Thomas Harrington Forsakes His Family Fortune For A Pirate Adventure

Yesterday, Thomas Harrington (4 IP, 6 ER, 11 baserunners) called up by the Pirates. Thomas Harrington has a legacy membership to Shadyside Country Club. Thomas Harrington does not go by Tom or Tommy because he is prim and proper. Thomas Harrington wears a napkin under his collar while he pitches and calls his grandmother’s”helper” mammy and mammy raised him, and he won’t pitch north of the Mason-Dixon line until there’s some big changes. So, he has impeccable command and I looked all around to see if he was up for good or just for this start and would shuttle back and forth between the minors, and, after his 1st start, maybe it doesn’t matter. He was the 36th overall pick in the 2022 draft and went  7-3 with a 2.61 ERA over 117 innings in the minors last year. But more importantly, it was with a 1.5 BB/9. There’s a chance he yo-yo’s back and forth until an injury arises, and he looked downright wonky yesterday. For a guy with impeccable command, he looked a mess. I’d add him in most leagues deeper than mixed 15-teamers and Streamonator for now in shallower just because I love his command like Thomas Harrington loves his wife Muffy and Great Dane, Pemberwell. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

David Bednar – Optioned to the minors. Sad to see him go. Was hoping for that classic matchup of him vs. Gavin Sheets to see who wins in Sheets vs. Shit-the-Bednar. For the past fifteen months, Pirates saves have been, “David Bednar really isn’t that bad,” manager Derek Shelton says as Shit-the-Bednar blows another save. Now, for Shelton to actually come out of that trance, I hope he is okay. Who knows how long he’s been asleep. Does he know he’s the Pirates manager? Is he still worried about Y2K? Does he have teenage fantasies about Laverne & Shirley? Am I describing myself now? I got questions, y’all! I grabbed Dennis Santana wherever I could, Colin Holderman is oddly-named for the closer job, but could get saves, I suppose, and Caleb Ferguson might get saves if it’s a lefty-heavy 9th. Wouldn’t be shocked to even see J. Lawrence. Whoa. Maybe Bednar will sneak into a game wearing every other Pirates’ reliever jersey to make Shelton think they’re as bad as him and he’ll return. Anything’s on the table, I suppose.

Jake Mangum – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd steal, as he now bats cleanup. Rays be making up players. They put a Dirty Harry DVD on top of a radiator and out popped Jake Mangum. In Triple-A last year, he had 20 steals and he makes good contact, but he’s also 29 with three MLB games of experience. Then again, it’s the Rays, so maybe he was ready five years ago and the Rays dragged their heels so they wouldn’t have to pay him. He should be nothing, but maybe he surprises pitchers. At the worst: Hot schmotato.

Brandon Lowe – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. There’s a thing, so. Dot dot dot. Here’s the thing: Lowe may need 70 games to rest his back at different times this year, but could be good when on the field.

Shane Baz – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks. Watched the Pirates/Rays game for Harrington, stayed for Baz. What I was hoping to get from Harrington, I got from Baz. He looked excellent. Some people are asking if he should be rostered — 100,000%.

Devin Williams – Placed on paternity list. We only care if the baby is a torpedo bat.

Jasson Dominguez – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 1st homer. Martian, no, no, no, not a torpedo! We come in peace!

Anthony Volpe – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer. Torpedo, right ahead! Talk about the torpedoes in length on this week’s podcast. My big take away is pitching is not that good, Yankee Stadium is a great place for hitting and, if guys believe the torpedoes work, then they’re gonna work, because hitting is so mental. A self-fulfilling thing. Last year the Cubs used torpedo bats, though, and — spoiler alert! — they didn’t do shizz.

Ben Rice – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer. One thing we should’ve learned from Rice last year is he gets crazy hot, then hits .170 for a month. Right now, that Rice is roni’ing.

Will Warren – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners (4 BBs), 4 Ks. His big drawback is a lack of command. Look again at how many walks he threw. Those BBs gonna shoot your eye out. Streamonator hates his next one, but I could see it if you need to risk it since it’s @PIT. Going one start at a time for now though.

Corbin Burnes – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER. Am I bastard because I wanted him to get tagged for even more runs? P to the erhaps. Listen, I told you not to draft him, so don’t blame me. Or blame me, I don’t care.

Corbin Carroll – 1-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Would love for him to shake the “not a 1st half player” narrative. [thinks for a moment if I have him in my leagues] Yeah, yeah, I do. Shake that narrative!

Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer. I find it funny that everyone talks about Aaron Judge, and Eugenio has more homers since last All-Star Break.

A.J. Puk – 1 IP, 1 ER and his 1st save. Justin Martinez (1 IP, 0 ER, 3 Ks) worked the harder part of the order, so this is likely a 60/40 timeshare with Ju-Ma in the lead.

Jose Berrios – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 6.75. Okay, War Room, you get a one-day reprieve.

Nathan Eovaldi – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.20. No one was telling you to draft Eovaldi? Are you sure? Because I was, and did. Like a dyslexic Rachel Ray abbreviating olive oil, I love EOV.

Wyatt Langford – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer. We are Wyattnesses!!! Like witnesses. No? Hmm, okay.

Sean Manaea – Had a small setback with his oblique and shut down for two weeks or two years. Obliques be tricky.

