Sorry, I was just testing out these new three-ply tissues Cougs bought for me.  I wasn’t crying.  I was cutting onions while watching Manny Machado get hurt.  When you think you’ve had too much of this life, hang on.  Everyone hurts…sometimes!  Michael Stipe, you are my bald little friend that sits in my glove compartment and waits for me to be sad to come out and sing to me.  Sit on my lap, Stipe, and tell me it’s going to be okay.  Tell me Machado won’t struggle to be healthy again by next year.  Alas… Jesus, what a depressing way to start a sentence.  Alas?  Alas my ass, Machado’s hurt bad.  It’s a shame.  Not because I own him this year, but I don’t want anything to stand in the way of me liking him in 2014 and a knee injury is the kind of thing that could deflate my enthusiasm.  Oh, well, guess we’ll see how he’s doing next February.  For right now, feel free to drop him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Chris Davis – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 715th homer.  Move over Babe Ruth, we never liked you and your candy bars anyway!  Especially after you and Fatty Arbuckle put them where the sun don’t shine.

Brian Roberts – 1-for-5 and his 6th homer.  Damn, I almost picked him up for this batty call.  My almost batty call team is in first place and has made all the right moves this year.

Tim Beckham – 1-for-2, 1 run, 1 RBI and his first major league start.  You might remember Beckham from being a huge star about three years ago and marrying one of The Spice Girls, but now he sells nutmeg at flea markets.  *checking notes*  Hmm, that’s sorta right, except The Spice Girls part.  Beckham was a top prospect about three years ago.  Never really showed any the promise with the bat that was expected and now he’s selling nutmeg.

Chris Archer – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I could understand not wanting to play hard for your H2H team.  No offense.  But the Rays are in the playoff hunt, so that was just a miserable effort.  He gets the Blue Jays next, but he might be tiring out and/or the Rays could be in the playoffs by then, which would mean Archer only pitches a few innings.  It’s a tough call, that will be on a need to stream basis.

Desmond Jennings – Diagnosed with a hamstring strain.  Rays said he’s day-to-day, which is code for, “We don’t feel like telling you the truth, but Desmond isn’t playing for your fantasy team again this year.  You’re better off with Avisail Garcia anyway.”

Wil Myers – 2-for-4, 1 run, 2 RBIs and now set to be drafted in the 90’s next year.  Damn skippy!  Two more homers and he’ll be totally in the 80’s.  Gag me with a spoon!

CC Sabathia – Shut down for the year due to his Grade 2 hamstring strain.  If his hamstring were in the 2nd grade, it must’ve stayed back about twenty-five years.

Roy Halladay – Pitched for about ten minutes, then put up the white flag on his season.  I’m sure that’s absolutely lovely for the people in weekly leagues who went with him because of his two-start week vs. the Marlins and a resting-for-the-playoffs Braves.  The Phils said Halladay’s arm was suffering from general fatigue.  Wasn’t that Prince Valium’s dad?

Nate Eovaldi – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Gets the Tigers in his next start and the Stream-o-Nator is correctly hesitant, but if the Tigers are sitting their regulars, I could see it if you’re desperate.  On a related note, who the hell thought it was a good idea to put the Tigers vs. the Marlins on the last day of the season.  I opened up three sources to make sure I was seeing the right info.  What if the Tigers were in a dog fight with a division rival?  Someone wants to see them go against a team who everyone knew would be awful at the time they made the schedule?  Why not have the Tigers face the Washington Generals?  What a joke.  That’s what baseball gets for making Selig commissioner simply because he looks like Stephen Hawking.

Ed Lucas – 2-for-5, 1 RBI, hitting .400 in the last week.  If you had the over for number of times I’d talk about Lucas, you surprisingly won.  You get a lifetime supply of sarcasm and three ‘And that’s me quoting me’s whenever you want*.  *Offer not available outside the U.S.

Charlie Morton – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.14.  Pitched so well this year, he should go by Chazz Morton and grow some mutton chops.  You deserve facial hair accoutrements, Chazz!

Mark Melancon – 1 IP, 1 ER.  If there was any doubt about who the closer was, Melancon came in the 8th inning, gave up a run and watched as Jason Grilli got the save.  In pithier terms, Melancon closed a screen door on the Runs Submarine, and Grilli Sham-Wow’d the flood.

Neil Walker – 1-for-5 and his 14th homer and his 4th homer in the last five days.  No, he won’t keep it up long term, but there’s six days left.  Who cares about long term?  You’re not settling down with him and gonna buy a cottage in Ireland.

Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the Mets.  Looks like he’s back just in time for the real playoffs, though I’ll be interested to see how he does because his delivery appeared a bit labored.  Luckily, he had a strong midwife in Ryan Hanigan.

Shin-Soo Choo – 3-for-6, 2 RBIs and 2 steals (19, 20).  Kinda crazy how consistent he is (2-4 HRs/month, 2-4 steals/month), considering how incongruous his splits are, assuming incongruous is used correctly there and I’m almost sure it’s not.

Justin Verlander – 6 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 12 Ks.  H2H owners, “About time!”  Everyone else, “Where the hell was that all year?!”

Yordano Ventura – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners (3 BBs), 6 Ks.  Watching him, there’s moments where I can’t imagine anyone ever getting a hit off him.  Then there’s other moments where I can’t imagine anyone getting a hit off him and he can’t hit the broadside of Pablo Sandoval.

Jed Lowrie – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 15th homer and 3rd homer in the last five games.  TMZ caught some post-clinching celebration last night with the A’s, but it didn’t stop J-Low.  Just don’t refer to him and Donaldson as Donifer.

Howie Kendrick – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 12th homer; his first homer since July 6th.  Howie doesn’t seem like the right reporter question.  More like Whereyoubeenie.

Mike Minor – 7 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. the Brewers.  Might be his last start of the year.  He’s scheduled to go Saturday, but I could see him getting bumped or only throwing three innings due to the inpending playoffs.  Even if the word is impending.  Inpending sounds better though, doesn’t it?  Maybe we use that.

Marco Estrada – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, lowering his ERA to 4.02.  I told you he was a sleeper!  If he gets his ERA under 4 on the year (which he should since his final start is in Metco), it’ll completely cloud the perception of how miserable his season was on actual teams.  I guarantee no one has an ERA under 4 from Estrada on their team’s active stats if they drafted him.  *checking team*  Okay, I do, but I dropped him really early (24 1/3 IP on my team with a 3.70 ERA — wow, I’m impatient).  BTW, somehow in my active stats, I have Niese with a 2.60 ERA, Kyle Kendrick at 2.40 and Martin Perez at 2.73.  Those premature drops worked out great.  My drop of Jose Fernandez with a 2.81 ERA after 16 IP, not so good.

Aramis Ramirez – 3-for-4 and his 12th homer, and his second in the last three games.  Hasn’t really been bad when healthy.  Unfortch, he suffers from the same condition as Glass Chipper and I don’t think we ever see Aramis healthy again for a whole year.  Father Time has caught up to him.  No relation, but they do share a name.  His full name is Aramiss Time Ramirez.

Alex Rios – 4-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 18th homer as he hit for the cycle.  Came in handy for Texas since MLB forced Nelson Cruz to cycle off.

Elvis Andrus – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 1 RBI.  Having himself a solid 2nd half (4 HRs, 21 SBs, .324) and will only be 25 years old next year.  I could see getting really excited next year about Elvis, to the point where cameras have to film me from the waist up.

Derek Holland – 9 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.33, which is bad luck because it’s the symbol for a midget devil.

Tanner Roark – 5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Roark goes to the Diamondbacks for his last start, and I could see it going either way for streaming purposes, so only if you really need it.  This is all assuming he doesn’t hang outside in Arizona too long and become Sunburn Roark.

Trevor Rosenthal – Notched his first save as the Cardinals deal with a virtual closercopia of options in the ninth.  They started the last inning with Siegrist and ended it with Rosenthal, which is probably how it will remain, and then Rosenthal will look crazy dominant in the playoffs and any hope you have of getting him for a discount next year will go out the window.  I saw that, and it didn’t help you that you just closed a window.

Jose Quintana – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.45.  He’s in that sweet spot for next year where someone will draft him, thinking they’re smarter than everyone else, and then they will drop him after two bad starts and then he’ll do well for the next four months.  What?  My crystal ball is precise.

Avisail Garcia – 1-for-4 and his 6th homer as he bats near .4oo in the last week.  I told everyone to pick him up yesterday because he’s a hot schmotato.  What’s the matter?  You on the Atkins diet?  Schmotatoes are allowed.

Joe Mauer – Shut down for the rest of the year due to his concussion.  Somewhere in Minnesota, an unattractive Norwegian woman is beginning to knit a sweater that reads, “Get Well Soon, Joe.”

