Brewers Hope To Cure Hot Corner Blight With Some Durbin Planning

Brewers called up Caleb Durbin. What? No, not Dyler Turban. Hey, first rule of Vindaloo Club is don’t talk about the Pakistani Brad Pitt playing Dyler Turban in the Bollywood movie, Vindaloo Club. Second rule, same as the first, stop talking about it! The third rule of Vindaloo Club, don’t ask for mild. It’s curry, it’s supposed to be hot! So, Vinny “It’s A Wonderful Life” Capra, Oliver “I Been” Dunne, Isaac “Bartender” Collins and Joey “Roo The Day” Ortiz are some of the names that the Brewers have bandied about to play 3rd base for them. It’s too bad they didn’t have a 3rd baseman to start the year for them. A guy who had a 14.5 K% in Spring Training with two homers and 10 steals in only 54 ABs. A guy who went 10/31/.275 last year in the minors in 335 ABs. A 25-year-old guy! Teams, man, they be dumb. So, they finally called up Caleb Durbin who looks like he was ready since 2023. Guess there’s a worry that, while he makes a lot of contact — 8.6 K% in minors this year — he makes a lot of weak contact, so he might do something like 5/20/.230, which is legit bleh, but he has excellent speed, so he’s worth the grab for steals, if nothing else. Just don’t talk about Vindaloo Club! It’s the 1st two rules! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Oneil Cruz – 1-for-3 and a slam (4) and legs (9), and 2nd homer in two games. Oneil’s gonna do what I thought he’d do last year and be this year’s Elly and this year Elly’s gonna be last year’s Oneil, and next year I’m gonna draft Oneil and he’s gonna be Elly this year and Elly this year is gonna be this year’s Oneil. Why can’t I get my years right?

Andrew Heaney – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.13. Picked up Heaney — thanks, Streamonator! — and now I’m struggling to drop him and I’m absolutely falling for the ol’ banana in the ol’ tailpipe, right?

Grayson Rodriguez – Shut down with shoulder pain. Bummer, thought he’d be the first pitcher ever to return from elbow pain.

Tanner Bibee – 5 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.85. Start counting down the days until we hear he’s hitting the IL with an arm injury. Or maybe we get the always fun, “I’ve been pitching through a dead arm.” Yeah, and now I have a dead fantasy team.

Daniel Schneemann – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer. It’s the Schneemann! What’s up, Schneemann? Long time, no Schneemann!

Gunnar Henderson – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 1st homer. “I tried to stuff him into my garbage disposal and it’s backing up all over my kitchen–Hold on! He’s moving! Gunnar’s alive!”

Ryan O’Hearn – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, 2nd homer in as many games. Him or Pavin Smith? A true Sophie’s Choice.

Heston Kjerstad – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Member when he was a thing like 12 days ago? I don’t, I recently hit my head.

Tomoyuki Sugano – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.43. The 1st time an O’s starter made it through seven innings this year. They have Coby Mayo going on his third year in Triple-A. Any hoo! Sugano looked like the best I think we’re going to get from him. It’s not bad, but it’s kinda zippo Ks and bleh. His ERA is exactly the same as his K/9. As Tarantino says about his exes, not a great feat!

Reese Olson – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.50. This was a day of great streamers on the Streamonator, but not great starters for shallower leagues, and solid starters for deeper leagues.

Will Warren – 1 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 5.17. Will stink of ass? Sure, on occasion! After the gym? Yes! After becoming a durian farmer? Right! But, no, this is a statement! Will stink of ass. I dropped Warren in one league where I had him (12 team), and I don’t think you can start him until you see something decent.

Oswaldo Cabrera – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 1st homer. Thank God, for my sanity, Gunnar homered before Cabrera.

Taj Bradley – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.24. I get it, but the stuff is too good to abandon. You weather tough matchups and bask like a cheesecake in a Spanish deli window for the good matchups.

Junior Caminero – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, as he batted fifth. Kevin Cash Needs To Stop is a graphic novel where R. Crumb depicts me flying to Tampa/St. Pete/wherever the hell they are, and stopping Kevin Cash.

Griffin Canning – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.43. Glad I was in a weekly league where I started Canning, before hearing he wasn’t going, and now seeing he did go. Is it a sign of how bad my team is that I need Canning? Stop starter shaming me!

Mark Vientos – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. “Instead of aluminum cans tied to your bumper to celebrate your nuptials, look what I tied to it–Oh crap! He moved! Vientos is alive!”

Matt Wallner – Hit the IL with a hamstring strain. More like Matt Wailner. Freakin’ got his ass.

Luke Keaschall – Being called up by the Twins. Should be Keasch’all, but I will let slide, y’all. In Itch’s 1st prospect stash list of the season, he listed Luke, saying, “Minnesota has been playing Edouard Julien at second base, and he’s been fine so far, but Keaschall gives them a right-handed option who strikes out quite a bit less than Julien. He’s typically been under 20 percent throughout his pro career, whereas Julien lives in the 30 percent neighborhood. Keaschall is slashing .291/.415/.419 with a 19.5 percent strikeout rate through ten games. Brooks Lee and Royce Lewis are complicating factors, but Keaschall’s bat can clear its own path, and put Grey under the path.” C’mon, man! Keaschall is interesting, 15/23/.303 last year, but Baldelli has to platoon every gee-dee guy, so I’d think 15-team mixed leagues, until we see more.

Christian Encarnacion-Strand – Hit the IL with back inflammation and Noelvi Marte was recalled from the minors. Shame that Noelvi is acquiring more Greyhound points than fantasy value. In related news, Spencer Steer supposedly could be playing 1st base soon.

