As Jeff Probst once said, “Turnabout is Johnny Fairplay,” which was his mashup of Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart line, “Turn around, bright eyes,” which was co-opted by a children’s toy commercial with, “Turn around, Rainbow Brite eyes,” which was Elmore Leonard’s original name for a pedophile, which he changed to short eyes, and short people have big reason to smile, unless they’re not wearing shoes and, yesterday, Matt Shoemaker threw a one-hitter into the 8th inning.  *takes a breath, bows, exits like Tommy from this season of MasterChef*  And scene!  So, Shoemaker returned from the minors yesterday and did exactly what we’d hoped from him since March — 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He will remain in the rotation, but I wouldn’t indiscriminately add him in all leagues.  I would give him a shot in his next start in Oakland, and go one start at a time from there.  While you’re wearing the kid gloves for Shoemaker, hopefully you don’t accidentally Like an Instagram post from two years ago by someone you once dated that you’re now stalking.  Been there!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

David Freese – Expected to be activated early next week.  A’la bad Schwarzenegger puns, “Sounds like Mr. Freese is starting to thaw.”

Randy Wolf – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Score that one for Team Jacob!

Adrian Gonzalez – Left yesterday’s game with a bruised knee.  He seemed dejected like he had a bruised kneego.

Yasiel Puig – Left yesterday’s game after re-injuring his hamstring.  You’d think a guy by the name of Puig would know how to handle hamstrings.  I think next year I’m going to rank everyone, then wrap bacon around a dart and throw it at my rankings and that’s where Puig will go.  As long as it’s after the top 100.

Zack Greinke – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks.  He has a 1.61 ERA as he heads into September.  When your ERA is near the legal BAC for Alaskans (Hey, what else you doing there?  This also explains voting for Palin.), you’re having a pretttttay, pretttttay good year.

Anthony DeSclafani – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.84.  Wasn’t Laverne’s, from Laverne & Shirley, last name DeSclafani?  Sorry, my advertisers say I need to skew more millennial.  Wasn’t the secretary on Moonlighting named Ms. DeSclafani?   What, there’s reruns?  As for DeSclafani’s fantasy value, well, it’s been a dream of a season, and he’s still not very good.

Marco Estrada – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. Yovani Gallardo 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks in Arlington as JB, our fantasy basketball editor and Brewers fan, sang, “All my exes threw in Texas.”

Ben Revere – 3-for-4 and his 25th steal.  For those curious, no, there was absolutely no offense during the day yesterday in any game.  As for Revere, he’s hitting over .400 in the last week.  Don’t love that he’s been relegated to the bottom of the lineup and he won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but if you’re need some SAGNOF, I’m not hatin’, I’m liberatin’.

Aaron JudgeYankees have no plans to call up Judge.  That’s usually what a club announces three days before they call up a prospect.  I’m only half kidding.  The Lily Tomlin half.

Carlos Rodon – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.15.  Frequent commenter, Mrs. Featherbottom said of yesterday’s White Sox uniforms, “In the immortal words of Hawk Harrelson, it’s a, ‘He Gown!'”

Adam Eaton – 3-for-3, 3 runs.  Eaton equals runs, says the man with IBS.

Franklin Gutierrez – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer.  Oh, man, imagine The Big FraGu ever faces DeSclafani.  The world will explode.  Millennials have no idea what I’m talking about.  The Big FraGu has been kinda hot (.350-ish in the last week and two homers eight games ago), but he’s more of a platoon player.

Fernando Rodney – Acquired by the Cubs.  Random prediction alert!  Somehow, some way, Rodney will be this year’s Bartman.  Whether it’s a 2-2 game in the 14th inning and Billy Hatcher comes up or if it’s just a 5-4 game in the 7th that becomes a 12-4 game.  Something will happen.

Matt Duffy – Day-to-day with an ankle sprain.  Use the left Frankenfielder’s ankle and get out there!

Kelby Tomlinson – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer.  Kelby Tomlinson sounds like a running back, but, hey, I’m no fantasy football aficionado, I’m more of aficionado of Arenado.  Uh-oh, I feel a rhyme coming on.  Watch out, here comes my rap alter ego, B. Fire, as I take you higher like Altuve on a ladder.  You were out wearing camo fatigues, dolling your hair up like Cheryl Tiegs, wishing you stole orange futures from Clarence Beeks.  Go ahead, speaks.  Too late, your breath reeks and your hair’s got more spikes than lemon meringue peaks.   I got onions and your sink’s got leeks.  Just because you’re overweight wearing a 76er jersey doesn’t mean you have Mo Cheeks.  Dropping another sport’s reference?  It’s not my preference, but I can rhyme Jerome Bettis with diabetes.

Marlon Byrd – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 21st homer, hitting .238.  Is it a coincidence that Byrd showed up in San Fran and The Gangly Manbird disappeared?  No, no it’s not.  Then did you see who finished the game for the Giants?  Osich?  It’s a disguised ostrich!

Madison Bumgarner – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.97.  Um, yeah, sure, whatever.  What did he do in his two at-bats?  One single and no homers?  Then he failed!

Nori Aoki – 1-for-3, 1 run and his 14th steal, after homering on Wednesday.  Worth cyclops’ing to see if he’s a rising schmotato.

