This should go down easier than Danny Salazar‘s last start, but it’s still not going to be that easy to digest.  You have a Tums handy?  Good, take like seven of them.  Don’t worry, if they give you kidney stones, it will take your mind off of K-Zar.  Something is wrong.  I hypothesized that he was tipping his pitches last time.  It didn’t make sense that he would strikeout more guys in four innings than anyone has ever while still getting rocked.  Maybe he is, I still have no idea.  I don’t have my degree from the University of Pitch Scouting, which is still in a heated lawsuit with the United Parcel Service.  You should sign the online petition for the United Parcel Service to change to the acronym NBU for Nice Brown Uniforms.  If an online petition can’t get something changed, what can?  Member when people actually protested things and not just clicked a box on an online petition site?  Those in-person protestors were silly!  Any the hoo!  A larger problem with K-Zar is his velocity is down.  Still decent for most mortals, but he could be hiding a larger issue with his arm.  The other day when he K’d ten guys in four innings, it might’ve masked a bigger problem.  Yesterday’s start was a real eye-opener — 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER and only 3 Ks — is terrible.  That’s not tipping pitches, that’s something is wrong.  The final ruling on K-Zar is you should hold him if you can, but I don’t think the short-term is going to be pretty.  Obviously, you can’t start him next time out or until he throws a decent start.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Michael Brantley – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer.  I like him/own him and even I/me will admit that he’s yawnstipating.  No one ever confused a 15 HR, 15 SB guy with Viagra.

Michael Bourn – 1-for-4, 1 run and his 1st steal.  Nice, the injury didn’t cause Bourn to forget his identity.

Lonnie Chisenhall – 4-for-4 with the Joey Votto cycle!  Chisenhall will be in this afternoon’s Buy, but you can grab him now.  A’la Ralph Fiennes, “I pardon you.”

Justin Verlander – 5 IP, 0 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Had some unfortunate luck with an error.  Well, wasn’t all unfortch, Verlander did have one error that resulted in one run.  I’m sorry (not sorry), but he doesn’t look like the same pitcher that we were so used to seeing.

Ian Kinsler – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer and third steal for a good ol’ fashioned slam & legs.  Sign that it’s early or the apocalypse, Kinsler has more homers than Miggy.

Clayton Kershaw – Threw a 35-pitch session and is aiming for a mid-May return due to his injured back.  So, no setback?  Or is that he has a set back?  Back set?  Etsay ackbay?  No, that’s just Pig Latin.  Puig, “You called me?”

Hanley Ramirez – Was drilled on the hand by Vogelsong on Wednesday night — I knew you could do something worthwhile, Vogelsong! — and Hanley had to sit out yesterday with a sore hand.  He’s day-to-day.  Puig, “Bench company, yay!  Wanna play Punch Buggy?  Oh, shoot, Mattingly’s got me playing today.  Cheerio!”

Hyun-Jin Ryu – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Puig, “When Ryu uppercut punches, does he make that Street Fighter sound?”

Angel Pagan – Didn’t start yesterday with knee soreness.  Bochy told reporters Pagan should be fine today.  In related news, Bochy was wearing a red hat the other night during the lunar eclipse.

Madison Bumgarner – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  More like Madison You’re A Bumgarner!  Right?!  Oh, I need a nap.  *clapping hands*  I’m back!

Hunter Pence – 2-for-3 and his 3rd steal as he only has one homer.  That’s gonna really mess up his OCD.  Someone let him hit two homers quickly before he starts peeing into milk bottles.

Casey Janssen – Shut down after feeling renewed pain in his back.  Kershaw’s owners just bit their nails.  “People have renewed pain in their back?  But Kershaw won’t, right?  Right?  Please tell me right!”  Santos’s hold on the closer job just got at least a month longer.  And then…

Sergio Santos – 0 IP, 3 ER and the blown save in the 2nd game of the doubleheader.  I doubt Sergio is gone without a lot more sucking while blowing games (hey, Santos is like the Mega Maid in Spaceballs).

Brian Dozier – 3-for-8, 4 runs, and a slam and double helping of eggs.  Too bad hitting behind him wasn’t Coffebello.  The power and speed is real from Dozier, but the average won’t be good.  He’s kinda like a middle infield version of Krispie Young.  I will call him Nipsy Hustle.

Chris Colabello – 5-for-7, 1 run, 4 RBIs.  I don’t want to get greedy (here’s where I get greedy), but hit some homers!  Ya know, Colabello show the pop.