Emilio Pagan – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 2.89, as he blew the save. Bit of trivia for you: His full name is Emilio Pumpkinagain. He shortened so no one would know he’d turn into one. Sneaky, p to the erhaps, but you have to use all the tools you have to close MLB games. Pagan’s leash just shortened a bit, and the other end of the leash is Diaz.

Brady Singer – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.38. Streamonator liked this start and I did too, but he was victim of some shoddy defense. Francona must be thinking, “What is so great about this Elly guy?” That’s if Francona is thinking the same as me.

Austin Hays – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer in his 3rd game back. Before Hays first game with the Reds, he attended a secret society meeting called The Scheblers, founded by Scott Schebler, for random Reds outfielders who had one great season. Hays shook hands with Ryan Ludwick and accepted a ride around the grounds on the back of Scooter Gennett.

Jake Fraley – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .234. For s’s and g’s, I checked the Player Rater for Fraley — he was at 581! I lol that.

Emerson Hancock – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 12.71. Fun fact! The Emerson Hancock Building has a Legal Seafood on the 1st floor.

Randy Arozarena – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .212. Truly concerned for the time during this season when he’s not hitting homers, because then it’s gonna be [raspberries lips]

Luke Raley – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .163. Elias Sports Bureau said, “In this game, Raley and Fraley homered, which is Raley Fo’raley true.” Thinking Elias Sports Bureau might be phoning it in a bit.

Cal Raleigh – 1-for-5 and a slam (8) and legs (3), three homers in two games. It’s not completely fair they call it a steal when he can be standing on 1st and plopping his butt on 2nd.

JJ Bleday – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Don’t let him get hot because, if he does, you’re gonna hear a lot about how I wrote a sleeper for him.

Brent Rooker – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .232. On pace for 45 homers, and we haven’t even seen yet how Bing Bong Stadium plays in 110-degree heat.

Tyler Soderstrom – 1-for-5 and his 9th homer. Sparkling Water with the Excitement Facial!

Lawrence Butler – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 2nd homer. Personally, I’d like to see Butler get insanely hot. That’s my Ted Talk. It’s over. Go home.

JP Sears – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.13. This was vs. White Sux or rather, Sears vs. Sears filing for bankruptcy.

Jordan Hicks – 7 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 6.04. While watching Verlander the other day, I thought about how we may never see a bad outing like 7 IP, 4+ ER again, because guys get pulled so fast. Well, lo and behold, Jordan Hicks!

Matt Chapman – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .239. He’s sporting a mustache this year, so he’s good. You’ve come to the right place for hard hitting analysis!

Tyler Fitzgerald – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer this week, and will be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but why wait for that?

Cristopher Sanchez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.96. If you’re throwing a 96 MPH sinker setting up an unhittable change, you’re basically a top 20 starter, until your arm falls off.

Zach Neto – Supposedly returning today. But I have Tyler Fitzgerald replacing him now!

Kumar Rocker – 7 IP, 3 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 6.38. Don’t fully trust him yet. Why? He has a 6.38 ERA! This was an easier matchup than usual, and his next one looks awful as he goes to Bing Bong.

Adolis Garcia – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .226. At least he’s not Joc Pederson (0-for-4, .060), who actually is hitting so poorly, the official scorer went back and took a hit away from him from last year.

Corey Seager – 2-for-3 and his 4th homer, hitting .306. Sorry, one more thing about Joc Pederson, who, yes, is hitting .060. He hit third yesterday!

Alex Verdugo – Called up by the Braves, as they sent down Bryan De La Cruz. This is like me seeing my Gunnar Henderson/Yordan fantasy team and thinking Elias Diaz at catcher is the issue. In Triple-A, Verdugo was hitting .207, so, yeah, he’s gonna fix things.

Pavin Smith – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and a slam (3) and legs (1), and 2nd homer in two games. He will be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but you prolly could’ve figured that out since he’s been in the last couple.

Josh Naylor – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer, and 3rd straight game with a homer. About to let him rock me in his arms if he keeps this up.

Eduardo Rodriguez – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.09. EdRod is actually an interesting one. I picked him up in one league and sorta fell in love after his first few starts, and my heart grew two sizes with each additional start. The ERA is telling lies. His peripherals: 11.9 K/9, 2.5 BB/9 and 2.36 xFIP is the best he’s ever looked. By a lot! And he’s had some usable seasons. If he can give 150+ IP of 3.50 ERA and huge Ks? Don’t spare me your EdRod.

A.J. Puk – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.38. Seems to be pulling away with the closer job, when The Challenge’s Torey Lovullo is using Ju-Ma for one batter in the 7th, as he did yesterday.

Edward Cabrera – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.52. EdCab is so bad he’d give me second thoughts about EdUber.

Connor Norby – 1-for-5 as he was activated from the IL. That’s 25 after 20’s fantasy baseball sleeper, Connor Norby! Here’s that Connor Norby sleeper.

Eric Wagaman – 1-for-3, 1 run, 1 RBI, as he played over Mervis. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire question, “Wagaman’s is A) Eric’s family B) A Florida supermarket–” B!!! Damn, I should’ve waited for the last two options. By the by, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Um, everyone? Is you dumb? Speaking of dumb, there should be a trapdoor in MLB dugouts. If a manager does a move like, say, “Bench their top hitter for Eric Wagaman,” then the trapdoor opens and they slide back to managing Triple-A. Would also help us not have to remember Clayton McCullough is the Marlins’ manager, a fact that refuses to stay in my mind. I’m gonna call him 2025 Marlins Manager all year.