Hey Lowe, Is It Me You’re Looking For?

The Rays called up their 1st base prospect, Nate Lowe, to go with Ji-Man Choi, Yandy Diaz and Daniel Robertson, which brings me to the real question of the day:  How can Tampa have so many corners on their roster and no bodegas?  The Rays have more cornermen than Avon Barksdale.  My 9th grade geometry teacher, Mr. Corbello, would tell you, if you have two sides of a diamond and four corners, then you’re looking at a clusterfudgeogram.  The clusterfudgeogram generates little playing time and lots of headaches for those making heads or tails of it.  The real question might be:  Would the Rays be as daft to call up one of their top prospects to ride the bench?  That seems unlikely, but since he’s a lefty and this is Kevin Cash, and Cash Ruins Everything Around Me, C.R.E.A.M. get the funny way to set your lineup, ya big dummy.  We care because Lowe’s got some lumber.  His projections are at the Prospectonator, and they’re not too shabby, like the quarter piece of Harrison Ford’s Jewishness.  Prospect Mike ranked Nathaniel Lowe (Why so serious, Nate?) in his top 100 fantasy baseball prospects and said this elsewhere, “Lowe is a big left-handed bat who can hit for both average and power. In 2018, he popped 27 homers and hit .330/.416/.568 across three levels. He’ll be ready when the Rays need him, unlike how no one needs Grey.”  Okay, not cool!  I tried to add Nathaniel Lowe and Nate Lowe everywhere; I believe they’re the same person and they were both gone.  However, I didn’t contract any FOMO.  Finding a bat corner bat with some pop is as easy as going down to the corner store, grabbing a burner Moreland-type and avoiding the clusterfudgeogram.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Michael Wacha – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.78 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “I walked out of the restroom without the water running, because I didn’t touch anything while I was going, and I don’t see why we need a meeting to discuss this.”

Harrison Bader – 2-for-3 and a slam (3) and legs (1), hitting .222.  He’s one good week away from being exactly where we thought he’d be in the preseason.

Anthony Rendon – Out seven of eight games, as he continues to be day-to-day for over a week.  When a guy is hurt but doesn’t go on the IL, it’s purgatory like being in the waiting room to see a Mets doctor.  “Dr. Met will be right with you…Sometime in May.”

Patrick Corbin – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA up to 3.58.  Elias Sports Bureau said his 3.58 ERA is the 3rd best ERA in the majors.

Zack Wheeler – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.05.  His velocity was off, and, at one point in the 5th inning the manager and trainer went out to visit Wheeler, but whatever it was he said, they were satisfied and left him in.  This sounds whatever for most teams.  For the Mets?  *goes over playlist for band set for the Titanic, crosses off Ain’t Goin’ Down Like That by Cypress Hill*

Pete Alonso – 1-for-4, 1 RBI, hitting .304.  The slump will come at some point, but I have to say after this awkward middle to a sentence when I’m saying I’m going to say something that I’m obviously saying, he looks good on two-strike counts, and might just curtail a huge dip in average.

Jesse Winker – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer, hitting .239.  Winker’s not doing a ton but hit a few solo homers, but, ya know what, I wouldn’t mind some of that crap from Puig.  When does that ManBearPuig start playing?

Jose Peraza – 2-for-5, 1 RBI and his 3rd steal, hitting .200, but hitting .333 in the last week, and he was smoking everything he saw yesterday.  He’s out of his slump, and should absolutely be owned.

Justin Verlander – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.45.  During the Mets game, I saw a stat that said Wheeler threw the 3rd most pitches per game at 103, which I thought was comically low — Nolan Ryan used to throw 103 pitches in the 1st inning to one batter.  With that said (Grey’s gonna make a point?  Awesome!), I’d guess Verlander is near the top of that list.  Then, unhappy with guesses, I Googled it, and Verlander’s thrown 102.8 per game.  So…yeah, I don’t know.  When I started this blurb it seemed interesting.

Jake Odorizzi – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.34.  At 29 years old, Odorizzi’s velocity is up this year (91 to 92 MPH), and has his best K/9 since his salad days for the Rays.  By the by, all Rays salads are tossed at one of the 27 local-area Hooters restaurants.

Nick Margevicius – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.23.  I’d have a hard time pulling the trigger on Margevicius even in a good matchup, and this was not a good one.  According to the Streamonator, his next one isn’t either.

Mike Soroka – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.62.  His peripherals (11.3 K/9, 3.2 BB/9, 2.85 xFIP) are almost as gorgeous as his ERA, and I’m loosening the reins on him.  I would add him in most mixed leagues, including shallower ones.