Adam Jones – Day-to-day after he ran into the fence.  Adamerado, why don’t you come to your senses?  You need to stop running into fences.  Oh, your head is a hard one.  I know that you have your reasons.  These things that you are defensing can hurt you somehow.

Ryan Flaherty – 1-for-4 and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games.  Or was it Chris Davis wearing a Flaherty jersey?  Mmm-hmm.

Wade Davis – 1 IP, 0 ER in the 8th, lowering his ERA to 1.01, then followed by Greg Holland 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA up to 3.92.  I could see a few things happening here.  A) The Royals say Holland is hurt and send him to the DL.  B) Davis just replaces him. C) There’s no C. D) They continue to leave Holland as the closer for the rest of the season, then in the playoffs, they make Davis the closer because they have to win, and Davis stays the closer into next year.  E) Is the terrible actor from Entourage that somehow continues to find work.

Paulo Orlando – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer.  I was thisclose to making him my batty call yesterday, but instead went with Cuddyer and Venable.  Lowercase yay.

Yordano Ventura – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks.  Some people ask me if I’d start a guy, ignoring the Stream-o-Nator.  Honestly, I don’t ignore the Stream-o-Nator, so most times I just go with that.  If you don’t want to buy the tool, it’s all good, I’ll tell you my opinion on whether I’d start someone, but at least give me the matchup, which means also including if a guy is at home, because beyond who the team is they’re facing, the most important thing for a pitcher is pitching at home.

Mike Moustakas – 3-for-4, 1 run, 2 RBIs.  Is there anyone else that is hotter right now?  Not likakasly!

Alex Rios – 3-for-4.  He has two homers on the year.  Bumgarner almost has three times as many.  Imagine a carpool of Rios and Hanley Ramirez.  They’d both sit in the passenger seat for two weeks until firemen Jaws of Life the door open to get them out.

Jon Niese – 6 IP, 5 ER vs. Aaron Harang 6 IP, 5 ER.  This matchup was billed as Ugly vs. Ugly Unless He Does Something About His Nose.  The Harangutan meets The Anteater.  The Nose Shadow vs. Please Stand In A Shadow.

Travis d’Arnaud – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer.  Member how long you waited to add The Beef?  Well, if you wait that long with d’Arnaud he won’t be doing anything by the time you pick him up.

Kelly Johnson – 1-for-6 and his 12th homer.  Johnson’s one of those players that you would never pick up no matter what I say, so let’s move on.

Yoenis Cespedes – 1-for-6, 2 RBIs and his 26th homer, and 6th homer this week (!).  Cespedes might have 100 legs, but right now all of them are hitting.  Long live The Human Cespedes!

Curtis Granderson – 4-for-6, 2 runs.  Hey, a Met with more than one hit, mazel, mazel!  That’s what happens when you go seven innings without any runs in the middle of a 13-inning game.

Joe Ross – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Considering the Nats’ playoff hopes are hanging by a thread, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Ross shut down after another start or two.  There’s just no reason to push him further.

Ryan Zimmerman – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .224.  This was his 2nd homer in three games.  Well, I wouldn’t necessarily enjoy owning him, but if he’s hitting, he’s worth it.

Jayson Werth – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th homer, hitting .205.  If the Nats don’t start Taylor next year in front of Werth, it’ll be a crime.  Though, this will likely be a moot point, because Werth will likely get hurt trying to do the Whip and Nae Nae.

Gerrit Cole – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Marlins.  Too bad Greinke’s likely walking away with the Cy Young, because Cole has turned every ounce of pressure into a diamond.

Pedro Alvarez – 1-for-3 and his 21st homer.  I had him in the lineup for this game, and was happy to see him homer, but, wow, the Pirates are platooning the shizz out of him.  I mean, even when a weak righty entered the game in the 7th, the Pirates removed Alvarez.  Kinda kills all his value if he’s only hanging with the LLAMAS.

Jose Fernandez – According to the Marlins manger, Dan Jennings, Fernandez had a “wow” bullpen session.  Let’s just refresh your memory here.  Dan Jennings’s previous managerial experience, prior to the Marlins job, was in Little League.  That is not a joke.  He was hired because he’s a Loria lackey.  I don’t want to yell fire in the theater of Razzball, but if Fernandez is rushed back, and has another arm injury this year, it could be career-threatening.  We joke about Mattingly and other managers, mostly Mattingly, but Jennings is legitimately dangerous and needs to be stopped or replaced by Ken Jennings, that guy knows everything!

Christian Yelich – Sat out yesterday with a bruised knee.  Speaking of Dan Jennings’ Little League experience, he coached Yelich in Little League.  Two years ago.

Giancarlo Stanton – Will take batting practice on Monday.  I’ll be there in a duffel bag with the sign, “Don’t Sit On Me.”

Justin Nicolino – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 1 K.  Fun fact!  Snookie’s parents said if she was a boy, they would’ve named her Nicolino.

Eduardo Escobar – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 8th homer, and his 3rd homer in two days.  Hot schmotato alert!

Desmond Jennings – Headed back to the DL due to his surgically-repaired knee.  Or I should say, knee in surgical-disrepair.

