Ranger Arms In Gleyber Danger While Yanks Pitchers Can’t Take No More Mazara

Yesterday’s Yankee/Rangers game started with a 1st-inning blast from Didi Gregorius (1-for-5, 2 RBIs, hitting .246) and his 11th homer.  The return of The Gregorius D.I.D. giving fantasy owners one more chance to tell trade partners gimme the loot, gimme the loot!  Also, in this game, Aaron Judge (2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, hitting .284) went bye-bye now with his 13th; Neil Walker (2-for-5, 2 runs, hitting .220) said get those tennis balls off my feet and hit his 2nd (this week); Nomar Mazara (2-for-5, 3 BRIs, hitting .274) said two teams can play that game and hit his 11th, and Ronald Guzman (2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 5th homer, and his third game in a row, and the two time in a row I said to pick him up.  Rinse, repeat.  Also, in this game, Aaron Judge–Sorry, got carried away with the repeat gag.  Speaking of gags:  Fister, I hardly know ya!  And I wish you BCC’d me on Sabathia.  But the real news, Gleyber Torres (1-for-5, 3 RBIs, hitting .323) hit his 8th homer, and his 5th homer in five games) had his star mitzvah this week.  Were you invited?  Lou Bega performed.  They had dreidel piñatas.  The pot roast was cut-your-mouth dry.  All the fixins!  I know someone who wasn’t invited, Aaron Boone.  Has to explain how Gleyber’s still hitting 9th.  Can someone mansplain to me what’s going on?  Did Neil Walker win a Boone family egg toss so he has to bat so high?  Maybe if Boone’s entire coaching experience wasn’t hitting a walk-off homer, we’d have some idea how this should play out.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Khris Davis – Hit the DL as he was diagnosed with a grade 1 strain of his groin.  Grade 1 groin strain means his groin is good with its ABC’s until the P’s.

Marco Gonzales – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.05.  His perfs are gorge, as the kids say, and he always pops up a beat after someone says Polo.  Also, the Stream-o-Nator loves his next start, so I could see giving him a whirlybird.

Marcell Ozuna – Overslept and didn’t make it to the park on time.  Glad one of us is getting some sleep over his performance this year!

Michael Wacha – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners (0 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 2.88.  Look at his ERA one more time.  Okay, average starter ERA is 4.15.  I wrote a Michael Wacha sleeper post this offseason too, but you already knew that.

Jake Junis – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.52.  The Stream-o-Nator was all over this start.  On Razzball dollars, it reads:  In SON We Trust.  With a picture of me in a white-powdered wig, sitting on Giancarlo’s lap.

Salvador Perez – 1-for-5 and his 8th homer as he played 1st base for the first time in years.  Gotta get that Olympic Gold Medalist Drew Butera bat in the lineup!  Okay, okay, it’s to keep Perez’s bat in the lineup, but Drew Butera is just funny (to me).

Raisel Iglesias – Hit the DL with a strained left biceps.  It’s his non-throwing arm, so before you dive out the window in a panic–Eek, think it was too late for that one owner.  Oh well, everyone else can grab Jared Hughes, but this is likely a week or two issue.

Scooter Gennett – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 9th homer, and, like, his 17th homer this week.  It’s funny (not funny), Scoots McAiryTheBall is exactly what the Brewers, who traded him away, could use at 2B.  Told ya funny (not funny).

Chad Kuhl – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.20.  I have no knowledge on whether this is true or not, but Kuhl always seems to come through when given the Stream-o-Nator‘s support.  Maybe they can have a low key meet and greet.

Francisco Cervelli – 2-for-6, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer.  It’s all good; I’m happy for Cervelli, but on the reals, one question, if it was a launch angle thing, why didn’t you do this the first nine years in the league?  Playing hard to get?  Or rather, playing easy to get on waivers?