Jose Reyes – Weather is iffy on Friday, so he’ll be re-joining the Blue Jays on Saturday.  So, mark Reyes down for a definite start in all domed stadiums!

R.A. Dickey – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Why do you still own him?  Seriously, if you want to get screwed by a Dickey, it’s none of my business, but it shouldn’t be R.A.

Kyle Gibson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I saw his line and I was like, “Nice first start,” then I looked at his 0.93 ERA and it made no sense.  He had to pitch on a Friday and Saturday when I’m not doing roundups, and lo and behold that was exactly what happened.  Wow, Gibson, don’t mind if I do!  *looking up his peripherals*  Oh, he’s been hella lucky and, yes, I still say hella.  He was a decent prospect at one point, and I could see grabbing him, but as the Stream-o-Nator says, his next start isn’t great.

Alex Wood – 8 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Has a 2-2 record and a 1.67 ERA.  Stupid Braves offense.  To do the pitching, defense and three-run homer Earl Weaver attack, you gotta get the three-run homer.  Once in a while!

A.J. Burnett – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks as he pitched with a hernia.  Today, I wondered, “What is a hernia?” and I Googled it, then went to Wikipedia and BOY WAS THAT A MISTAKE!  Can’t Wikipedia put a warning when there is going to be full frontal, deformed male nudity?  Or at least manscape your subjects.

Tanner Scheppers – 2 1/3 IP, 6 ER.  If you continue to hold him, you are not paying attention, so you’re not reading this.  In that case, I have a confession, I was the one that parked so close to your car that you couldn’t get into your car.  My bad, I thought I left room.

Elvis Andrus – 1-for-4, 1 run, 2 steals, his 5th and 6th.  He never gets any love in drafts and I have him on a few teams and I’m okay with that.  As for Prince Fielder, doode looks like Chet when Lisa transformed him into a pile of crap.

Shin-Soo Choo – 2-for-5 and his first homer.  When someone yells his name, the proper response is gesundheit.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI, hitting .414.  No, of course it won’t last, but nothing stopping you from picking him up until it ends.

Mitch Moreland – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs.  The Rangers are doing what they can to give people options for a corner infidel in leagues where you lost Beltre or Zimmerman.

Corey Hart – 2-for-3 and his 4th homer.  So, you’re telling me I shouldn’t have dropped Hart for Colabello?  *ring, ring*  Yes, this is Grey.  This is the FCC?  What did I do?  Was it my nasally podcast voice?  Oh, you’re Fans of Chris Colabello!  *click*  I don’t want to talk to them.

Erasmo Ramirez – 2 IP, 5 ER.  People got mad at me in the comments for saying you should drop him after his first start.  I was saying it from someone who struggled through owning him last year, and he was simply a flyer in most leagues.  You really need to look elsewhirez.

Taylor Jordan – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Michael Jordan was His Airness; Taylor Jordan is His Can’t Repair-This.  He isn’t really startable in NL-Only leagues.

Mike Napoli – 1-for-3, 1 run as he returned from a dislocated finger.  I wonder if he used that new app, Find My Finger.

Doug Fister – Threw two innings in an extended spring training game.  Next time he’ll throw three innings and then four innings and then…Well, you get the picture.  He’s aiming for a return on May 7th.

Chase Headley – Sat out again with a biceps strain.  Not sure why he doesn’t just go on the DL.  Maybe he figures he can play through it since even when he’s healthy he doesn’t seem to have any biceps.

Ian Kennedy – 7 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Had a no hitter for the first five innings like a half dozen other starters yesterday.  Too bad Kennedy’s daddy had to pay off the mafia for him to pitch well.  Kennedy’s final pitching line looks like it should be in the dictionary next to Hodgepadre, if that was an actual word in the dictionary and not just our glossary.

Chris Denorfia – 2-for-4, hitting .295.  Has been hitting, and I’d point out that he’s been in the two hole, but he has 3 runs on the year.  Haha.  Oh, Padres.  Their number two hitter is on pace for less than 30 runs.  That’ll change, of course, he’ll end up with around 50 runs.  Oy.

Brett Anderson – Underwent surgery on his broken finger.  He had four pins inserted.  Somewhere, there’s a little old lady that can’t find the pins in her sewing kit.  Not cool, Brett.  Not.  Cool.

Nolan Arenado – 2-for-3, 1 RBI and his 1st steal.  Don’t look now but Arenado has a .292 average.  You’re good, I didn’t say Simon says to not look.

Michael Cuddyer – Left yesterday game with a hamstring cramp.  If it’s not one day-to-day scenario with Cuddyer, it’s another.

