The first week I told you to buy Devon Travis. The 2nd week I told you to buy Steven Souza. This might be the most improbable streak since Joe DiMaggio’s. I’m not talking about his 56-game hitting streak, either. I’m talking about his lesser known streak, but equally improbable 117-day streak of him calling Marilyn Monroe, having another man pick up, but still thinking she was being loyal. That streak might actually be even more remarkable than the hitting one. “Who was that? Cable guy? There’s no cable for another thirty years. Oh, a guy that drives a San Fran cable car? It’s research for a part? Gotcha.” That’s Joe D. ringing up Monroe. Dexter Fowler‘s criminally underowned. Let’s just go on this alone: Fowler, Soler, Rizzo, Bryant, Castro. For the whole year. That’s the Cubs lineup. If Fowler doesn’t back into 95 runs, it’s due to injury. Next up, he looks like Pookie from New Jack City, but he has surprising ten homer power. Actually, 12 homers is likely the low end. A couple of windy days in Chicago when it gets hot and he’s getting 15 homers. If Jim Belushi bats his eyelashes at the right Cubs scorer, Fowler may just get gifted an extra homer. Steals? Well, that’s the tricky thing. He has 25-steal speed, but it’s been a few years since he’s shown it. He had 4 steals already this year. Just doing rudimentary math and he gets to 24 steals on the year. That can go up to 30 or down to 19. Either way, 95/12/40/.265/20 is ownable and startable in every single league. Now, excuse me, I’m returning to writing my one man stage play of Joe D. and Marilyn dating in heaven called, “And The Cloud Went Crazy.” Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Jake Marisnick – His father, Rogey Marismick can’t believe you won’t pick up his son. He says you’re an embarrassmick!
Sam Fuld – He even knows he’s just a hot schmotato. Fuld said, “That’s all folks!”
Avisail Garcia – I nearly made Avisail the lede this week, but I honestly can’t believe he’s owned in less than 50% of ESPN leagues. Does Karabell own 40,000 leagues to up his virtual trophy case, which skews the ownership numbers when he doesn’t own someone?
Josh Reddick – Don’t worry I won’t make a Semien joke with Reddick. It’s more like Semien yolk with this Reddick!
Odubel Herrera – I can’t get a complete gauge yet on Odubel. I owned him very early thinking he could hit 7 HRs and steal 25 bases while not hitting for a bad average. Then I dropped him when he wasn’t hitting in the first few games, which is a huge sample size — that’s what she never said! — and now Odubel is hitting. I think there’s a chance here for a guy that is actually ownable in all leagues and drafted like a 3rd outfielder next year. There is also a chance for nothing.
Juan Lagares – In the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston, I should’ve done my thesis on why some players are readily added and embraced by the fantasy baseball community, while others like Lagares hang out on waivers forever. By the by, the fantasy baseball community doesn’t say aye or nay, it says “Yes!” and “Ma!”
Michael Saunders – I loved Saunders this offseason, then he hurt himself and I had to temper expectations a little. Tempering time is over! Batter up! I suddenly sound like the fry cook at a sushi restaurant.
Adam Eaton – All of these outfielders I wanna be Eaton up!
Kevin Plawecki – CAGNOF, because they wear masks.
Nick Hundley – He’s fine, meh, whatever, the starter in Colorado, etc., but this I found hilarious. As of Thursday, ESPN ownership numbers for Hundley: 9%. The ownership numbers for Rosario: 30%. Oh. Chicken Florentine Pause. Kay.
Justin Smoak – I went over him this morning. Use your scrolly finger and do your thang!
Luis Valbuena – Another guy that was almost the lede. Yeah, Valbuena appears to be hot garbage that is under Tom Arnold’s couch for twelve years, but Valbuena should just be owned at this point.
Yangervis Solarte – Ah, to be a fly on the wall of a customs checkpoint when the guy asks him for his Yangervisa. A mustachioed fly, of course.
Chris Owings – I drafted this doode in quite a few leagues and have been patiently waiting for him to break out. Let’s go already! Okay, not that patiently.
Cody Asche – Three questions: You remember how crazy I was for Asche last year? Why couldn’t he have done this last year when I owned him everywhere? Am I too handsome and God has to punish me in other ways? Is it because my real world charm ends at the virtual world? Why doesn’t Fage make the fruit compartments bigger so I can fit a normal-sized spoon in there? Can I not count to three? I look forward to your responses.
Zack Cozart – If this were Cozart’s first season, I’d say he could be a 20+ homer guy just looking at his minor league stats, but, since he’s been in Cincy for years doing his yawnstipating best, it’s hard to believe in the sudden breakout. I would own him while he’s hot.
Jed Lowrie – You ever pick up a player and want to drop them before they ever even play on your team? This directly relates to Lowrie.
Wilmer Flores – Not saying this is the be-all, end-all, but ZiPs updated their Flores’s projections to a 19-homer hitter with a .267 average. That’s a top 12 shortstop, boys and four girls.
Jimmy Nelson – His peripherals tell me it looks like he’s breaking out. J.A. happens all the time, but I’d own Nelson.
Miguel Gonzalez – I’m gonna cherry-pick a little, but it takes having some good stats to even be able to cherry-pick like this. Ready? Okay, his K-rate is 10.2. His xFIP is 3.12 and ERA is 2.55. He had a 2.9 BB/9 last year. He had a 3.23 ERA last year in 159 IP. There’s some red flags I’m excluding, but there’s enough here to delude yourself into picking him up. I mean convince yourself!
CC Sabathia – His peripherals look tasty like everything that is peripheral to him looks tasty to him. I’m not ready to say he’s back yet, but the Stream-o-Nator likes his next start and I could see streaming him and, if it goes well, holding from there.
Drew Hutchison – Yeah, yeah, I dropped him too at first, but we can’t all be rocket surgeons. It’s worth gambling that he’s righted the ship, i.e., that he got his ship together.
Chase Anderson – Here’s a fascinating guy. Okay, not fascinating but interesting. Okay, not interesting, but a guy. He had a 3.67 xFIP last year in 114 1/3 IP, and a 8.3 K/9, which is great. This year, more of the same.
John Axford – Ottavino said he had minor triceps soreness, which is another way of saying, “Dr. James Andrews to the front lobby.” For now, Ottavino is still the closer, but Axford should be owned. Yes, he will pitch in Coors. Yes, that’s very scary.
Archie Bradley – The Buysellatops loves kale juice and thinks Bradley’s a big-time sell candidate, and I agree. His peripherals are awful. Only thing that is stopping me from pushing you hard to sell him is I don’t think you can get anything, but if you can, by all means.
Carlos Martinez – I own C-Mart all over the place and I hope I’m wrong, but he’s worrying me worse than a Chinese man driving a car in a china shop.
Matt Holliday – It’s everyone’s favorite “he just does it the right way” player. And I’m sure he does do it the right way. I don’t think he went bald at 27 because he was taking steroids. Or because he used to hit 35+ homers and now hits 20. Or because he always has nagging injuries. No, I think he did it the right way, and the right way has led him to being a 20-homer, .270 hitter. Right now, he has a .472 BABIP and he’s a sneeze away from dislocating his back. “Where’s my back? I just sneezed.” That’s Holliday. I wouldn’t sell him for a pair of handerpants, but I would explore options.