Luiz Gohara – 4 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners (4 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 2.45 as he got his first start.  Braves don’t sound very committed to keeping Gohara in the rotation (at this point).  I watched most of his start and he deserves the shot.  His fastball had a lot of *crazy Cosmo Kramer hand motion* giddy up!  His command was more left of center than Bernie Sanders, but he could strike out anyone at any point.  I like him, but with no definite rotation spot, it’s hard to get too excited.

Jake Arrieta – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.45.  Early preseason me didn’t like Arrieta at all, then, when the Phils signed him, it was a little bit less hate and more indifference.  Now I hate him again.  Dubya tee eff with that beard?!  Kidding (not kidding), I don’t hate him for his beard, but his peripherals are not pretty.  Sell, my pretties-to-your-mommies!

Clayton Kershaw – Felt good (their words) after a bullpen sesh (my words).  Should be back in about a week (our words).

Kyle Freeland – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.28.  A lot of people are asking about Freeland, and since I work for you — there’s a good .0000000001 of a penny made on every page! — I’ll look up Freeland and break him down for you.  A 91 MPH fastball is his best pitch, but it’s set up by three other pitches, so he only uses it around 50% of the time, which is nearly not at all.  He keeps the ball down, which is a plus in Coors, and he deploys a sinker.  His bread-and-butter is that he’s unhittable vs. lefties, then works to stay passable vs. righties.  There’s a lot of danger with Coors, and I’m still not sold at home, but on the road I could see it if the matchup is right.

Kenta Maeda – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 12 Ks, ERA at 3.38.  Maeda’s got more flavors than Willy Wonka!  Sorry, I’ve been listening to Macklemore and now I’m embarrassed.  No, I’m not wearing a backpack, stop making fun of me!

Devon Travis – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer, hitting .149.  We’re about at the point where the number pi has less numbers than how many posts there are in post-hype sleeper for Travis.

Tyler Clippard – 1/3 IP, 4 ER and the blown save, which is putting it mildly.  That was the kind of blown save (walked the bases loaded) that has, “Hey, Meat, grab some pine.” I typed in Clippard, it auto-corrected to clip art, and a cartoon bomb appeared.  Ryan Tepera appears to be the clearcut favorite to replace him.  Of course, I’m chanting, “Let Oh go!”  But probably not since he’s spending 400 years in Egyptian early middle relief.

Yangervis Solarte – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer.  Solarte, oh oh. Cantare, oh oh oh oh.  He tends to get ice cold and boiling hot at the drop of a dime, so he might be heating up again.

Aaron Sanchez – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (5 BBs), 2 Ks, ERA at 4.07.  You  know things are bad when things are good and they’re still bad (made sense in my head).  In other words, a scoreless five innings is great, but five walks vs. two Ks.  That’s the new blech.

Blake Parker – 1 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, 1 walk and the save, ERA at 3.04.  Blake Parker with the full-on whew save.  Best part, The Sciosciapath likely thought he was dominant, so we’re golden arches, Ronald McDonald!  I’m not dropping Justin Anderson yet.

Welington Castillo – Will be suspended for 80 games due to PEDs.  Gordon Ramsey will now cut him open and complain that he’s raw inside.

Adam Engel – 4-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (1) and legs (7), hitting .212.  No disrespect to Engel, but I’d prolly get a double off the wall against everyone, except Gausman, on the Orioles staff.  The Orioles could trade for starting pitcher, Pablo Sandoval, and it would be an improvement.

Dylan Covey – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.46.  After the game, Covey dined on dolphin meat.  Not cool, man.

Chris Archer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.68 vs. David Price – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.08.  This was a matchup billed as, “Exhale.”  As in, every five days you can’t believe you own these guys and have to start them, but yesterday was one of the decent days.

Adam Plutko – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 4 Ks, ERA at 2.19, in his 2nd start.  Fun fact!  The International Astronomical Union said Plutko is no longer considered a last name.  As for Plutko, the pitcher, he has command (usually), but relies on inducing contact and getting weak outs.  Inducing contact is a nice way of saying, “GET OFF MY PLANE,” like Harrison Ford.

Brandon Nimmo – 2-for-3 and his 3rd homer.  Not sure what he’s doing playing, let alone homering.  Bautista needs at-bats, don’t ya know?

