Yesterday, Miguel Andujar went 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .316, and slugging around 4,000 in the last week. I think I know what is happening here. Yankees fans, in their meathead accent, are cheering him on, but he feels like he constantly has to re-announce himself to the fan base like they’ve forgotten about him. Imagine how maddening that must be. They scream, “ANDUJAR?!” And, Miguel, shakes his head, thinking to himself, “Why do they keep asking, ‘And you are?’ They know who I am, don’t they? Will I never be good enough? I guess I have to homer again.” And so it goes, so it goes. When Drury returns, Andujar might get squeezed for playing time, but right now I see no way they could ever bench him. Prospector Ralph and I talk a bit about Andujar on the podcast, and I mention how Andujar could outproduce Gleyber and be the Rookie of the Year. They will know, ‘And you are!’ Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brandon Drury – Set for a rehab assignment. That’s nice, but we’ve had enough of you, and you’ve already been Pipp’d. Don’t rush back now, you hear!
Giancarlo Stanton – 4-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .224. You’re gonna think this is just a coincidence, but before yesterday’s game I had a dream that Giancarlo was wearing a whipped cream bikini and I was a giant tongue, and then he went and did this.
Masahiro Tanaka – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.28. Sonavabench! Prospector Ralph and I talk about Tanaka on today’s podcast. It goes something like this, “His peripherals look great, and I still don’t trust him. He’s like the Japanese Pineda. A piñata in the shape of Hello Kitty.” I wish I could say even after yesterday’s game I feel better about Tanaka. I’m not sure I’ll ever fully trust him, which is just terrific when you’re trying to figure out when to start a guy.
Didi Gregorius – 1-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .324. Didi has 24 RBIs. Ya know, the ol’ 160+ RBI pace.
Ervin Santana – Nearing mound work. That’s some serious BS. The Twins are paying him how much to do groundskeeper work? *intern whispers in my ear* Are you sure that’s mound work? Hmm… I wanna believe you, intern, but you work for free, so you’ve lost some credibility.
Walker Buehler – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, as he was recalled. Stream-o-Nator loved this start, and I also love me some Buehler, unlike Rooney, but Buehler is headed back down to the minors, which does sound like the actor who played Rooney.
Jarlin Garcia – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.00. Damn, that was impressive. All right, need to look at him one more time. Low Ks high walks, 91+ MPH fastball, 99% LOB. The Regression Fairies are going to tap dance all over this guy’s grave soon (in sparkly shoes, while throwing confetti).
Mark Melancon – Will play catch on Thursday. What a fun event! Will gloves be involved? Will someone play Cat’s in the Cradle during that game of catch? I’m dying to know!
Chris Stratton – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.32. He’s been nowhere as dominant as his ERA says, but he also has a career 3.29 ERA (in 93 IP), and it’s hard to be completely terrible pitching in San Fran. It’s like Petco, but with water past the outfield fences, instead of white people picnicking with chardonnay.
Mac Williamson – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Between Gleyber, Teoscar, O’Neill, Dahl and not Acuna, Williamson has been lost. It’s too bad, and not simply because Mac Williamson sounds like a blaxploitation actor. He’s got incredible power (6 HRs in only 11 games in Triple-A this year), and could easily be the rookie to own this year, if Hunter Pence plays this year as much as last year. Mac could also hit .205 and be less than Dolemite.
Trey Mancini – Hoping to return on Tuesday from his bruised knee. In the NFL, they take a knee. In MLB, they bruise their knee and take a seat.
Jonathan Schoop – Resumed activities. I wonder if one of those activities was decoupage.
Kevin Gausman – 8 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.66. Feels similar to Tanaka. I could give you a long list of reasons why you should own Gausman, but when you do, you will never trust him.
Yonder Alonso – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .225. I admit his batting average leaves something to be desired, specifically a better average, but the power looks right there again.
Carlos Carrasco – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.31, WHIP at 0.86. I don’t know what’s the best pitches to strikes ratio– Okay, that’s not necessarily true. I know it, and Carrasco is good keeping the ball in the zone. (By the way, you know who else is good at it? Pivetta!)