Logan Forsythe – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 15th homer.  This year, Forsythe has been the epitome of a guy that you Ron Popeil in deep leagues and are totally happy with, but are yawnstipated to death in shallower leagues.

Drew Smyly – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  Smyly isn’t the emoji I’m thinking of.  More like an emoji of someone kicking my nuts.  Hey, so you tried the Smyly thing, but in most leagues, I’d either drop him or wouldn’t start him until he showed something.

Jose Berrios – Struck out 12 in seven scoreless innings in Triple-A.  In related news, the Twins have one major league capable starter on their major league roster.

Carlos Martinez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Yeah, we’re about 14 innings over where he should’ve been shut down.

Brandon Moss – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer as a Cardinal and 16th homer overall, as he hits .212.  I had a bet with myself that Moss actually retired in July and had been wheeling a sack of potatoes wearing his jersey out to the field.  Looks like I won that bet, because the only loser is Moss.

Adam WainwrightCardinals GM told Wainwright to “pump the brakes” on talk of his return.  Are we sure that’s a good idea?  He has a heel injury.

  1. Ante GALIC says:
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    Fantasy Master Lothario!!

    a. Did you know that in Jamaica (and most of Africa) you are known as Fantasy Masta Lothario? It’s good to know in case you ever make a foray to those locations.

    b. Technically you’d be wrong because it’s pronounced dia-BEAT-us. Just kidding, man! Fab rap, I got hard thinking of Cheryl Tiegs.

    c. NORM MACDONALD quote of the day:

    ‘Have you seen this cool video? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ofq_nl366VM). This raises the question. Where is a Somali pirate when you need one?’

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Scott says:
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      @Ante GALIC: Sears catalog, bathing suit section. Good times.

      • Ante GALIC says:
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        @Grey: You have to watch the video in order to understand the quote. The video is an intrinsic part of the quote. It’s a guy doing free-canoeing to ‘Lady in Red’ by Chris DeBerg. Must see tv!!

        Cheers,
        Ante

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Is that the official video for that song? It should be!

          • Ante GALIC says:
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            @Grey: The special part of the video is the applause for the perfect circles he makes for the refrain. Classic!

            Cheers,
            Ante

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Those are perfect circles too, how does he do that?

              • Ante GALIC says:
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                @Grey: The second best part of the performance is how he times his reverse motion. Canoeing at its best. How he does the donuts took a lot of practice I guess. He has his daughter to thank for the extra practice.

                Cheers,
                Ante

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  I imagine he’s a perfectionist and he’s still working on his circles, no matter how perfect they look to us

  2. Twice on Muesday says:
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    Rumor has it Giancarlo is jelly of your arenado rhyme and suffered a mental setback

    Any chance we can share another bond like Compton with Narcos! ?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Twice on Muesday: We don’t get jealous of each other, we share common goal and dreams…

  3. Manley Ramirez says:
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    Everyone knows the Cardinals are a wonderfully run organization full of class act 110% professional right way pros who always make smart decisions. So let them worry about C-Mart. Personally, I think the line he put up against a league-best offense in an extreme hitter’s park is prettay, prettay good. Besides, *takes long snort off table* I NEED THIS! JUST A FEW MORE BABY!

    • Raphael Gray says:
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      @Manley Ramirez:

      Class act organization… until they get caught hacking other team’s databases. LMAO.

      • Mobin Couldn't Hack It says:
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        @Raphael Gray: anybody stupid enough to not change their passwords (and this appears to be the exact way this occurred) when they move from a franchise to a different one gets exactly what they deserve, it’s like when a team figures out the hand signs used by catchers and pitches get tipped, or steal signs, it’s the fault of the team getting read. If this was poker it’s the equvalent of not having a poker face and the good player can read your cards by your face, NOT the equvalent of looking into somebody’s hole cards while they were in the bathroom

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Manley Ramirez: I guess, but it’s been pretty documented that C-Mart should be shut down

  4. hondo says:
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    Actually Kelby Tomlinson sounds like Tiffany the strippers real name.She’s from the Midwest and likes sunsets,puppies and sweaty fat guys who show class by giving her a 5 spot after groping her.

    • Evgeni Eckhart says:
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      @hondo: I’d follow her on Instagram.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @hondo: Is that the same Tiffany I’m thinking of?

    • Mobin Couldn't Hack It says:
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      @hondo: 5 tips for non-private lap dances is a VERY good tip in most midwest places. not the badly priced ones of course.

  5. Mrs.Featherbottom says:
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    5th! and a Plug!

    Bartlett pears:

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Mrs.Featherbottom: Hey, I was watching MC last night and had a sudden moment of clarity… Could you ask Katrina to be on our podcast to talk MC?

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: didn’t we already ask featherbooty about this….manicotti!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Did we? Can someone make this happen then?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          BTW, I called who was going home

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Grey: every carnivore in America called that….now, who is next, I say steven

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Nah, Steven’s above Katrina

              • J-FOH says:
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                @Grey: I’m craving manicotti bad right now….you?

