Sometimes, on almost-every-occasion, a rookie pitcher isn’t great when he is first promoted. Then, almost by the magic of the silent one from Penn & Teller, the rookie pitcher gets better. It’s called, bear with me here, not shizzing a brick like during your first start. Also, a pitcher may shizz a brick from the moment he’s called up for a few years. Or just not be dialed in. Or just be off. There’s a reason why scouts and their ilk liked — ilk liked? What’s this, Dr Seuss? — Logan Gilbert so much before he did a brown brick on the mound for a month-plus. At any point a rookie pitcher can figure it out, and, yesterday might’ve been that day. Gilbert went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.51, ending his start by retiring 18-straight Yankees. That sure has the makings of an ace, even if those Yankees look like your great uncle’s Yankees, when he used to tell you things like, “Don’t count out that Roy Smalley. He makes things happen with his bat!” Gilbert’s slider was getting a 58% whiff rate, up from 32% and he was touching 99 MPH on his 4-seamer, with a higher spin rate than his yearly average. If Gilbert was abandoned early on in your league, I could see getting back in on him. Yesterday, might be the start of Logan’s run, until at least age 30. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! Before we get into today’s roundup, just wanted to announce I’ve released the top 100 for the 2nd half already on our Patreon. If you so desire, click it to put duckets in Grey’s pockets! They said they’d pay me in Dogecoin, that’s good, right? Anyway II, the roundup:
Dylan Moore – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and a slam (8) and legs (14). That’s in less than 200 at-bats. Uh-oh, here comes. Dot dot dot. Mr. Prorater! “If Moore were to play a full season, he’d have a 20/40 season. And if there was no such thing as Claritin, people would be saying ‘God bless you’ so many times from others sneezing, the world’s manpower would decrease by 66%.” Hmm, Mr. Prorater, your math is always so interesting.
Kyle Seager – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer, hitting .216. “Stop telling me about how Corey’s rehab assignment is going! I homered today!” That’s Kyle Seager talking to his mother.
Mitch Haniger – 2-for-4 and his 19th homer, hitting .253. His power this year is surprising. You’d think he’d be against hitting balls hard.
Brad Miller – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 7th, 8th and 9th homers, hitting .262. It’s absolutely me, but I have to ask: Is it me or does Brad Miller have a random three-homer game every year? It’s me, right? Yeah, maybe it’s just a random guy gets three homers every year. More like Brandom Miller! Hey, Cubs, you call him Dad Miller! Those three homers were a Braddy Bunch. …and now it’s nap time! *shuts eyes for five seconds, claps hands* I’m back!
Didi Gregorius – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and a slam (7) and legs (2), and his 3rd homer in the last six games. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because he’s here now, and I think he’s likely rostered in too many leagues to qualify.
Zach Eflin – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.88. Eflin? Eff yeah!
Adbert Alzolay – 5 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.66. Ugh, he was so predictable before the blister. Stupid effin’ blisters! By the by, how does some blister company not advertise all over baseball commercials? That synergy is ointment TV.
Tyler Mahle – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners (4 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 3.68. Fantastic effort after his evil twin, T. Mahle, started the game with a mess of ducks on the pond, and, with one swing of the bat, it could’ve been 6-0 with one out. Thankfully, the Brewers are still starting a bunch of .160-ish hitters. Serious question, are the Brewers missing Rowdy Tellez in their dugout? They must see him.
Sonny Gray – Hit the IL with a club-needed-to-make-a-transaction-to-expand-the-roster. There’s no real cure, but he can also pitch through it, and return right after the break.
Avisail Garcia – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 16th homer, which came off Bad Bad Brad Brach. That “bad,” by the way, is in the traditional sense. I’m crying from how funny it is I have Brach on teams. At least I’m pretending it’s tears of laughter.
Eloy Jimenez – Will begin a rehab assignment today in Winston-Salem — maw-maw’s favorite cigarettes! Was surprised to find Eloy on waivers in one of my deeper leagues. Better make sure you check your waivers.
Zach Plesac – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.31 as he returned from the IL. Surprised to not see him take the mound shirtless, out of fear of re-injuring himself. Grabbed him in a few leagues off of waivers when he was injured, because, while the price was high in the preseason, well, free is free. Watched him yesterday not look great, but first game back and he hung a few. Holding on for now.
Bobby Bradley – 2-for-2, 2 runs and his 9th homer. Dude has so much swag he might be lowkey my favorite player. Bobby Bradley’s going to be a big star. Don’t believe me? Watch him hit balls a mile with no effort.
Franmil Reyes – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer. If there’s some way for this $54 Vending Machine Steak to get to 40 homers in only 110 games, he’ll get there.
Hunter Dozier – 2-for-4 and his 8th homer. There were some Royals fans who seemed to think Dozier had turned a corner on his home run and looked better than he had in some time. No idea, don’t watch many Royals games, but he did hit a banger off a hanger.