Tyler Skaggs -7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.96. His peripherals look solid so far, better than they’ve looked in past years. Of course, he’s still looking to top 115 IP for the first time in seven seasons.
Gerrit Cole – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.29. I cannot tell a lie. I paid someone on Craigslist to spray a rainbow by the entrance to the Astros’ clubhouse to try to draw in the Regression Fairies to see Cole. I also found someone in Missed Connections who I think was mentioning how the latte foam in my mustache reminded them of a walrus.
Robinson Chirinos – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Uh-oh, Chirinos! (Lot of Chirinoses in baseball now, huh? Chirinoii? Chirinii?)
Delino DeShields – 2-for-4 and two steals (1, 2). Rudy called me yesterday — we talk, y’all! — and he was saying how there is so few guys on waivers for steals. Mentioning Adam Engel, Leury Garcia and Craig Gentry and how they’re not really ownable without killing you in other categories. Tis true. If you’re falling behind in steals, you might need to trade. SAGNOF of the steals variety is a desert landscape. By the way, sometimes I tell Cougs, she should ‘eat a D,’ and when she rolls her eyes, I say, “D as in dessert. Because you have a sweet tooth.”
Marcus Semien – 2-for-6, 2 runs, and his 3rd homer, hitting .270. He’s been hitting at the top of the lineup, and I wish I could say it’s due to something he’s done, but he looks exactly the same — Samien? — it’s the A’s who might be viewing him differently.
Yoan Moncada – 3-for-5, 3 runs and his 4th homer, hitting .240. Still getting a ton of questions about Moncada on the daily. Pick up, drop, yadda-blabbity-bloo. I ranked him in the top 100 overall in the preseason, nothing’s really changed. White Sox have played in 19 games. So, what’s Moncada’s pace? Roughly 30/30/.240? Um, guys and five girls, that’s pretty good.
Jose Abreu – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 5th and 6th homer. El Grande Dolor!
Avisail Garcia – Left yesterday’s game with a strained hamstring. What an odd thing to find in a colander!
Yolmer Sanchez – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 2nd steal, hitting .292. ‘Member when he was a first week schmotato? We were so much younger then, and you had more hair!
Carlos Rodon – Threw 34 pitches in extended spring training. Extended spring training is like regular spring training without the curfew. A real delinquent spring training!
Mike Leake – 3 1/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 6.59. Seems more like a flood than a Leake.
Mike Zunino – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Catcher questions in 3, 2, 1…
Mitch Haniger – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 8th homer, hitting .324. Mitch, does not kill my vibe.
Christian Villanueva – Scratched yesterday with a sore hamstring right before taking part in a Coors game. That’s like getting the flu right before a date with Camila Cabello. You gotta rally, Villanueva, because you’re missing rallies!
Carlos Asuaje – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Coors can Asuaje any inferior ability.
David Dahl – 2-for-4, 1 run as he hit cleanup. I don’t want to overreact, but could someone knock Carlos Gonzalez over the head. Please. Not like a fatal blow, you sicko. Just knock him out for six months. Can you do that? Thanking you in advance.
Nolan Arenado – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .353. I’ve built a skyscraper out of tinsel for my ant farm. Those lil’ buggers are gonna love it! I’m just going to put it by this open window–NOOOOO!!! Torenado!!!
Trevor Story – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his a slam (5) and legs (5), hitting .247. Not to call Mr. Prorater on the intercom, but Story’s on pace for 30+ homers, and we haven’t even reached 85% chance of liftoff yet in the summer in Coors.
Scott Schebler – 2-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .292. For what it’s Werth, I have Schebler projected for about 25 more homers, so there’s still a lot left in his bat.
Mike Foltynewicz – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 2.77. One of those walks eventually came back to haunt him — “AHHHH!!!” “I am the Ghost of Past Walks. Boo.” — when he gave up a badonkadonk to Schebler after a walk to Billy Hamilton, of all people. His lack of pitch economy also yanked Faultywirewitz early from the game. He should’ve never read Pitch Economy by Alan Greenspan.
Nick Markakis – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer. If Acuna was threatening Elon Musk’s job, Teslas would be $500 and have hovercraft technology.