The Twins organization removed one white glove, and smacked it across Miguel Sano‘s chubby cheek.  So disrespectful.  Not even Triple-A.  They demoted him to Single-A.  Not completely surprising.  Let’s recap Miguel Sano’s last few months.  He showed up at camp in shape.  Unfortunately, that shape was of a beach ball.  Coaches weren’t sure what to make of him, asking, “Are you ready to play?”  Sano put it into reverse to face the coach who questioned him, and his reverse lights came on but not his newly installed reversing truck beep, which sent him into a backspin, literally, for most of the spring.  Then, he came out of camp, looking ready to eat baseballs for dinner rather than his usual Triple-triple-double-triple-double-triple-single-triple meaty-meatburger, but that was short-lived, and he hit the DL towards the end of April with a hamstring injury.  At that point, Sano said, “If I had known I had a hamstring in my leg all this time, I would’ve eaten it.”  He then motioned for a tuxedoed waiter to pepper mill his leg, and asked for parmesan.  He told the waiter, “I call this hamstring carbonara.”  After about three weeks out of commission, he returned, but didn’t look fully recovered, because he’s in terrible shape, then he hit .162 in June and got demoted.   Hey, Sano, you don’t have to go home, but you can’t take the clubhouse refrigerator with you either.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Michael Fulmer – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.13.  His xFIP is 4.11.  That means what you see is what you get like a phone sex line, from what I hear (literally).

Adam Ottavino – Activated from the DL.  Next time you’re at BevMo, it’s fun to tell the clerk they look like Adam Ottavino.  “You look like you’re Ottavino.”  “That can’t be, half of our store is stocked with vino.”  “So, you’re not denying you’re Ottavino?”  “What are you talking about?”  “Oh my God, can I get my picture with you?  You’re Ottavino!”  “NO, WE’RE NOT!”  Then it escalates from there.

Ryan McMahon – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer, hitting .202.  Comatose ‘Ryan McMahon is my favorite sleeper’ Man wakes from a three-month snooze, “So glad to see Ryan McMahon stuck at 1st base!  I knew the Rockies would do the right thing by him!  Give me a high five!  C’mon, your smartest-when-it-comes-to-baseball friend just woke from a coma!  High five me!  Guys?  Where’s everyone going?”

Vince Velasquez – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.74.  There’s no greater encapsulation of Velasquez than his last two starts.  One start he surrenders 10 ER, and the next start he has a no-hitter through the sixth.  One start he’s Harvey Dent, then next start he’s giving up 8 ER in three innings.  *flips coin*  “All right, Batman, let’s see if you like this hanging slider.  Muahahahahaha!”  *ball sails over the fence*  “I need a new coin.  And ball.”

Rhys Hoskins – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .244.  He’s more overdue than a woman who is 12 months pregnant.  “We believe it’s in everyone’s best interest if we induce labor.”  “I’m really hoping for a natural child birth.”  “I understand, ma’am, but your child just said its first words in your womb, and they were, ‘Let me out.'”

Nick Williams – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .230.  I’ve mentioned this before, but have the Phils ever had Williams and Altherr on the field at the same time?  Guess technically there’s no room for both of them in the lineup at the same time, if they were indeed different people.

Trevor Cahill – Hit the DL with a strained Achilles.  Oddly enough, the same injury sidelined Achilles.

Frankie Montas – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA up to 3.33.  I love what you’ve done with this cave in Afghanistan, do you mind if I leave my Sprite on your Bin Laden coaster while I go to the bathroom?  *five hours later*  Whoa, I must’ve fell asleep.  Hey, how come that guy is weighing my kidney?  AHHH!!!!  ROOFIE!!!

Khris Davis – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 20th homer.  Anyone see if Davis goes to the plate on his tippy toes?  Because he is the quietest guy to 40 homers every year.

Matt Olson – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer.  Between Rhysus and Allahson, I’m losing my faith.  One of these celestial beings needs to get fire hot.  You’re messing up my teams, and Wim Wenders’.

Tyson Ross – 6 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.51.  If I’m being honest, I thought this start in Atlanta was going to be much worse, i.e., I don’t trust Ross in away games, I before E except in Eckstein, he’s a Hodgepadre.