Alfonso Soriano – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 4th homer.  I hope the Yankees win the pennant just so I can see them celebrate by spraying Milk of Magnesia on each other.  It treats fecal incontinence, don’t waste it!

Brian McCann – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd home run.  More like Braun McCann!  *high-five self*

Yangervis Solarte – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 1st home run.  The Year I Hit Better Than A-Rod Did The Year Before, that’s a chapter title in Solarte’s autobiographical pamphlet.  It’s more just like pages with really long titles.  Solarte should absolutely be owned at this point if you’re hurting at corner infidel.

CC Sabathia -7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Rays had a hard time hitting him because they couldn’t stop thinking they were facing an anorexic Professor Klump.  “It’s just not funny anymore.”  That was Zobrist as he shook his head.

David Price – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA up to 4.39.  I’m above telling you that I said not to draft him and I won’t say it again when he pitches poorly, though I will point out that I won’t point it out.

Lorenzo Cain – To the DL with a groin strain.  That’s a shame– Wait, that means the Court Jester of SAGNOF, Jarrod Dyson, is going to play.  All hail the Jester!

James Shields – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks.  I watched this whole game and let’s just say the Astros never really had a chance.  It was like Shields tucked them in at night, woke them up at 7 AM, helped them shower, piled them into a Ford Atlas and dropped them off at school.  Guess I could’ve just said he took them to school.

Billy Butler – 1-for-3, 1 run.  Not much to see there, but he hit the ball hard for the first time all year, and I think he might be coming out of his big, mooby funk.

Norichika Aoki – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a steal.  Aoki-dokie!

Mike Moustakas – 1-for-4, 1 RBI.  Sure, it could have something to do with facing Scott Feldman, but Mostsuckass also looked like he was showing signs, a day after hitting a homer.  Baby steps, Bob, baby steps.

Chris Sale – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners (3 BBs), 10 Ks.  That was 127 pitches in 7 innings.  Like it was a going out of business Sale.

Jon Lester – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks.  The White Sox have scored the most runs so far of any team too.  Yes, those Pale Hoses have the most runs.  Either way, Lester’s start was nothing to sneeze at unless you’re allergic to fine pitching performances.

Koji Uehara – 1 IP, 0 ER and the save.  And you don’t need to worry about Mujica anymore. Buh-bye.

Yovani Gallardo – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 6 Ks.  He’s reeling you in.  You know that, right?  You know that, right?  Reel, reel, reel.  He’s doing it, and you’re falling for it.  He’s going to explode old YoGa style, releasing mighty snatch-fire all over your beautiful fantasy team.  I promise you.

Edinson Volquez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners (1 BB), 3 Ks.  Granted, the Brewers aren’t a team that takes many walks. (Ryan Braun was one that used to, but his OBP is .288!  It’s early, but wow.)  But still Edinson BBquez with only one walk?  And his walk rate on the year is 1.71.  His walk rate wasn’t that low in tee ball when he used to just stand on the mound while the ball was placed on the tee.  Ray Searage, I believe you and your magic is real!

Andrew McCutchen – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer.  Finally!  McCutchen, if you were a much older woman, I would kiss you!

Gaby Sanchez – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer this week.  I won’t flat-out recommend you pick him up, but while you’re picking him up, I will look the other way.

Pedro Alvarez – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer.  I should’ve wrote for him 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and a single, because that’s really the thing to point out with him.  He has 6 homers on the year and 4 singles.  He’s downright donkeyish — Pedro Alvarez, The Burro.

Kolten Wong – 2-for-6, 1 run, 1 RBI.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but of course he will, he’s been in every one this year.

Peter Bourjos – 1-for-4, 2 runs.  Oh, that’s Jon Jay’s line, not Bourjos.  Bourjos didn’t play.  Hey, Bourjos, Jon Jay has hit himself in front of you on the depth chart.  Hide your face in shame.  Hide it!

Adam Wainwright – 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners (2 Hits), 8 Ks.  I’d Tinder him.  By the by, my friend is on Tinder.  Here’s someone they got matched to.

 
  1. Party Boy John says:
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    grey if you could trade for either verlander or jose fernandez who would you choose?

