Rookie Alec Bohm continued his explosive September Friday night going two for three with a run and an RBI in game one and one for three with a run and his first career steal in the second game. Oh my, did he just steal a base! *swoons* Alec’s underwhelming power to start his career has made it hard on hilarious jokesters like myself who just want to pun all day and improv all night. No bombs for Bohm? What about a nice lip balm? Does that work? Fret not, Bohm-dot-com has picked it up lately with two Bohm-bombs in the past week. So maybe Alec is more of an opposite field contact guy than a  ding dong dinger guy? Or maybe it’s his first year in the league and once he adjusts he’ll be a monster and yes I’m absolutely going to draft him everywhere in 2021? Melikes the latter one most. His manager thinks he’s a future 40 home run hitter and Gabe Kapler seems to know exactly what’s up. *hard cough* But forget about the power for a sec, Alec has multi-hit games in nine of his last 20 starts, and has hit safely in all but two games this month. He’s slashing .359/.400/.551 with three Bohm bombs and 14 RBI in September and that’s no joke! I almost wrote this lede about another scrubby Red Sox prospect, but I didn’t (you’re welcome!) because I noticed Bohm was a BUY and was still criminally under owned at less than 35%! What gives? He should have been scooped up in August. Bohm could be the dot, dot, dot…spark your team needs to dot, dot, dot…explode in your final week of fantasy. I’m sorry, I have to—and you have to pick up Bohm and win your final week. This kid’s gonna be a star–ha-cha-cha!

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Zach Eflin – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 9 K, 3rd win. So Eflin good. It was his third career “shut out,”* and I mentioned last week there should really be an asterisk with these 7.0 IP shut outs. Probably with the extra inning saves too, tbqhwy. As for Zack and his 5.01 ERA, he’s shown flashes (52/11 K/BB) of OKness, but you’d have to be Eflin desperate to stream this guy in the final week. Not saying you’re not! I certainly am.

Bryce Harper – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2-run HR (11) game 1. 3-for-3, run, RBI in the second game. So Harper decided to more or less take the month off, then realized he gets paid to hit homers like Trout and Mookie and he isn’t really doing that, so yeah well, he better start doing that. And he has! 6-for-9 with 3 jacks over the past two days. That’s the way, B-Ryce. Take me there!

Cavan Biggio – 2-for-2, SB (6). 1-for-5, 2 RBI in the second game. We need to talk about Cavan. No, not the highly depressing Tilda Swinton prestige flick, the BJays Cavan-With-A-C. Look, I like the kiddos as much as the next guy (no, not like that), but Biggio is a .250/.368/.417 hitter. The homers and steals are also meh (6 a piece) yet he’s still owned in almost 96% of leagues! Ya’ll be buggin’. Is it his OBP? Is that why you’re all over this guy? Just tell me it’s his OBP.

Teoscar Hernandez – 3-for-4, 2 runs, HR (15). Teoscar ain’t got nothing to be grouchy about anymore! A .306/.357/.637 slash with 15 bombs and 5 steals. That’s a third round pick, internet friend!

Hector Neris – 1.0 IP, 2 K, SV (5). I finally drop Workman. Pity me! Feel bad for me!

Alex Verdugo – 1-for-2. Left the game with a knee issue. Verdugo’s been great but if he’s going to miss any time, don’t hesitate to find a replacement asap as possible. Preferably, someone Mookie-like or even Trout if he’s available.

Christian Arroyo – 3-for-5, HR (3), 4 RBI. Red Sox hope this Christian can answer their prayers. They doubled down on Christians. #desperation Once a highly touted prospect, now relegated to scrub duty in the final days of the Sawx worst season of all time. He does have three homers in the past week, but I wouldn’t count on any Boston hitters to save your season at this point.

Christian Vazquez – 3-for-5, run, RBI, 2 SB (4). JD Martinez, and Jackie Bradley also stole a base and Xander Bogaerts added two steals and two hits. The speed on the basepaths! Unreal. Jeez. That Jordan Montgomery/Gary Sanchez combo might be the worst defensive pairing in the league.

