Guardians Make Concession And Lets Junior Mint Two Homers

Was seeing how many Zimas I could drink while while on vacation with my mom while telling her it was sparkling seltzer. That was what I was doing when I was 22. On the other hand, Junior Caminero (4-for-5, 4 runs, 3 RBIs) hit a double slam (38, 39) and legs (7), 3rd and 4th homer in three games. That’s what he did as a 22-year-old. The only two things these stories have in common is he hit these homers off Cleveland and my mother and I were at South Beach’s Clevelander. A 22-year-old is gonna hit 40 homers and I’m hearing next to nothing on him. Maybe it’s a bit Big Stein, but put him in that rotting tortoise shell called the Trop and he’s still going 35/10. At 22! Does that not make a rancher of your jollys? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ian Seymour – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.18, in his first career start. Since the Rays have another Seymour, on the back of their 1st baseman’s jersey it just says Bob. The Rays are hilarious with the way they treat starters who they don’t care about. Ian Seymour didn’t throw more than three innings in a game this year and always in relief? “Cool, now go throw until your arm falls off.” He’s the first lefty to start a game for the Rays this year. The last lefty was Bob Funderjunk in 2012, or maybe it was Blake Snell, I don’t know. Seymour gets by on a sweeper and excellent change and a junky fastball. Wouldn’t trust him in most leagues, but I guess can Streamonator if you like.

Yandy Diaz – 2-for-5 and his 22nd homer. Yandy is a product of The Stein, which we know from his many years out of it.

Tanner Bibee – 6 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.73. He’s incapable of a great start, huh? Matchup here couldn’t have been better and he’s just so bleh.

Anthony Volpe – Didn’t play again, but Boone announced that Volpe will remain their starting shortstop. Boone said, “He has pictures of me and it’s a blackmail situation.”

Cam Schlittler – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.76. Given the Yankees a lot of crap over the years, but they’ve developed some decent arms. They usually trade them away for a 33-year-old third baseman who can’t hit, but they’ve had some success, whether it’s Luis Gil, Michael King, Clarke Schmidt or Schlittler (say that fast 117 times! Schmidt or Schlittler, Schmidt or Schlittler, Schmlittler–You can’t do it.) Schlittler’s underlying numbers aren’t bad, and that stadium adds risk, but he looks solid.

Jasson Dominguez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer. Yankees’ results with hitting prospects, though. Well, that leaves some to be desired.

Ben Rice – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 21st homer. Funny how interesting he becomes with the C tag.

Jazz Chisholm Jr. – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 25th homer, and third homer in two games. I’m doing Jazz hands!

Jacob Young – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer, a grand slam. Young would hit 50 homers in Yankee Stadium.

Cristopher Sanchez – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.66. A blow to his “runner-up to Skenes” Cy candidacy.

Kodai Senga – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 2.73. Sanchez vs. Senga was a Regression Fairies feeding frenzy like it was a Harry Styles concert.

Luis Torrens – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his 3rd homer. If you listen closely, you can hear the .0001% of the fantasy baseballers who had Torrens active on their team.

Masyn Winn – 1-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI. Prior to the game, he went for an MRI for persistent knee pain and revealed no structural damage. Cardinals haven’t developed a prospect bat since Pujols. I believe this, so it’s true.

Michael McGreevy – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.43. A 6 IP, 4 ER is incredibly bleh, but not as bleh as a 3 IP, 4 ER start vs. the Pirates which this was originally. So, kudos for gutting it out. Said like Mickey from Rocky, “You got guts, kid.”

Alec Burleson – 4-for-5, 2 runs, and his 16th homer, hitting .291. Was so close to dropping this guy early in May when his struggles were at a zenith (nadir?), but I’m sorta glad I held on. Sorta because he’s mostly been a forty-twenty.

Riley O’Brien – 1 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 1.73, and third blown save, though he did get a win. Cards keep saying Romero is their closer, but they keep using ROB as the closer.

Bryan Reynolds – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. Can’t believe how awful this guy’s been. People are going to preach bounce back next year, and to that I’m gonna say bounce back to what? 24/5/.260. How about I open a can of whoop-dee-doo?

Spencer Horwitz – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, 2nd homer in three games. Horwitz hitting bombs and filing extensions!

Roman Anthony – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 6th homer. He became the youngest Red Sox player to hit a leadoff homer, beating out Bobby Doerr, made famous in the The Sound of Music Doerr-Mi song.

Jarren Duran – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer. He’s gonna be an interesting guy for next year, in that I have no idea where he’ll be drafted. If you say you know, you’re lying. It may not even be a static spot either. In November, he might be drafted in one place in early drafts, then most guys who have been around a couple of years would stay in a similar area, but he might change when he’s traded. After Adley Rutschman, I think Duran might be the number one trade target for teams. Adley’s getting traded on the 1st day of the Winter Meetings, but Duran might be day two.

Colton Cowser – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer in four games. Colton Wowser! Is that something? It prolly is.

Brandon Woodruff – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.10. Don’t have to decide now but I’m quickly leaning away from Woodruff for next year and thinking his immediate success back was a mirage. This was brought to you by BetMGM.

Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 19th homer, 2nd homer in three games, third homer in a week, and Lou-Gu-Ju, I…[makes convoluted heart sign in front of chest] you. Yes, I show you where my heart is with my hands. That means love.

Caleb Durbin – 1-for-4, and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Someone tell him and Turang they have 60-grade speed.