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Not if you’ve ever eaten real Italian food… The pasta looked good, and you can do filling that fast, but you can’t make sauce in an hour…That was just canned sauce with salt and pepper

                  • J-FOH says:
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                    @Grey: agree on the sauce but it doesnt take away my desire for manicotti, which I havent had in probably 20 years, and is really like an italian version of a enchilada

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Yeah, not a dish you get often, but so good when you do

                    • J-FOH says:
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                      this all raises on very important question…..when you making lasagne again? I’m like Garfield over here waiting in anticipation

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      I’ll make it in November, I need a full day

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Actually, maybe October, depends on weather too

                  • Mrs.Featherbottom says:
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                    @Grey: I made a dish similar to Derrick’s Cauliflower/Coconut mash thing the other night – was pleasantly surprised.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Wait, which one was that?

                    • Mrs.Featherbottom says:
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                      @Mrs.Featherbottom: I used cauliflower, coconut milk, cayenne and dried shredded coconut flakes. Boiled the veg, then threw it in the food processor with a can of coconut milk, added cayenne salt and the shredded coconut. Turned out pretty awesome.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Ah…I don’t like how that sounds, but will take your word for it

          • Mrs.Featherbottom says:
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            @Grey: You did call it. I can ask her, got a meeting right now, but will get to it later today.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Thanks, Feather!

              • Mrs.Featherbottom says:
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                @Grey: Sent her a message – will let you know what she says. I know she is a Brewers fan as well.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Nice, thanks!

  6. Bocephus says:
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    Odds that Berrios gets a call up soon? Any way you would stash him over Corbin?
    Thanks!

    • Bill says:
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      @Bocephus: I was going to ask the same question, and I will even add a Chris Tillman. So, drop either Tillman or Corbin to stash Berrios? What say you?

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Drop Tillman

  7. El Famous Burrito says:
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    Previous Dan Jennings Exclamations of Pleasant Surprise:

    WOW, they put ketchup AND mustard on my hot dog! For NO CHARGE!

    A zero-calorie Cola? I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!

    Mom, guess where I’m calling you from….my car! On a cell-yoo-lar telephone! I know, it’s CRAZY!

  8. 740 says:
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    nice read Grey….10team h2h 5×5.

    please pick one. Joc, Ozuna, Avisail, PIllar, Josh Harrison, Aoki, Bradley Jr, Rusney?

    gracias Amigo!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @740: Thanks! Ozuna, depends on needs

  9. Roman says:
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    Adameradoooooooooooooooooooooooo, oh, you ain’t getting no younger!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Roman: You need to stop chasing fencesssssssss!

  10. Cram It says:
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    Is there a Razz term for a guy who he’s a much better real life player than fantasy? I submit that Daniel Murphy would be the -est of them all.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Cram It: Good call, I’m all ears on the term

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: murphy is a reality star

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Daniel?

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Grey: yes daniel, like all reality stars, they can’t act, but they are good TV for reality shows

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              It’s a streeeetch

              • J-FOH says:
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                @Grey: I’m not naming. You are the reality television expert. Channel that to name murph

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  So-real World?

              • Cram It says:
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                @Grey: I was trying to work in a baseball term to a hot actress’s ugly character. Like Lotte Schwartz.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Ha, that’s pretty solid, but there’s gotta be a more obvious one… Aileen Wuornos?

                  • Cram It says:
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                    @Grey: I thought about her, but she’s a real person. I was going for the real actress/fake character play.

      • Cram It says:
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        @Grey: Muriel Hesbat?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          You lost me on that one, who’s that? What about Josie Geller?

          • Cram It says:
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            @Grey: Yeah too obscure. Pennsatucky?

            Josie Geller would work, if Drew Barrymore was good looking. Huzzah!

            Probably too difficult to work a baseball term into the actual name.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Ooh, Pennsatucky is solid… I could people saying she’s not pretty in real life though…. Like Barrymore… Daniel Murphy is a Pennsatucky?

              • Cram It says:
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                @Grey: On second thought, I guess Murph isn’t that hot in real life either, so he shouldn’t be on the pedestal with the likes of Charlize Theron. I’m satisfied with the Josie Geller parallel.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Geller or Pennsatucky? Pennsatucky feels more current, though not sure that make sit better or worse

                  • Sky

                    Sky says:
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                    I’m now being reminded of Shallow Hal because of this thread. Not that Paltrow is my kinda thing but that fat suit…yeah…

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Good call, that’s definitely one… How about Talia Shire in the original Rocky? Huh?

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
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                      Add glasses = nerd/unattractive. Sounds like a Freddie Prinze, Jr movie.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Ooh, ooh! She’s All That/Pygmalion

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
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                      ‘zactly. I take umbrage with the ‘add glasses, make ugly’ algorithm. Trust me when I say, it’s not the glasses that ruin it for me.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      I can do without cat glasses though

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
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                      This video may make you reconsider:

                      Let me know how you feel about cat glasses after your seizure is over.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Out of 8,000 people currently watching that video, 7,999 are Asian teenagers

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
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                      The rest of us non-furries are watching the human girl version, of course. You can google it if you’re inclined but yeah, it’s 30 seconds of the same thing with an attractive, semi-naked hot girl.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      How did you know I was dressed up in my raccoon costume?

