Braves Call Up Their Next Wild Thing Marquis

Orlando Arcia went down with a hamstring strain and some teams would’ve just cobbled together a makeshift shortstop out of available major league pieces. A Frankenshortstop, so to speak. And it might’ve been fine, might’ve ran into a hot day or three from whoever they Ehire’d. That’s the kind of shizz other teams do! Not the Braves! I love the Braves for this, by the way. They promote their prospects like they’re Tim McGraw singing Live Like You’re Dying. They’re on a bull named Fu Manchu, and they promote their guys! Love it! Of course, sometimes with pitchers, they come up, surprise hitters for three to six months, then fade into obscurity, unable to handle setbacks. But who cares about that now? Their sticks come up and stick. Yesterday, they promoted Vaughn Grissom from Double-A, where he was 3/7/.363 in 22 games, after going 11/20/.312 in High-A. He appeared in Itch’s Top 50 prospects, and now appears on all of my teams, because I love me some rookie nookie! Plus, he got a slam (1) and legs (1) in his major league game (2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs), and the homer was an absolute moonshot over the Green Monster. Haven’t been that impressed by a Braves’ rookie debut since Jason Heyward’s! Okay, that’s not fair, but trying to put things in perspective. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Marcell Ozuna – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 20th homer, hitting .213. Braves are so stacked that Ozuna is now hitting 7th, and it kinda makes sense. Osenza, if you will.

Kyle Wright – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.14. He pitched well, saying he was spooked after being visited by a Ghost of Atlanta Young Pitchers Past recently, which was Ian Anderson wrapped in a ratty minor league hotel sheet.

Tommy Pham – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer, and 3rd homer in his last three games. Yesterday’s homer was for all the people who are staying up-to-date on our fantasy football ADP.

Kyle Lewis – Optioned to the minors. M’s preferred Dylan Moore and Jay Clam to Lewis, to which I say, “Damn, they really don’t like Lewis.”

Sam Haggerty – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer. *plays Van Halen’s Right Now on Guitar Hero, smashes a ping pong ball with the fake guitar* Look at me, I’m Sam Haggerty!

Carlos Santana – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. Oye como yay!

Robbie Ray – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 3 hits, 5 walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.77. So clearly should’ve been pulled before the 7th inning when he gave up the 2-run homer to Higashioka, that I went into a rage, and I Hulk-smashed my TV. So, I lost the win and my flat screen. Good stuff, guys!

Nestor Cortes – 6 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.67. He got blemished by David Lee Roth’s replacement then Woodstock ’69, but, guys and five girl readers, Cortes is having one helluva year. My goodness gracious, I say like Apu which gets me immediately canceled.

Aaron Judge – 1-for-2 and his 45th homer, hitting .304. Does it feel like he’s going to hit 70? As someone who lived thru McGwire, Sosa and later Bonds, it doesn’t to me. Over/under in my head is 60, but maybe I’m underestimating.

Joey Meneses – 2-for-3 and his 4th homer, and 3rd homer in three games. Hot schmotato alert!

Josiah Gray – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.81. Thinking about back in March betting on myself and grabbing Sonny, Josiah and Jon Gray, and wishing my last name was McClanahan.

Justin Steele – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.63. Streamonator? Sure, if you like, but start everyone vs. the Gnats.

Nico Hoerner – 2-for-4 and his 7th homer, hitting .301. His profile scares me so much, because I love it and I could see writing a sleeper post for him for next year, but I know if he misses just a little bit on the projections, he goes from 10/20/.300 to 5/14/.270 and is unrosterable. Will be an offseason battle with myself.

Touki Toussaint – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.70. It wouldn’t shock me to see one of the many Braves starters, who they’ve discarded just as quick as they called them up, come back to haunt them, but also: This game was vs. the Oakland A’ss.

Luis Rengifo – 1-for-5, and his 7th homer. Angels’ three-hole hitter continues to make good on the confidence Nevin’s showed in him, at least vs. lefties. He has a .955 OPS vs. lefties. This guy’s a regular Trout vs. southpaws.

JP Sears – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.30. When he debuted this year, I said, “JP Sears looked fantastic. He has a 93-95 MPH fastball, decent slider and change, and elite command. That’s the JP Sears catalog of pitches. Yanks also have five starters in the rotation, so we need a going out of business sales on Sears.” And that’s me quoting me! Guess what? A’s had a going out of business sale and acquired Sears in the Montas trade. Could see getting in on Sears if he’s going to be in the rotation. His stuff is intriguing.

Jed Lowrie – Designated for assignment. The A’s will need to construct a new identity without Lowrie on their team. My new identity vote is for “less crappy.”

Paul Blackburn – Hit the IL with inflammation of his middle finger. The injury occurred when someone cut him off on the 101.

J.D. Davis – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 7th homer, and 3rd homer since coming over about eight days ago. Which is a week if a Beatle is reading this.