Ozzie Albies – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 3rd homer in two games, hitting .299.  Salary-Depot dot com says Albies earned $41.06 between homers, but almost $59 if you count his hours sleeping.  He’s a light sleeper, though.

Ender Inciarte – Left yesterday’s game with a hamstring injury.  Just terrific for all my weekly leagues where I’m headed for a Ziplock.  Ender was just starting to come out of his early-season struggles.  Nothing’s fair.  Life’s not fair.  This is not fair!  Screams at a sign for a County Fair coming soon, “YOU’RE NOT EVEN FAIR!”

Jacob Webb – 2/3 IP, 0 ER and his 1st save.  Five ladies and gentlemen, your new Braves closer!  Maybe.  I don’t know.  I did pick him up where he was available.  He was a closer in the minors, has a 95 MPH fastball, and the Braves bullpen is such a mess it would not surprise me at all if they just gave Webb a looksie, and, if that looksie goes well, that’s all he needs.

Brad Keller  – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.07.  Oh, no, his evil twin, Bad Keller.  Not cool, Bad.

Jorge Soler – 1-for-4 and his 7th homer, hitting .227.  Marla Gibbs called and said get the hell out of her house!

Adalberto Mondesi – 2-for-4, 1 run, 2 RBIs and his 8th steal.  He’s on pace for a 15/40 season, and hasn’t even been scalding hot yet.

Frankie Montas – 4 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.97, but had 6 unearned runs for a major ticker shock that had owners running for an angiogram.  You know you’re living your best life when the Regression Fairies show up at your door and it’s with unearned runs.  That’s like when you have to go see your in-laws, but it’s a huge function so you can go disappear to the bar and no one knows you’re not there.

Eduardo Rodriguez – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 6.16.  This is when the in-laws find you at the bar and wave everyone over to you.  I’m continuing to hold this “L” Ed-Rod, but his thetans are infecting my entire fantasy team.

Michael Chavis – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs, hitting .286.  Chavis moving into rarefied territory!  Which is mentions in the roundup when he doesn’t steal or homer.  Chavis Fantasy Baseball Player of the Week!

Jackie Bradley Jr. – 1-for-4 and his 3rd steal, hitting .155.  I’m cyclops’ing JBJ for potential to pickup, so you don’t have to.  You’re welcome.

Rafael Devers – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th steal.  He still doesn’t have a home run.  Yo, why’s Dee Gordon wearing a Devers’s uniform?  That ain’t cool news, early-internet weblog.

Kenta Maeda – 5 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.41 vs. Jeff Samardzija – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 2.53.  This matchup was billed as, “Two guys I should’ve drafted in every deep league, but was trying for stupid upside and now my teams have a 6.50 ERA.”  Limited appeal with that billing name, obviously.

A.J. Pollock – Headed to the IL with an elbow infection.  How many Pollocks does it take to get an infection in their elbow?  One.  Alex Verdugo should get more playing time, unless Dave Roberts decides to try David Freese in center, because they have a David bond, which they say to each other like, “Bond, David bond.”

DJ LeMahieu – Out with inflammation in his knee.  Yankees are playing a game of injury whack-a-mole — bang down one, another pops up.

Zach Davies – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 1.38.  Glad Davies is working out The Kinks, but if you think I’m owning him then L-O-L-a.

Jesus Aguilar – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and two homers (1, 2), hitting .156.  “Forgive us, but when we’re going over this next overpass, we need to toss this body out of the car–Wait!  Jesus, is moving!  It’s a sign from above!”  I don’t believe in anything superstitious, or even a little bit titious, but I did light 270 Jesus candles around my house and it looks like it paid off!  Finally, a sign.  If you dropped him, pick him back up.  If you were worried Jesus retired and opened a school for exorcism-slash-greeting card store called, “My Treasured Possessions,” fear no more!

Yonder Alonso – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .190.  Can Machado start hitting some homers too so Thanksgiving isn’t awkward?

Tim Anderson – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .375.  I watched an interview of him yesterday still talking about the bat flip and some reporter (white guy) asked him if the bat flip was just the “verve of the moment” taking over.  Baseball sucks the life out of baseball; it’s incredible.  Anderson shouldn’t just said he was getting his “verve on.”

Manny Banuelos – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.70.  Fun fact!  His name translates to “Many Bathrooms.”  He comes from a long line of weak bladders.  Bathrooms has been around the block, starting pro ball in 2008, and he has 40 2/3 IP in his career, so, yeah, if you have to take a whizz, I guess, but I’d be very careful with this reclamation project.

Ervin Santana – Elected to be a free agent.  Sounds like a libertarian candidate.