Abner Uribe – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.71. No formal change to Megill as Brewers’ closer by the team. Only call we’ve heard to make that change is by most normal-minded people.

Noah Cameron – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 2.92. Hey, I’m gonna leave this Fanta on this counter of this al-Qaeda run bar, would you watch for me, champ? [five hours later]…where am I and why is that guy wearing my face skin? AHHH!!! Roofie!!!

Shane Smith – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.87. That was his 4th win, which is one more than three, which makes it impossible to roster him without a 10+ K/9, which he doesn’t have. Streamonator? Sure.

Edward Cabrera – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.32. EdCab, take the wheel! The mysterious third(ish) full season has paid dividends for yet another starter. Full health and do dazzling work. I very much enjoy EdCab. None of this is, as they say, smoke and mirrors.

Maximo Acosta – 1-for-3 and his 3rd homer, that’s in four games, and he only has three hits. Maximo, baby! You shining bright, baby! You hot schmotato, baby! I love you, baby! Never change!

Spencer Strider – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.95. Trying to be optimistic and take this start as a positive glass is half full and not an empty “why did you finish my milk, I was drinking that,” but it was against the Marlins and three strikeouts. So, grain of NaCl, better than bad.

Drake Baldwin – 1-for-3 and his 14th homer. Also, in a different game yesterday, Brooks Baldwin homered, his 9th. That’s never happened before, and maybe never again.

Andy Pages – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 22nd and 23rd homer, and irresponsibly made to bat 8th. You out-pizza’d the Hut, and he’s out Teoscar’ing Teoscar.

Emmet Sheehan – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.56. Don’t look now, but Sheehan has solid number two-esque type underlying stats. Talking 10+ K/9, barely 3 BB/9, 96+ MPH gas. I’m already excited about him for next year.

Mookie Betts – 2-for-4 and his 14th homer. Mookie Best!

Joe Ryan – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.22. Sometimes when we touch, the honesty’s too much–Leave me in my feels! I’m dealing with a drubbing! [sobbing] …you ask me if I love you and I choke on my reply…I’d rather hurt you–I can’t go on.

Matt Wallner – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 18th and 19th homer. Not totally related, but I saw Wallner hitting .214 and in the cleanup spot, and I looked at the Twins’ record and woof. It’s funny how immersed in baseball I am and don’t pay attention to real world records, but the Twins are worse than the AL East’s leastest Orioles

Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 4 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.82. They say follow the science. Well, mismatched eyes makes guys stop aging. That’s science.

Andres Gimenez – 2-for-3, 3 runs, and a slam (6) and legs (12). And-Gim isn’t just Pam from The Office’s plus one, he’s also the batty call I wish I made yesterday.

Alejandro Kirk – 1-for-2, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, 3rd homer in a week. He was a hot schmotato last week, and this week, I’m saying same.

Jose Soriano – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.85. If you started him, he would’ve gave up 7 ER in 3 IP. So take some solace in that.

Zach Neto – 2-for-4, and his 22nd homer. Neato Neto! By the way, just noticed Yoan Moncada was hitting 2nd behind him and the Angels need to be unplugged, blown into and plugged back in.

Tarik Skubal – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.28, and holy box scare! He gave six unearned runs! I’m sorry, after two unearned, they should start being earned again. You give up a homer? That’s earned! This is cheating.

Colby Thomas – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer. So, I watched his home run and they’re making big boys in SacTown and they’re making Colby Thomases. Colby Thomas is one of the Colby Thomases. Here’s what I said in Friday’s Buy, “In Triple-A, he went 18/7/.291 with a 26.8 K% and there’s no way he doesn’t completely collapse under the weight of his lack of contact, but he does have speed and power, and has been playing most days for the SacTown A’s, filling in for Denzel Clarke.” And that’s me quoting me! He now has four homers in barely a month of games with two steals.

Jacob Lopez – Diagnosed with a flexor strain and has been shut down indefinitely. [mimes ripping up Jacob Lopez 2026 fantasy sleeper post]

Zack Gelof – 0-for-4 as he was recalled from Triple-A. Went to remind myself what he done this year, because I didn’t remember anything, and it turned out I remembered it perfectly. He has a line of 3/0/1/.069/0. That’s three runs, two hits and one RBI better than me.

Shea Langeliers – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 29th homer, and has the most homers of the 2nd half. Nick Kurtz (1-for-1, 2 RBIs) hit his 27th, a pinch hit jobber. I’m gonna make a pig of myself with how many SacTowners I’m drafting next year.

Ramon Laureano – 1-for-4 and his 20th homer, and fifth homer since he was acquired. Also, in this game, Jake Cronenworth (2-for-4) hit his 10th homer, and Gavin Sheets (1-for-3) hit the sheets out of his 18th. Lookslike some team didn’t like me pointing out (vaguely) they were 2nd worst in the majors for homers.

Fernando Tatis Jr. – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer. It’s about time Ramon Laureano introduced Tatis Jr. to Tatis Sr.

Jorge Polanco – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 20th homer, hitting .252. Jo-Po’s gonna win an end-of-the-year award for Least Interesting But Most Productive Player.

Bryce Miller – 5 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.98. In his first start back from the IL, he went 5 IP, 4 ER. Then this was his 2nd start. Hmm, I bet I can guess what his third start’s gonna look like.

Cal Raleigh – 1-for-4 and his 50th homer. Mickey Mantle was the last switch hitter to hit 50 homers in a season. If he kept an airplane bottle of scotch where his left kneecap was and Mickey Mantle had Babe Ruth’s ass, they’d be twins.