Adley Hits His Two September HRs In First Game Back. What’s The Rutschman?

Yesterday, Adley Rutschman (2-for-4, 3 runs) hit his 10th and 11th homer, as he returned to Camden for the first time since his trade. He hit that 2nd home run and you know he was like, “Yeah, former sugar daddy, this is what you’re not getting no more!” Then as he rounded the bases, he touched his rear with his fingers, made a sizzle sound and said, “Kiss my grits!” While the O’s were like, “Does he know we got top pitching prospects for him and just acquired Luis Robert Jr. for cash and he has the same number of homers as him?” Snap! They’re snapping back and forth. Keep things fresh. Also, fresh as in the fresh-faced, Roman Anthony (1-for-4) who hit his 3rd homer, and 2nd homer in two games. He’s come back from the IL smoking hot, and I am talking  about his hitting. I said the other day Trevor Story *could be* as good as Roman Anthony in a month. I merely meant it’s possible, because there’s not a lot of time left in the season, so don’t inflate value in Roman Anthony. Ya know, the guy with three homers on the year while Adley had two in one game. Snap! People are still snapping! But, remember, don’t have them filming an episode of the show, Snapped, of you being mad at a fantasy baseball blog. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jake Bennett – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.34. [not washing my hair for five years so I can pull off a white man with dreads] Ja-Be! Ja-Be! I hope you like Ja-Be too!

Nick Sogard – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, 2nd homer in a week. Fun fact! A basketball team can have a shooting or point Sogard. Awkward Segue Alert! Our preseason fantasy basketball is getting going. Think you can sign up for the RazzJam now if you like.

Luis Robert Jr. – 1-for-3 and his 11th homer. LouBob paying immediate dividends like this 401K! (401K is the number of strikeouts I banked on for my first pitcher drafted, Hunter Brown. He’s still got 308 in him in his remaining five starts, right?)

Pete Alonso – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 33rd homer. Albombso!

Brandon Young – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.42. I let the day’s performances dictate the opening, and there was a brief moment yesterday when I thought B. Young was going to B. Lede, and all I could think, “What on earth am I going to talk about with this boring guy?” Anyhoo! Streamonator.

Christian Encarnacion-Strand – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. Grabbed him for the O’s stint in Colorado, where they made all the Rockies’ pitchers look like [trying to think of a good Rockies’ pitcher]…uh, Jeff Francis, but I held CES for one more day, and now he homers. Lucky > Good.

Pete Crow-Armstrong – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 39th homer. Mentioned this on the podcast the other day, but, eff it, let’s do a rehash! If PCA gets to 40 homers, which I imagine he will, he will get a 40/40 season. If he hit 50 homers, he’d get a 50/50 season. It’s sorta like how Juan Soto started stealing like crazy last September. When players approach significant milestones, they suddenly turn it on. If PCA only needs a handful of steals, you better believe he’s getting them. No one in his position will get, say, 42 homers and hunker down at, like, 38 steals.

Kevin Gausman – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.38. Sonavabench! Oh well. Honestly, he’s lucky it wasn’t a sonavadrop in all my leagues and that I still have him on teams is more about the depth of my leagues vs. him doing anything worthwhile. Yes, I said he was lucky I didn’t drop him. That’s right; earn hundreds of millions of dollars playing a game, but what players really care about is whether I’ve dropped them in my league.

Ryan Rolison – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.93, as he got his 2nd save with Jacob Webb sidelined. Not sure how long Webb’s out for, but Palencia is unusable, so Ryan Rolison could get some saves, but he’s a lefty, so maybe Trent Thornton or Zeferjahn. No, Zeferjahn isn’t an arcane musical instrument.

Logan Henderson – 7 IP, 2 ER, 3 hits, zero walks 7 Ks, ERA at 2.48. After what the 1927 Cubs did to Harrison and Misiorowski, this feels like a huge victory, even if he took the loss. Wrigley is such an impossible place to trust starters because one moment it’s a pitchers’ park and the next it’s Whirly Field with 95-MPH winds.

Andrew Vaughn – 1-for-4 and his 6th homer. Brucely, I think it’s kinda cute if a 1st baseman has less homers than Vlad Jr. Quaint, really. Nostalgic. Of another time! Like of April when Vlad Jr. wasn’t dead-last in power for 1st baseman with 125 games played or more.

Heriberto Hernandez – 1-for-4 and his 23rd homer, 2nd homer in a week. Want to believe fully in Heriberto and how he’s on a 27/15/.230 pace for his first full season, but I also remember being burned by Kyle Stowers this year. The HardHit% is nice for Heriberto, and, yup, that was solid for Stowers too.