Martin Perez – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, BB, 7 K. If you predicted that Perez would keep the Yankees, who won nine in a row going into Friday and hit 19 homers over the previous three games, in check, you are def a Supe and I’ma  take you down with Butcha’, Frenchy an da rest of da Boyz. I’m bloody chuffed to bits! As bad as the Sawx have been, Perez actually turned out to be a decent offseason acquisition. If only Chaim Bloom had remembered they need five pitchers to fill a rotation and not just one.

Matt Barnes – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, ER, BS (4). Gave up a game tying home run to Gary Sanchez (10) in the 9th inning after converting nine straight save opportunities. Oh Red Sux.

JD Martinez – 0-for-6, 4 K. NYC City actually intentionally walked Bogaerts in extra innings to pitch to JD. Yikes. Will be interesting to see where JD is drafted next year, also, I can’t wait till this season is over.

Tyler Mahle – 5.2 IP, 4 hits, ER, 2 BB, 8 K, 2nd win. Tyler has created some very nice starts for himself, with some fairly not-so-nice starts sprinkled in. However, he’s been more good than bad and when he’s been bad he hasn’t been THAT bad so perhaps he’s a name to watch in 2021.

Joey Votto – 3-for-4, HR (10), 2 RBI. Nick Castellanos and Jesse Winker also homered. The triple threat trio! Rage brigade! Ding dong dinger brothers! Anyone else think this Reds team can do some damage in the postseason? They made it! That’s the hard part, now if these three can stay hot, they might have the best 1-2-3 starting pitching trio in baseball.

Sixto Sanchez – 4.0 IP, 8 hits, 5 ER, 2 BB, 2 K. Sixto’ed the line and got pwned like a n00b playing Fortnite. I really needed a quality outing from him, so I choose to believe that’s why this happened. Oh woe is me. Still, his 2.75 ERA and 31:7 K:BB is majestic and he gets one more chance to win back my trust next week versus Atlanta.

Erick Fedde – 6.0 IP, 1 hit, 0 ER, 2 BB, 6 K, 2nd win. Erick was Fedde up with pitching like a trash bag and this was certainly the best I’ve ever seen him pitch. He gets the Phillies for his final start, add him if you hate yourself.

Daniel Ponce de Leon – 5.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 9 K. I wish Daniel had been in the league for more than three years as that fountain of youth joke was just tee’d up and ready for me but nah. His 39 Ks in 26 IP makes me raise my eyebrow, but his 5.74 ERA makes me raise the other eyebrow. Both eyebrows raised, that is my concerned face. He gets the Brewers in his final start, who he pitched 6.0 IP, with 9 Ks in his last start and you could do worse as far as streamers go.

Ross Stripling – 3.1 IP, 4 hits, 3 ER, 3 BB, 4 K and Robbie Ray – 4.1 IP, 5 ER, 4 BB, 6 K. Friday gave Buffalo Blue Jays fan(s) a chance to look at their their newly acquired starting pitching studs with Stripling pitching the first game and Ray the second. Woof. I don’t know that a random dart throw would have singled out two worse mid-season SP acquisitions. They have an average ERA of 6.60 and a combined ERA of 13.21. Is that not something baseball analysts do? Combine ERA? Well I just wanted to emphasize how much they stink.

Rafael Dolis – 0.1 IP, 2 hits, ER, L. Left the game with a knee injury. Anthony Bass was just as bad. I don’t know who the closer is anymore, but you guys seem to really like Biggio. Maybe it’s him? My advice to you is to find another team’s saves to chase.

Ke’Bryan Hayes – 1-for-3, 2 RBI. BUY. I just thought I should mention a Pirates player. Not because you should add them, but because I feel bad.

Dylan Carlson – 2-for-3, HR (2), 3 RBI. Hey, it’s you! The outfielder I wasted my waiver claim on in mid-August and then proceeded to go 1-for-34 over the next 10 games. How you been? Me? Oh, I’m last in batting average. Thanks for asking.

