Off the album, Get Hits or Buy Ryon, 50 Cent sung about Many Men at a corner spot, rapping, “Many men, wish Joe Mauer on me, have mercy on me, many men.” Then on his other chart-topping song off that album, In Da Club, he rapped, “You can find at my corner slot, some schlubs. Look, mami, at my corner infidel slot I got X, if you’re into scrubs. I’m into havin’ specs, I ain’t into a corner man who’s known for his glove, so come give me a hug, if in my corner slot I got Cory Spangenberg’s mug.” He followed those up with 21 Questions, when he sang, “Would you leave me if your father found out my corner man was scrubbin’? Do you believe me when I tell you, I thought Josh Donaldson would be more than nothin’?” Then, after all those, 50 Cent managed one last smash hit with P.I.M.P., where he rapped, “I don’t know what you heard about me, but a Mitch can’t get a FAAB dollar out of me. No Kingery, no Sano, you can’t see, that my corner man is P.I.M.P.,” where P.I.M.P stood for Please, I’M Playing (Ronald Guzman). So, Ryon Healy has been one of the hottest corner man over the last week, but beyond that, on our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater, he’s the 17th best 3B this year, in front of Kyle Seager, Longoria, Devers and Carpenter, who are all owned in more leagues than him. Healy’s also on pace for 28-31 homers with a decent-enough average. There’s no reason why he’s on waivers in any leagues. Take 50 Cent’s word for it, Get Hits or Buy Ryon! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell for this week in fantasy baseball:
Tom Murphy – Chris Iannetta seems to have become the backup to Murphy, which would be the first time in the 23-year existence the Rockies they made the right move, so I have my doubts it’s quite that simple. I’m waiting for the Rockies’ next ten-day homestand when Wolters plays nine of ten days, and, on the tenth day, they bring Todd Helton out of retirement to catch a game, and recite some Bible verses.
John Hicks – A double catcher Buy week! Oh glorious Sandra, as she writes her name on standardized tests, it is wonderful time to be alive. With Miggy out for the year, Tigers will see if John at first can get everyday fits, they ain’t rich, or they’ll cease and desist with Hicks. RIP Tupac.
Yuli Gurriel – So far this year, Gurriel’s been about as good at baseball as he is at getting the door after the team orders Chinese, but I’d imagine he gets better, and would own him in most leagues.
Ketel Marte – Has been hot this week, and if you own Goodrum, then Ketel fills your top shelf.
Jung-ho Kang – At his latest rehab checkpoint, he’s run into some trouble. Hmm, not a great phrase to use with Kang. He blew a .300 at Double-A, but not so great at Triple-A. Hmm, also not a great turn of a phrase for Kang. Guess what I’m saying is he seems like a whiskey bet.
Derek Dietrich – Has been more than adequate (Exciting adjective! Adequate!), but this is also a Hitter-Tron pick, like when it picks up a muffler and touches it in the most disgustingly sensual way possible.
Leonys Martin – My favorite Martin! Which is better than carnitas, which leads to my favorite fartin’.
Scott Schebler – Half of me is surprised that Schebler isn’t being picked up by more people, but, honestly, when people list Schebler with a bunch of other options to pick up, I rarely pick Schebler as their best option. He’s solid long-term, but short-term he does hashtag fail to raise the pants flagpole. The one flag it’s okay to kneel for.
Hector Rondon – No idea if Rondon will get the next save, or Giles. If I were A.J. Hinch, I’d use Rondon. Here’s the thing, though, and this might shock you, but I am not A.J. Hinch.
Blake Parker – He’s definitely the closer. However…here it comes…are you ready…I’m about to drop some truth…where did I put that truth now…Crap, I left it in the car….one second…Here we go! The truth is The Sciosciapath will never make sense, and tried Parker in the 7th inning at one point this week.
Mike Soroka – Don’t usually like to give starters in the Buy that aren’t simply Stream-o-Nator picks because, brucely, I cover starters all week long, but Soroka’s got me feeling something, I don’t know what it is, I think it’s…*dawning on me* Love. “Cougs, I’ve finally felt love! What? You did my laundry and had sex with me, so it was more of an appreciation.”
Jonathan Loaisiga – Three vowels together is just weird. What is that, some French crap? Well, adieu! Any hoo! I went over Loaisiga the other day, click his name and you’ll be magically transported to what I said. For now, this is a Stream-o-Nator call. Like the call it makes to a radio station to have them play, “Everybody Hurts.”
Miles Mikolas – In the preseason, I said something like Mikolas can outperform Ohtani, and I drafted Mikolas in a bunch of leagues. *blows on knuckles, wipes knuckles on shirt* Ugh, why did I have ketchup on my knuckles? Wait, that’s blood! AH!!! DNA!!! Any hoo! Preseason is way in the rearview, and this is about what we could get moving forward. Mikolas is a 6.6 K/9, 1 BB/9, 3.37 xFIP with a 2.43 ERA. Love that command. *puts fingertips to lips, blows kiss* Wait, that does taste like ketchup. Ah, I’m bleeding ketchup!!! Mikolas has emerged as a solid number two to three starter. He is not an ace. I’d check the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer to see what you could get for him. I still like him, so I wouldn’t sell him for a singing largemouth bass that only knows Coldplay.