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
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                      Not to get technical, but its a Tanooki Suit and you’re going to the San Diego Comic-Con, of course. DUH!

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Tanooki Suit is my new favorite Google search, thank you

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
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                      Super Mario Bros! That was my jam.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Me too, I really want one of these Tanooki hoodies

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
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                      Tanooki Hoodie I’d totally wear. I’d just have to be leery of someone yiffing me on the street.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      We should get matching ones for spring training!

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
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                      Luigi and Mario! You need to gain a little tummy, I have tall and lean covered over here.

                    • J-FOH says:
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                      how about Bea Arthur in anything

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      I think you’re missing the point

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
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                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Ha!

                    • J-FOH says:
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                      I was skimming…..was talia shire ever considered hot? IMO Cameron Diaz is not hot…kinda weird looking these days and by these days I mean the last ten years

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      That was the idea behind them

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
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                      Cameron Diaz was always kinda weird looking. Works in the modelling world, not in the aging actress world; let me go on record as saying I’ve never been overly interested in putting ‘hair gel’ in her hair, personally. Talia Shire was attractive, but I wouldn’t go as far as hot. But Grey has his things as do I. Was always a Kate Winslet fan despite everyone saying she was ‘meh’.

                      Charlize Theron to Aileen Wuernos is probably the match here but in terms of making a real ‘term’, it’s hard for me to fathom how to build around it.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
                      (link)

                      Diaz has terrible acne in person…I passed her on an escalator for two seconds and was like, “Damn.”

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
                      (link)

                      I never got the appeal minus her eyes. Not surprised about the acne. I always thought when watching her in Vanilla Sky: ‘she’s not acting…crazy clingy because you saw her the morning after and thought YIKES’

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
                      (link)

                      Yeah, never been of her outside of Mary

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
                      (link)

                      I appreciated Vanilla Sky but her part wasn’t really big. She was more plot device than character.

                    • J-FOH says:
                      (link)

                      SKy….HA!

                      Grey, so her face looks like caltrans needs to work on it

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
                      (link)

                      Ha! Nice… Yeah, this was a while ago, but it scarred me for life (and her).

                    • J-FOH says:
                      (link)

                      if she wasn’t such a crappy actress then I could see her being more attractive but with that criteria out there I’m saying I would rather bang Meryl Streep

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
                      (link)

                      Meryl has that weird hollywood doppleganger Jennifer Ehle who’s pleasant looking. It’s all in the nose with Meryl for the most part…that said, that doesn’t harm Natascha Mcelhone much.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
                      (link)

                      She also has her daughter that looks like her

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
                      (link)

                      Streep Jr…

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
                      (link)

                      was supposed to say ‘POOR Streep Jr’…

                    • J-FOH says:
                      (link)

                      I also think with Meryls superior acting chops she could fake her boredum during our two and half minute romp and I’d bye it where Cameron could fool me that I was terrible

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
                      (link)

                      Meryl would totally Meg Ryan you a la When Harry Met Sally.

                      Diaz would just call you Timberlake the whole time.

                  • Cram It says:
                    (link)

                    @Grey: Sheesh, I go to lunch and miss everything. Your call Bossman. I just enjoy the conversation.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
                      (link)

                      mmm…lunch

  11. Ty says:
    (link)

    Mad rhymes yo! Damn I feel old when I get the Lavern and Shirley, Moonlighting and Lilly Tomlin blurbs. Does Razzball even have an Instagram account? If you want to see colorful water photography i’m on there @Tynez_ Great write-up G!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Ty: Thanks! We’re all old Ty, but I’m one day younger

      • Ty says:
        (link)

        @Grey: HA!

  12. Sideshow says:
    (link)

    W Puig injury is Carl Crawford even mildly interesting in deeper league?

  13. Scott says:
    (link)

    That’s weird about Alvarez. Usually they start him against Righties. I was surprised they started him yesterday against a Lefty, after having sitting him against Lefties for the last month or two.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Scott: Yeah, that’s true, his PT is a shizzshow

  14. gbwr82 says:
    (link)

    Is it about time to drop Hanley for the playoffs? He has been unbearable since the all star break.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @gbwr82: Are you picking your nose? Yeah, I could see it on Hanley

  15. Wilsonian says:
    (link)

    Bruce Rondon or Doolittle?

    16 Team H2H – W, L, SV, KS, KS/9, ERA, WHIP

      • Wilsonian says:
        (link)

        @Grey: The Bruce Rondon or Aroydis Vizcaino?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Rondon

  16. SallyCips says:
    (link)

    Loooove when I pick up someone (Flores) to start for a day-to-dayer (Crawford) and he doesn’t start either.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @SallyCips: Yeah, I enjoyed Cuddyer’s production yesterday too

  17. Dangerfield51 says:
    (link)

    I need one of these for my final start this week…who is the safest. 10 team H2H points.

    Owens @ Mets
    Chacin Home vs Oak.
    Happ Home vs Col
    McCullers @ Minn

    IP +3, K +1, BB -1, H -1, ER -2, W +7, QS +3, L -3.

    I know non are good but these are best available. IMO between Happ and McCullers.
    Grey what do you think?
    Thanks.