Danny Duffy – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.53. Deserved the win but…
Scott Barlow – 1 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 2.95, and his 3rd blown save, and five runs allowed in the last two games, and Scott went to City Hall earlier this week and changed his name to Scott Blow. Doubtful he gets the next save in KC. I’d guess Josh Staumont next, but I didn’t run out to grab him, because, you bright-eyed saves-seeker, is it worth it?
Carlos Santana – 2-for-3 and his 14th and 15th homer, hitting .252. You think Carlos Santana hasn’t had a good year since 2000, but, on the Player Rater charts, Smooth’s doing a lot better than you think.
Tarik Skubal – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.36. Decided to give Skubal’s peripherals a looksie, and he’s the best Tigers’ starter (10.7 K/9, 3.9 BB/9, neutral-ish luck). He’s what others thought Mize or Boyd would be. He’s still pretty borderline for shallower leagues.
Eric Haase – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .252. You, a loyal man, holding Christian Vazquez in your catcher slot. Me, a heathen, howling at the moon with Haase in my catcher slot.
Miguel Sano – 1-for-4 and his 15th homer. Like the idea of him finishing the half with 18 homers as he marches to 35 homers on the year, and, when we get to September, we can talk about how Sano was a guy who got 35 homers and I still wish I never drafted him.
Ryan Jeffers – 1-for-3 and his 6th homer. Guess his average. I mean, he’s been okay, right? Right? Yes, I’m trying to bait you. He’s hitting .193.
J.A. Happ – 7 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.90. “Hello, Mr. Cashman, do you know J.A. Happ had a Quality Start in his final start before the break? ‘What did he do before?’ Haha, why? Do you plan on going back in time when you trade for him?” That’s J.A. Happ disguising his voice, talking to the Yankees’ front office.
Blake Snell – May not be able to start today. Sorry, Madison Bumgarner, we need your nickname. Blake Snell is the biggest bum.
Yu Darvish – 3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.09. Ugh, brutal way to go into the break. Just hope he — er, um, Yu — is healthy.
Fernando Tatis Jr. – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 28th homer. FTJ! The tipsy top of the Player Rater, heading into the break, is super close, and jammed pack with hitters. Three $50+ hitters, and Tildaddy right behind.
Joe Ross – Hit the IL with elbow inflammation. That’s a shame, if it’s a real injury and not a made-up one for the Nats to just expand their roster in the waning days before the break. If it’s a real injury, it’s undoubtedly due to a curse put on him by his brother, Tyson.
Trea Turner – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and a double slam (16, 17) and legs (19). Was pretty easy for me to rank Treat Urner in the top 100 for the 2nd half, which will be out Monday, but I wonder if I should’ve pushed him even higher. Obviously, there’s very few guys better than him. Thinking there might be even fewer than I initially thought. Treat Urner: Fantasy League Winner.
Max Scherzer – 3 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 2.66, and was pitchslapped by Camarena with a grand slam. Haha, there’s one great pitcher in the majors and his name is deGrom. Everyone else just has their moments.
John Means – Will throw three-to-four innings in Double-A today. That Means. Literally.
Trevor Bauer – His administrative leave was extended. Also, the Dodgers cancelled his bobblehead night and all his teammates unfollowed him on social media, which sounds like a silly update, but I’m being 100% serious, and I wouldn’t put it past the Dodgers and his teammates knowing something we don’t yet know. Wouldn’t be shocked at all if he doesn’t play again this year.
Julio Urias – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.64. Real question: Urias or Ryu? Thinking Urias, but it’s a tough call, right? No, it’s not tough!
Sandy Alcantara – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.09. You could tell Alcantara just didn’t have his best stuff because *BLEEP* Sorry, this comment is blacked out in your area just like the Dodgers’ game is blacked out in Grey’s area. We now return to The View. *BLEEP*
Jazz Chisholm – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer, hitting .254. His 2022 value is so up in the air that I think with each game he changes his 2022 ADP. After a home run? Prolly moves him up a few spots for next year. Think he’s sitting around 95-105 overall right now.
Frankie Montas – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.41. If you started him in Houston, then congrats on the two cantaloupes in your pants — do you call them pant-a-loupes? — I have pant-a-nopes, because I wouldn’t have started Montas in Houston. Any hoo! Streamonator loves his next, and I agree. One quick note about Streamonator over the break, rotations change, and when guys are announced, SON will change.
Lance McCullers Jr. – 7 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.94. I did a google to see Lance McCullers Sr. because I knew he played in the majors, but I honestly couldn’t remember him at all. He was a Padres closer in the late-80s. Damn, if Al Gore invented the internet earlier, I could’ve dropped all kinds of Ice T McCullers-Cullers-Cullers references back then.
Josh VanMeter – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Rockies vs. Diamondbacks game had the urgency of a game they would’ve happily decided with a paper, rock, scissors. Not even a best of three.
