Buying That Maybe P-Ram Cans Be What We Swansoned From Dansby

You know what’s kinda weird? Those earrings that stretch earlobes? I just shuddered thinking about them, but they’re not weird. Eating turkey makes you tired, but turkeys aren’t always sleeping? That’s closer to weird, but not quite what I was going for. They still deliver mail six days a week, in all kinds of terrible conditions, and I haven’t received mail of interest in 25 years? Not really weird. The microwave was the last invention of note for the kitchen 45 years ago? Not weird either, and some people like an air fryer, though, I’m not a fan. Is lowering the radio’s volume when parking weird? That’s not weird, unless you’re listening to an instructional seminar on how to park better. What is weird is how little has been made of Pedro Ramirez. Cubs get shine. They’re a big market team. Pedro Ramirez has been great since his promotion too. On the 30-day Player Rater, he was top 50 overall. Maybe lack of uproar about him has something to do with me, and not you — look at me, allowing for your mistakes, trusting me. I forgive you. Ramirez is a switch-hitter, who is 22 years old with an airtight Hit Tool. He hit .312 in Triple-A, and could hit .285 this year in the majors. If he were empty average, I could see the yawns starting, but he also has 15-homer power and stole 19 bags in Triple-A this year in only 43 games. That’s a lot of steals even if minor-league steals totals have more grains of salt than a box of Morton’s. Is it weird vegans eat marshmallows made out of bean juice? Yes, that is actually weird, and tastes nasty (have tried), but it’s not weird to want to grab Pedro Ramirez. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

PSYCHE! This post was released a week early for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:

BUY

Mickey Gasper – According to a stat finder, on Wednesday, Gasper’s weekly OPS was the highest of any Red Sox player since Ted Williams for seven games (2.208), which seems improbable, because on the 7-Day Player Rater Gasper was doing well, but not even at the top of it. Granted, that also includes steals, but you can see weekly OPS there and Tristan Peters was nearly as good as Gasper. Any hoo! I don’t know my point. Just seemed like Jim Rice, Dwight Evans, David Ortiz, or someone would’ve had a better week for the Sawx.

Nick Sogard – You can look at Sogard and think, “That’s a pretty weak guy for me to put at my 1st basemen’s slot.” Okay, but what’s weaker: Winning your H2H league with Nick Sogard or losing with Vlad Jr.?

Vinnie Pasquantino – Vlad Jr. has taken a lot of the smoke that could’ve went to Vinnie Pasketti this year. What a hideous year. I’ll tell ya, drafting Vlad Jr. and Vinnie in one league with my third and sixth pick was not the move. I’ve been snorting talcum powder for the last three months to feel something. Any hoo! Pasketti’s been hot.

Tim Tawa – He was lowkey one of the better lede buys a few weeks ago. On the 30-day Player Rater, he was just above Kyle Schwarber, Chourio and Elly in the top 50.

Vaughn Grissom – Powered mostly by one big game on Tuesday, but you know how you put together a big month? By starting with a big game. Who am I, Coach Grey?

Hao-Yu Lee – His name isn’t just something Martin Short says in the synchronized swimming short on SNL. He prorates to a 15/.275 rookie, and went 14/22 in Triple-A last year. Why isn’t he just playing every day? He is, and should be hitting leadoff (he is not).

David Hamilton – Like Tattoo from Fantasy Island explaining his favorite part of a Cuban sandwich, DHam, DHam has been more valuable than you might think. Gonna end up with a 6/30 season, but hurt by counting stats.

Christian Encarnacion-Strand – CES for the electronics and 3rd baseman with power.

Matt McLain – Almost exact same issue as DHam. McClain’s gonna end up with a 17/20 season and be one of the worst 17/20 seasons ever because his runs, RBIs and AVG are so bad.

Joey Ortiz – I’m fine with –illy’s like Billy or Willy. I don’t mind an –ammy like Sammy or –y’s, in general, like Jimmy or Freddy. But Joey sounds like an infant. You’re Joe or Joseph. Grow a sack that can’t fit in Robbie Ray’s pants! Oh, and –obbies are fine too. Fantasy Baseball is one of the best –obbies.

Donovan Walton – Can’t believe the Angels DFA’d him. How do you think they figured out whether to keep Walton or Adam Frazier? A coin toss, right? Only thing that makes any sense. Any hoo! Walton’s on the A’s, playing everyday because of their injuries, and it’s a good park.

Kaelen Culpepper – We really need a term for the psychological phenomenon for when rookies are called up and everyone is crazy, then they are forgotten about a week later, even if they’re doing well like Culpepper. Suggest in the comments if you have something.

Spencer Jones – Sorta dealing with the same phenomenon as Culpepper. People were crazy for Jones when he was in the minors. He’s now doing better than anyone ever thought he would, and people are out there shrugging on his name.

Tristan Peters – Hear people complaining the players in the buy column are not exciting. If you’re looking for PCA on waivers, I don’t know what to tell you. Tristan Peters in a draft? Drake making a meh face. Tristan Peters right now over your struggling fifth outfielder? Drake making a “that’s where it’s at” face.