  18. John coakley says:
    (link)

    Flores and Ketel are available and I have Kang’s playing time being distributed to mercer and others….Mattingly style. Time to drop him or hold to get clarity? I am in playoffs which start in ten days so I can be patient. Or maybe I get rid of Hanley who gives me heartburn (nice trade for Liriano btw).

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @John coakley: Ha…If you need runs and speed, Ketel… Power Flores

      • John says:
        (link)

        @Grey:

        Thanks! Kang has been great but I guess it is time to move in!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          No problem

  19. Trump Y'all says:
    (link)

    You have to think anyway, so why not think big? – The Donald

    I’m thinking big. I need to pick up one streamer to get me some points this weekend or its good bye cotton-candy hairdo. Please pick one, they all suck.

    Robbie Ray vs OAK @AZ
    WIly Peralta vs CIN @MIL
    Danny Duffy vs @TB

    According to almighty SON, Ray sucks the least @$1.5.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Trump Y’all: “I make jobs for lots of people who make me lots of money who all love me”

      Ray

      • Trump Y'all says:
        (link)

        @Grey: I’m the white Kanye!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          You’re the white everyman!

  20. The People's Strudel says:
    (link)

    Grey,

    With Puig deciding now is as good of as a time as ever to re-injure himself, which RF would you recommend for the immediate pickup:
    Byrd, Orlando, Hunter, Werth, Venable or Markakis?
    This list makes me very depressed.

  21. Randy Bobandy says:
    (link)

    My Lindor dilemma – I already have Kipnis and Brantley, do I want a 3rd Indian in the lineup? I tend to limit the number of hitters from one team…obviously if there’s a shutout it stinks.

    • Dangerfield51 says:
      (link)

      @Randy Bobandy:
      If Lindor is better than your current options I’d get him. I see no prob with 3 from the same team. Ya know on the other hand when the team blows up for 10 or more runs it is all good.
      Good luck.

    • Cram It says:
      (link)

      @Randy Bobandy: Don’t worry about it.

  22. Eric says:
    (link)

    What do you think about streaming Danks at home vs SEA today?

    12-team 6×6 with QS.

    I need wins and QS – and I only have one more move left this week, so gotta make it count.

    Thanks, as always!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Eric: I wouldn’t touch him

      • Eric says:
        (link)

        @Grey: How about Joe Kelly in Metco?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          I’d start him

          • Eric says:
            (link)

            @Grey: Sweet! Thanks!

            • Grey

              Grey says:
              (link)

              No problem

  23. JohnnySquid says:
    (link)

    You think Berrios gets called up for a few starts?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Yup

  24. ashtray says:
    (link)

    F-Rod to be traded maybe. Jeffress the add?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Yeah, could be Smith though

      • ashtray says:
        (link)

        @Grey: Drop Bruce Rondon or Carson Smith for either of those guys?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Carson

  25. PhilOssieB says:
    (link)

    Damn the Millennials, I claim the Oregon Trail Generation: http://bit.ly/1Hgqgh5

    … Happ a trustworthy start tomorrow ‘gainst the Rocks? ERA WHIP not an issue, just looking for a streamed QP.

    Happy Weekending, G.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      I’m starting Happ…You too!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Ha, nice

  26. Jerry says:
    (link)

    Hey, Grey! Aoki or Choo ros? Also, Grandal or Norris ros? Thanks and enjoy the weekend!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Aoki….Yasmani, you too!

  27. Carnac says:
    (link)

    We joke about Dan Jennings but he managed little league pitchers better than Walt Weiss did.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      And a relief situation better than McClendon, especially when Little Jimmy Stevens got the mumps heading into the playoffs

      • Carnac says:
        (link)

        We joke about McClendon but he’s 100% the little league coach being yelled at by an aggressive dad for playing the fat kid in a close game. What a mensch!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          McClendon is the Little League coach that promises to take everyone out for pizza afterwards but forgets his wallet and makes the kid with the paper route pay

          • Carnac says:
            (link)

            McClendon trying to be heard over a large table of excited kids, “ONE TOPPING! GUYS, ONE TOPPING!”

            • Grey

              Grey says:
              (link)

              McClendon locked out of his car, “I called handle bars!”

    • J-FOH says:
      (link)

      @Carnac: would you rather have Dan Jennings managing your ace, Don Mattingly your line-up and bullpen, or Walt Weiss doing anything related to baseball?

      • Carnac says:
        (link)

        I’d consider having Weiss be my peanut salesman at the park. He’d do the thing where he throws it from several aisles away and miss badly. Very family friendly.

        • J-FOH says:
          (link)

          @Carnac: walt weisss, the absent minded peanut vendor. Sometimes he just keeps walking and nobody gets their nut

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      You know they put E in the role of Matthew Berry in his pilot that didn’t get picked up?

      • Carnac says:
        (link)

        PERFECT. That’s also the casting decision I’d make in my fan-hate-fiction.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Was so happy to hear the pilot was awful, though from what I gather Berry wasn’t involved whatsoever

          • Carnac says:
            (link)

            I like the How Did This Get Made podcast and I desperately want to hear them do that Crocodile Dundee movie but I can’t bring myself to because Berry is the guest.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
              (link)

              It was okay (the one I listened to)…I like How To Be Amazing (some of the episodes, depending on the guest) and the Vulture podcast…And I listened to AJC’s Breakdown, which was okay

              • Carnac says:
                (link)

                Admittedly, HDTGM is pretty hit/miss unless it’s a Nick Cage movie.