Jacob deGrom – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.54.  Even better, after the game, he was able to locate both his elbows!

Jeurys Familia – 1 IP, 2 ER as he blew the save, and Brad Ziegler (1 IP, 0 ER) got the save.  In other news, up is down.

Dan Straily – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.12.  Straily is the stereotypical guy no one ever owns in mixed leagues, but is ownable, and, in deeper leagues, is a sneaky value pick.  All the time.  Without fail.  *bangs on keyboard*  Cliche, cliche, cliche!  *pauses*  But no truer thing has ever been written.

Josh Reddick – Hit the DL with a leg infection.  That sounds like something that nana would’ve gotten.  Does Reddick wear a muumuu?  Have bed rashes?  Play bingo?  I got questions, y’all!

Justin Verlander – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.08 vs. Jeff Samardzija – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 6.23.  Verlander is playing 3-D chess and Samardzija is playing Chinese checkers and doesn’t speak Chinese.

George Springer – 2-for-4 and his 10th homer, hitting .294.  He has the quietest more-than-decent stats on the year, right?  He’s really a .275 hitter, so he’s even hitting for a better average, but I have not thought about him all year.  Now watch him go on one of his 7-homers-in-7-games streaks.

Michael Fulmer – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.08.  If an alien landed here and asked me to describe Fulmer, I’d say exactly what he’s done to this date, and his line yesterday.  Then the alien would ask if Fulmer and I were related to Fulbright scholarships.  And I’d say, “Yes.”

Niko Goodrum – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .245.  If you’re tracking ‘pert FAAB moves, Rudy grabbed Goodrum in five leagues this week.  I thought he was just drunk.

Erick Fedde – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks as he was recalled.  He’s likely sent back down, so it’s all kinda of moot.  If you’re interested in him, all rookie pitcher projections can be found on Prospect-o-Nator; he’s ranked 19th.

Matt Adams – 3-for-3 and his 11th homer, hitting .273.  Adams is like, “Yo, why you putting me out to pasture?  Skinny Oprah never encountered such problems.  And she yo-yo’d!”  Adams will still likely share time with Reynolds, and Zimmerman’s due back any day, so things might get tight.  Hopefully they don’t send down Soto, especially for the person who bid $600+ in FAAB in my league.

Tyson Ross – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.13.  If you started him, you have bigger bottom marbles than I.  I figured @WASH would’ve left him looking put away wet.

Ryan Braun – Will return today.  Awesome, I missed the aggravation.

Jesus Aguilar – 2-for-5, 1 run, 3 RBIs, hitting .324.  Hard to find a hotter schmotato.  Why won’t you pick him up?  Is your mom right?  Are you afraid of success?  Aw, that’s sad.  C’mon, I’ll comfort you.  Metaphorically!  Get away from me!

Christian Yelich – 1-for-3, 2 runs, hitting .282.  Since it was an early game, I watched this, and Yelich is about to break out.  He was on everything.  No jokes, Reggie cards in my spokes.  All the times.  I didn’t say nothing about no rhymes.  Emeril Bam’d!  Triple negatives be damned!

Travis Shaw – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .243.  When he homered, I screamed and Ted started humping my leg and I was so happy I just went along with it.  Get yours, boy!

Tyler Saladino – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .429.  Been hyping Salad’s dino for days.

John Ryan Murphy – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer.  In related news, I think Iannetta is still playing for the Rockies, but I’m not sure because he never does anything.

Paul Goldschmidt – 1-for-3 and his 6th homer.  Au Shizz!

Parents added outside the courtroom, “We’re also sick of hearing about how Paul Goldschmidt is ruining his fantasy baseball team.” pic.twitter.com/KFjP3KNw9Y

— Razzball (@Razzball) May 23, 2018

Zack Godley – 3 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA up to 4.85.  Godley had problems with Christian and Jesus, draw your own conclusions.  Godley looked so much worse than the stat line, and the stat line is by no means illustrious, if you’re still drawing conclusions.