Agustin Ramirez – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer. Comatose Grey, “I just drafted Agustin in March as my 1st catcher in two-catcher leagues and I don’t think anything could make me happier than seeing him go 25/15. Maybe 30/20! Psyched! So, he just hit his third homer on Thursday, what is it, April 5th? 2nd week of the season? Was I Conk City for a week or two? Hey, why is everyone tiptoeing out of my hospital room?”

Sandy Alcantara – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.54. Sandy vs. the Royals is a tale as old as me in 3rd grade where I coronated Sandy Duncan and made her a Queen of my diorama. What, only me?

Carter Jensen – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 22nd homer, and 3rd homer in two games, and 4th homer in a week. Carter didn’t say, “Anybody want a peanut,” that was Andre the Giant. He did say he’s hot. Or I did, about him. Don’t get caught in semantics.

Cal Quantrill – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.79. In LABR, I’m in fourth place, and might be able to get to 2nd. Anyway, I had a one in WHIP, and now I have a two. Thank you, Cal Quantrill!

Corey Seager – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. Before or after 200th overall in 2027 drafts? Before 200? Oh, you’re doing that thing where you spin your nose on the handle of a bat and try to run, only you’re not trying to run but you’re trying to answer questions.

Shane McClanahan – 5 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.36. He threw only 72 pitches, which usually would send me to Twitter to see if I missed an injury, but I know with McClanahananananananan it’s just a short leash, and on Twitter I’ll just read how some people want to hogtie Shane for making them lose their bet.

Kade Anderson – 5 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.40. Glad I dropped him prior to this start. Kade can be an ace, but he’s a rookie and on a pitch count, so [raspberries lips].

Zack Gelof – 2-for-5, 2 runs and a slam (16) and legs (11), and 2nd homer in two games, and he’s not even in Bing Bong. Think I’m drafting Gelof in all leagues next year. I got too much love to give!

Blade Tidwell – 5 IP, 2 ER, 2 hits, 5 walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.43. Congrats on only giving up two earned runs while allowing five walks. Blade’d, I suppose.

Konnor Griffin – Could be activated today. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because I assume he’s rostered everywhere, but, if he’s not, grab Konnor.

Tanner Bibee – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.06. Early games yesterday went like this: Bad pitching and no good hitting. Weird afternoon of games. A slate of yuck and meh.

Anthony Santander – Jays manager, John Schneider, said Santander started hitting off live pitching. Not sure why he’s giving updates for players who retired three years ago.

Jose Soriano – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.52. Jo-So so-so. Streamonator says Soriano gets Bing Bong next, which is a start I would be very hesitant about. That leaves you with some tough options if you’re in a H2H playoff. At a certain point, you have to go for guy with a great matchup vs. a solid starter who got you here but has a terrible matchup.

Brett Bateman – 3-for-5, 1 run, hitting .330. Again, that’s .330 in 91 at-bats. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy column. [a baseball bat spins out, large font on the screen SPLAT!] Bateman!

Shohei Ohtani – Wasn’t in the lineup because he grimaces after every swing. Do you have a grimace category? Did you draft all Mets thinking it was a Grimace category but turned out to be a grimace as in a wince category?

Tarik Skubal – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.86 as he was out-pitched by Quinn Matthews – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.38. Great stuff from Skubal. An emoji that awkwardly salutes then high-fives itself.

Hunter Brown – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.31. Because it was a short schedule and not that many day games, I checked out Brown’s stats. I know he’s likely injured, but I thought maybe he’d have decent underlying stats. Um, ha. What is going on in Houston that they haven’t shut him down and sent him for the surgery he clearly needs? His stats? Let’s see, how about a 4.8 BB/9. Oh, yeah, that’s great! Definitely nothing odd there for a guy who had a 2.8 BB/9 last year. He’s basically out there ruining his arm with each start, and no one’s doing anything. Can you bet on whether someone will need surgery during Spring Training next year? Because if so, put a five spot on Brown.

Jose Altuve – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer. At 200 overall, are you in on Altuve in 2027? You are? You’re crazy. Little Joe Flow, as I started calling him in my mind, is done-zo. As the kids say, he is cooked, no cap. He’s a good yardstick to measure children for a rollercoaster, but otherwise nothing here.

Luis Castillo – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.57. Wonder if the White Sox could’ve traded for Reid Detmers at the deadline, because whatever this is with Luis Castillo isn’t working. It was never going to work either. They should piggyback him with a fox who wants to take him across a river.