                I need to check out the Amazing podcast. You watch the new Wet Hot American Summer?

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
                  (link)

                  I listened to Face/Off, which was funny, but I got it after about ten minutes and didn’t feel the need to finish… I haven’t watched the show yet, have you?

                  • Carnac says:
                    (link)

                    I watched and enjoyed but I wasn’t completely paying attention, if you know what I mean.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
                      (link)

                      Yeah, totally

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Great review!

      • Carnac says:
        (link)

        Kaleb Horton’s a v good writer.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Yeah, that was solid

  28. jojo says:
    (link)

    should I drop Odor since he’s injured for any of the following:

    Coghlan
    Eduardo Escobar
    O Herrera
    Lawrie

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Sure, Lawrie

  29. Scott says:
    (link)

    Are you buying or selling Werth right now?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Buy if I need runs

      • Scott says:
        (link)

        @Grey: Yeah, definitely don’t need those. I wish I could flip all my leadoff hitters, but I need steals.

  30. LittleJoeyCora says:
    (link)

    Damn Grey, those rhymes you’re spittin’ are SICK!!

    Brewers just placed Krod on waivers. You think Smith or Jeffress gets first shot if he’s moved?

    Thanks again!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Crazy dope, right? Smith prolly, but he’s struggled recently so I tried Jeffress in one league

      • LittleJoeyCora says:
        (link)

        Seriously! “Your hair’s got more spikes than lemon meringue peaks” That’s like some early Outkast shit!

        Got one more for ya – Morneau is starting a rehab assignment today. Would you drop either of Odor or Moreland to scoop him up?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Ha, thanks! I’d lose Odor for him

  31. someone pissed in my alphabet soup says:
    (link)

    the bucs platoon alvarez vs righties? i dont know why i never looked at that before.. he sits vs righties and hits vs lefties?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Not usually, I don’t know what they were doing with him yesterday

  32. Playoff run help says:
    (link)

    Grey,
    Sorry so long, but take a look at my squad (10-tm H2H keeper (keep 12)):
    C – C.Santana
    1B – Goldy
    2B-Dozier
    3B – Mouse
    SS – Desmond
    CI – Arenado
    MI – Hanley
    LF – Granderson
    CF – McCutch
    RF – Braun
    Util – Polanco
    BN – Odor
    BN – K Seager
    DL – H. Kendrick
    SP – Sale
    SP – Madbum
    SP – Tanaka
    RP – Chapman
    RP – Miller
    P – Papelbon
    P – Arreita
    BN – Gausman
    BN – Samardzidja
    BN – Odorizzi
    BN – Wood
    DL – Carrasco

    With these guys on the wire, any one you would swap out? Also, is Odor hurt bad, worth replacing knowing I have Kendrick stashed away.
    HIT waiver – K. Davis, O. Herrera, A. Eaton, Revere, D. Murphy, J. Bradley Jr.
    PIT waiver – J.Berrios, Shoemaker, Medlen, J. Kelly, D. Hutchison

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Murphy over Odor…. Berrios over Wood, Hutch at home over Samardzija

      • Playoff run help says:
        (link)

        @Grey: I’ve only got one move left this week, the other changes I’ll make on Monday (when it resets) do you think the hurry is to Stash Berrios or grab Hutch (my league is pretty active, im surpriced berrios is still avail) and if I only have one move today, who is the worst on the team, the #1 drop of Odor, Samardzija & wood ?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Yeah, grab Berrios

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Samardzija is the worst

          • Playoff run help says:
            (link)

            @Grey: haha ok agreed, freakin Jeff, keep hoping hell at least give me some k’s, what a waste. So hard to let go, don’t understand why when I look at his numbers,….. but …. stilll… can’t…. let goo….

            • Grey

              Grey says:
              (link)

              I hear ya

  33. Polka

    Polka says:
    (link)

    Paulo Orlando sounds like a Cuban Porn Star, and the Cobbler finally left me with a breath of hope…
    oops, I dropped him in June, never mind
    have to draft him again next year for a dollar and pray

    Can you believe I got Machado, Keuchel as waiver wire pick ups, and Just Dong someone dropped, no wonder I’m in first place.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Ha…Yeah, iffy leaguemates

      • Polka

        Polka says:
        (link)

        very- but if they want to keep donating to the Polka new Laptop fund, who am I to argue.
        the second the draft was over I hit the waivers for those [email protected]Grey:

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Gotcha

  34. Phil of the Future says:
    (link)

    BB, What’s good?

    Just checking in real quick. Thoughts on Gausman @ TEX. SON HATES IT. But I could see it being okay. In a heavy ratios league, K/BB, K/9, BB/9, I’m thinking about rolling him out there. But I don’t need the start, however it wouldn’t hurt. Unless it does hurt. Then it would be bad.

    I think the guy is hitting his stride and figuring it out. Gonna be big on him next year.

