Went over this a little this morning with my general September call-ups for fantasy baseball (clickbait!) writings/stylings/gibberish. I’m not enthused by the guys headed to the majors this September. Look at what happened this year with Yoan Moncada. He had to be held down an extra month due to a September call-up. Of course, if, say, Harrison Bader walks on water straight down Broad Street, grabs a Philly cheesesteak, burps in Rhysus’ face, hits a 885-mile turn to the Gateway Arch and wrecks havoc in St. Louis, then by all means I’m grabbing him. With that said (finally!), Tyler Glasnow should be up any day now. In Triple-A, he’s been pitching strictly from the stretch, and it’s made all the difference in his mechanics. He’s compiled a 13.5 K/9 (!), 2.21 xFIP and he throws 95 MPH. 131 Ks to only 31 walks in 87 1/3 IP! Sign me up pronto, Tonto. Of course, in mixed leagues, I’m still viewing him mostly as a matchups guy for the final month, but I’d stash everywhere for (Glas)now. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Welington Castillo – Boeuf’s been crazy hot, and should be owned in more places. Business Idea Alert! A restaurant that specializes in offal, organ meat and whatnot. Call the place, Happy Entrails To You. Then all the commercials are parodies of music videos with the Armenian restaurant owner singing. Here he is doing Nirvana, “Here we are now, entrails and such!” Think this idea has legs? Nope, but it’s got guts!
Francisco Mejia – Went over Mejia this morning in a blurb that was one part Shakespeare and two parts other old dude who people respect. If you click on Mejia’s name, you’ll be magically transported to all of his previous mentions. Abracadabra!
Greg Bird – Like Magic Johnson, I feel wronged by Bird. I loved in him in the preseason, and he pulled a Kotchman for five months. I guess I’d own him now, but you have to platoon him. (By the way, Pulling a Kotchman is, like, our 3rd oldest glossary term, and, unless Kotchman does something horrific in real life, I’m going to keep using it, even as people come to the site who were born after Kotchman played. Some day in the distant future, I want Kotchman’s entire claim to fame to be he had mono for 18 months.)
Matt Olson – Good for power, and giving Clark Kent scoops!
Kolten Wong – My need for MI sleepers is such a blind spot all I can think about is Wong for 2018. That’s not what she said ever!
Wilmer Difo – Just think, you can grab Olson and Wilmer Difo and tell people you’re putting together a DC Comics/Marvel crossover with Clark Kent’s buddy and the Green Goblin in a road movie to lose Olson’s virginity called, The Last American Goblin.
Ian Happ – It’s a bit of a PITA to have to platoon Happ in and out of the lineup, but if your power numbers have falafallen, grab him.
Willie Calhoun – Our prospect and main podcast co-host, Halp, loves Willie Calhoun. With good reason, he’s hit 29 homers this year in Triple-A, with power to all fields. My main problem with Calhoun, and why I didn’t put him in the lede this week over Glasnow, do the Rangers bench Choo outright? I mean, I’d like to see it, but will they? Seems unlikely.
Luis Valbuena – The problem with Valbuena. Dot dot dot. Everything. Though, he is hot.
Franklin Barreto – I got no love for Barreto. Whether played by Robert Blake or not. He looks like the makings of another A’s Mehburger. In a September call-up, maybe he gets hot and steals a few bases and homers a couple of times. I’m mostly looking at him in AL-Only leagues.
J.P. Crawford – Phils are talking about promoting J.P. some time early next week. *looks at his minor league numbers* Well, at least he’ll get some playing time, so if you have a league with ABs as a category. I’m more annoyed Galvis will be benched a bit now, but that’s a personal problem and you shouldn’t concern yourself. Wait, you are concerned? That’s so sweet! Come here and sit on my lap. Metaphorically! Get off my lap, weirdo!
Harrison Bader – His minor league numbers are actually interesting (unlike Barreto, Crawford, and their ilk). In Triple-A, Bader has 20 HRs, 15 SBs and a .283 average. Unfortch, I’m not sure I see how he gets everyday playing time.
Kevin Kiermaier – Now this guy has playing time up the wazoo! By the way, if you ever say ‘up the wazoo’ in real life, someone should stick their foot up your wazoo. Kiermaier is a decent contributor for five categories, with no standout cats. Also, don’t abbreviate categories with cats in real life either.
Scott Schebler – Bit surprised to see him owned in so few leagues, but he did struggle with a shoulder injury for around six weeks (and still is going to get to 30 homers; yup, no juiced baseballs here!).
Jack Flaherty – As I said this morning, “Flaherty is must SCTV! But he’s kinda more to do with matchups.” And that’s me quoting me! With that said, his matchups are tasty for at least his first two starts.
Blake Treinen – For some reason, the A’s keep bringing Treinen into the 8th inning for 4-plus out saves, which makes me think they’re trying to catch Michael Lewis’ eye for a book about new ways to use a bullpen or they want Treinen to get hit hard. Hoping it’s the former, but think it might be the latter.
Blake Parker – If you sent your mom to your fantasy draft, and your mom really liked the name Blake, you’d have more closers now than if you drafted Aroldis and Melancon.
Jake McGee – I drink a Boost for breakfast, an Ensure for dessert. Somebody ordered pancakes, I just picked up C. Rupp. Sorry, was just celebrating Yeezy’s 12-year-anniversary on Late Registration. Twelve years ago, I didn’t know where I was headed. Now, I’m begging people to signup for our fantasy football tools. Ah, life choices! Plus, segue! Oh, and McGee is the Rox closer, until further notice.
Shane Greene – Getting the feeling that Greene is going to get relegated to setup duty next year by some terrible offseason acquisition, then that offseason acquisition will be as ineffective as everyone predicted and Greene will be the closer again next year by July. Hey, my Magic Eight Ball is vaguely exact!
Rougned Odor – Headed for a 32 HR, 15 SB season, which is exactly what we expected from him. That it’s coming with a .210 average is unacceptable. I want to get Odor drunk, then when he passes out, put a Bautista jersey on him, so, when he wakes up, he punches himself in the face. I hate Odor so much, I feel like a perfume tester that was wrongly terminated and now is in a five-year lawsuit trying to get compensation. If I thought Odor eaters would eat Odor, I’d put salt and pepper on Odor’s head and let those eaters go to town. Such a huge disappointment I might never want anything to do with him again (who am I kidding? Of course, I’m going to draft him again). I’m glad I have parenthetical blindness, because if that parenthetical says what I think it does, I will throw my computer out the window.