Ryan Helsley – 0.2 IP, 2 K, SV (1). Got the save for the Cards in game 2, most likely because Andrew Miller was the BUY but pitched in the first game and not because his ERA is at 7.88.

Nate Lowe – 1-for-3, RBI. Brandon Lowe – 2-for-4, run, RBI. The Lowe Down. That could be my new weekly RazzBall post where I talk about how the Rays’ Lowe’s are doing that week and other Lowe-related things. What’s Derek Lowe up to? Thinking of painting my shelf, might go to Lowe’s to supply up. And let’s not forget Rob. LIT-terally one of my favorite Lowes. See I could definitely do 2000 words on this. As for fantasy, Nate Lowe looking like the Lowe to add for your final week, he was a BUY and hitting safely in 6 of his last 8 games with 3 bombs. Lowe down and dirty!

Tyler Glasnow – 5.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 2 BB, 10 K (now has 83 Ks). Maybe it has nothing to do with preserving arms, maybe the Rays are just flexing their bullpen. They do have a very good bullpen. A player named Ryan Sheriff got the save Friday and I really hope he’s the new closer, cuz Sheriff (c’mon!) but 9 different pitchers have saves for the Rays this year so probs not. Yeah, maybe Cash just is going hard with the bullpen FLEX.

Zach Plesac – 7.2 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, BB, 11 K, 4th win. His 1.85 ERA, 0.78 WHIP are among the best in the league and that 50/4 K/BB makes me want to party with him SANS-mask, idec. The time away from the team might have actually helped all of our chances to draft him next year.

Kyle Hendricks – 8.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, BB, 10 K, 6th win, ERA at 2.93. You know that feeling, when you’re so on you feel like you’re using your mind to move the baseball exactly where you want it, blowing by hitters and peppering the edge of the strike zone? “That’s telekinesis, Kyle!” Thanks, Jack Black. Hendricks gets Pittsburgh next week and a chance to end his year on another great note. He’s a pitcher I never own but am always impressed by!

Rich Hill – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 2 BB, 5 K. Here’s a guy who’s getting hot at just the right time. Not for your fantasy team, but for his real-life baseball team who will actually need him to pitch well in the postseason. This was probably his best start of the season, and I’m all in for his start versus Detroit next week.

Max Fried – 5.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 2 BB, 3 K. 7th win. That’s country Fried Max, as he return from the IL to embarrass the Mets. His 1.96 ERA is among the elites this year, and had he not missed the past two weeks he might be in the Cy Young convo. Alas, he’s not, but again, that might give you a better shot of owning him in 2021.

Steven Matz – 2.2 IP, 8 hits, 6 ER, 3 BB, 5 K, ERA at 9.79. Does he have a single quality start all year? I googled this and the answer is yes–his first start of the year versus Atlanta he went 6.0 IP, 1 ER, 7 K. It was all downhill after that, like, sprinting downhill with a backpack full of free weights.

Amed Rosario – 3-for-4, run, RBI. I mean, he’s got a .636 OBP in the past week, but, sigh, this is just not the time to be adding Mets to your team.

Travis d’Arnaud – 3-for-4, HR (8), 3 RBI. d’Arnailed his 8th d’inger! My d’ude is slashing .336/.397/.550 with 8 homers and 30 RBI. That’s a 30 HR/100 RBI value meal with Sprite, folks! Someone got their Travvy Patty en flame this year! Cactus Jack says it’s lit! True story, if you go to McDonalds and ask for the Travis Scott meal “en flame,” the McDonalds employees will give you a dirty look.

Ozzie Albies – 2-for-5, 2 HR (5). Marcell Ozuna also hit his 15th homer, Ronald Acuña, Jr. hit his 12th, and Austin Riley hit his 8th as the Braves had a day with the Mets pitching. “This one was for RBG!” said Albies postgame. Yes, Albies is Back, and you’ll notice I capitalized the “b” because he’s batting close to .400 with four homers and three steals since returning from the IL nine days ago. He could be winning your fantasy league for you right now. The only drawback is since Ozzie’s back, Acuña’s been distant. He hasn’t opened any of my snaps. I’m not trying to replace Ozzie, Ronald, but maybe we could have a three musketeers type situation going forward? COD Warzone trios? I can hang!

