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Author: Grey

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Conforto Back Rockin’ The Mike To Prove He Ain’t No Shoulder MC

April 6, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 466 Comments

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If I had to choose a background song for my Michael Conforto feelings right now, it would be Lucinda Williams’ Those Three Days.

You say there’s always gonna be his swing,
So many DL days filled with screams,
Conforto’s news crawl across my screen,
Shows how he hit an oppo taco that sent him home,
Now he’s beneath my skin.
Underneath my dress, stick their tongues (figuratively),
The first game back a dong, and I am so effin’ alone!
Since those five days.
If I could’ve just waited out his DL trip of five days!
Those five days!
Did you not want me in five days?
Did you not want me in five days?
Did you not love me more than Mitch Haniger?
Just for those five days!

I’m literally standing on my table, crying, singing Lucinda Williams.  I’m wrecked.  I might need a new hobby.  So, Michael Conforto — 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer — came back way quicker than I expected, and I’m feeling major regret that I don’t own him.  I still think shoulder injuries are tricky — to rock a rhyme, that’s right on time (callback to title!) — but I wish I had a share of him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Corbin Burns Some Dodgers Like They Broke Local Law

April 5, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 525 Comments

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I believe in all of my sleepers.  Yes, even you, Kevin Gausman, but you need to show some intestinal fortitude and less IBS!  However, you can only give your sleepers so much leash if they don’t perform immediately.  You need to get a taste of the good stuff early on or you might have to abandon ship.  For instance, you go into an ice cream shop and you get a taste of the Rocky Road, but they give you a sample with no marshmallows, no nuts, no fudge swirl — they just give you a taste of chocolate.  Dubya tee eff!  You have to sample on the swirl!  That’s what Patrick Corbin did yesterday, he sampled on the swirl.  He went 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 1.38.  I gave you a Patrick Corbin sleeper this preseason, and he’s all up on that swirl.  Giving his owners a swirly even.  Hmm, maybe not that.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Didi Tees Off And Rays Couldn’t Shake That Pest Aside

April 4, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 468 Comments

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Didi, Didi, can’t you see, sometimes your home runs hypnotize me?  Or how about, Gre-Gre-Gregorius?  Gre-Gre-Gregorius… Gregorius sung by Duran Duran or Biggie work for me.  Fun fact!  Duran Duran is the past tense of Da Doo Run Run Da Doo Run Run.  Bit a of a trivia whiz, though I did need to Google to see if it was spelled whiz or wiz.  Did you know Truvia was discovered by someone sniffing artificial sweetener off a Trivial Pursuit card?  Any hoo!  Didi Gregorius went goofy time, there’s always money in the banana stand, crying at the end of The Last American Virgin but with tears of joy, with himself yesterday — 4-for-4, 3 runs, 8 RBIs and two homers (1, 2). His first homer went 346 feet, which is almost three and half Cespedes.  I was way off Didi in the preseason, but that was almost (exactly) five games ago, let’s forget about that!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

The Reds Have One Hot T. Mahle

April 3, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 427 Comments

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Padres starters give me the feels; Mariners starters start the underneath tinglings; Dodgers starters feather enthusiasm on the undercarriage.  Reds starters?  That park is so blech.  Luis Castillo’s sexy, but, again, that park and…I trail off, thinking about whatever happened to Better Call Saul, did that show end?  When my thoughts drift back, I remember what I was thinking about, and see Tyler Mahle.  More like Tyler Mehle was my thought.  Now?  After watching him dismantle the Cubs?  Color me intrigued, with a red paintbrush.  Yesterday, Mahle went 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 7 Ks.  He looked shaky as all get out to start the game — walked Happ, Bryant lined out hard, hit Rizzo, then he said, “Good morning, good afternoon, and–Well, I already have two outs, so I’ll have to say good night in the next inning.”  And he did.  He settled down after that, and no one looked close to starting a rally.  He had a bit of luck at one point by getting to face the opposing Tyler after giving up a triple to Baez, but Mahle didn’t exude a whole lot of sweat beads otherwise.  I’ve seen more sweat on a girl doing a Tyler Chatwood, which is a euphemism for tying a cherry stem into a knot with your mouth while seamlessly carrying on a conversation.  I grabbed Mahle in one league for his next start vs. the Pirates, and plan on going one start at a time for now, but I’m encouraged.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Easter Williams Pitches Swimmingly