Brian Dozier – 2-for-6, 2 runs and his 18th homer, hitting over .400 in the last week as he bats out of the three hole.  Last year, it was Plouffe pretending to be an All-Star in Minnesota and next year it’ll be…Pedro FlorimonChris Parmelee?  The transgender player, Chris Herrmann?

Will Venable – May not play again this season.  Bud Black said, “He’s sore.  It’s where the hip flexor meets the abdomen.”  On the bright side, if the hip flexor can find someone, so can you!

 
  1. raph says:
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    Should I start Niese @ CIN? Championship week. Too risky to start at Great American Ballpark?

    • james says:
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      @raph:

      personally, i am benching him. to make up the start i streamed mccarthy and stultz (who combined for a 3.65 era a win and 7k). Niese has been good, but i am wary of starting any non top 10 SP in cincy

    • @raph: @raph: The park does favor left-handed pitching, and it’s possible Cici will sit a couple of starters. But I still wouldn’t start him unless you really needed to take risks.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @raph: Too risky

  2. TobiasFunkeAnalRapist says:
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    Hey Grey nice read. Would you go with Ryu @ San Fran, Ubaldo vs. CWS or Moore @ NYY? I can only start two and Ubaldo is basically a must start right now right? Thanks bud, keep up the good work.

  3. TheNewGuy says:
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    No mention on Votto’s absurd night, 0-0 with 5 walks!

    Were many of them intentionals anyone know? Annoying cos a team im battling with has him in an OBP league!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @TheNewGuy: Box scores list IBB (Intentional Walks)…When he doesn’t walk it’s something to mention…

      • TheNewGuy says:
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        @Grey: Ha

  4. TheNewGuy says:
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    “My drop of Jose Fernandez with a 2.81 ERA after 16 IP, not so good.”

    OUCH. Never knew you had him, that must hurt.

    • PK says:
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      @TheNewGuy: Heh, I had JoFer for two starts: 9 IP, 9.00 ERA, 1.89 WHIP. Go me!

      • Dingbat says:
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        @PK: I got 15IP, 5.40 ERA, 1.40 WHIP. before dropping him And I’m in 2nd place behind the guy who picked him up and got a 1.37 ERA/0.85 WHIP in 111 innings. I’m sure that didn’t make any difference at all.

      • Hal Incandenza says:
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        @PK: I had the exact same line of Jose Fernandez, Mia SP 9.0 12 9 5 6 0 0 0 9.00 1.89.

        I don’t think it would have made up the total difference, but I’m going to finish second to the team that picked him up for:

        Jose Fernandez, Mia SP 128.2 77 25 41 143 10 0 0 1.75 0.92

        PLUS!, after I finally decided to drop Prado, the same opponent added him.

        For me: Martin Prado, Ari LF, 2B, 3BRecent News 66 62/263 29 5 24 1 .236 .619
        Greener side:Martin Prado, Ari LF, 2B, 3BRecent News 54 77/229 29 7 44 2 .336 .897

        I may be waxing a bit Magnolia when I think it, but there has to be more than coincidence here.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @TheNewGuy: Nah, I’m winning the league where I dropped him, didn’t matter

      • TheNewGuy says:
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        @Grey: Grey’s just too good!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Haha

  5. TheNewGuy says:
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    Need power over everything, drop J-Roll for Callaspo or Dozier?

  6. Fireball Feliz says:
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    I’m in 1st place by one point in my Roto league and I need W’s and QS to stay afloat. WHY THE HELL did the Dodgers pull Greinke after 5 innings against SD? Is Greinke at risk of not getting a quality start his next time out? Drop him and stream someone else?

    • Mike says:
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      @Fireball Feliz:
      Grey responded to me and others yesterday about Grienke. Advise to me was to start Salazar over Greinke this week. He gave same advise to others. Good luck

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Fireball Feliz: Stream someone else… The Dodgers have clinched, Greinke’s done helping your fantasy team

  7. The Strolg says:
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    I think I figured out why Sveum has been benching Lake and hitting Barney 2nd, he bet the under on wins for the season.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @The Strolg: Some reason that is not entirely clear…

  8. sparky8 says:
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    What is Straily’s line @ LAA Tomorrow? Worth Steaming H2H Points?
    Thanks in advance

    • sparky8 says:
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      Just noticed Delgado is on Waivers…coming off tomorrow. Start him at Petco instead of Straily? Thanks for the entertainment and advice.

