ball, 88-MPH pitcher, i.e., MediOAKer.

Yonder Alonso – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 2nd homer.  Podcaster Ralph (how many hats does this guy wear?) and I talk about Yonder briefly on today’s podcast.  I basically say how I didn’t understand why no one thought Alonso was a power hitter still.  He showed the skill last year.  No reason to believe he’s suddenly that under-8 homer guy again.

Mike Clevinger – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  This is going to be fun for you to hear.  Clevinger supplied me with my 1st decent start from a pitcher yesterday.  Why again do I draft any starter prior to 200th overall?

Edwin Encarnacion – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer. This home run was an inside-the-park homer because Justin Upton heard someone yell freeze when he was by the wall, and you just can’t move after someone yells freeze.  At least that’s what it looked like.

Ian Desmond – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer.  Mean’s while, Ryan McMahon was regaling the bench with a story from his youth that was a real howler.

Charlie Blackmon – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 4th homer.  Also, in this game, DJ LeMahieu (2-for-4, 2 runs) hit his 2nd homer.  Oh, by the by, the Rockies haven’t even played in Coors yet.

Wil Myers – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer.  I was looking at the Padres’ lineup, and they look like a team of number two hitters in search of a cleanup hitter.  If only they had someone in the minors…*my dog Ted starts doing charades*  What’s that, Ted?  Are you doing a praying mantis?  Looks like you’re throwing like Fernando Valenzuela?  Why are you pushing an empty Junior Mints box?  Fernando Mantis Junior?  What they hell is my dog talking about?

Manny Pina – 2-for-4 and his 1st homer.  It’s Jimmy Buffett’s favorite catcher, cause he drinks Manny, Manny Pinas.

Eric Thames – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer.  In related news, Ryan Braun (0-for-4) did ishkabibble.  Okay, not related, but this is about my fantasy teams!

Lorenzo Cain – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer.

Paul DeJong – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer.  Don’t ping JeDong, he’s busy right now!

Jedd Gyorko – Strained his hamstring.  Aw shucks, that’s absolutely terri–Jose Martinez can play 1st every day!

Greg Holland – Aiming to join the Cards next Monday.  He originally said Sunday, and the Cards said Tuesday, but they decided to split the difference with Holland and go Dutch.

Miles Mikolas – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks and he pitchslapped Zach Davies (5 2/3 IP, 6 ER).  Well, I thought if one Japanese import was gonna homer during his start, it would’ve been Ohtani.  And if one Japanese import was gonna give up three homers, it also would’ve been Ohtani.  Mikolas is 2-0 for both of those things, but one of them is a negative, so that might be 1-1, but let’s not get caught up in semantics.  Either way, I still like Mikolas, he didn’t look terrible yesterday, like Joan Crawford’s kids, he was just caught on a few hangers.

 
  1. Correa's Big Toe says:
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    My SPs: Carrasco, C-Mart, Godley, Corbin, A Sanchez, Lamet. Good times! Wouldn’t say I’m panicking, but last night I woke up in a cold sweat wondering if Homer Bailey could save my rotation.

    Minor, Mehle, or Reynaldo?

  2. Dr Easy says:
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    – Reynaldo Lopez showed some great stuff. Dude throws HARD. It could be a roller-coaster ride owning him, so hang on to your organs for the inevitable roofie, but if streamed properly he could be worth the risk.

    – Is Mikolas a guy to keep or to stream in an RCL league? I saw him on TV pitch a couple of really impressive innings during spring training in Montreal against the Jays (I think he got 5K for his 6 outs), and that convinced me to pick him up.

    – Your dog Ted is good at charades AND baseball? He should have his own column on Razzball!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Dr Easy: Ted is the best! Reynaldo is Spanish for roofie, I like Mikolas to hold for now

  3. Dr Easy says:
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    Further to the above: would love to see a Lance or Ralph column featuring Mikolas!

  4. Herr Drumpf says:
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    Nice Joan Crawford reference, although I’m not familiar with this Ben Affleck(??) guy. I’m old.

    Any idea what’s going on with Ryan McMahon?? Why do they have him in the majors if he’s not gonna play?

    • Ohtani Bonaduce says:
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      @Herr Drumpf:

      Desomond’s knee is more unpredictable than my bowel movements after Taco Tuesday.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Herr Drumpf: Don’t play the old card! My 90 year old grandfather knows Affleck! No idea on McMahon, guessing Rox are stupid

      • BSA says:
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        @Grey: @Grey: Gotta love Yahoo updates in your feed – after one week from McMahon he shows up as being a major drop. In case I wanted to be a lemming.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ha!