April 2, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 506 Comments

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There’s nothing better than an April Fools’ prank that is so sly it’s barely perceptible as a prank.  You don’t even know if it’s a gag.  One year, I had a sound engineer friend make a recording that said, “This call is being recorded.  A copy of that recording is available automatically to the police and the prosecutors.”  Then used that to call my mom and tell her I was in jail for accidentally running down a family of four.  “But mom the light was yellow!”  Apparently, I overestimated how funny she’d find that phone call, and twelve years later, she still calls me the night before April Fools’ to remind me not to pull any pranks on her.  This year the best prank I saw was one done by Major League Baseball.  It was so slight, if you blinked you’d miss it.  For their prank, they scheduled a half day on a Sunday.  Since 1908, MLB has played a full schedule of games on Sunday.  What a great joke!  Well done, MLB.  But, seriously, this is a joke, right?  Any hoo!  Know what’s not a joke, the love Trevor Williams has for Razzball, apparently:

Yesterday, Williams wasted no time to prove to me that his love for us is as strong as my love for him.  He went 6 IP, 0 ER with zero hits, but he failed to locate as well, and walked five guys, while racking up only one strikeout.  I believe his love for Razzball is only growing so this is just the beginning of great things to come.  Notice spelling of ‘come,’ you sickos.  On the reals, I like Williams for this year, and wrote a Trevor Williams sleeper for him this preseason.  Anyway, here’s what I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Must Write Scott Kingery Buy Royal Decree

March 30, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 454 Comments

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Lights a candle, and shakes out the match.  The candelabra illuminates a cave.  I carefully move towards a sleeping figure, reaching down and shaking the Buy/Sell out of its slumber.  “Hey, wake up, it’s a new season.”
The Buy/Sell stretches its arm and yawns loudly.  “Is it September already?”
“No, it’s March, it’s a new baseball season.”
“Baseball, riiiiight.  The thing with the racket.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”  In quick cuts, I see the Buy/Sell’s shirt reads Buy/Sell in smears of blood.  Cowering away, I trip, only to realize I’ve fallen on the entrails of the real Buy/Sell.
“I’m the new Buy/Sell now!”  Then it laughs ghoulishly, gnashing its fangs.  So, Scott Kingery made the team.  I know, I didn’t expect it either, but good for the Phils.  They made the bold choice, and the bold are rewarded, which sounds like a 1970’s cigarette campaign.  “Winston Lights, The Bold are Rewarded.”  Lance Broz…etc. gave you his Scott Kingery fantasy before it was official Kingery would start the year with the Phils, but it looked to be headed there, which is why it’s so frustrating that I didn’t move on him quicker (Kingery not Lance.  “When you’re a fantasy baseball blogger, they just let you move on them.”).  But data shows that Kingery is still available in a ton of leagues, and is an immediate buy everywhere.  In the video, Anime Grey has some more words on Kingery.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Opening Day And The Balls Are Juiced (So Are The Baseballs)

March 30, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 289 Comments

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For Opening Day, I woke up at the crack of dawn on the West Coast, because no one in this godforsaken country cares about the West Coast.  Once I had my coffee and vape set up for a full day of baseball, I saw the Pirates/Tigers game was postponed and thought about how they should have their seasons postponed.  “I Mahtook you for a friend of the Tooks!”  That’s Mikie Mahtook.  Finally, I opened the MLB app on my iPad to find I had forgotten my password.  Cut to two hours later, and I was ready to watch some baseball!  Then Carlos Martinez gave up multiple runs on multiple fantasy teams of mine and I was ready to nap again.  Ah, it’s good to be back!  Speaking of which, I’ll trade you Carlos Martinez for a bag of Dick Pole’s.  Doesn’t matter which bag.  Maybe the one Salvador Perez was carrying.  You know what would’ve been Sweet Baby Jesus of me?  If I benched that goofy-haired, can’t-keep-his-hands-to-himself Cardinals pitcher.  Not to worry, I had Chris Archer going later in the day.  *sees Kiermaier and Span misplay a Eduardo Nunez ball into an inside-the-parker, crawls under bed*  Fantasy baseball:  When everyday stress is just not enough.  Any hoo!  It’s good to be back, now let’s get down to business.  Matt Davidson went 3-for-4, 4 runs, 5 RBIs with his 1st, 2nd and third homer.  Someone wants to be Tuffy Rhodes.  “Not bad for five innings.”  Oh, shut up, Mark Whiten!  Do we have our first hot schmotato?!  I schmay schwe schdo!  Sounded better in my head!  Davidson won’t be in today’s Buy column, but he could’ve been.  I grabbed him in my RCL, because I’m in straight panic mode and Joe Panik is already owned!  Yes, there’s a Buy/Sell later today.  You’re welcome.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