Michael Conforto – I’d be happy for him if he makes it to ten years service time (one more year). Though, not sure he really needs the pension. With that said, I don’t understand how he’s still in the league. These are the kind of guys who should be retired for a call-up. Who could the Cubs call up and do what Conforto is doing? I’d like to think anyone.

Jonah Cox – Cancel Police are standing outside my house and Cancel Police helicopters are circling above, so I have to watch what I say about Cox. It’s hard to not like him…? Too much? That’s not what she said!

Drew Gilbert – What I like about the 7-day Player Rater is you can see what a guy has done in the last week. Gilbert’s hit a couple homers and .333. You can see all the hot outfielders there too — Nathan Lukes, John Rave, Dylan Beavers, Hector Rodriguez and Nathan Church. Did I just give you six players in one blurb? Yeah, son!

Kyle Isbel – He is one of the hottest outfielders for the last week. Wipe that shock off your face. No disbelief, you’ve been anagrammed to [jazz hands go up] Isbelfied!

Bailey Ober – This is a Streamonator call like the call it makes to Pizza Hut.

Tyler Mahle – This is also a Streamonator call. “A teenager put cheese in my back flap, it melted and I can’t open it now to get my charging cables. I thought you might be able to help. Yes, I know you’re Pizza Hut and not Pizza Shut.”

Ben Joyce – Went down memory lane the other day thinking about all the closers who entered this year as relievers and became SAGNOF. Was a great year for it. I went to look at Bryan Baker’s ADP. Did you know (you didn’t, I didn’t even know) he was the last Rays’ pitcher drafted this year. The last one! Out of 22 pitchers, he went dead last! After Brody Hopkins. Who? I have no idea either. Louie Varland? He was drafted 21st out of 23 Jays’ pitchers, being drafted at 487 overall. Ricky Tiedmann went before him. Tiedmann? Please, I’m a Downy, man! Anyway, Joyce can be that good for the final month.

Mason Montgomery – Speaking of guys who can be Varland or Baker-esque, Montgomery’s got that sorta ability too. Top-tier SAGNOF. Should be rostered in 100% of leagues. (I hate saying that because John or Jane Fantasy will now comment, “Should I drop Bednar, Aroldis or Mason Miller for Montgomery?”)

Calvin Faucher – Lonely at the top of the Marlins’ pen. All this shrimp and no one to share it with. Fairbanks has been lowkey terrible all year and Faucher hasn’t been much better. Michael Petersen has been better, but seems lower in the depth chart.

Jordan Romano – MLB should adopt aspects of WWE and give some players gimmicks. Like Romano should enter games dressed as a Mario Bros. and, after a strikeout, should say, “How you like the cheese?” then pickup a box grater and shave a little parmesan-romano.

Kodai Senga – Still prefer Daniel Duarte, but who I prefer doesn’t factor into who a team goes with as their closer. I know, not fair.

Dylan Smith – This is early Dylan. You know that because he’s getting out a *pinkie to mouth* folk or two.

SELL

Travis Bazzana – I flip the 30-day Player Rater upside down for hitters to see who’s been the worst of the worst, and it’s quite the list of guys. Some like Cody Bellinger, Samuel Basallo and James Wood have been hurt. Others, well, you wish they were hurt. Enter: Bazzana, who looks like a better real world player than fantasy so far. Bazzana reminds me a lot of Jackson Holliday. That’s one of the worst insults one has ever handed down. A slap of words! He’s not awful, in general, and I think he can be better than Holliday (whew!) but his Statcast leaves a lot to be desired. Hideous stuff there like awful barrels and unable to make hard contact. So, this is a drop not a sell, but if you’re in a keeper, I wouldn’t trade Bazzana for an undigested mango that fell out of elephant’s rear, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.

Ketel Marte – The day he was placed on the IL he was seen in a casino. When the DBacks’ manager, The Challenge’s Torey Lovullo, was asked about Marte being spotted at a casino, he said that was unfortunate. No, it’s not. It’s the exact opposite of unfortunate. It’s the most fortunate the DBacks have been since Luis Gonzalez walked them off in 2001. You know the weakness. Now it’s time to start setting up a sting to get out of their contract. I swear some teams need to hire me as a Deviousness Expert. “Grey, hello, we need deviousness.” [I roll out of bed] “I’m here. What do you need? Ketel to violate a clause? No problem!” Then I begin to set up flyers outside his house for a craps game that will be this weekend at a Spirit Halloween I’ve rented out. The flyer will proclaim, “Free booze!” Only thing that won’t be free when I’m done is…Dot dot dot. Dramatic sting. Ketel! Then at the craps game, I tell him I can take a bet on him not returning to the Dbacks when his IL stint is done. All he needs to do is miss one extra game, and [my deviousness signal spins out] You’ve been deviously stung! So, this is a drop not a sell, but if you’re in a keeper, I wouldn’t trade Ketel for a thousand Deviousness Expert business cards, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.