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Woke up yesterday morning and Googled to see if there ever was a movie made called, Call Me By Your Mom with Timothee ChalaMILF, then Christian Yelich (4-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs, 5th homer) hits his third cycle vs. the Reds. Could this be a coincidence or deja vu? Whenever I think of Yelich, I think of Mr. Redleg:

Excuse me! His name is Mr. Redlegs! Wait, am I talking about cojoined twins now? Co-Dick? Corey Dickerson did nothing yesterday (or all year). Yelich was an early season goof-up by yours truly. He looks markedly better than last year. I saw his sample size — hey now! — in the first two weeks and thought we were in for another long season of ground balls, but he’s actually improved. He’s hitting everything hard, and in the air again. Yelich might not be the Yelich of old — the top 10 overall Yelich — but he could easily be a low-end top 20 outfielder. Now, I’m off to see if anyone will invest in Call Me By Your Mom. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Hunter Renfroe – 2-for-5, and his 7th and 8th homer. He has to be on the list for guys who could lead MLB in homers. This is me speaking directly to the people who ask every day if they should drop him.

Jace Peterson – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 2nd homer. True, boring story alert! I saw how well Peterson was doing on the 7-day Player Rater, and wrote him in this week’s Buy column — that’s now available on the Patreon — but deleted Peterson, because, even though he’s hot, I can’t imagine anyone picking him up.

Adrian Houser – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.86. He briefly was charged with seven earned runs, and I briefly died and elevated out of my body to a higher plane.

Colin Moran – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 4th homer in the last four games. Try to find a hotter hot schmotato, I’ll wait (I won’t wait). By the by, are the humidors behind locked doors? Can they be fiddled with? Because I absolutely wouldn’t be shocked to find out the Reds shut theirs off.

Gleyber Torres – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 5th homer. Don’t let Torres near any team named after birds.

Jameson Taillon – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.93. The Jays’ lineup looks nasty on paper, as in good, and is nasty in person, as in not good. Sick but as in unhealthy looking. Streamonator loves Taillon’s next, but I’d be lying if I said I had any faith.

Jose Berrios – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.82. He looks like Jose Brokerrios. As in broke, not as in he looks like your NFT broker. Who I guess might be broke too.

Jack Suwinski – 2-for-3 and his 2nd homer, and 2nd in as many games. Hot schmotato alert!

Daniel Vogelbach – 2-for-3 and his 5th homer. Officially, that makes him Vogelbachbachbachbachbach. I will never do this again.

Ryan Pepiot – 3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners (5 BBs), 3 Ks in his MLB debut. The Piot! Ya know, like Ryan Theriot was The Riot. No? Okay. Well, no to Pepiot too, unless it’s an NL-Only league.

Tylor Megill – 1 1/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 4.41. The Regression Fairies need a new cause célèbre after Britney’s conservatorship ended, and they will destroy your ratios.

Pete Alonso – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. Albombso!

Juan Soto – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Sexy Dr. Pepper with a homer that wasn’t a solo shot. Mah gawd, we are living the dream!

Nelson Cruz – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and 4th homer, hitting .174. Ya know when some of your Facebook friends finally drop the filters on their pictures, and it’s like, “Yikes?” Well, Cruz’s swing this year looks unfiltered. No longer are we looking at it with Afterlight blurring the baggy eyes of his bat.

Shohei Ohtani – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.78, 1-for-4 with his 5th steal. I don’t know if you’re from the school of “Babe Ruth was great,” but there’s no world where Babe Ruth was throwing 99 MPH, then stealing 2nd base the same inning. It is said so much, but we have never seen anything like this before.

Brooks Raley – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.80, and his 3rd save. How did he become the closer and Kittredge became the 8th inning guy? One word: Cash. The person, not the monetary unit.

Shane McClanahan – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.52. At one point the Angels announcers said, “McClanahan is Cease’ing the Angels.” That was the first time I agreed with a non-Mets announcer in about three years.

Joey Wentz – 2 2/3 IP, 6 ER, in his career debut. Hey, Sly Stallone got his start in porn, and he went on to do Rocky. Or Joey Wentz will one day be screaming, “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot.”

Zach Logue – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners (zero walks), 6 Ks, ERA at 1.35. It’s slightly comical that the A’s try to lose, and Beane just keeps winning. Moneyball 2: It’s Really Major League. Any hoo! Logue is a lefty with no fastball, who relies on a change and cutter. He has extremely toight command. Very toight. Toight like a tiger, who he beat. At this point, Streamonator and look at him like a MediOAKer.

Trevor Story – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .206. “Bad news is he’s gone. Good news is for a limited time only we have a deal on caskets–MY GOD! He moved! Trevor Story is alive!”

Ryan Brasier – 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.97, and the 9th inning loss. “Who wants to lose today’s game for us?” Alex Cora shouts into the bullpen phone. “Not, you Barnes, you’ve already lost enough.”

