Feels Like Kismet That Ex-Met Returns Like A Comet For 300th HR

Describe the Mets in one small moment better than Pete Alonso (1-for-5 and his 36th homer) returning to Metco, hitting his 300th career homer, a game-tying blast in the 9th inning and getting a curtain call in a visiting stadium. Sure, the takeaway is Albombso returned to Metco and showed them what they’re missing! Well, joke’s on you and Albombso, because the Mets have Jared Young, a guy whose own teammates are like, “Is it Jacob? No, I know it’s with a J. Is it just Jay? Seriously, what’s his name?” Jared Young is the first player who is a 1% on the Immaculate Grid for the box, “Mets/1B,” while being their current starter. Also, in this game, Jeremiah Jackson (1-for-4 and his 8th homer). Thank you, Your Highness Jermajesty. Then Christian Encarnacion-Strand went 2-for-5, 2 runs with his 9th homer. Why do I feel like the O’s are going to make some horrendous move this offseason like signing Eugenio Suarez and pushing CES to the bench? Finally, Coby Mayo went 2-for-5, 3 RBIs with a slam (24) and legs (4), hitting .226, and three homers in the last week. The Emulsification of the youth in America continues. But the night belonged to Alonso, the one that got away from the Mets. Along with Pete Crow-Armstrong, this entire season, etc. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Shane Baz – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.11 vs. Sean Manaea – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.74. This matchup was billed as, “The O’s vs. the Mets in September, a dream contest for everyone circling their calendar in March and selling White-Out in September.”

Carson Benge – 1-for-5, 2 runs and his 18th homer, 2nd homer in four games. Get the sense Benge is going to be underrated next year. Not insanely so, like one of those guys who is a top 20 outfielder who is drafted closer to 30.

Jameson Taillon – Said he won’t return this season. With the silence of a thousand monks, I’m listening for someone who cares.

Kevin Gausman – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.55. You think this year was bad, wait until his next. Gausman’s on that slow train to irrelevancy, next stop: Stinksworstville.

Ozzie Albies – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (22) and legs (4), as he hits 8th. At one point or another, every Braves superstar has been William H. Macy in The Cooler. Ozzie’s had that role since mid-June.

Ronald Acuña Jr. – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and a home run. Any guess how many homers he has? If you’re thinking a number, may I suggest lowering it? He has 18. I know the speed was supposed to be down, but how do you go near him in the top 25 next year? After three scotches?

Drake Baldwin – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 24th homer, hitting .280. Ya know what kind of year Baldwin’s having? A William Contreras year. Call him Drake Baldwilliam.

Martin Perez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.07. Perez and EdRod have the privilege of only being bad when I pick them up. Thanks, guys! Streamonator doesn’t like Perez’s next one, but will I be picking him up is the better question.

Junior Caminero – 1-for-4 and his 41st homer. Juco Loco! (I said that like Edward James Olmos in Stand and Deliver.)

Griffin Jax – 5 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.80. Griffin Jax or Paul Skenes in 2027? Include price in your 500-word essay answer.

Foster Griffin – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.67. We had a good run with Griffin in the 1st half, but this guy sucks now. If you’re doing text to speech and having Siri read this to you: A) How do you know Jose Siri? B) It’s very confusing because you’re like, “He said Griffin Jax was good and now he’s saying Griffin sucks.” C) There’s no C.

Jo Adell – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer, 2nd homer in three games. “Adell’s due to break out next year,” he says for the 12th year in a row.

Travis Bazzana – 2-for-4 and his 13th and 14th homer, and three homers in the last three games. Bazzana’s back, baby! That could have multiple meanings because Bazzana is also the word for the sound a boomerang makes in Australia.

Davis Martin – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, zero Ks, ERA at 3.96, as he followed C. Murphy, the Peaky Blinders guy. This week the White Sox are getting solid Yarbros from Martin and Burke. Martin and Burke is also the furniture store that rents couches.

Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1hit, 2 walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.51. Yamamoto’s season surprises me about as much as anyone’s. Following the season, I’ll do recaps of each position, and I’ll talk more about this then, but I was 100% convinced Yamamoto would be good for maybe a half season, then break down based on last year’s deep playoff run. Think we can actually learn something there. Don’t make up narratives from whole cloth.

Teoscar Hernandez – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. I don’t have this schmohawk anywhere, but I’m rooting for a huge end of the season run to jack people up to draft him again next year. Nowhere in the preseason rankings does anyone say anything like, “He’s good for ten homers in September when you’re already checked out to fantasy football and what you don’t realize is you’re drafting a guy for when you’re not paying attention anymore.”

Brandon Lowe – 1-for-5 and his 30th homer, hitting .258. Between Lowe and O’Hearn, Pirates got great production from their free agent signings. Maybe now they’ll spend more than twelve dollars on their next free agent.

Jacob Misiorowski – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.89. I have him in my most important league (because I’m winning it; if I were losing it, it wouldn’t be important), and I still hope the Brewers shut him down. Let him rest and win the Cy with a sub-2 ERA. That’s rad. I’m being sincere. I know, it’s hard to tell. (Yes, I’m partially saying this because I can win that league without anymore from him.)

Bryce Eldridge – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer, and having himself a nice August/September (6 HRs, hitting over-.300). Well, he’s no Roman Anthony. Thankfully.

