Jesse Winker had his open eye locked on the baseball Friday night as he extended his hot streak going 2-for-3 with two home runs and three RBI. It was the 26 year old outfielder’s first multi-homer game in ever. Winky’s now slashing an insane .365/.484/.712 with five jacks, eight RBI and a steal for good measure. But I’m not finished yet! Wink’s been hotter than Cardi B’s “WAP” video, batting .688 in the past five days and hitting all five of his homers in that stretch. To be fair, his .424 BABIP and .346 ISO aren’t exactly sustainable numbers, even by a Trout-Mookie frankenbaby (although that does sound adorable)–regardless, Jesse is a hot little potato right now. This is not completely out of nowhere either, as he flashed some pop with Cinnci last season, batting .269 with 16 bombs in 113 games. Are you intrigued yet? Because Jesse is still available in just about half of fantasy leagues! Where do I sign, you ask? And has this pen been sanitized? Well, unfortunately, like everything in 2020, Winker isn’t exactly a no thinker (err, brainer) of a pick up just yet. The Reds announced Friday that a PTBNL has tested positive for COVID-19 and Saturday’s game against the Pittsburgh Pirates has been postponed. That’s all the information available to me at the moment, but I assume if this turns into a Marlins/Cardinals situation, then adding Reds players right now (no matter how hot) is probably not pro stratz, bro. Whatever happens, I’ll always remember that five day stretch where Jesse Winker was the hottest man in baseball, and I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “wow he didn’t make a ‘Winker? I hardly know her!’ joke this whole time. But you’d be wrong. I actually did. It just wasn’t funny! Lol. Jokes aside, let’s hope the Reds can get back to playing baseball ASAP as possible.
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:
Kole Calhoun – 2-for-4, 2 runs, HR (5), 2 RBI. He was almost Grey’s lede BUY. Almost. I admittedly also thought about it, but then went with someone else. Whaddaya gonna do? I’ll tell you what, Kole. I’m going to put you at the top! The Diamondbacks offense is full of players you don’t really want to own but should and Calhoun is tops of that list. He’s got a four game hitting streak with three homers in that stretch and is right here–at the top!
Merrill Kelly – 6.2 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, 3rd win. 1.71 ERA. Forgot to draft an Ace on draft day? You probably now own one or all of Zach Plesac, Merrill Kelly and Framber Valdez who you got off waivers. Not too shabby for table scraps. Kelly is especially impressive considering he wouldn’t even be starting if Mike Leake wasn’t scared of COVID. Thank you, Mike Leake, for having basic common sense.
Dinelson Lamet – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, BB, 8 K. Dinelson’s got me all googly eyed like that time I almost choked to death on a hot dog. He’s rocking a 1.59 ERA and 0.81 WHIP. Mmm tasty. Did someone say hot dog?
Kirby Yates – Going for an MRI. Drew Pomeranz needs to be owned everywhere. That’s something I thought I said for the last time 3 years ago. 2020 be crazy ya’ll!
Sonny Gray – 6.2 IP, 5 hits, ER, BB, 10 K, 4th win. After a minor blip last week where he gave up 4 runs in Milwaukee, Gray is back to being on my best friend tier on my Snapchat as he lowered his ERA to 2.05 with a 45/9 K/BB. Sweet Sassy Molassy! Some player’s don’t jibe in NYC City, and need to play in a city that most American’s can’t point out on a map. You do you, Sonny boy!
Nick Castellanos – 1-for-4, HR (8). He like-a da sauce! Helios! Get some more sauce for da man! Castellanos is the player on the team of that guy who’s in first place in your league but hasn’t checked his team since week one.
Aaron Civale – 6.0 IP, 8 hits, 4 ER, BB, 3 K, 2nd win. Not what you’re hoping for out of any Injians starter in Detroit but Civale is lacking one thing Plezac and Clevinger have: friends. That’s right, there’s no way this guy is leaving the team to party any time soon. He’s a perfectly SAFE bet, won’t hurt you, and carries his excellent 1.12 WHIP and 26/3 K/BB into a start in Pittsbugh next week. I’m thinking you should pick him up!
Niko Goodrum – 1-for-4, HR (4), 2 RBI, SB (1). In Detroit, they serve their slam & legs on a plate of mom’s spaghetti. Try not to lose yourself in the moment.
Franmil Reyes – 2-for-4, 3 runs, HR (3), 3 RBI. If you were wondering what over-sized man-beast you should have drafted this year it was Franmil. Not Judge. Not Stanton. But Reyes. He’s hitting over .500 in the past week with two bombs and 7 RBI. He’s also 6’5 and jacked like Luther from the Umbrella Academy. I don’t know about you, but I’d be totally into Luther’s massive ape body if I was a lady. Bro is cut.