Lance McCullers – Will start on Saturday for the Astros. It’ll be vs. the A’ss, which is about as cushy a matchup as you’re gonna find. A’ss cushy? That’s Oaktown booty, Sir Mix-A-Lot. Don’t trust McCullers at all though.

Kyle Tucker – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer. Mr. H2H poking his head in with a “Hey, whaddup, girl?”

Yordan Alvarez – 1-for-5 and his 31st homer. Captain Woo Cubano because guys also wanna have fun!

Nolan Arenado – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer, as he homered back in Coors off Austin Gomber. Here’s an original Denver Post clipping from the day us Rockies received Austin Gomber for Nolan Arenado and $50 million. It’s right over by this window–NOOOO!!! Torenado!

Albert Pujols – 4-for-5, 2, runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, or home run number 687. Kinda wish Pujols would stay on one more year with the Rockies to get to 700. Shoot, the Rockies would prolly play him over Cron for five more years.

Paul DeJong – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI. Colonel Mustard with a hot schmotato in the grocery store!

Sean Manaea – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.76. Man, this guy sucks. Is it me or are there more starters with a near-5 ERA this year or nah? Usually when I say that, I know it’s not me, but I think it might be this time.

Brandon Drury – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 22nd homer, hitting .268. Order, order, Brandon Rural-Juror is fifth in the order!

Austin Nola – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .247. He’s having a year like Michael Perez had a game, then was DFA’d.

MJ Melendez – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. Ya know all the crazy hype about Varsho this year because he had catcher eligibility and he was going to play in the outfield? Or really any player who has catcher eligibility and plans to plays elsewhere in the field. Yeah, I’m gonna join in that enthusiasm next year for Melendez.

Kris Bubic – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.02. Fun fact! Whenever an announcer pronounces his name “Boob-itch,” I giggle.

Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.91. Thinking about how I should’ve drafted Cueto and Quintana in every league instead of Giolito and Manaea and then walking into the ocean at high tide.

Max Muncy – 1-for-2 and his 13th homer, and 2nd homer in the last two games, and third homer in the last four games, and he’s rostered in 85% of leagues, so I think he’s rostered everywhere he should be, but if he’s available in your league, he’s absolutely turned it on. My guess is he’s rostered on the team in last that abandoned their team in May.

Chris Taylor -1-for-3 and his 7th homer. He played three games in July; four games in August; do I hear five games in September?

Seranthony Dominguez – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.52, and his 8th save. Kinda ignored it when Seranthony got the save on Tuesday. I was like, “Meh, Rob Thomson was reminiscing about the time he performed for him at the Golden Globes afterparty,” but now he’s got two saves in two games, and I don’t know. Why can’t managers just appoint a closer and keep that closer? Rhetorical! I guess I’ll put this as a 50/50 share between him and Robertson, but it could easily move more in Seranthony’s favor, or the opposite.

Tyler Naquin – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 10th homer, and, like, his 17th homer in the last week. He’s already in this week’s Friday Buy, which is already available on our Patreon.

Taijuan Walker – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.43. If a guy can look meh in a Quality Start, Walker looked super meh. Thanks to the Reds for this start. Or thanks to the Meds, if a Diaz family member is reading:

Unable to choose a favorite, Alexis and Edwin Diaz family in Meds jerseys pic.twitter.com/Eo9KkZNF8c

— Razzball (@Razzball) August 9, 2022

Wander Franco – Could begin taking batting practice as soon as Friday. That means rehab assignment next week for a week, then returning around end of August, or beginning of September. Please let it mean that.

Yu Chang – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer. Hasn’t been doing much, but will watch to see if this is the start of something. Speaking of watches, time may Chang Yu, but Yu can’t Chang time.

Randy Arozarena – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer. The Rice Bowl doesn’t have great power, which is what I say as I once again marvel that Christian Yelich has eight homers. He’s not even in double digits so I have to spell out the number, says Strunk & White.

Jeffrey Springs – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.56. I hate how I didn’t even have to look at the box score or the game to know Springs went either 4 2/3 IP or 5 IP. Can Cash at least give a guy who’s been in the rotation for three months the chance to throw 100? Jesus effin’ Aguilar.

Brandon Woodruff – 7 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.52. Speaking of workhorses (I’m using my sarcastic font), this was officially the longest start of Woodruff’s season. I don’t have Woodruff, because he was being drafted too high, so honestly I had no idea he hadn’t gone 6 2/3 IP at any point this year. That’s pretty yawnstipating. How do people continue to claim you should pick a top starter in drafts? Because, no matter the results each year, they will say it. Prolly because most of the people saying it are already onto fantasy football.

Madison Bumgarner – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.13 vs. Mitch Keller – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.25. This matchup was Keller vs. Bum, or How I Wish I Couldn’t See How Ass Madison Is.

Rodolfo Castro – Being investigated by MLB because, while sliding into third, his iPhone fell out of his pocket. No electronic devices are allowed on the field of play, so, that’s right, Rodolfo Castro is gonna get busted for playing Angry Birds on the bench.