    Also, I’m streaming Werth for the weekend series in MIA. I think he’s gonna be sneaky good, faces two lefties and Koehler. In case you needed an OF flier.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      I’m starting him in one deeper league and benching him in one other one…. Yeah, I could see Werth having a bit of value there

      • Phil of the Future says:
        (link)

        @Grey: It’s gonna be a gametime decision. I’ll probably take him out and put him back in again eight times in the ten minutes leading up to the game. You know, normal, not all obsessive, in no way disturbing behavior.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          I hope on the 7th time you don’t get called away making it impossible to do the 8th time

          • Phil of the Future says:
            (link)

            @Grey: Well the decision just got a bit easier Salazar was scratched. They are saying illness but who knows. I can’t lose him too!

            The other start I have is Heaney @ CLE but that smells off to me. Not sure I have the stones for that.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
              (link)

              Ugh! I hope they’re not limiting his innings too

              • Phil of the Future says:
                (link)

                @Grey: Seriously I can’t take another injury/shutdown. I’m fighting for a bye over here!

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
                  (link)

                  The best (not best) I started in multiple weekly leagues

                  • Phil of the Future says:
                    (link)

                    @Grey: Ugh that’s not best. Better than worst, but really really far from best.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
                      (link)

                      Yeah, might be a Theory under the couch though

    • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
      (link)

      @Phil of the Future: Haven’t you seen the future already?…You tell us.

      • Phil of the Future says:
        (link)

        @JeF WiTh 1 F: I can only see light years ahead, not days.

        Spoiler: The Sun burns out

  35. Eric says:
    (link)

    Would you drop Heaney or Erasmo for Berrios?
    (10-team H2H with QS)

    Kind of waiting for Heaney’s next two starts (@CLE, @OAK) or I’d pull the trigger now. What do you think?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Heaney

  36. Brown L says:
    (link)

    Kang or Cola for Corner Infidel? Both have their playing time issues.

    6×6 (AVG, OPS)

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Kang

  37. Clint says:
    (link)

    Jesus Cristo mon ami! If you hang out with the big names in fantasy advice I hope their discussions with you are less vapid than their attempts at objective podcast advice, Grey. I used to think Berry/Ravitz was hard to swallow but Cockroft/Karabell & their cavalcade of Northeast media fandom replacements is twice as hard to listen to this year even though CBS offsets the schoolgirl-like following of those teams a BIT in their offerings.

    I honestly wish the Mets would lose horribly & repetitively so I wasn’t subjected to so much constant NL East talk. It’s so bad, I find myself longing for the days of Yankee/BoSox domination so I could at least hear about 2 teams instead of the 1 from that region all the time. Thank GOD Razzball exists.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Ha, Karabell loves his Phils…

  38. BigJ says:
    (link)

    I picked up the Big FraGu a bit ago.
    All I can say is wow. Check the daily lineup and if he is playing, he’ll is always in.

    110AB, 9HR, 300Avg, 972 OPS
    He is a Sano on platoon.
    This guy should be owned in every league (best bench bat you can have).

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Yeah, he has been hot

  39. Eric says:
    (link)

    Feeling love for any of following streams?

    Happ at home against Rockies
    Hutch at home against Detroit
    Morton at home against Rockies
    Hendricks at home against Cinci
    Bassett at home against Cubbies

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Happ, Hutch, Morton, Bassitt

  40. Fred Garvin MP says:
    (link)

    So Danny Salazar has been scratched due to illness.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Yeah, sucks

      • Fred Garvin MP says:
        (link)

        @Grey: Not too bad though. Sounds like he’ll be ready to go at some point this weekend.

        My dream would be that they alter the rotation so that he misses that upcoming start at the Rogers Center, but that’s a long shot at best.

        If he does start in TOR are you starting him?

    • hondo says:
      (link)

      @Fred Garvin MP: He looks kinda red eyed crazy in a lot of pics,like he might have Puig Syndrome.

  41. Scott says:
    (link)

    Drop Beltran or Garcia for the Big FraGu?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Beltran

  42. Latos Intolerant says:
    (link)

    ROS, hold the Beef or get on the TDA train?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Travis

  43. The Big Yabu says:
    (link)

    For some reason, SON is pretty “meh” about Leake at home against StL tonight — $3.7. In an RCL, would you stream him anyway? Or pass and wait for something better?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      I’d stream him

  44. Joe says:
    (link)

    Roster question. I’m battling for first, there are three teams at the top. I am in first in saves with 127 and the next place has 104. I am carrying 4 closers and need roster space to replace Puig’s Hammy. At this point, am I safe enough to drop a closer? I think I am but wanted your thoughts. Who would you cut out of Papelbon, Tolleson, Perkins, and Street. No keeper considerations.

    Also, I am going to pick up Blanco or Burns for steals and runs. Which would you prefer for ROS?

    Thanks.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Yup, drop Perkins…Burns

  45. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    ***********THERE’S A NEW POST FOR FOLLOWUPS************

  46. Atlas says:
    (link)

    Puig now droppable for 2015 ? (even though I worry an opponent would pick him up, and beat me over the head with him in the playoffs)

  47. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    ************THERE’S A NEW POST FOR FOLLOWUPS************

Comments are closed.