Anibal Sanchez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.93, WHIP at 0.96, year he must think it is 2013.  Anibal must feel so empowered with gender neutral bathrooms.  Howevs, you must be crazy if you think I’d pick him up.

Ender Inciarte – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. I said something the other day like, “Ender’s now going to have a .340 month after struggling for the last one.”  And that’s me paraphrasing me!

Domingo German – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 5.23.  The Stream-o-Nator loved Sunday Bratwurst yesterday, and has similar aspirations for him in his next start.  By the way, “Sunday with Bratwurst,” was the German adaptation of Tuesdays with Morrie.

Gleyber Torres – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .295, and his 3rd homer this week.  So bummed I don’t own Gleyber anywhere, I’m walking around with a cardboard sign that reads, “Will Gleyber for Food.”

Matt Duffy – 2-for-4 and his 3rd homer, hitting near-.350 in the last week.  He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because, well, it’s Matt Duffy, but he has been a light schmotato.

Brandon Nimmo – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer, as he hits third now, while the Mets tried to “hide” Conforto in the leadoff spot, but it didn’t work.  To be continued…

Michael Conforto – 1-for-3 and his 8th homer.  For the last week it seemed like he should put on 175 pounds of donut weight, so he can get sent down like Sano.  Then last night happened, and maybe there’s light at the end of the endless Flushing.  His homer went 445 feet, and it’s more than a homer, it’s showing he might be healthy.  Maybe it’s nothing, but if he was dropped, I could see going right back in on him.  Of course, he homered two weeks ago and it led to nothing, so expectations low.

Paul Goldschmidt – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer, hitting .258.  Au shizz!  (It’s nice to have him back, even if I don’t own him.)

David Peralta – 2-for-3, and his 13th and 14th homer, and three homers in two games.  Imagine he actually reaches ESPN’s 30+ homer projection now?  He won’t, but imagine.  I’ve also been listening to John Lennon, apparently.  By the by, I realize now that ESPN’s “projections” are simply “on pace for,” which is completely not what projections are.

Jake Lamb – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, and 3rd homer this week.  Lamb’s a baaaaaaaaaahd man.

David Price – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.76 vs. Felix Hernandez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.44.  This matchup was billed as, “Cooperstown seemed so obvious three years ago, now they might be lucky to get a Coppertone tan.”

J.T. Riddle – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer, hitting .211.  I looked at the Marlins lineup and saw so many guys hitting Dirt Nasty terrible averages, so I figured the Marlins must be awful as a team, and looked at their team stats page.  They’re not good (.234), but the Diamondbacks as a team are hitting .225!  Dubya tee eff, D-Bags.

Evan Longoria – Out with a broken finger.  Alen Hanson (3-for-5, 1 run, hitting .338) could see more playing time (and Pablo Sandoval might see some time at 3B too).  Hanson has been like Drew Stubbs of past years, meaning Hanson doesn’t play often but, when he does, he puts up solid fantasy-specific stats, and, if he played more, it likely wouldn’t be great for his stats.  We should have a glossary term for this type of player.  Someone who plays well but only in limited duty.  Please suggest in the comments.

Andrew McCutchen – 3-for-7, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, hitting .267.  Put it out of your head that you could’ve drafted comparable production about 250 spots later, and focus on the good times you had eating Flaming Hot Cheetos during your draft.

Dereck Rodriguez – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.34.  He’s now handled teams in games where he should’ve, and had his ass handed to him in games where that appeared likely.  Dereck Rodriguez:  The Probable Outcome.

Mac Williamson – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer, hitting .250.  You know what’s funny (not funny) about talk of launch angles?  When someone hits a home run, they talk about launch angles.  When someone doesn’t do jackcrap for two weeks, they don’t talk about launch angles.  Launch angles are like launch codes, as in I never want to hear another thing about them.

Carlos Rodon – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.60.  Now he gets the Indians again in his next matchup.  I get it, teams should face division rivals yadda3, but does it need to happen, literally, a week later?  Bring back that couple who used to make the MLB schedule in Maine and paste the schedule together with maple syrup.

