George Kirby (7 IP, 2 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 14 Ks, ERA at 6.53) and okay. I mean, ha, okay. Where the eff has that been? I’ll tell you where it seemed to come from yesterday. Angels had a brilliant game plan. I watched a piece of this game and the Angels decided not to swing against a guy who throws nothing but strikes. Good move or should still be debated by Large-Brained People? Let’s check in on the LBP. Hey, LBP, what do you think–Oh, crap, when I said, “Hey, LBP,” it caused them to look up and, because their brains are so large, they immediately became off balance and fell to the floor. Where they’re laying face-down. Thankfully, it’s not covered by a shag carpet! So, George Kirby’s peripherals are now 10.9 K/9, 1.7 BB/9, and a 2.85 xFIP. Yeah, a 14:0 K:BB start will do that to a guy who only has 20 2/3 innings this year. Hopefully, Kirby stays healthy and/or faces more Large-Brained People with the stupidest game plan. Hey, someone should help that LBP, or at least turn him over. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Julio Rodriguez – 0-for-5, 1 run. On Saturday, was hit by a sharp grounder on the ankle that seemed as significant as an Iron Mike Sharpe elbow, but x-rays were negative, and he played on Sunday, so ‘natch.
Taylor Ward – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer. Ward, leave that Beaver* alone! *Kirby, that pink Nintendo character, looks like a beaver*. *If someone’s never seen a beaver.
Christian Encarnacion-Strand – 2-for-3, and his 5th homer, and 3rd straight game with a homer, as he returned from the IL like the guy who is on fire on the cover of that Pink Floyd album cover. That tracks since we looked at CES in our IL slot and said to him, “Wish You Were Here.” Wishing he’d shine on the diamond, crazy or otherwise. So, at the end of the year, we can celebrate and Have a Cigar, and that’s the whole album. Hilariously, the album received mixed reviews, and now it’s considered one of the greatest. Will CES become one of the greatest? (Incredible segue.) I don’t know about greatest, but he doesn’t strike out much (20.3 K%) and is currently dragging on average (.229) because of an unlucky BABIP (.216). Neutrally, he could be hitting .260, and the power isn’t make-believe. Right now, he has five homers in 70 ABs, and that’s been roughly how often he homered all through his minor league career, which was lengthy (he’s 25). He could be a top seven to ten 1st baseman the rest of the way, assuming he doesn’t hit an imaginary wall. Hey, regression, leave this kid alone.
Matt McLain – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .187, as he hits 9th. “Hey, since a dead body floats, can you use him as a kayak–Hold on! He moved! McLain is alive!”
Ryne Nelson – 3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.60. I started Jesus Luzardo — twice! — then dropped him for Nelson, so A) I destroyed my ratios in about ten days, and it takes about three months to fix them. B) There’s no B. C) There’s no C.
Zac Gallen – 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.15. Such a meh starter, gonna start calling him Mr. Meh.
Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-4 and his 18th homer. Since last All-Star Break, he has 38 homers; Teoscar has 24.
Tony Gonsolin – Hit the IL with elbow discomfort. Dodgers have 14 players on the IL. Excuse me, 14 pitchers.
Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.20. Dodgers figured out how to have an elite rotation by having only one guy.
Mookie Betts – 1-for-5 and his 9th homer. Mookie Best!
Michael Kopech – 1 IP, 0 ER, as he was activated. So, it wasn’t a save opportunity, but Dave Roberts used Kopech as you’d use a closer in a 4-run game. Kirby Yates (1/3 IP, 0 ER) was not, as he worked a third of a inning in the 7th, and Tanner Scott (1 IP, 0 ER), worked the 8th. Thinking it’s now Kopech, Scott, Yates, that order, but Kopech/Scott might be 70/30. This is all assuming Dave knew the score yesterday.
Erick Fedde – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.54. Streamonator hates his next one, and I wouldn’t trust him not to bring out his rap altar ego, Fedde Whopped.
Ryan Weathers – 3 IP, 3 ER, and 3 miles per hour off his fastball. Trip threes, huh?! No? Okay. Weathers took a throw off his melon by the catcher, when he was throwing down to 2nd, and Weathers felt “disconnected” trying to pitch. The next day, he said he felt fine. Must’ve got himself, got himself, got himself connected.
Taj Bradley – 4 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.58. Sigh, I give up with him. Needs to throw about a month before I trust him again.