Marcell Ozuna – 2-for-4, HR (15). Someone’s gonna get paaaaid this offseason!

Dansby Swanson – 0-for-6, 3 K. And dddrrrrrooooop. Braves scored 15 runs on 17 hits and Dansby missed the memo. Apparently there’s only room for one hot-shot middle infielder on this team at a time.

Lewis Brinson – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBI, SB (3). The .238/.294/.429 is ugly, the steals aren’t that impressive and he only homered because the Nats bullpen is pathetic. Please give me the strength not to draft him next year.

Brian Anderson – 3-for-4, 3 HR (9), 7 RBI. Sweet sassy molassy! Three bombs for Slam Anderson! He’s a BAE to Watch next year, amirihgt? Sigh. I’m sorry. It just gets so lonely in quarantine. I will see myself out.

Kole Calhoun – 2-for-4, 2 HR (14), 4 RBI. Kole’s got a four game hitting streak with three multi-hit games and five homers in that stretch. He’s still under 50% owned, but I assume that’s because most of you gave up by now.

Zac Gallen – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, ER, BB, 6 K, 2nd win. ERA at 3.00. Yay! He’s not broken! You can safely draft him in 2021, but probably not because he will be hype ash.

Stefan Crichton – 1.0 IP, K, SV (4). BUY. Stefan has been great not only because he hasn’t allowed a baserunner since taking over as closer but because he gives me an excuse to mention dinos in his blurbs. Dude is Jurassic! That’s a good thing. I’d sneak a “Clifford” Stefan reference in here, but I’m not sure anyone has seen as many Martin Short films as I have. Anyway, if you need a closer for the final week, Crichton is probably your best option available.

Adrian Houser – 4.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 2 K. I can’t believe I owned you for almost a whole month. That’s like half of the season!

Salvador Perez – 4-for-5, 2 runs, HR (7), 4 RBI, SB (1). I told a commenter to drop Sally last week in order to keep d’Arnaud and I feel bad because Perez is absolutely en fuego hitting .577 with 3 bombs since returning. Maybe I should have told him to play two catchers? No, no that’s just crazy.

Adalberto Mondesi – 2-for-4, 2 runs, SB (18). Yaaaas! Win me my fantasy league, Adalberto. Carry me so hard. 18 SBs? That’s not the only thing that’s hard :smirk: What?! I meant stealing bases in 2020! Not easy to do! Get out of the gutter.

Christian Yelich – 2-for-5, HR (11). As much as a disaster as 2020 has been for me and the world at large, at least I didn’t draft Yelich.

Mookie Betts – 2-for-5, 3 runs, HR (16), 3 RBI. My flame, my muse! Mookie knows I need counting stats so bad right now and he doesn’t blame me for the Sawx trade. If I had $400 million dollars to give, it’d be all yours, Mook. And I mean that.

Gavin Lux – 2-for-5, HR (3), 2 RBI. There’s nothing I’d like more than to see G-Lux go HAM for the final week of the year, but you’re probably better off watching him do it on someone elses team. Still 2021 :eyesemoji:

Cody Bellinger – 3-for-5, 2 runs, HR (11), 3 RBI. He’s got a four game hitting streak, getting hot at just the right time. Is it bad I hope he struggles in the post season so I can get him in the third round next year?

Edwin Rios – 2-for-5, run, RBI. The Dodgers scored 15 runs off 17 hits at Coors. Not sure Edwin plays consistently enough to warrant a pick up but he’s got two homers in his past three games and is at Coors all weekend. That’s not nothing!

Josh Fuentes – 3-for-4, HR (2), 3 RBI. Another guy I have no idea will actually play enough the final week to make him worth the add but he’s hit safely in six of his last seven games and struck out 17 times this year. Yeah, maybe look elsewhere.