Andre Pallante – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.70. I make a whole thing about Cards’ Devil Magic yesterday, and *poof* it disappears. Streamonator hates his next one.

Alec Burleson – 1-for-3, and his 23rd homer. Mentioned yesterday how he leads the majors in ribbies. What I failed to mention (yesterday, but had before) is how low top RBIs guys are this year. There’s five guys with 100 RBIs; last year there was 16. There’s still time, obviously, but maybe ten guys get there.

Jesus Luzardo – Hit the IL with shoulder inflammation. Member when I was talking about three Phils starters being in the top 10 starters drafted next year? Might only be two now.

Cristopher Sanchez – 6 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.93. Speaking of Cy Youngs, Sanchez will not be.

Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 45th homer. Schwarber is 10th for most homers in a five-year span. Guess who’s first. Yes, it’s one of the steroids guys from 25 years ago. Pick one. You’re right! It is Sammy Sosa. Crazy thing is it’s guys from that era in the top ten (Arod, McGwire, Bonds, Griffey Jr.) and guys from now (Judge, Ohtani, Kyle) and two others: Ruth and Kiner.

Daylen Lile – 1-for-1, 3 RBIs and his 21st homer. Wrote a sleeper post for him this past year, and I feel like I could write another for 2027. I won’t, but it feels that way. Give me your hand and you can feel it too–Metaphorically! You sicko!

Erik Tolman – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.38, and his 3rd save. Nats figured out their closer with eleven games to go.

Max Fried – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.63. Most pitches he’s thrown in over a month (88) and deepest he’s gone in a game since April. (He only has two outings all year above seven innings. Both in April.) Max Fried is what a guy can do without an elbow. Fried is going to retire one day and his arm is just going to fall off.

Cody Bellinger – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer, and third homer in a week. No idea where Cody’s going to be drafted next year. Wanna say around 100, and be a bargain, but I also might be smoking what Cody’s smoking.

Spencer Jones – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer. Jones after Cody in 2027 drafts, right? Okay, but why?

Ryan Johnson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.88. Was expecting to be wowed by his stats when I opened his player page. Was expecting to be like, “That 4.88 ERA is lies! This guy’s actually great!” Well, yeah, no, not at all. Somehow he looks worse than a 4.88 ERA.

Gabriel Moreno – 2-for-3 and a slam (14) and legs (6), 2nd homer in three games. Call him Rita Moreno, because he’s pretty, oh so pretty solid hitter.

Michael Soroka – 5 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.45. No idea what we’re getting from Soroka from start to start, and that’s helped because the Streamonator says he goes to Coors next, which is a no can do.

Maikel Garcia – 0-for-3 as he was activated from the IL. What a disaster season from him. Wouldn’t be opposed to being in a bounce back next season, but mostly because of price, which I assume will be way down. Like basically free.

Vinnie Pasquantino – 1-for-3 and his 12th homer. Pasketti is staring at me at 120 overall next year and I’m ordering Buca di Beppo and ain’t drafting this schmohawk. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Seriously, have you fooled me twice because I’m getting old and forgot.

Carlos Correa – Won’t return this season. Correa said, “They pay me whether I play or not. You do the math.”

Hunter Brown – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.43. Rooting for Brown with the most sinister of intentions, because there’s no way I’m drafting him next year, but hoping others see a solid September and think, if it’s Brown, it can’t be down.

Yordan Alvarez – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 39th homer. Captain Woo Cubano possibly having a Triple Crown year might be the least talked about news this year. Yes, it’s going to take a hot streak from him to get there, but he’s capable. Instead, I’ve heard more nonsense like Cam Schlittler could win the MVP. Please. Cy Young? Yes. He’s not winning the MVP. Junior Caminero is being mentioned now too, and he actually makes some sense, but give it to Yordan.

Jeremy Pena – 3-for-4, 3 runs, and his 18th and 19th homer. Pena is the most 20-homer, .270 hitter you’re ever going to find. If he plays in 162 or three games, he’s getting 20 homers and .270. (He’s only done it once before, but it *seems* like he is. We do *seems* like it because it’s fantasy baseball. Is this reality baseball? No, it’s not.)

Fernando Tatis Jr. – 1-for-5 and his 23rd homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Next year, someone will be struggling through May and I’ll say, “Remember Tatis last year,” and that’s when you’re supposed to say, “What about Vlad Jr.?” And then you get IP blocked.

Cole Carrigg – 4-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 9th and 10th homer, and 2nd and 3rd homer in two games. Ahhhh, waking up every day to Carrigg in my cup.

Spencer Torkelson – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (24) and legs (1), and 2nd homer in three games. Hot schmotato alert!

Drew Anderson – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.62. I’m already thinking about drafting Drew Anderson for 2027. Yes, it’s a sickness!

Anthony Santander – Dealing with lower back discomfort. Wonder if he needs to redistribute some of the $92.5 million the Jays are paying him to his front and back pockets.

Jacob deGrom – 5 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.79. Keep flips-and-flops’ing in my mind whether deGrom is someone who will interest me next year. Prolly gonna come down to cost, and I’d guess the cost will be too much.

Joc Pederson – Dealing with a small fracture in his left hand. He injured himself when he was misusing his injured reserves in his fantasy football league and slapped himself.