Drew Rasmussen – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.22. If he can take his strikeouts up a skosh, he would be an ace. Right now, he’s on the precipice.
Adrian Houser – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.48. Quick, White Sox, trade him for another catcher! Houser is a career 4.13 ERA pitcher with a 7.2 K/9, which is the definition of [blinks twice, no real reaction, blinks again, yawns]
Miguel Vargas – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. After a huge May (7 HRs, .263), he’s been quiet in June, but (here’s where Grey turns things around) in the month of May, Vargas had one homer through May 12th.
Jac Caglianone – 4-for-4. Paisan, you gotta get four hits the day you’re going up for bidding in FAAB? C’mon, Italian Stalianone.
Salvador Perez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .229. Baseball players get old like they have a painting in their attic, which just spontaneously combusted.
Bobby Witt Jr. – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .291. My kingdom for Bobby Witt Jr. Figure that would appeal to a Royal.
Jacob deGrom – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.12. If I’m being real, he’s stayed healthy longer than I could’ve ever imagined, but, in fairness, it’s hard to imagine things you’ve never seen before or thought possible. It’s like trying to imagine a leprechaun playing 2nd base for the Astros–Actually, bad example.
Evan Carter – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. He had one hit since May 11th. Emoji that is looking at a glass that has been empty of water for weeks, saying, “Maybe it’s half full of air.”
Jake Burger – 3-for-4 and his 9th homer, 2nd homer in four games. Burger time! (Great game, by the by.)
Alex Call – 2-for-4 and his and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Who ya gonna Call? Alex, for a light schmotato.
Hunter Brown – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, 4 walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.82. Fun fact! Order a Hunter Brown in Kentucky and you get a Hot Brown if you can escape someone hunting you like prey for 24 hours.
Brandon Walter – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.64. Has allowed one walk in 11 IP. Good way to succeed, and this blurb took me 15 minutes because I stopped in the middle and put in a FAAB bid for him in all my leagues. 70 Grade command interests me everywhere, even if Streamonator hates his next one. Plus, I have to get Bowden Francis off my teams.
Gavin Williams – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.86. It is so disheartening when you have a guy like Luzardo or Ryne Nelson pitch awful, and look great under the hood, and you have someone like Gavin, who should be awful, who continues to pitch fine. Though, in fairness, Williams has pitched better of late, controlling his pitches better, he says through gritted teeth.
Tanner Bibee – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.81. If his pitching this year was on an X and Y axis, it would be going steadily up as his ERA bounced around. April was a disaster, but since? Not terrible. Tanner Bibee: Not terrible.
Jhonkensy Noel – Optioned to the minors. Big Christmas flew too close to the sun. Stupid Rudolph and his dumb nose!
Ryan Yarbrough – 4 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 4.17. Remember that song, Don’t Dream It’s Over? That was specifically about Yarbrough.
Aaron Judge – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 22nd and 23rd homer, hitting .396. Ted Williams’s frozen head is in a Gatorade jug filled with melting ice. It’s best if it comes up to temperature slowly.
Abraham Toro – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .341, and has been a hot schmotato since he started playing first for the Sawx.
Trevor Story – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 8th homer. He had a huge weekend series (knocking in five on Saturday), and now that I think about it Story feels so much like a guy who jumps on the casino bus and rides it down to the Yankees. Maybe it’s the Tulowitzki connection, and how they both left Coors and poof, vamosed.
Kristian Campbell – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. Hearing whispers about sending him down and bringing Roman Anthony up, but think more likely is, ya know, Rob Refsnyder just stopped playing.
Rafael Devers – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 14th homer, hitting .283. Also, in this game, Carlos Narvaez (2-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 6th homer, and it’s all because they were doing an in-game interview with Jazz. Okay, not really, but I like to complain about that whenever I can.
Manny Machado – 1-for-3 and his 10th homer, 7th homer in 16 games, and is near a career high in OBP (.382 this year, .387 in 2018). Last year, he had a .325 OBP and 29/11. He’s on a 23/20 pace. This is a bizarre year from him so far in many ways.
Stephen Kolek – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.00 vs. Jose Quintana – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.66. This matchup was billed as, “These two schmohawks have a 2.66 and 3.00 ERA and I’m over here with Cole Ragans and his 5+ ERA? Who cursed me and how do I nix the hex? I have to nix the hex!”
Ryan Bergert – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.26. Still vexed over being hexed!