Albert Pujols – 3-for-5, 2 HR (6). Albert! His first bomb moved him to third place ALL TIME on the home run list, which probably means nothing to your fantasy team, but a lot to old timers like me and Mike Yaszstremski’s dad.

Jared Walsh – 1-for-4, RBI. BUY. He’s hit safely in 10 straight and yes you should add him. He let Pujols have his day yesterday and now he’s back to business. Hitting dingers. He’s a real class-act like that.

Jaime Barria – 6.1 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 8 K, 1st win. Certainly the best I’ve ever seen him pitch. Gunning hard for a playoff rotation spot. Are the Angels making the postseason? I thought every team did?

Chris Paddack – 6.0 IP, 1 hit, 2 BB, 3 K. One of his best starts in almost a month! Something tells me Paddack is going to get lit up in the postseason. Hope I’m wrong!

Chris Bassitt – 6.2 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 3 BB, 7 K, 5th win, ERA at 2.57. There were question marks about whether he would start at all this year. But A’s gonna A. He’s got a 0.46 ERA in September with a 19/5 K/BB. He’s the A’s no. 1 starter in the playoffs or nah? Me thinks yah.

Matt Olson – 1-for-4, 3-run HR (14). He’s batting .191. What do you mean you haven’t dropped him yet? You are playing with fire, my friend, and I like your style!

Tommy Pham – 1-for-3, run. Kevin at ESPNs “Get Him In Your Line Up” is very busy with fantasy football right now and thought the baseball season ended when the Cardinals got COVID. Did I do that right?

Garrett Crochet – 1.0 IP, K. When you’re so good you don’t need the minor leagues. “A-Ball is for babies,” said Crochet postgame. He hit 101.5 mph on the gun and was en flame like a Travis Scott meal covered in fiery cheetoh dust. Remember that name in 2021, because I definitely won’t.

Manny Machado – 2-for-4, 2 HR (16), SB (6). One of the interesting sub-plots of the final week will be if Machado can overtake Tatis for MVP votes. Machado’s stats are better all around, but Tatis is younger, sexier, and has the edge in SBs. Manny plays much better D but no one cares about that anyway. I’m gonna go out on a limb (not really) and predict Mookie Betts for MVP, because I treasure our friendship and I just want him to be happy and well, I know it’s no-simp September but I just like him better all around.

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Good luck in your final week–I hope all our teams win equally!





  1. Joe Beísbol says:

    1. Would you start Justus today vs SD? I’d say I’m comfortably in first in my roto headed into the final week, but pitching wise, I could always use a little boost in WHIP and wins, so long as it doesn’t blow up my ERA (where I’m .10 ahead of the next team).

    2. Abreu vs Bauer @CIN; Bohm vs RYU @PHI; Jeimer vs. McKenzie @DET. I need to bench one. Bauer is the toughest matchup, Bohm faces Ryu, but Jeimer has cooled off past 7 days. Who gets the bench?

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:

      1. I’d avoid the start if you can 2. Bench Jeimer

  2. Yaz Mantle says:

    1. best for a W and K’s tomorrow; Porcello v. atlanta (SON likes it at 4+) or teheran (-2.2) at home v. texas or kyle wright v. the mets (SON -9.4).?


    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:

      Woof. Kyle Wright is probably your best bet at a W but that is not an endorsement. I’d avoid starting any of them if you can.

  3. Will says:

    Pujols is 5th all time in career homers, not 3rd:

    Bonds 762
    Aaron 755
    Ruth 714
    A Rod 696
    Pujols 662

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:

      You right! He is third all-time RBI list. My bad!

  4. scoboticus says:

    Bergman vs Weaver in Minute Maid,
    Edman vs Keller in PNC
    Evan White vs Clevinger in Safeco,
    Cronenworth vs Sheffield in Safeco,

    Who is the odd man out?

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:

      Id sit white

      • dontbichetteme says:

        The series is actually being played in San Diego because of the smoke

  5. scoboticus says:

    Hicks vs Mazza in Fenway
    Rosario vs Alec Mills in Wrigley
    Schwarber vs Pineda in Wrigley

    Who sits?