Jonathan Villar – 2-for-4, run, RBI, 2 SB (5). I blame Villar for not being in first place. When the Marlins got hooked by the COVID I sort of froze. I assumed all team’s were going through the same thing, and I played no one in Villar’s place for the week of games Florida missed. This was a mistake. And while Villar is trying his best to catch up, so am I.
Jesus Aguilar – 1-for-4, 3 RBI. He was a BUY and he’s hitting .364 in the past week! I don’t know if it’s that they’re rona survivors or what but I’m lovin’ this Marlins team, ya’ll. Marlins baseball: Get Hooked!
Travis d’Arnaud – 2-for-4, HR (3). I feel like I’m mentioning him every week! d’ude is batting second, slashing .364/.370/.659, he’s got an eight game hitting streak and I just dropped Gary Sanchez for him. Who will you drop for d’Arnaud?
Pablo Lopez – 6.0 IP, 7 hits, 2 ER, 8 K, 2nd win. BUY. Streamonator call! That sexy robot did it again! Lopez has a 2.25 ERA, 1.13 WHIP and 19/4 K/BB. If Pablo was on the Dodgers he’d be owned in 90% of leagues. Heck, he could be the Red Sox Ace. I’m not saying you should pick up Pablo Lopez as much as I’m saying you should start pitchers against the Mets. But Lopez just might happen to play the Mets next week…? Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Robinson Cano – 2-for-5, HR (2), 2 RBI. Returned from the DL and picked up right where he left off. Maybe this is the year Cano finally earns that contract. When the team is terrible and the world is terrible and nothing matters.
Teoscar Hernandez – 3-for-5, 2 HR, 4 RBI. Biggio, Bichette, Grichuk and Tellez also homered as the Jays scored 11 runs on 12 hits and six homers. Everyone but Vladimir.
Bo Bichette – 2-for-5, 2 runs, HR (5), 3 RBI. Bo B. is now the first shortstop to have a extra base hit and RBI in seven straight games. Yep. That’s a stat I was definitely keeping track of until last night but I guess I can stop now that Bo B. holds the record. Bichette’s slashing .356/.387/.678 with five homers, 13 RBI and four steals. He’s everything I want Vladimir to be.
Brandon Lowe – 2-for-4, HR (6), 3 RBI. Slashing .319/.388/.708 with six homers and 19 RBI. He went 7-for-17 with 2 homers, 7 runs, and 5 RBI against Boston this week. See the Boston starting pitching staff is fantasy relevant! I can’t stress enough how helpful starting batters who play against them can be!
Gerrit Cole – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 8 K and his 20th straight win (ERA of 1.94 in that stretch). It was looking pretty hairy for a minute there in the fourth as the Yankees clinged to a one run lead and Boston had Cole on the ropes–then the Rex Sox pitching staff gave up 8 runs and it was fine.
Gary Sanchez – 1-for-5, HR (3). Batting .113/.203/.302 with three homers and six RBI. Ooh, I’m sorry, excuse me I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Mike Tauchman – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBI. BUYs. It’s a Tauchman Frazier Overdrive! Clint Frazier was 1-for-4 with 2 RBI as the Yankees B-Squad crushd the Sawx. Are you seeing a theme? Basically, I’m saying you should pick up all the Yankees back ups this weekend because they are playing the Red Sox, and the Red Sox have no pitching staff. Tauchman’s slashing .343/.395/.457 with four steals, and Frazier’s got style for days. Days! Both play three more games versus this Sox staff and both were BUYs so dart throw who to pick up for this weekend and you’ll probably come out on top.
Gleyber Torres – 4-for-4, 2 runs, RBI. Raised his average almost 60 points with the outing. The Red Sox are 2020’s Slumpbusters!
Alex Verdugo – 1-for-4, HR (4). Being the bright spot on this Sawx team is like being the best part about the pandemic. Do I have to pick something? OK, hmm, I guess it’s cool the delivery guy just leaves my food at my door? There’s no reason I need to have this face-to-face contact when I’m hungry.
J.D. Martinez and Xander Bogaerts – 0-for-8, 7 Ks. In case you didn’t get the picture from the last two blurbs, I just want to make it clear how bad this team is and they should feel bad.
Spencer Howard – 3.1 IP, 7 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 2 K. Aaaand dddrrrroopp. I don’t have time to wait around while you rooks work out your kinks, I’m battling a pandemic right now!
Alec Bohm – 1-for-4, RBI. BUY. Sexy rookie buy! Dope bomb. Dro Bomb. And a Alex Bohm.
J.T. Realmuto – 1-for-4, 3-run HR (8). JT Can’t Stop the Feeling! I guess, if you must overdraft a catcher. He’s the real deal. Which I believe is what Realmuto translates to in whatever country he’s from? What’s that? America? I’m being told it’s America. Also, I’m being told I’m a racist.
Dominic Smith – 2-for-4, HR (5), 2 RBI. His third straight game with a jack! Not Alonso. Not Conforto. But Dominic Smith is the Mr. Met to own in 2020? He’s rostered in less than 25% of leagues and has some pretty handy position eligibility! I learned from 365 Days on Netflix that Doms have all the power.