      • AdamH says:
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        @J-FOH: JFer all day long

  2. Picard56 says:
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    Weekly head to head league. Team currently looks like this:
    C- Salvador Perez
    1- Prince Fielder
    2- Jedd Gyorko
    3- Pedro Alvarez
    SS- Xander Bogaerts
    OF- Carlos Beltran
    OF- Mark Trumbo
    OF- Nelson Cruz
    BN- Alfonso Soriano
    BN- Javier Baez

    SP- King Felix
    SP- Cliff Lee
    SP- Gio Gonzalez
    SP- Yordano Ventura
    RP- Tony Cingrani
    RP- Alex Wood
    BN- Jesse Chavez, Scott Kazmir, Ervin Santana, Tyson Ross, Carlos Martinez.

    Two trades offered to me. Tell me if I should accept them
    Trade 1:
    Trade Mark Trumbo
    Get Michael Wacha

    Trade 2:
    Trade Alex Wood, Tyson Ross
    Get Cole Hamels

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Picard56: No and No

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Picard56: You don’t need more pitching

  3. Troy: The Collector

    Troy says:
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    Wold you add Bauer in a deep 12 team league now? Probably going to get the call soon and have had horrible luck with starters so far.

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Troy: Yup

      • malamoney

        malamoney says:
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        @J-FOH: I added him in a 10-team league two nights ago (after another good start in the minors).

      • vinodole says:
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        Bauer or Kluber going forward?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Kluber

        • My Minor Likes Female Pujols says:
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          @vinodole: when Bauer gets called up then Bauer. Kluber has dropped off a bit

          • Troy: The Collector

            Troy says:
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            @My Minor Likes Female Pujols: still like kluber more, Bauer could just as easily have a 1.4 whip in the majors. Gonna add Bauer but have to wait til Monday because of dumb league settings. Hope no one grabs him before then.

            • goodfold2 says:
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              @Troy: carrasco will have at least one more start sunday. get ready to grab bauer if it goes badly.

  4. Bas says:
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    Hello Sir Grey,

    Teixeira is on waivers. Have Smoak and headley rotating in my corner spot. drop Smoak for Tex?

    Thanks as always and happy to start every day here in Holland with a smile while reading Razzball!!

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Bas: I wouldn’t drop Smoak for Tex

    • Ra'zball Al Ghul says:
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      @Bas: Teixeira was horrific in spring training, 3 hits in 35 ABs, don’t get excited about his espn projections, he’ll do more damage than good, aka garbaje, aka freaking Carlos Santana

      • gareth says:
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        @Ra’zball Al Ghul: Santana will come around. Like I stated yesterday hes dealing with a mild groin strain and the position switch is taking its really takin its toll right now. Its pretty rare what hes doing right now – How many guys have been the clean up hitter, starting third basemen and back up catcher on an mlb team?

        Sure its frustrating now, but once he hits his stride in the summer and his average creeps up and hes hitting walk off bombs you’ll be happy. Oh and he’ll do all that in the catcher slot while also being 1b and 3b eligible to fill in when needed.

        Patience.

        • Ra'zball Al Ghul says:
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          @gareth: totally. But he is flat-out unstartable right now

          • gareth says:
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            @Ra’zball Al Ghul: do you have space for a currently hot fill in catcher whos available to plug In until Santana gets it together? Someone like mesoraco, gomes, Montero, zunino?

            • Ra'zball Al Ghul says:
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              @gareth: Mesoraco has been my play

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Bas: You’re welcome…. Hold Smoak

  5. gareth says:
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    So that’s what happened to tom green! He became a lumberjack.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @gareth: would anyone be surprised that his ‘friend’ is Nick the Podcast Host? Not I…

      • Ra'zball Al Ghul says:
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        @Jay: jay, I’ve been meaning to ask – what on earth were you thinking including “Chris Carter” and “Keeper” in the same post in February??? In the immortal words of the embarrassingly lame Ben Affleck, “You’re suspect”

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @Ra’zball Al Ghul: Not many people can hit 30 home runs nowadays. Maybe Chris Carter can’t now either… ugh.

          • Ra'zball Al Ghul says:
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            @Jay: ha! Oh the asstros…

      • gareth says:
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        @Jay: Eh?

  6. Natasha says:
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    Hi! (:
    I’d appreciate your input if you could tell me if you see any moves that i could do here that would improve my team.

    C- Molina
    1B- Davis
    2B-Altuve
    3B-Carpenter
    SS-Desmond
    OF-McCutchen
    OF-Holliday
    OF-Craig
    Util-Abreu

    Bench- Wil Myers, Machado, Polanco

    SP-Darvish
    SP-Sale
    SP-Tillman
    SP-Liriano
    SP-Chavez
    RP-Tommy Hunter
    RP-Grant Balfour

    Bench-Walker, Mike Minor

    Top of the free agent pool:
    Cishek
    Perkins
    Simmons
    Bogaerts
    Arenado
    Kouzmanoff
    Gillaspie
    Brantley
    Eric Young Jr.
    Salazar
    Lohse
    Gibson

    thanks!

