Please see our player page for Nick Maton to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Rocco Baldelli asked to see James Karinchak’s hair this past weekend to see if he had any foreign substance in there, to see if he was cheating, and I said, in my head, “Karinchak is getting a call from the manager, so that makes Baldelli a Karencheck,” and now Karencheck pulled Joe Ryan (7 IP, 0 ER, 2 walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.83) from a no-hitter in the 7th with 106 pitches thrown. Karencheck! You wanna make new rules, MLB? (By the way, in the video at top of this post, it’s this week’s podcast, where BDon and I discuss the new rules — it’s about 10 minutes in.) How about this new rule, no matter what, if the player is healthy, they have to pitch if there’s a no hitter? Make that a rule, you sissies! *puts chew in bottom lip, accidentally swallows chew, vomits up chew and vomit spells out “THAT’S WHAT REAL MEN DO”* My vomit is calling you out, Karencheck! Joe Ryan’s peripherals are 9.3 K/9, 2.9 BB/9, 4.40 xFIP and a hilariously terrible ground ball rate (26.6%), so he’s very susceptible to homers, and that burned him at times this year. How’sever, Joe Ryan for 2023 fantasy, I’m still a believer, as long as he doesn’t show up at camp with a dead arm (lots of IP this year). He’s a rookie, who had excellent command in the minors, and hasn’t scratched that surface yet. Joe Ryan for 2023 fantasy will be an ace or need to be shutdown in the spring with arm issues. Roll that dice, you momma’s boys, and don’t make me spell out things in my vomit anymore! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Friends, the Queen of England died this week. However, that news overshadowed the news about Keibert Ruiz’s balls. It may come as a surprise to at least some of you that I am not a cisgender man. Thus, I have never experienced being hit in the testicles. However, when I read that Keibert Ruiz took […]

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Razzlings, I am willing to bet at least a few of you that have watched and, perhaps, even enjoyed the 1996 film The Craft, starring the inimitable Fairuza Balk. Imagine a group of four Catholic high school girls begin to dabble in the dark arts. It begins innocently enough with spells for levitation, hair color […]

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Welcome to the first weekend in June, Razzenfants! The months of May and June are always interesting to baseball. The significance and rate of injuries seem to slow or plateau. The players finally seem stretched out and warmed up. You let your guard down, and then BOOM! Two guys on your team need Tommy John […]

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So, the preseason looks like this usually: Update a post from last year with a find and replace for “2022 fantasy baseball,” do a schluffen, and wake me up in time for Opening Day. This year: Is there going to be an Opening Day? Then, I lower my head and walk off, tears rolling down my cheek. Slowly at first, then the tears pick up steam, and now it’s Niagara out of my tear ducts. As I pass a group of snickering kids, I scream, “My contact lenses are bothering me! Respect your elders!” So, since we have a little bit more time — and hopefully only a little bit of time — let’s take a moment and look at each NL divisional team and whom they will likely trot out there as their DH. Trot Nixon? No, that horsey is on a farm upstate. Geez, that sounds like he did a well-choreographed handshake with his maker. He’s just retired. About fourteen years now. Why is this post about Trot Nixon? Hard to say! So, who are the best candidates for DH on the NL East teams, and what can we expect from them for 2022 fantasy baseball?

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(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

“If you don’t look good, I don’t look good,” said famed hairstylist Vidal Sassoon, as he was trying to get his son, Bob, to take off denim overalls and put on something else. Affronted, Bob Sassoon later took on his father’s hair empire, literally head-on, when Bob started manufacturing baby wigs. “When they emerge from the womb, they should look da bomb,” said Bob Sassoon, managing to make that awkward bomb/womb rhyme. Unfortunately, his baby wig business went belly up after two months with loses totaling twelve million dollars. The story, thankfully, doesn’t end there for the Sassoons. A disgraced Bob changed his last name to Brujan, and named his firstborn son, Vidal, vowing now to capture the hair dye/shampoo market. Again, much to Bob’s chagrin, Vidal Brujan became a baseball player, not a hair stylist, and Bob again disowned a Vidal right before he was about to become wildly successful. Any hoo! Here’s what Prospect Itch has said about Brujan previously, “It’s rare enough for a 40-steal player to enter our game. Even rarer to find one who hits enough to earn himself regular playing time. Rarer still to find one who speaks five languages. I mention this last piece because language learning requires the same determination needed for the grind of baseball. You’re going to make mistakes. Might look like an idiot. Might often feel dumb. But you have to keep putting yourself out there. And as long as you stay positive and focus on the long term, you can improve a little bit every day. In 2014, Tampa signed Brujan out of the Dominican Republic for $15,000. He was illiterate at the time. Now: five languages. Grey can’t speak one.” Tough but fair, tee bee aitch. Brujan is on the 40-man roster and coming our way very soon. He will be an immediate impact guy for fantasy in all leagues, and should be picked up now. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

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First off, it was against the Tigers. Let’s be clear here — hey, I’m a poet and aware of it! — the Tigers are laughably bad. Yet, again with some stank, YET! Kyle Hendricks (8 IP, 1 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.27) looked fix. Hendfixed? Hmm, will work on that. Kyle Whenfixed? Okay, they’re getting worse. He(ndricks) had a season-high 30 called strikes and the most called strikeouts (7) by a pitcher in the majors this year. He looked exactly like what we expect from him, just hitting the same outside corner, over and over and, well, you know. Call him Dutchboy because he was just painting! Also, the good news gets gooder (better?) the digger you deep–Uh oh, GreyBot3000 is breaking down, must recharge…*fills mouth with boba*…Let’s go! Hendricks’s ‘luck’ should continue to get better too. Terrible BABIP of .338, when his career high is .296, which was way back in 2015. His home runs are also out of control for his career, and, brucely, for the entire league. There’s no way he’s dealing with a deadened ball and giving up his worst number home runs, unless his command is bad, and it was. Until yesterday. It looks like the Hendfixed might be in. By the way, saw Ryan Hendrix pitch yesterday, and how many goddamn ways are they going to spell that last name? Hendrickx is next. Only requirement is you have to pitch and have an Irishy first name (Kyle, Ryan, Liam). Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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Happy May!  The first month of the baseball season has come and gone, and for better or worse we should be getting a pretty good idea of whether or not we’ve drafted competitive fantasy baseball teams.  In deep leagues, there may not be too much we can do to improve our teams’ weaknesses, but that shouldn’t stop us from trying.  Let’s look at another list of players — focusing almost exclusively on guys with minuscule ownership numbers according to CBS Sports, as we are wont to do here at Rolling In The Deep — that may be available and of potential interest to those of us in NL-only, AL-only, and other very deep leagues.

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The big club has a decent shot at the division this year, which is good – because the farm is looking lean. And not in that good “I’ve lost twenty pounds and can touch my toes again” lean. No, this is the lean where every other spec is a pitcher and even the top prospects don’t touch 60 with their overall grade. Will it matter? Maybe. It’s nice to build a contender and still have some big chips to trade during a run. But that’s asking for cake and eating it too. Sixto’s gone. That leaves last year’s draft pick as their best prospect. Meh. Grab a roast pork and let’s do this jawn.

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