  5. The Tribe says:
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    Grey!!!!!!

    Gr8 stuff m8

    I r8 8/8

    Love you bbyckz

  6. For an Armenianless Vacation come to Akron says:
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    yeah another reason canadians might not say j.garcia’s name the way he does is they are less racist, less likely to allow themselves to yell out anti-heb slurs at sporting events than in amurica.

    20 teamer h2h redraft with OPS, slugging, total bases, BB’s, hits added
    C chirinos
    1B rhysus (OF)
    2B jedong (SS)
    SS t.anderson
    3B box wine (gallo, 1B/OF)
    OF (3) stanton, pollock, rosario
    util m.taylor
    BN robles, cron (now listed as lefty only side at TB, the TB manager apparently had a meeting with sociapath).

    1. drop cron or robles (or both) for maybin/candelairo/goodwin?
    goodwin would be the other more current taylor handcuff, candelairo seems like a worse cron but with playing time, maybin seems like what robles might be later but with no upside.

  7. Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadoo says:
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    14 team dynasty. slugging replaced HR and OBP over AVG. have this (amount of BN hitters due to small innings cap). roto
    C gattis
    1B goldy
    2B happ (OF)
    3B crapenter (2B/1B)
    SS semien
    OF (3) stanton/ozuna/cespedes
    util (1) villar (2B/OF)
    BN chirinos, margot, brinson, toddfather

    drop toddfather for e.escobar, OPS rater says no, but he’d cover SS as well as 3B.

  8. crimedog says:
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    You forgot Hanley’s legs to go with his slam! Hanley now has 2 steals, one more than the treat urner. Hanley hitting 3rd, Turner hitting 6 when Eaton comes back. I should’ve just taken Hanley in the first!

    • Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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      @crimedog: 30/30 just like Hanley promised!

    • Ohtani Bonaduce says:
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      @Herr Drumpf:

      Desomond’s knee is more unpredictable than my bowel movements after Taco Tuesday. @crimedog:

      Settle down Francis. I know one of those steals was of third base on a shift.

    • Jbona3 says:
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      @crimedog: Having watched all 5 Sox games this year, Hanley is going to be the king of the garbage time SB…and that’s fine by me.

    • Pouss-Pouss says:
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      @crimedog: Hanley called 30/30, Hanley goan go 30/30. Get on board the Hanley Wagon!

  9. crimedog says:
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    Daily closer speculator question. Middleton or Fields?

    • Jbona3 says:
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      @crimedog: Similar question: speculative saves add, is Fields the next guy if Jansen isn’t right or is it Baez?

      • knucks says:
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        @Jbona3: Check the Kenley blurb

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @crimedog: Tough call, prolly go Middleton, bc Kenley’s only out if hurt

      • Malicious Phenoms says:
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        @Grey:

        Kenley Jansen said after Monday’s blown save that he’s healthy and is trying to work through some mechanical kinks with Dodgers pitching coach Rick Honeycutt.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          That’s what they always say

  10. Ante Galic says:
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    Grey!!

    Loved it much more than the bittersweet extra rich dark chocolate ice cream I had 3 days ago.

    a. Day7 of our trip. Delphi = cool place.

    b. Mark Twain quote for April 3

    Kindness is something heard by the deaf and seen by the blind.

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ante Galic: Thanks! A. Hope you’re enjoying! B. Awesome!

      • Ante Galic says:
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        @Grey: Grey!!

        a. Enjoying it!!

        b. But, but, but….you forgot to mention Inciarte’s SB!!! Just kidding, man! Love ya.

        Cheers,
        Ante

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Haha, dang!

  11. Dave Funnell says:
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    Great stuff.

    Please rank ROS in a points league: Kingery, O. Arcia, Cozart, E. Escobar, Rosario.

    Thanks for always answering every question asked. Must be tiring.

      • Curious George Springer says:
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        @Grey: Amed or Eddie? Thanks!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Eddie

          • Dave Funnell says:
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            @Grey:

            No it was Amed actually, not Eddie:)

            • Dave Funnell says:
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              @Dave Funnell:

              Sorry, should have clarified.

  12. Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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    If E5 hits a homer without his parrot, is it really a homer?

    Digging the mailbag btw!