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        @sparky8: No problem, neither are great starts… I’d lean towards Delgado

  9. AP says:
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    Active Stats for my team-
    Marco Estrada – 27.2 IP 2.60 ERA 0.90 WHIP 27k’s
    Jon Nose….er, Niese – 34 IP 3.18 ERA
    Jose Fernandez – 15 IP 3.60 ERA……then dropped

    Grey, we are almost like twinsies!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @AP: Hehe… You follow my advice, nice! Hope you’re winning that league…

  10. ichirosan says:
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    On the plus side, I saved my Waiver Priority the entire year in my Dynasty league and got Yordano Ventura for my troubles.

    On the minus side, every player on my team (except Goldie) abandoned me and lost the semifinals 6-5

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @ichirosan: Nice pickup…that sucks…

  11. TheNewGuy says:
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    Miggy is just ridiculous. Last time anyone hit .350 or above while qualifying for the batting title?

    Ichiro, did he ever do it?

    • Frankenstein says:
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      @TheNewGuy: quite a few have…Ichiro, Mauer, Pujols, A Rod, Magglio, Nomar, Bonds, Chipper Jones, Hamilton, Larry Walker….tony Gwynn about 15 times…it’s very impressive, but not all that uncommon

      • matt says:
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        @Frankenstein: Ted Williams was the best hitter. Yaz was pretty good too

      • TheNewGuy says:
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        @Frankenstein: Yeah I meant who was last, looks like Hamilton was then, man shows how quickly we forget…

        Nice list though.

  12. TheNewGuy says:
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    One other question I got Kipnis in a keeper. Well at the time I traded E5 for him and both are great keepers.

    Now I’ve got a very sour taste in my mouth from what Kipnis has given me the 2nd half, so I don’t want to act impulsively. Im tempted to offer the trade reverse in the offseason to get EE back, wanna see if you think it’s worth doing.

    Who would you rather have: EE signed through 2014 at $8, or Kipnis able to be signed this offseason for 1 year ($9), 2 yrs ($12) or 3 yrs ($14)? Flexibility with Kipnis, better price and player for 1 year with E5, tough one isn’t it!

  13. G Money says:
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    With Machado going down with a fairly grisly knee injury, is he still worth keeping for next year with the other options I have (4 keepers):

    Goldy (no brainer)
    Segura
    Machado
    J. Upton
    Wainwright
    Minor
    Bumgarner

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @G Money: Can you wait until Machado’s injury and MRI report comes back?

      • G Money says:
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        yes i’ll have some time. assuming it’s reported he’ll be ready to start 2014, what’s your 4?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @G Money: Goldy, Segura, Machado, Upton

  14. Heisenberg says:
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    Need RBIs and OBP, who should I drop Altuve for:

    Walker, Infante, Callaspo

    Thanks!

  15. Blue says:
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    Is Holiday done for the ROS? Don’t like old guys with tweaked backs.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Blue: Possibly, but I doubt it…

  16. William says:
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    You’re gonna lose some of the younger readers with that early ’80s Michael Stipe REM reference. However for those of us in college at the time, nice writing !

  17. matt says:
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    I’m really going to miss daily fantasy games :'(

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @matt: Yup

  18. EK says:
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    Pls rank for H2H pts:
    Petit vs SD (22.2)
    Minor vs PHI (15.3 or bust)
    Kazmir @ MIN (14.1)
    Porcello @ MIA (9.2)
    Haren @ ARI (4.8)

    Haren (4.8)

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @EK: Porcello, Kazmir, Petit

  19. Grant says:
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    So do I roll with the Vikings defense this week again vs Pit since I picked them up for the matchup against the Browns. Or do I pickup the colts defense vs the jags.

    • Grant says:
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      @Grant: Sorry, wrong posting spot, too many damn windows open. I will repost on the football side.

    • TheNewGuy says:
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      @Grant: Go for the Colts.

      Actually I have no idea about NFL.

      • goodfold2 says:
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        @TheNewGuy: i do, go colts.

  20. TheNewGuy says:
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    Thoughts on the fantasy wierdo that is Jason Kipnis? Future outcomes which is most likely:

    A- First half player for the rest of his career, just doesn’t have the stamina and frequent cases of blimpotence in the 2nd half.
    B- Flukey first half, chance he really regresses next season.
    C- There is no C
    D- Could put it all together and become a fantasy monster at 2B.