Jose Abreu – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer.  Talk about a guy who looks like he should be a 40-homer hitter and instead flirts with 27 homers.  Yo, get permission first from 27 before flirting!

Melky Cabrera – Designated for assignment.  There’s supposedly a ton of deals available for him to sign with another team, at least that’s what I read at a website hosted by Celky Mabrera.

Jose Ramirez – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer.  June 14th and he’s already reached Steamer’s preseason homer projection.  Hootie-hoo, on that.

Mike Clevinger – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.15.  You’ll be happy to know I’ve been reunited with Clevinger.  Someone in my RCL league dropped him, and I grabbed him.  Okay, maybe not happy.  Too strong of an emotion for you.  How about a word that sounds negative but isn’t?  I’m sanguine the pulchritudinous crepuscular Kristen Stewart would approve of Clevinger.  Perfect!  Thanks, Thesaurus!  Totally makes sense!

Francisco Lindor – 2-for-5, 2 runs and a slam (15) and legs (9).  *thinks about how yesterday I said I was going to make Lindor hit for more power and how he did exactly that, looks at fingers, hesitatingly types, unsure of my power*  What if I type I want a million bucks?  *looks around, nothing appears*  Hmm, I guess my typing isn’t that powerful.  *hears something in backyard, goes to window, sees Ray Allen wearing a Bucks uniform*  Ray Allen, “Where do you want these 999,999 deer?”  AHHH!!!

 
  1. NH says:
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    Grey,

    I need your help with the trades I was offered today. Seven trades in total. I just need you to tell me which side you are on for the trade. The first guys listed are the guys I would get. Also, who would you trade DIDI for? Morton for?

    Trade 1: G. Sanchez for Grandal & Mazara
    Trade 2: Molina & Foltynewicz for Jose Martinez
    Trade 3: Judge for Jose Martinez
    Trade 4: Bumgarner for Kimbrel
    Trade 5: Arenado for Quintana & Mazara
    Trade 6: Stanton for S. Gennett
    Trade 7: Arenado for Morton & Mazara

    Your help is greatly appreciated.

    • stayinhot says:
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      @NH: I own Morton and Mazara and if I could get Arenado for them I’d do it in a heartbeat

      • NH says:
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        @stayinhot

        I want to trade Morton but I would like to keep him to have a decent SP rotation.

        • bigbear says:
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          @NH: Do you feel better about 1B or CL? What’s more easily replaced on FA? Because if you trade away an SP for Arenado, then you’ll probably want to accept 2 or 4 as well.

          And if you have JoRam, then you should have already accepted the Stanton trade because Scooter is essentially a bench bat.

    • mthom42 says:
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      @NH:

      3 and 6 have to be a joke. I’d go Arenado but probably have to add another player

      • NH says:
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        @MTHOM42

        No joke. Those offer was sent to me. Just trying to figure out which two offers are the best.

    • mthom42 says:
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      @NH:

      Wait, if someone sent you Stanton for Gennett you click accept as quick as possible

      • Chucky says:
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        Sounds like a steal, until you delve into the numbers. Stanton is oh so over rated. It won’t be long before Stanton and his 200 batting average v RHP gets moved down in the order behind both Gleyber and Andujar. Keep hearing Stanton is gonna turn it around. It’s the middle of June and he seems to be going backwards. Yeah I know, he’s on pace for 40 HRs, so is half of all baseball. The 35 RBIs? That’s not even top 50. Do yourself a favor, go Scotter.

        • NH says:
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          @Chucky

          I have Jo Ram at second already so really don’t need Scotter.

        • The Great Knoche says:
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          @Chucky: Send some of that good weed my way Chucky.

          • Chucky says:
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            No problem. I’m smokin’ and tokin’, in the meantime, Stanton keeps piling up the 0 fors. You keep trying to convince yourself he’s gonna turn it around. Keep me posted until then, ok? Fair enuff.

            • Starz says:
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              @Chucky: Just like every single season…he’ll pick it up in the Summer. Did he steal your wife or something?

          • Starz says:
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            @The Great Knoche: Yup, One thing I’ve learned this week is that if Chucky is writing about Stanton, it’s best to ignore. He’s been off all week.
            It’s laughable to say Scooter and Stanton are in the same conversation.

