Yesterday, Joey Votto went 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs with his 30th homer as he hits .314 with a .438 OBP. Not only is Votto hitting for a high average, but he’s also hitting for power, and, you kinda get the impression, if he wanted, he could hit for a higher average with no power, or a lower average with more power, or no average, no power and pitch. Personal Anecdote Alert! Fast forward a blurb if you’re not interested. When I was in my teens, I went to baseball summer camp. The guy who ran it was a Yankees’ scout, so he’d have players come in to teach us fundamentals. One guest was Mike Pagliarulo. I know, I know, this is like the opening monologue before someone sings Springsteen’s Glory Days at karaoke. Any hoo! Pags was the best hitter I ever saw within three feet of me. One kid there was a minor league pitcher, and Pags was so dramatically better than him, it was obvious the kid would never go anywhere. If Pags wanted to hit a home run to right against this kid, he did. Up the middle? No problem. Home run to left? Sure, why not? So, my point (!), against this minor league pitcher, Pags did what I imagine Votto does against major leaguers. Votto is my Pags of the majors. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Zack Cozart – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .318. You can rosary bead the eff out of him staying healthy, but I think you’re wasting your wishes. Enjoy it while it lasts!
Adam Duvall – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 25th homer, hitting .267. He’s doing exactly what you expect from him, but everything else is doing so much more, you can’t help to feel disappointed Duvall’s merely meeting expectations.
Jhoulys Chacin – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.15. Never feed Chacin after midnight, never get him wet, and never, under any circumstances, start him in away games.
Jose Pirela – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 6th and 7th homers. Not sure what’s goofier, Pirela is hitting third for the Padres every game, or that it makes sense for them or that he’s still irrelevant for fantasy. I guess there might be a schmotato here, but I wouldn’t drop anyone too valuable to find out.
Yunel Escobar – Could hit the DL with an intercostal strain. These intercostals are going around lately. Shizz is worse than Zika, except, of course, it’s not.
Cameron Maybin – 1-for-4 as he was activated from the DL. Here’s to ten steals in a ten days and another DL stint on day eleven!
Mike Trout – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 23rd homer on his 26th birthday, and recorded his 1,000th hit. With Trout, you really do have to specify, all thousand hits weren’t in this game.
Dylan Bundy – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.15. Back-to-back solid starts, but, honestly, if next time out, he gets scrambled and it’s soiled sharts, I also wouldn’t be surprised. His xFIP, after all, is near-5. That’s oopsie daisy with a side of ‘no thank you.’
Rhys Hoskins – Phils are trying him in left field in the minors, because Tommy Joseph is prospblocking. Bit of a joke that Joseph is blocking anyone. Future of the franchise who looks like he could an everyday All-Star or Tommy Joseph who is barely a major league regular? The choice is yours, you can get with this or you can go with that, and ToJo can’t beat anyone with his bat.
Trevor Williams – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.12. Stream-o-Nator had some love for Williams for this start vs. the Tigers, but what I really want to discuss is Miguel Cabrera (0-for-3, hitting .254). I’m guessing he’s going to say this offseason he was playing injured all year. Weird, because he’s taken a DL knee before and not played. It’s not like he’s got a Cal Gehrig streak going. But, damn, he looks washed up like Daryl Hannah, in Splash and her career post-Splash.
Jordan Zimmermann – 7 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 5.27. Is it me or is it hard to remember J.Z. being great? Try to visualize it. What do you see? I keep seeing him get beat up by Solange in an elevator.
Dexter Fowler – 1-for-3, 2 runs as he was activated from the DL. Cards were a bit crowded so they sent Stephen Piscotty down to the minors. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I’m talking about Usher. This guy give everyone herpes? Piscotty has fallen too, but he wasn’t that mighty. He was around that of a third outfielder that fell to that of a fifth outfielder. He’ll get his mojo back in time, or my name isn’t Grey Albright, Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it).
Matt Carpenter – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting .249. Like fromunda cheese, he hasn’t aged well.
Paul Dejong – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. The Dudejong is going to get 20+ homers in, like, 300 ABs. Hunter Renfroe says, “Zoinks!”
Kolten Wong – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and a homer. Guess how many homers he has. Go ahead. Keep in mind that Manfred is standing over Guatemalan sweat laborers with a bullhorn and whip making sure the balls are juiced sufficiently. Kolten has two homers on the year! Seriously, I’m not pulling your Wong. That’s three innings for Scooter Gennett!
Carlos Martinez – 8 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.52. He’s been far from an ace, but, with how poor pitching’s been, he’s easily an ace.
Mike Moustakas – 1-for-4 and his 32nd homer. Moistasskiss!
Eric Hosmer – 1-for-4 and his 18th homer, hitting .315. He’s Joey Votto-lite. I will call him, Mini Pags, and confuse nearly the entire population.
Jake Arrieta – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the Giants, ERA at 3.83. You thought the Padres were sad? I’m not sure I’d take an over on five with the Giants. That’s not runs, that’s hits. Panik isn’t a 2nd baseman, it should be a team warning. And Parker? Sure, with ten dollars and a valet.
Javier Baez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer, 3rd homer in the last week, and hitting near-.350 in that time. If he’s available, schmotato, but I hate that he hits at the bottom of the lineup. Though, the bottom of the Cubs’ lineup is better than the middle of the Giants’.
Ryder Jones – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 1st home run, hitting .128. Between Ryder and Panik, the Giants don’t have a team, they have a carjacking.
Miguel Sano – Day-to-day with a bruised hand. No relation to Brad.
Ervin Santana – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.27. In yesterday’s FantasyDraft post by Teddy Heater, he dropped a doozy on me. Ervin Santana’s real name? Johan Santana! According to Wikipedia, “According to Ervin Santana, “I just came up with Ervin… Ervin Santana, that sounds good.” He felt he had to change his name because of Johan Santana’s prominence. Fantasy relevant? Not really, but crazy shizz.
Jorge Polanco – 4-for-4, 2 RBIs, hitting .227. The Marla Gibbs Line!
Keon Broxton – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer. He’s the mafia. You know why, right? Every time I think I’m done with him, he pulls me back in.
Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-4 and his 37th homer, hitting .277. Halp and I discuss Giancarlo on today’s podcast, and I believe my voice only cracks three times and I only fan myself twice like a damsel in distress.
Chris O’Grady – 1 1/3 IP, 0 ER, but left with an oblique strain. When Chris felt his oblique tighten, he clutched his oblique, looked at the heavens and said, “I’m coming, Elizabeth! I’m coming!” Kudos for the tremendous Fred Sanford impersonation.
Bryce Harper – 2-for-4 and his 29th homer, hitting .327. Now streaming: The Beast of one National. Still haven’t seen the movie that’s playing off of. If you would’ve told me ten years ago, a movie with Stringer Bell would be available to me for over a year, and I haven’t seen it, I would’ve said you’re nuts. No interest in The Dark Tower either. Please, someone get Stringer in a drug kingpin role.
Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.23. This start for Scherzer was supposed to be visually like how Ed’s father from The Naked Gun died. Marlins laid down, Scherzer paraded over them, but every time it looked like the Marlins were out of it, they rose from the dead like O.J.