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:


  6. Kcc26 says:

    So I just feel like I need to share here. H2H finals. My team has been SO frustrating all week. Was going into yesterday hitting .180 with 5 homers and 9 rbi all week from the likes of Olson, Alonso, Albies, Story, Acuña, machado, Cruz.

    That same squad that was leading me to certain defeat went OFF for 12 homers last night. I’ve never seen anything like it. Unfortunately they were so brutal the first 4 days that I’m only tied in runs/rbi and still losing avg/OPS ????

    But at least I’m back in it!

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:

      woop! you know as soon as you drop any of them, they’re gonna go off too

  7. Nightpandas says:

    Hey pants

    Starting Mondesi @ Mil – Burnes or Cruz @ Chc Mills Im my util spot

    Also have one move left, was gonna grab a starter next week

    Akin has 2 is a k/9 league
    Other options are Freeland BAnderson Lester
    K/9 W And QS are most important

    • Nightpandas says:

      JT Brubaker another option

      • Dan Pants

        Dan Pants says:

        Mondesi, but could go either way. If you need Ws I guess I like Lester .

  8. nightpandas says:

    12 team keep 7 (Reg cats plus OPS, reg cats but with k/9 + S+H)

    I’m out of it

    Keepers from this group: Bats: Bichette, Lindor, KLewis, Teoscar, Mountcastle, Olson, Meadows, Ohtani (b), MChapman,
    P: Cole, Berrios, Lynn, Iglesias, Karinchak

    Got an offer of:

    Blackmon, Swanson, Gallen, Greinke, 1st and 5th rounders for my
    Cole and Teoscar and late rounders


    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:

      I like it!

  9. scoboticus says:

    Hicks isn’t playing so i have these for utility:


    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:

      is this eddie rosario? if so him

  10. dontbichetteme says:

    Hey Dan,
    Wondering which one bat you would play tonight?
    Mountcastle vs Morton(tb)
    Biggio @ Velasquez(phi)
    Grisham vs Sheffield(sea)

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:

      depends on need? grisham has been hottest of the three

      • dontbichetteme says:

        I need everything. I know that its a small sample size, but he doesnt seem to be great vs LHP. Biggio has been struggling and Mountcastle is facing a tough pitcher. Tough one

        • Dan Pants

          Dan Pants says:

          i’d go with grisham!

  11. TarmanGotHim says:

    Brinson’s line after the 2nd game of the DH is:


    21/79 – 12/3/11/3

    Just saying :)

    Seriously though, as a die hard Marlins fan. YES!’ It’s true!! There are die hards out there (born in South Florida in 1986 and moved to Vegas during the 1997 World Series) lived through the Florida Panthers title run (and Stanley Cup embarrassment in 1996, I still have all my stuff from that year, new paper cutouts, cups, pucks, toy rats if you know the story, etc.) but couldn’t be in South Florida when the Fish took WS1!! I’m grateful!!

    Anyways, Brinsons looking A LOT better and it’s making the Yelich trade feel like it could be right if the guys put it together. Patience they say! Minus Yamamoto who I think would thrive in a Pen role, I think Díaz will be decent, if Monte can work on the plate patience like Kyle Lewis. Ryan Mountcastle, etc. seen to have, he can be a 5 tool star… if he works on that plate discipline. Brinsons showing real signs of life.

    Thanks for the write up. Always love your Saturday blurbs!!

    Wish me luck, in my 2 leagues, one keeper and 1 continued redraft, I’m up 8-1 and 8-4 and am 2 days away from 2 championship runs!!

    Good luck!!

  12. Grey

    Grey says:

    Just charged a life-sized Pete Alonso bobblehead to my Amex Rosario, and that shizz was denied. Is this customer service?

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:

      I got a lovely steven welcome matz for my porch with the reward bucks! i love that its tagged in the post lol

  13. scoboticus says:

    HR to the osario!

Comments are closed.