Andres Gimenez – 1-for-4, run, SB (6). If you need steals. You need to grab Giminez. And you need to do it quick. That dude is fast!
Christian Yelich – 1-for-4, HR (5). Hitting .172, and what do your fantasy owners really care, their team has been out of it since week 2.
Josh Hader – 1.1 IP, 2 BB, 3 K, SV (4). For a team with such subpar starting pitching I’m surprised Hader isn’t pitching an inning every day. It’s a 60 game season managers should burn these guys arms off!
Brandon Woodruff – 4.1 IP, 4 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 4 K. Woody had one excellent start in Pittsburgh with a bunch of meh and a copyshrug sprinkled around it. The ERA and Ks are solid but if you can’t go five innings we can’t be friends anymore. I’m unfollowing.
Lance Lynn – 9.0 IP, 2 hits, 1 ER, 6 K. 3rd win. ERA at 1.11. A complete game 2-hitter at Coors. Owning Lance Lynn this year is a vibe. That’s something young people say “a vibe”, and now I’ve said it which makes me a super cool guy.
Nick Solak – 3-for-4, HR (1), 2 2B. He’s a perfect 3-for-3 in steals. Who cares if you’ve never heard of him, he’s got multi hit games in four of his last five and is batting .440 in the past week! I might consider the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially picking him up. I don’t know for sure though!
Framber Valdez – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 3 BB, 5 K, 1st win. He’s been called Houston’s next Gerrit Cole by me this one time, and Framber’s got a 1.90 ERA, 1.10 WHIP and 24 strikeouts through five games. He gets a tough start at Coors next week but needs to be owned everywhere as long as he’s getting 8 runs of support a game.
Yordan Alvarez – 1-for-4, HR (1), 4 RBI. Yordan proves there are Astros players we can still like.
Yuli Gurriel – 2-for-4, HR (4). Houston scored nine runs in the first and 11 total. F for all the Nestor Cortes (0.1 IP, 5 hits, 7 ER) owners in the chat.
Mike Yastrzemski – 1-for-6, HR (4). Sometimes my grandfather calls me late at night after Yas homered on the West Coast and tells me the Sox have won the pennant. “The Impossible Dream!” he shouts. Then I have to call the nurse and tell her to put him back to bed.
Evan Longoria – 2-for-5, HR (2), 3 RBI. Was that last blurb too dark? I think it was maybe too dark.
Matt Olson – 1-for-5. ALL HE DOES IS HIT HOME RUNS. And walks. And strikes outs. No singles. No extra base hits. Home runs, walks and strikeouts.
Stephen Piscotty – 2-for-4, Grand Slam game tying HR (3) in the 9th. Has anyone here seen Road Trip?
Johnny Cueto – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K. Pitched his best game of the season after facing a murderer’s row of LAD, SD, COL and LAD again. He could be a useful stream in the right match ups. There aren’t going to be a lot of the right match ups though. Pick him up if you hate yourself.
Trevor Gott– 0.1 IP, 2 hits, 5 ER. Gott ’em.
Clayton Kershaw – 7.0 IP, 1 hit, ER, 2 BB, 6 K, 2nd win. Surrendered a home run to Anthony Rendon in the first but that was it, after that Kersh was sparkling. It must be those new Clorox disinfectant wipes he’s been using. Pro tip! In a pinch, when no hand sanitizer is available, just pour tequila from your desk flask onto your hands. You can easily lap up the excess and you’re hands are left germ free. Don’t forget to take a sip for good luck! What do you mean you don’t have a desk flask?
Cody Bellinger – 1-for-4, 2 HR (4), 4 RBI. POV: You’re the best player in the NL and your team goes out and signs the best player in the AL to light a fire under you. How do you respond? Batting .181? Or Ringing up double ding dong dingers?
Stephen Strasburg – 0.2 IP IP, 2 hits, ER. Allowed HR to Anthony Santander before departing after one inning. Erick Fedde (5.1 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 3 K) pitched well in his stead, but looks like Stras is still having issues with his pitching hand and might be headed for the IL. Why is this happening to me? Is this because I made that joke about my grandfather?
Trea Turner – 3-for-5, 2 runs, RBI. He could have 10 hits and 8 runs and I’d still be upset he didn’t steal. Treash!
Juan Soto – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBI, SB. Nationals scored 15 runs on 19 hits. And basically every player had two hits except Trea who had three, and Asdrubal Cabrera, who had one hit but homered. I think the World Series hangover is over?
Dylan Carlson – Cards called up their hot shot prospect, he was a BUY and they have to play an entire season’s worth of games in two weeks or something. 11 double headers? In others words, it really doesn’t matter how good Carlson plays, as he’s probably going to play a lot because he’s a “warm COVID-free body.” Which has also become the number one “Interested In” response on tinder this year.
Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!