    • Yescheese says:
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      @Natasha: In a league that shallow I don’t see the point in rostering potential callups like Polanco or walker

    • gareth says:
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      @Natasha: Cue the snippy shallow league rebuke from Cram in 5, 4, 3, 2……………

    • gareth says:
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      @Natasha: drop machado (or dl him if you have a slot), Polanco, Hunter, Chavez, walker.

      Add cishek, Perkins, Simmons, Arenado then one of either Brantley, eric young Jr. Or Salazar depending on needs.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Natasha: Perkins over Balfour, Arenado over Polanco

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Natasha: Oh, and you should have extra starters, not extra bench bats… The ones listed are a little suspect though

  7. My Minor Likes Female Pujols says:
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    Which side do you like? Iwakuma and Brad Miller OR Springer and K Wong?? 12 team redraft league and miller and wong are both bench bats. Thanks!

  8. LT says:
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    Can you make the “Who is Grey Albright” shirt??? I need that for the collection.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @LT: If you promise to only wear that and your loin cloth

  9. J-FOH says:
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    Dyson to the bereavement list….I hope Grandma Hoover doesn’t Sal Perez him.

    • Mike Francesa says:
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      @J-FOH: How dare he bereave! Yaw a baseball playa! You got only 162 games! You play dem.

  10. WachaWacha says:
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    Hey Grey!
    10 team h2h non keeper 5×5 with oBP

    I was offered Bruce and D Gordon
    For Tehrehan and W Myers

    I know you love Bruce but this is too much?

  11. DrEasy says:
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    Who knew there was such a thing as a subtle Fister joke? Grey came through as usual.

  12. Nimrod says:
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    Solarte or Boneface at 2B 12 team 6×6 with OPS? Middle of pack with SB just looking for counting stats.

    • David Niven says:
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      @Nimrod: See Hill question below bro—Boneface came out smokin the last 2 years, if I remember correctly, before finding his usual place on the curb around May. T’s why I’m thinkin of dropping Hill and not him.

      I’m tryin to squeeze what juice I can out of him (14 steals on the season), while hoping he doesnt drown my average and ops in the process.

      Which doesn’t look like it’s workin as he’s hit a middle finger for the last 7 games—but hey. It sounded good last week.

      GL man.

      I’d pick up Bone and drop him in 5 days if he doesn’t hit.

  13. David Niven says:
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    Is it too early to panic and drop Aaron Hill for that Dietrich guy? I got Altuve and Bonifacio as well.

    Lookin at my middle infield, and it aint too pretty.

    • Pope says:
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      @David Niven: Very few fantasy teams have a pretty middle infield

      • gareth says:
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        @Pope: totally agree. My gyorko and alcides in the rcl look pretty fugly right now.

      • David Niven says:
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        @Grey: Thanks man. I needed that.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          No problem

  14. The Dutchman says:
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    Mr. Grey, Thoughts on Wil Myers? He looks lost, can I drop him for the likes of Ozuna or should I give him more time?

    • Ra'zball Al Ghul says:
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      @The Dutchman: Don’t drop him

    • My Minor Likes Female Pujols says:
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      @The Dutchman: Myers should not be dropped. It’s still very early. A lot of 30 HR guys have like 1 right now. If you don’t want him then trade him. The return for Myers should still be good.

  15. Jason says:
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    Whoa. Nice new Mobile layout.

    • Yescheese says:
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      @Jason: very nice! Thanks razz!

      • Yescheese says:
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        @Yescheese: I mean the Candy Crush link was weird but I’ll survive!

        • Mrs. Featherbottom says:
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          @Yescheese: Christian Mingle, it’s where none of my friends are.

    • Gray says:
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      @Jason: Agreed

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Jason: Can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic…

      • Yescheese says:
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        @Grey: I was genuine

      • Jay says:
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        @Grey: no, no sarcasm. Although I do like **strums air guitar** fantasy sports and sarcasm (sang in best high pitch voice possible)

        much easier to navigate with the iphone now instead hoping my fat fingers hit the right spot….

  16. Mr. Rickey says:
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    Watched a bit of the Tigers/Indians game yesterday. I don’t know if Salazar was tipping pitches but he seemed to be having serious control problems – just couldn’t hit his spots. My gut says he might get it together but not sure I want to buy.

    SON doesn’t like the idea but would you consider starting Smyly today at home against the Angels?