Freddy Peralta – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 BBs, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.69. Well, at least he’s supposed to be good. Unlike Ryan Bergert. Who the hell is Ryan Bergert? I don’t even know if it’s Berget, Bergert, Burgert, Burget, or Ryan, Bryan, Rian, who is this?!
Jack Flaherty – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.41. One of the few starters who is pitching well, and due for a positive correction. Not dramatically, but his ERA last year was 3.17, and it wouldn’t shock me to see him get closer to that, then go the opposite way. Yes, my brain looks at an ERA and it becomes a game from The Price is Right. Down, down, down, hmm, maybe up a little, and now down again. “Let’s see what he wins…A box of Clorox to drink!”
Cade Horton – 5 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.11. So many starters this year seem to go from a 10-11 K/9 in the minors to barely a 7 K/9. Left side of the mouth says, “K…” Right side of the mouth says, “Laggards…” Together, “Klaggards.”
Chris Paddack – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.53. If you pick him up, he will have the worst start you’ve ever seen, but if you don’t, my opponent will keep picking him up and getting great starts. So, what do you do, hot shot? Do you sacrifice yourself and pick him up to save me? Or do you ignore him and let me keep getting beat by him?
Zebby Matthews – Hit the IL with a shoulder strain. Thus begins the Zebby and flow of pitcher’s career.
Brooks Lee – 2-for-3 and his 5th homer, and has a ten-game hitting streak, and I spent about five minutes I will never get back trying to make the case that he was worthwhile. I saw he was at 485 overall on the Player Rater, and now I’m beginning to wonder why I even have him in a deep league. At least he’s no Royce Lewis, who used to at least have the decency to get hurt.
Bowden Francis – 3 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 6.12. Can’t believe I voluntarily signed up for this schmohawk. Unforced errors by yours truly that can’t happen.
Max Muncy – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer, and 2nd homer in three games since being recalled, but didn’t start on Saturday, so they could start Logan Davidson, and now you have to wonder if I made up that name. Ma’s Muncy has power, and is worth a looksie in deeper mixed leagues.
Jeff McNeil – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Hot schmotato alert!
Pete Alonso – 3-for-6, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 16th and 17th homer, 6th homer in June. Albombso-so! There’s always one guy who gets to the Break with an absurd number of RBIs, and right now it’s tracking to be Alonso.
Brett Baty – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. He seems to get smoking hot for a week, then disappears for a month, so, if that’s true and not a figment of my imagination, he’s about to get hot.
Andrew Heaney – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, 0 walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.24, and left with a leg cramp, which is nothing, when you’re pitching as well as him. Heaney’s Captain Shove this year.
Paul Skenes – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.88 vs. Cristopher Sanchez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.10. Sanchez took the loss, as the Phils were swept. No Skenes off Paul’s back!
Otto Kemp – 0-for-2 as he was called up with Bryce Harper hitting the IL with a lingering wrist issue. Itch didn’t go over Kemp once prior to his call-up, which tells me all I need to know about Kemp. Itch keeps his stuff in order, so you know there’s a reason, if it’s *pinkie to mouth* un-Kemp. This year he had a 14/11/.313 year going in 58 games in Triple-A, but he’s 25, which makes him seem like a Quad-A player or he’s gonna surprise a lot of people. Right now, he looks like a short-side platoon guy, which is unrosterable in most mixed leagues, if not all.
Ranger Suarez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.70. Thank you for not being that Jesus Loserado.
Landen Roupp – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.29 vs. Spencer Strider – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.40. Nearly identical start in a head-to-head matchup, and Roupp is far and away better this year. Think their ownership numbers reflect that? Any chance?
Bryce Elder – 8 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 12 Ks, ERA at 4.08. Welp, that’s gonna make getting him in FAAB a little bit harder. So, is there a Touki this year? Is it him? Is Bryce kneeling like James Brown and is someone draping a Shroud of Touki over him? Is Elder wearing the Technicolor Touki? I have inane questions, y’all! His peripherals don’t seem all that amazing, but I was picking him up anyway, because the Streamonator loves his next one.
Pierce Johnson – 2/3 IP, 2 ER on Saturday, ERA at 3.86. Pierce’d Johnson; Craig Kimbrel was DFA’d on Saturday; what’s Al Hrabosky up to? I’d guess Dylan Lee is next as the Braves closer, but he’s a lefty so that’s not ideal. I don’t know, maybe the Braves try to not have the lead in the 9th? Maybe Bummer? Maybe their pen is just a bummer.