            • Rusty says:
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              @Starz: I want to play in that league. ..Now. I’ll buy in at double the entry fee. That’s unbelievable. Scooter Gennett? Judge for Jose Martinez?

    • bigbear says:
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      @NH: 1: No. 2: No but close/depends on needs. 3: Yes 4: Yes, I think (don’t own, haven’t followed Bum much this year) 5: Yes 6: Yes 7: Yes

      • NH says:
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        @bigbear

        I have enough OF, I am looking to improve in the SP department. If I can get Arenado then I would move Machado to SS and trade Didi.

    • The Great Knoche says:
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      @NH:

      1 – Sanchez
      2- Martinez
      3- Judge
      4-Depends on Need
      5- Arenado
      6- Stanton
      7- Arenado

      8- Who gets 7 trades in a day?

      • NH says:
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        @The Great Knoche

        Thanks.

        I posted a message on the league site about trading Didi and an outfielder before work, I get home and have seven offers LOL.

        • FAKE! says:
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          @NH: I assume you’re the left side of those deals and your getting the right side of those deals. Because you got 7 lowball offers, and you should be able to tell how obvious each answer is.

          • NH says:
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            @FAKE
            No left side is what i would be getting and the right side is what they other gm’s asked for.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @NH: Sanchez, Jo-Ma, Judge, 4. Fair 5. Arenado 6. Giancarlo 7. Arenado

    • b the esq. says:
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      @NH: 1. No. 2. No. 3. Yes. 4. No. 5. Yes. 6. Yes. 7. Yes.

  2. Prog_Nation says:
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    Expect laughs from Grey, everyday.
    Sano,: “Come here! I’m bigger than you, I’m higher in the food chain! Get in my belly!”
    Thoughts on the glossary term:
    Schmotato Lite
    Fill-in schmotato
    Part-time schmotato

    Eh, it’s 3:45 AM EDT, so maybe more suggestions later. Sure others will have something better.

    As far as baseball today, start Wacha against the Cubs? They tore him the past year, hitting .300., though he has 22/10 K/BB during that time, and he’s been decent lately.

    Thanks.

    • C-Ham says:
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      @Prog_Nation: Cherry schmotato

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Prog_Nation: Not sure on these terms, prefer to avoid schmotato variations, I think… I’m starting Wacha

  3. Alfred E. Naujocks says:
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    this should teach us to grab players with issues in march. brocktune last year, sooooo many others. unless you are getting like 100 ADP spots discount or something, which we didn’t with sano. thank god i went sano or gallo in a lot of spots this year even though the OPS rater had sano higher. in the 3 spots i have sano i was lucky to nab healy (money league 14 teamer) just now, in another it’s a dynasty (so no issue there NA stash him), and another (14 team keep 8) i already had a roster crunch at CI/3B with muncy/andujar/harrison (2B/3B), one of which had to be benched everyday anyway, now can use that spot for either an extra pitcher, or catcher, or nab the hot bat whereas i couldn’t drop anybody before that.

  4. Greg says:
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    Khris Davis owner. Finally figured out how to use…bench him when he’s god awful cold. If he hits a homer, play him next day and maybe a week more while he’s ridiculously hot. Bench when his ofer hits 15. Rinse and repeat. Working out just fine….

    • Gonzo says:
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      @Greg: I tried to be clever and benched him for his two homer game the other night ? will now be riding the 0-15s without complaint

  5. Alfred E. Naujocks says:
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    one of the sano leagues from above. 2 moves left on week, but am with reynaldo at my 12 max starts per week (assuming wood does his). h2h 14 teamer keep 8. OPS, hits, OBP over AVG, holds, QS added. keepers work like this, 2 RP, 2 SP (might move to 1 OR 2 RP, 2 OR 3 SP for next year), 5 differing hitting positions (2 OF allowed, any qualifying position counts). going into season my keepers were sano (traded for him due to having too many good OF keepers, like pham/pollock in addition to who i have), goldy, schoop, stanton, hoskins, darvish, wood, kimbrel, hand.