Kodai Senga – 5 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks. A small ticker shock too, as he allowed two more unearned runs. Line looks excellent. Hope he’s healthy. I’m not saying I hope he’s healthy. I’m saying, if you have him, you hope. Do you need me to say Simon Says hope?

Brandon Nimmo – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer, 2nd homer in two games. Nimmo found one!

Kyle Stowers – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Keeping his Spring Training burst of power going (from 2024 Spring Training, while skipping last year).

Anthony Bender – 2/3 IP, 0 ER and his 1st save. Two-thirds of an inning saves always scream to me, “Not the closer, the manager just went to him,” but you never know this early in the season. Still prefer Faucher, who was likely resting.

Jordan Walker – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and a slam (1) and legs (1). Screaming like Dr. Frankenstein, “He’s alive!!”

Michael King – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.52. Wait, are you saying his 1st start of the year wasn’t the only start he was having this year? So, he is good again like all of last year? Weird. Good to know, I guess.

Jackson Merrill – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 1st homer. More like Jacks’on him.

Kyle Tucker – 2-for-3, 3 runs and his 4th homer, and four straight games with a homer. You can’t be seriously bothering the Ghost of Dale Long this early in the year.

Seiya Suzuki – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Seiya ball!

Justin Steele – 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 6.89. He might be cooked, but I’m not saying he’s cooked based on — or basted on — the first few matchups he’s had. Last night was the closest he’s had to an easy matchup and it wasn’t easy. A’s are surprisingly good and I think SacTown might be a wind tunnel where the ball just goes SOARING INTO THE GREAT OUTDOORS. SacTown is known for two things, meth and bing bong go soar.

Luis Severino – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.75. The ball goes big bong in SacTown! You cannot mess with that!

Brent Rooker – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. I hate everyone who tried to tell me SacTown wasn’t going to play like Bing Bong Theater Presents: Bing Bongs.

Shea Langeliers – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. It’s all bing bongs in that place!

Casey Mize – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 BBs, 6 Ks. Going to Seattle is like the Anti-SacTown. It’s Sacs-Empty-Town. Also: I kinda love Mize this year. Tigers coach up their pitchers nicely (after three years; don’t ask me why it’s that long).

Riley Greene – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 2nd homer. Tigers aren’t the pushover another team might be, like, say, the M’s.

Tommy Kahnle – 1 IP, 0 ER and his 1st save. First time the Tigers had an actual save chance, and they went to Kahnle. Could that mean Kahnle is the closer? Yes. Could it mean Holton worked the day before and he was resting but is the closer? Yes. Could it mean Will Vest stop riding up on me, it’s tickling! Sorry, wearing this cardigan. It’s not clear yet, but I’d go Kahnle or Holton, that order because sometimes it only takes one save to matter.

Shane Smith – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 3 Ks. White Sox pitchers being interesting is a new thing. I need some time to get used to it.

Nick Maton – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer, as he hit leadoff. Okay, don’t push your luck here, White Sox players on my waivers.

Christian Yelich – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (1) and legs (2). Sorry, I saw Chad Patrick (4 2/3 IP, 0 ER) pitched for them and now I have Without Me in my head. Chad Patrick, you can get your ass kicked worse than them little Limp Bizkit bastards. Chad Patrick should’ve likely had more of my attention than Harrington. In Triple-A, he went 2.90 ERA, 9.6 K/9, 2.6 BB/9 in 136 1/3 IP, and command is his number one attribute. Again, NL-Only, but I will monocle for you. You’re welcome.

Heliot Ramos – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer. ChatGPT, can you tell me about Heliot Ramos? “He was your preseason sleeper.” Oh, wow, forgot about that!

Logan Webb – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.00. Webb gem!

Hayden Wesneski – 5 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. FAAB’d up Wesneski in 15-team mixed leagues this weekend and attempted to in a 12-teamer (LABR), but I bid a $1 and Jeff Zimmerman of FanGraphs bid $1 and he won Wesneski because he was lower in the standings than me. Backhanded win! Wesneski looked solid in the spring and the Astros make aces of, well, Ronel, Framber, you name the pitcher, and they weren’t supposed to be as good as they ended up. In most shallower leagues, I’d still Streamonator for now.

Jose Altuve – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Let’s just say it’s good he homered when he was back in the outfield, because otherwise you might’ve got some goofy thing like he’s more comfortable at 2B and why he’s not going to the outfield again. Though, we want him to regain 2nd base eligibility for next year too.

Freddie Freeman – Negative x-rays, but likely won’t play until Friday. How many showers does this guy need?

Dustin May – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners (1 hit), 6 Ks in his first start since 2023. The Giant Human Carrot looked like time hadn’t moved since his last start — still dominant, still looked like Carrot Top. Props to him.

Mookie Betts – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Mookie Best!

Reynaldo Lopez – Will undergo arthroscopic surgery on his shoulder. Braves might consider unplugging, blowing in and restarting their season.

Lance Lynn – Announced his retirement on his wife’s podcast, Dymin in the Rough. Here’s an excerpt of Dymin in the Rough, “Shay-Shay turned state witness and now she got to get got for dymin…Right after this brief word from today’s sponsor, Quip.”