Ronald Acuña Jr. – Out with groin soreness.

Ian Anderson – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.20. If only the preceding somehow meant you were at a Jethro Tull concert on 4.20.

Orlando Arcia – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Guy with the best Statcast page that you’ll never guess is Arcia. Well, you’ll guess it now.

Miles Mikolas – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.49. Now starting for the NL All-Star Team….Eric Lauer! But Miles Mikolas can relieve him. By the by, prior to the Home Run Derby this year, a 50-yard dash between Pujols and Yadi. Who doesn’t want to see this?

Juan Yepez – 2-for-5 and his 2nd homer. That’s right, Autocorrect, say it: Juan Yeppers!

Whit Merrifield – 3-for-4, 4 runs and his 1st homer, hitting .161, as he hits out of the 8-hole. “We could just bury him with Trevor Story–Holy crap! Merrifield is alive too! How embarrassing!”

Corey Seager – 1-for-4 and his 7th homer, and 3rd homer in two days. No fall-off for him this year even though he’s gotta carry all of his mother’s love with Kyle retired. Oh, wait, he always carried all of his mother’s love.

Sandy Alcantara – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.74. Hey, a Marlins’ starter who can pitch well against a dreadful offense, imagine that. I’m farting in your general direction, Luzardo.

Joey Wendle – 2-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, but left with renewed tightness in his hamstring. Ugh, I hate that auto-renew crap.

Jazz Chisholm – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .295. Early on, I misidentified Jazz’s worthiness worse than a tone-deaf docent in the Kansas City Jazz Museum.

Avisail Garcia – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. This homer was part of a huge 9th inning. So, really stupid question, but say the baseballs come out of the humidor at the beginning of the game, is their humidor-ness gone by the 9th inning? I’m being half-serious.

Alek Thomas – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 1st career homer. He was pumping his fist as he rounded the bases, and I thought to myself, “There’s a guy that will one day get beaned.” I have Al Tom in a few leagues to see if he can explode on the scene. My guess is I will be dropping him in the shallower leagues where I have him. (Update: I dropped him for Brooks Raley prior to publishing this. Ha.)

Mark Melancon – 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 6.75. I thought Sinbad starred in Kazaam. Turns out it was Melancon.

Jordan Luplow – 1-for-1, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. This was a pinch-hit homer, because Real World/Road Rules’ All-Star Torey Lovullo doesn’t know to play a hot schmotato.

Nick Martinez – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.40. Hey, man, you could’ve just said Snell could have your rotation spot.

Luke Voit – 3-for-5 , 3 runs and his 1st and 2nd homer, in his 2nd game back from the IL. Not saying it will happen, but Voit could get crazy hot for a month-plus, says guy who remembers the 2020 season. Also, funny thing that happened yesterday that’s not funny at all, after Voit’s homer, I said, “Noice, good for him.” After his 2nd homer, I frantically went to waivers in all my leagues to see if he was available.

Eric Hosmer – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .367. Padres remind me of a few of my fantasy teams. Real solid cornermen and absolute garbage in the outfield.

Willson Contreras – 2-for-3, 3 runs and his 4th homer, hitting .304. There should be a fantasy league where if you have any Contreras, you get a piece of all of them. So, I have William Contreras, and I get a base hit for Willson’s homer. Can we get this to happen? Asks politely the only guy in the world with William Contreras on a team.

Alfonso Rivas – 1-for-3, 1 run, 2 RBIs, hitting .289. There should be some kind of specification on the box score when a guy gets a hit on a drawn-in infield. Rivas’s hit was a double-play ball, but ended up a single on the drawn-in infield, and knocked in two. We should have a glossary term for a cheap hit like that. Please suggest in the comments.

Logan Gilbert – 5 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.13 vs. Bailey Falter – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 3.75. This matchup was billed as, “One will Falter and it might not be the one you expect.” Streamonator hates Gilbert’s next start and I don’t disagree.

Rhys Hoskins – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer, and his 3rd homer in as many games. You don’t want any part of Hoskins right now if you’re a MLB pitcher. Not a Rhys’ piece.

Chad Kuhl – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA up to 2.88. Okay, we knew Kuhl wasn’t good, but who told him?

Brandon Crawford – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .223. Was talking to my dad the other day, and he lives in NoCal, and I asked him if he went to any Giants games recently, and he said that he hadn’t. Then I asked him if he went to any A’s games, and he said, “I don’t think the players even want to go to those.” Pretty fair, to be honest.

Alex Cobb – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.98. Someone mentioned this yesterday, but it is so massively confusing trying to keep Alex Wood, Alex Cobb, and Webb separate in my head. I have just one little section set aside for Giants’ starters and that brain section is called, “These guys are good,” and none of them are identified. It’s just one big pile labeled Alex Wobb.