    C uncle fester
    1B goldy
    2B schoop
    SS anderson
    3B andujar
    MI harrison (2B/3B)
    CI muncy (1B/3B, good thing i have him now)
    LF rhysus (1B)
    CF mcclutchin’ (RF)
    RF stanton (LF)
    OF puig (RF)
    util brantley (LF)
    BN gone varnish (2B/SS), sano (3B), mallex (CF/LF)
    DL otani (espn so i have both, only takes up one DL spot, unlike yahoo where in dynasties it SUCKS having to use 2 DL’s for him), r-zimm

    SP (max 12 starts per week): wood, darvish, morton, romero, pivetta, heaney, V2, reynaldo (streamer)
    RP (5 slots): kimbrel, hand, madson, bradley, kelly
    DL cueto

    dropping sano makes my hitter keepers much weaker now with goldy, hoskins, stanton and 2 out of the rest (if we believe this muncy stuff him for sure, otani the hitter could be a keeper, nabbing me the SP too), kimbrel, hand, and some 2 of the SP (morton and another). just noticed andujar’s season OPS is 874, clearly good enough to be a keeper.

    1. drop sano for which of hanson (2B/RF), murphy. if murphy doesn’t play enough i’d have the 2 catchers. if hanson harrison could be CI when muncy plays a lefty. good also ditch uncle fester and go with both ATL catchers, they’ve done well.

  6. Quintero says:
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    Grey, would you trade Haniger+Joc+Clint Frazier for Patrick Corbin in a dynasty? I’m trying to get Soto AND Acuna into my active lineup(first world problems). Or would you aim higher?

    Thanks!

  7. Manley Ramirez says:
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    Are hot schmotatoes but only in limited duty….

    SCHMO LIMIT SOLDIER

  8. Ante GALIC says:
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    Grey!!!

    Great write-up!

    a. Made it back this AM to Mbarara, leaving Kampala at 06h45.

    b. Mark Twain quote of the day for June 15

    When a man sacrifices his life to save a little child from a burning building, what do you call that? When he does it, it is the law of his make. He can’t bear to see the child in that peril (a man of a different make could), and so he tries to save the child, and loses his life. But he has got what he was after–his own approval.

    c. Have a nice weekend.

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ante GALIC: A. Sounds like Melky’s pseudonym! B. Nice!

  9. Jubaka says:
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    Should I drop Junis for, manae?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Jubaka: Depends on matchups, coin flip

    • b the esq. says:
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      @Jubaka: nah

  10. stayinhot says:
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    Hi Grey,

    Lovely write up again (as always)

    Could you please rank for me ROS Walker Buehler, Wacha, Morton.

    SON does not like Wacha today, 50/50 chance of a QS which I really need, I am considering benching him, or not, are you trotting him out there tonight?

    Muchos gracias

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @stayinhot: Morton, Wacha — I’m starting Wacha, but I have to

    • b the esq. says:
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      @stayinhot: you did.

  11. buster moon says:
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    A Casual Baller

  12. mthom42 says:
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    Hey Grey, would you buy, sell, or hold with these SP? H2H 10 team points league. Usually start selling right around now…

    P – Nola
    P – Bauer
    P – Price
    P – Musgrove
    P – Pivetta
    P – Rodon
    P – Skaggs
    P – Streamer

    • NH says:
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      @MTHOM42

      You don’t use any closers?

      • Mthom42 says:
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        @NH:

        I have Devenski, Dominguez, Hader, and Green which I’m pretty happy with since we get points for saves, holds and Ks

      • Mthom42 says:
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        @Grey:
        My feeling as well. Thanks for the reassurance!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          No problem

  13. Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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    Like Cookie Monster with cookies, a guy like Hansen is a “Sometimes Snack”.

  14. Jogon says:
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    Is sano a drop in keepee league. I have bregman devers and machado ar third

    • b the esq. says:
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      @Jogon: sure

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Jogon: Agree with b

  15. Chris D says:
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    Happy Friday Grey,

    Is Sano even worth keeping in a dynasty l league? Havie him dumped on my inactive roster, so he’s not taking up any valuable space. Just wondering if he’s worth rostering or dumping and going for a prospect like Austin Riley who is out there.

    Have a grey weekend!

    • Chris D says:
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      @Chris D: I spell as well and Sano hits apparently.