The KK K’s Took Claudio’s Saves Away

March 29, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 502 Comments

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*breathes in*  Opening Day is finally upon us!  Every fantasy team is confident of success.  Someone is making a major miscalculation.  But first, a word from our SAGNOF!  A Rangers beat writer seems to believe Keone Kela will get the first opportunity for saves, and, if successful, he will own the job all year.  Here you thought Keone was the name of Neo in the Korean remake of The Matrix.  Or an Elon Musk cologne.  *sprays mist* “Ah, I never go to Mars without my Keone.”  Any hoo!  Kela seems like a Hunter Strickland doppelgänger.  Not looks-wise, but bad reputation, good stuff and a saves tease.  I have not dropped Alex Claudio in any leagues yet, but I would own Kela, like an Elon Musk musk.  By the way, there’s a new Razzball tool in town, the Reliev-O-Nator.  It’s the Stream-o-Nator for saves.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

RCL Draft: Overcompensating For My Staff

March 28, 2018 | Our Leagues | 399 Comments

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The other day I was joined by the best and the brightest Razzball has to offer and Tehol for our annual RCL draft (12 team, mixed league, yadda blabbity bloo).  Our fantasy hockey writer, Viz, who is a professional poker player (hope it’s okay to say that.  If not — oops!), went high/low split (totally talking out of my ass right now) and doubled down on the river, cleaning my chute of a full house of sexy picks.  He has Cody Bellinger, Trevor Story, Ronald Acuna, Bryce Harper, Trey Mancini, Eddie Rosario and Michael Wacha!  That is totally G-rated!  And the G there is for Grey.  On the other hand, I drafted a team that feels like it’s straight out of central casting.  Only problem is the role which is being cast is for a “bounce back candidate who can hit for power and steal a few bases, must also be proficient in Mandarin.”  Orange you glad I didn’t say navel!  What?  Okay, the season’s almost here and I’m straight batty with myself.  Can Ohtani slug better than Alcides and pitch better than Miles Mikolas?  I gotz to know!  (My guess is no and no.  Spring training panic!)  Anyway, here’s my RCL draft:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

NFBC, 15 Team, Draft Recap: You Can’t Not Draft Giancarlo, Double Negatives Be Damned!

March 27, 2018 | Our Leagues | 389 Comments

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This draft is a crock pot vs. a microwave.  A love sesh vs. a ‘hold the moan.’  A nature hike vs. “I’m gonna sit in the car as we drive past some mountains.”  Guys and five girl readers, it’s a slow draft.  This slow draft took about fifteen days, 18 hours, four minutes and–okay, only a lunatic counts seconds.  Not almost 15 days of straight drafting, mind you.  I don’t need to ice my clicky finger.  It’s five minutes of drafting, twelve hours of waiting.  It does allow you to second-guess your picks.  Actually, more like triple-guess.  (Who are we kidding, you quadruple-guess, fiveruple-guess, sextruple-guess, ochocinco-guess your picks.) For those not in the know, it’s a weekly, 15-team, two-catcher league that lasts for 50 rounds and there’s no waivers.  Anyway, here’s my NFBC draft recap:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Bumgarner Breaks His Engine Throttle Hand

March 26, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 425 Comments

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I only wish Madison Bumgarner fractured his hand after every single person drafted, because I knew I was never drafting him.  Terrible thing to say?  Perhaps, but I’m not the poor schnook who was still drafting him after I said for the last three months to not draft him.  I even put him in a tier originally in the top 20 starters that said, DO NOT DRAFT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.  Okay, not in that tall of a font, but the sentiment was all over that tier.  I said specifically, “This is just like the above tier, and I will be avoiding it, but rather than the above guys who I actually like, just won’t draft, I do not like the guys in this tier, and would never draft them at their price.  So, while I wouldn’t draft the above guys, I really wouldn’t draft these guys.  Got it?  Cool.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Of course, I can’t claim prescience that I knew he’d be hit by a comebacker, but will I anyway?  Hmm…  Why not?!  Prescience ain’t just a word on my Word of the Day calendar that I got in a Secret Santa!  So, I’ve dropped Bumgarner in the rankings, and adjusted his projections accordingly.  My Fantasy Baseball War Room gets updated on the reg, as well.

Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Starters to Target, 2018 Fantasy Baseball

March 23, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 407 Comments

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Today concludes the fantasy baseball sleepers‘ portion of our program.  *nudges homeless woman sleeping on my couch that I tried to get Cougs to agree to a threesome with*  No more sleepers, Francine.  Meh, I’ll let her rest.  Like the outfielders to target, this post is necessary.  You need to target the right names at the end of the draft for starters.  Last year’s starters to target post included McCullers, Nola, Robbie Ray and Alex Wood.  All guys who this year are in the top 26 for starters, with two making the jump to my top 20 starters.  This year…the world!  Well, not the world, just some starters.  As with other target posts, these guys are being drafted after the top 200 overall.  Anyway, here’s some starters to target for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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